by Claire Ayres
“Are you at home, I can come over, we can talk properly in person?” He says
“I’m in London.” It barely comes out, I know this will infuriate him.
“You’re with Him?” It sounds like a growl.
“Yes.”
“Why did you even phone me? If you have your boyfriend with you?” The anger starts dripping through.
“I promise it isn’t what it looks like. I’m here because I want to fix things, for us to be together. I want you to understand.”
“I don’t think there is any way in the world which I will understand what you are doing with another man, Blair. If you want me to understand I will listen.”
“Can I come and see you when I get home?”
“I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”
“Please. I can’t do this over the phone. I need to speak to you face to face, I need you to look me in the eye and know I’m not lying to you.”
“You can, we’re on tour in a few days though, it will make it difficult to talk.”
“I’ll come find you, Mark.”
“Christ, I don’t know why, I’m going to say yes. You mean the fucking world to me Blair, don’t leave things too long OK?”
He laughs and hangs up. I look up and Heath is looking at me. He doesn’t look happy and I’m not sure if it’s with me or the call he just had.
“My PR people are working to limit the damage to this story. They think you should come out on tour with us, you can do some of the photography, at least you won’t be bored then.”
Blair gapes and raises her eyebrows.
“Do I get a say in this?”
He sits down and pulls her legs across his lap.
“Well, as my girlfriend you should be thrilled to spend a month on a tour bus with four of the hottest men in the country, especially me!” He smiles and Blair can’t help except to laugh and slaps his shoulder.
“Heath, I wanted us to put a stop to this, it’s one of the reasons I came back.”
Heath looks like she has slapped him in the face and sits on the couch pulling her legs into his lap.
“Blair now is not a good time for us to break up, even a pretend break up. The press will be all over us. Can you please give me a few more weeks to let my PR people do their thing?”
“Heath I don’t know. I want my nice quiet life back, before this all got complicated.”
“I promise, a couple more weeks then we can pretend break up and go back to being friends.”
“OK, I want it noted I’m doing this under duress.” Blair half smiles half frowns and looks at her phone thinking about the conversation with Mark and hoping a couple of weeks isn’t going to be too long by his standards. “So when do we leave?”
“Tomorrow.”
“What?! I don’t even have enough stuff with me.”
“We’ll buy you more, or you can pick up more when we stop in Bristol.”
“Thanks for the heads up douche.”
“Hey, that’s not very nice. Missy!” He pushes her back on the couch and starts tickling her. Eventually collapsing on top of her wrapping her in a bear hug and kisses around her neck. Leaving her feeling like maybe he thinks this fake relationship is far more real than she does.
“You know if you wanted to make this real I think we’d be quite a comfortable couple.” He says
“Is that what you want though Heath? To be comfortable? I’m sure you want to find someone who you have fireworks with, who makes your skin light up with one look?” She replies.
“Does that even exist though? It always sounds pretty fanciful to me.” He responds snuggling into her neck.
“Yeah, it exists.” She says wistfully.
Chapter Nineteen
Mark
I pack my bags into Luka’s car while the man himself says Goodbye to Jess. Two weeks on the road beckons for us and we have to be in Plymouth to prepare for tonight’s concert by 4 pm. Our cellos are with the orchestra transport, a lorry loaded with instrument’s, music stand’s, all of our music and anything else we might need. We have to get ourselves to each venue.
“Come on Luka, tear yourself away,” I call leaning on the roof of his car.
He gives me the finger and continues kissing and hugging his fiancé. Christmas and New Year went by in a quiet flash. Unlike previous years where I’ve had to deal with my family and their formal traditions. Being the family outcast meant this year I was free from all of it and got to spend the festive period completely alone. Too alone. Luka and Jess went to Italy to spend a few days with his family, I was like a tiny pebble in an empty jar. Blair appears to have fallen off the radar again, I spoke to her right before New Year when she promised to come home and speak to me and she has been silent since. I messaged her, tried to call her and she has not responded.
The papers, because I’m still stalking the papers, tell me she’s on tour with her boyfriend, man how I hate saying the b word when it doesn’t apply to me. Why she couldn’t tell me on the call we had I don’t know, and why does it stop her answering her phone? See, this is what having too much time does, it turns you into a neurotic fool. Going on tour for a few weeks is exactly what I need to shake my brain up.
“Come on then, mate. Let’s go” Luka stalks to the car, leaving a tearful Jess. I hate to see his girl upset. I run over to her pick her up to spin her around until she starts laughing.
“Goodbye Gorgeous.” I give her a big smacking kiss on the cheek then run back to the car.
“Bye! You big idiot!” She calls out. She’s smiling at least.
“Thanks mate,” Luka says as I get in the car.
“Hey, I’ve got one spare for you if you need it?” I joke stretching my arms across the gear shift, and he laughs, pushing me away before waving out of the window to his woman. “How was Italy?” I ask him hoping to avoid any talk of Blair.
“Good, my brothers came out as well making this a big family get together.”
“I’m pleased. It’s been a while since your family has been together.”
“It sure has, oh and did you hear, Katie had the baby?”
“Really? When?”
