by Olivia Janae
Only when she was limp, relaxed, did Kate finally pull away. Slowly Vivian began to smile, the trepidation vanishing like smoke. Her eyes opened again, warm and bright, and Kate grinned, her heart beating hard in her throat, feeling that sense of new again, loving it for whatever it was.
“Max is up.”
Vivian nodded, her fingers touching the spot on her lip that Kate had just kissed. That made her need to kiss it again. She did, and Vivian caught her by the neck and pulled her back to her. The kiss was warm, slow, and powerfully charged. When Vivian released her, she was wearing a big, foolish grin that made Kate kiss her once more.
“Okay, if we keep making out up here, then I think my son’s head is going to explode.”
Vivian nodded, but when Kate tried to rise, she grabbed her back. Kate fell across her, kissing her deeply. She didn’t give up until she could feel Vivian stretching beneath her, little sounds of pleasure coming up from her throat.
Breaking apart in order to attend to the day wracked both Kate with a small and almost physical pain. They both winced, but thoughts were soon taken over by growing anticipation. They threw on their holiday pajamas, exchanging excited looks, and, hands linked, flew down the staircase.
Kate sat Vivian on the couch across from the doors of the guest room, the perfect seat for the show, and lit the tree again; calling to Max that she would get him in a second. She scrambled around the room a few times checking that everything was perfect before plopping down next to her, pleased when Vivian curled up under her arm.
“You ready?” Kate asked, using one of the first signs she had learned.
Vivian gave a nod, her eyes wide with excitement as Kate called for Max to come out.
He stepped slowly from the room, his eyes bulging and jaw popping audibly as he gasped at everything around him. “Whoaaaaa.”
Kate grinned and realized with a start that she wasn’t watching Max. As a mother, this was her favorite moment of the entire year, and yet she was watching Vivian’s face – and she was entirely satisfied. She had never seen such a pure joy as the one in that moment, her eyes bright and wide, her hands clasped under her chin as she took in every change on Max’s face.
“He came!” Max launched himself at them and hugged them tightly, an arm around each neck. He turned in their laps, looking almost overwhelmed by the scene before him.
“He did!” Kate laughed, tickling Max’s sides so he kicked and squirmed. “Don’t know where to start?”
His big hazel eyes just blinked, owlishly. “Stockings first?”
It was a tradition in the Flynn household that stockings always went first, but this year was the first year there were others to include in the festivities. “Hmm, maybe stockings need to wait for Charlie to get here. Viv?”
Vivian nodded, stifling a small yawn. “I’ll send her a message and tell her we are awake later in the morning.”
“So…?” Max tensed, a tiger coiling to spring.
“So…” Kate teased, holding him back for another second before she cried, “Go!”
Max was off like a bullet from a gun, tearing through paper and ribbons. Vivian and Kate chuckled, snapping a photo every few minutes as he worked vigorously, his little arms flying. His face scrunched with effort as he wrestled with the wrapping paper. He examined each new present for a long while, before settling it delicately beside him and beginning the process all over again.
When he was finally done he plopped down in the heap of paper, almost taller than him, and sat looking stunned.
“Pretty good haul this year!” Kate cheered.
He just stared at her open-mouthed, unable to form words.
“You must have been a very good boy!”
He nodded, gulping.
“Do you know what you’re going to give back to Santa’s helpers this year?”
Vivian looked startled as she watched Kate’s lips move. “He has to give some back?”
“No.” Kate chuckled, placing a hand on Vivian’s arm to reassure that all of her hard work in picking out Max’s gifts was not a waste. “We have always moved a lot, so to keep the number of boxes small, we always give away some of his old toys to Goodwill after Christmas.”
“Right, because you move a lot.”
If Kate had been smarter she might have heard the panic behind Vivian’s words, but this morning she was distracted, too busy watching her son to notice. She also missed the sharp flash of pain that crossed Vivian’s features as she watched him smile and giggle, rolling around in the paper like he was making snow angels. Kate was laughing, cheering him on, and reminding him that he was ‘so silly,’ so she didn’t hear the sudden gasp or see the small tear that slipped past Vivian’s control.
“Okay, I’ll get a trash bag!” Vivian cried, perhaps a little too cheerfully, and disappeared into the kitchen. When she came back, any trace of gloom had been wiped away.
Max and Vivian piled the paper into a giant plastic bag, bows taped to their foreheads, making room for the rest of the day.
Phone in hand, Kate called, “Hey guys, turn around.” Max spun grinning, ready for the photo but Vivian continued to gather.
“Viv, oh crap. I’m talking to a deaf person again.” Elation flooded through Kate as she realized tonight was the night! Tonight she got to tell Vivian that awkward little moments like this would never happen again. No more missing when someone called her name, no more staring blankly in the wrong direction unaware someone was talking to her. “Max, grab Vivian.”
He did, and the two posed, smiling hugely together, brightly colored wrapping paper all around them.
“Okay, mister,” Kate said, hopping up to begin a quick breakfast. “You and Vivian sort the other gifts into piles, okay?”
He nodded and, little fingers flying, they began to quickly set wrapped packages in piles according to name.
Breakfast was a hurried frenzy. They barely swallowed their food before Max pulled them along, plopping them in their seats on the couch.
“Who goes first?” Vivian asked, looking between them.
“Age before beauty,” Kate said with a quirk of her eyebrow.
“Did you just call me old?”
Kate just smirked.
“You, Viv’n!”
“Me? So I’m old then, am I?”
“Yeah!” Max chirped, giggling behind his hands again.
Vivian picked up one of the boxes by her lap, glancing between them like she half expected the package to blow up in her face. She began to peel the paper back.
“Not like that!” Max cried rolling his eyes. “You’re supposed to rip it.”
“I am?”
“Yeah! Come on, Viv’n!”
“Yeah! Come on, Viv’n,” Kate teased, rolling her eyes.
“All right, here I go!” Vivian’s face screwed up, wincing as she dug a finger under the wrap and pulled, ripping through it and making Max shriek with delight.
They each took turns, tearing through the paper, admiring, and then thanking the giver with a shower of quick kisses. They followed the circle until it skidded to a halt at Kate. She lifted an oddly shaped box and saw, under it, the smallest box in her pile.
Vivian had been in the middle of handing Max a ball of brightly colored paper to put into the trash bag, but when she saw the box in Kate’s hand, she froze, mid-reach, mid-blink.
Kate couldn’t breathe. The box was tiny; it fit perfectly in her palm. She could almost feel the velvet of the fabric under the expensive wrap that Vivian had used. She stared at the box, at the small note on top that said simply “My love” in Vivian’s elegant scroll. She knew this box, she knew its weight, what it would look like when it was unwrapped; every little girl did. It was passed on at a young age through movies, TV, books, maybe it was even passed through mother’s