“Boxing day! Typical Katie making a holiday something for her to celebrate big. Jess is going to spend the next few weeks with her and Jay.”
“It’ll be you guys next,” I say thoughtfully.
“Not yet. I want to enjoy my time with her first.” Luka says very sure of himself. “What’s going on with you and Blair?”
“Something of nothing. She said she was coming back from London to explain everything, and instead went out on tour with the band and won’t return my messages. The last time we talked I thought we had a breakthrough, I must have imagined it.”
“I don’t know what to say, mate. I thought you two were such a good match. Everything with this rock star confuses the hell out of me.” Luka turns the car onto the Motorway then floors the gas heading south for Plymouth.
“You and me both. I keep thinking I need to cut my losses, then I see her or speak to her and my emotions go into overdrive again.” I shrug and look out of the window.
My phone rings and I check it “Oh speak of the devil.” I say
Blair: I’m sorry I’ve missed your messages, I forgot my charger, nobody had the right size. I’m in Bristol today/tonight. Can we meet…please?
“You’re kidding, she’s finally got in touch?” Luka asks not taking his eyes off the road
“Yep, says she forgot her charger, only picked it up today because they are in Bristol and wants to meet.” Luka raises his eyebrows at me in a ‘Really? I forgot my charger?’ kind of look.
“Not at all ironic,” Luka says sarcastically.
“OK mate, help me out here. What do I say?” I ask him
“Tell her the truth, tell her you’re on tour now, you aren’t in Bristol for two weeks. She left you high and dry mate. You aren’t her puppet for Christ’s sake.” Luka’s voice gets more irate as he talks. He’s been a big supporter of Blair f
rom day one, I’m surprised to hear him more wary of her.
“OK...”
Mark: Sorry Blair, I’m on tour for two weeks. Not in Bristol, won’t be able to meet.
“Sent. Why do I feel like a schoolboy?”
“Because women do that to us. Some women anyway.” Luka responds as another text comes through.
Blair: Damn. I’m sorry. I really wanted to speak to you. Everything is messed up. I miss you really badly.
“What does she mean by that?” I ask Luka after reading the text out. “How can she say she misses me while she’s living the high life with this boyfriend?”
“I have no idea, she told you it’s not what it seems didn’t she? So, there must be something going on which is beyond our comprehension.”
“What, like she’s a sex slave being forced to play the part of a rock stars adoring girlfriend so he doesn’t get mobbed by fans every night? Yeah, of course, why didn’t I think of it earlier?” We both burst into laughter.
I send her one more text as we lull into a comfortable silence for the rest of the journey.
Mark: I miss you as well, but you keep forgetting you have a boyfriend now and I’m not crossing that line, not even for you.
◆◆◆
Our first concert of the tour goes off without a hitch and we finish ready to head to bed before a long drive to Manchester in the morning. I’ve congratulated Quinn and waved her off and am chatting with Luka and Paul when we get a surprise.
“Hi, Guys. Great concert, absolutely brilliant.” Our conversation stops and standing to our side is Dean with a petite girl Mark doesn’t recognise.
“Dean what are you doing down here?” Luka steps in, shaking his hand.
“I live down here, this is Emblyn.” He steps back, introducing the girl, who waves.
“Nice to meet you Emblyn.” Paul steps forward and takes over here. I’m still sitting in my chair wiping down my cello.
“So, do you guys fancy a couple of drinks? We all have to work tomorrow so nothing heavy, it’s a shame to all be in the same place and not take advantage?” Dean asks
“I’m going back to the hotel,” I respond.
“Come on mate, it will do you good,” Paul says slapping me on the shoulder.
“Everything OK?” Dean asks.
“Women problems…it’s a long story.” Luka responds, obviously forgetting he is talking to the woman in questions best friend.
“Fine, I’ll have one then I’m going to the hotel,” I respond.
We follow Dean who leads us to a nearby bar and orders the drinks. Finding a large table we sit down.
“How are the wedding plans, Luka?” Dean asks.
“Well, thanks. We are still making the bigger decisions, when, where, how. Jess will have everything meticulously planned out though once we get down to details.”
“I’m sure it will be fantastic, it’s always hard planning things like that.” She responds.
“What is going on with you Mark?” Dean asks
“Nothing I want to talk about, no offence,” I respond. This is not a conversation I want in front of her best friend.
“What he means to say is he fell head over heels in about five minutes, and she’s run off with a pop star.” Says Paul.
Mark necks his drink before responding.
“If we’re going to be accurate he’s a rock star, you know, semantics. I’ve had my drink, I’m leaving. Have a good night guys.” I stand up and Luka puts a hand on my arm.
“Don’t go yet, mate.”
“Nah, I’m done, I’ll see you later.” I walk to the exit, before I reach it though I’m stopped.
“Mark.” Dean and Emblyn have caught up with me.
“Yeah?”
“Can we talk to you?” Dean runs his hand through his hair and Emblyn looks nervous.
“Um, I guess.” I follow them while they lead me to a quieter part of the bar. Emblyn goes to the bar and gets some drinks and comes back before anything more is said.
“Did Blair tell you about Scott?” Dean asks they both look at me intently.
“She did, the last time we spoke actually,” I reply. “Look I know how you fit in Dean, what about you Emblyn?”
“I was her best friend until Scott happened. She cut us all off. Dean is the only person she stayed in touch with. She punished us all for what Scott did to her.” Emblyn replied.
“Christ.” I mutter “So the way she’s acting with me, this erratic behaviour. The running. It’s normal?”
Dean and Emblyn look at each other, Emblyn shrugs then nods in Deans direction and he answers me.
“She’s not been in a relationship since she broke up with Scott, she’s terrified of someone hurting her again. I think her running from you is connected with the same fear.”
“So where does this Heath bloke come into things. If she’s as afraid of relationships as you say, why have such a public one?”
“Has she not spoken to you about him? She told me she was going to speak to you about it?” Dean says sounding frustrated.
“Why do I keep being told I will be spoken to about this relationship? She dumped me, then ran to some rich famous bastard and is now plastered all over the papers. The worst thing is it gets rubbed in my face every day.” I pick up my glass and realise my hand is shaking is it with anger or something else?
“Oh, for fuck's sake Dean, tell him already. Screw your loyalty to her, look what’s she’s doing to the poor man!” Emblyn says, slamming her fist on the table and making lager slosh out of the glasses.
“No! Emblyn, Blair wants to tell him, she’ll be devastated if I barge in and interfere.” He responds. I only want to know what the fuck is going on.
“You’re being as much of an asshole as she is.” Emblyn’s venom spits out and Dean opens his mouth to respond then closes it.
“Well, this conversation has got me absolutely nowhere, I’m going back to my hotel. Thanks a lot.”
This time I make it onto the street before I’m stopped. A hand on my arm, I swing around and Emblyn jumps back suddenly.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” She says. I put my hand out aware I’ve frightened her back.
“No, I’m sorry. I’m really on edge I would never have hurt you though,” I say.
“I can’t leave it like we did back there, Mark. Blair used to be a sweet, kind, thoughtful girl. I’m sure she’s still in there except she’s scared she’s being irrational and making stupid decisions. You are being left in the dark on things you shouldn’t be. It’s not right.”
“What do you mean Emblyn?”
“Can we walk? It’s cold.” She says rubbing her arms, and we start walking as we talk. “This rock star boyfriend” and she uses air quotes around the word boyfriend. “he’s not real Mark.”
“Hold on, what do you mean he’s not real? I’ve seen the photos.” I say. Stopping and spinning her round by her elbow.
“Look, I don’t know the details, I’m further outside of Blair’s life than you, I only know what Dean has told me. It has something to do with her doing him a favour to help his PR. You should be able to get more from her when she finally talks to you. It isn’t real. She’s not really with him.”
I feel like I’ve been slapped with a wet and smelly fish, a really smelly fish. I’m speechless. How on earth did Blair get herself into the kind of arrangement where she’s pretending to be in a relationship with this guy? Why did she not tell me? Is it her way of hiding from us in which case we don’t have a hope anyway?
“Thanks for telling me Emblyn,” I say putting a hand on her shoulder.
“Could you do something for me, when she’s ready?” She asks.
“Sure,” I say
“Tell her I miss her.” She says. Then turns and walks away. I watch her walk up the road before turning and walking to my hotel. Trying to process what I’ve been told. Part of me is happy she isn’t in a relationship with this guy, the other part of me is fuming, angry she jeopardis
ed a future we could have had to have a pretend relationship with someone she doesn’t want to be with.
As I close the door to my room I look at my phone and decide I need to try, I dial her number and sit on the edge of my bed, my knee bouncing as the phone rings. I almost hang up when her voice comes down the line.
“Mark, I didn’t think I would hear from you after your text earlier.” I can hear noise in the background, people talking and laughing.
“I know, Blair. I know about your arrangement. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Shit, I’ve tried to, I’ve wanted to do it in person, and I’ve not seen you.” I hear a door close and everything goes quiet.
“Can you talk about it now?” I ask, needing to know what is going on
“Yes.”
“Tell me, how you got yourself into this?” I ask because this is what I can’t understand.
“It was after the first picture appeared. Heath’s PR people thought the best way to tackle it would be if we admitted to being a couple. They said if we did the press would get bored and leave us alone. I believed them and agreed to do it.” She sighs, sounding resigned.
“All this time you’ve been playing the adoring couple in public, living with him, for weeks now, the press is obsessed with you. I’m no expert but I’d say their plan isn’t working.”
“Exactly the problem.”
“What is Heath doing about it?” I ask her, after all, he got her into this mess.
“Honestly, I think he’s quite happy. He, oh shit, he wants this.”
“Of course, he does,” I say not hiding the sarcasm in my voice.
“What is that supposed to mean, Mark.”
“You have no idea how beautiful you are do you? Not just to look at either on the inside. Those nights we sat up talking about everything and anything are some of the best memories I have. When is this over Blair, tell me you’re walking away, come meet me on tour and stop this nonsense.”
“I…I’m not sure how. I’m in so deep now I don’t know how to get out of this.” Her voice is shaking with something, fear? No, desperation.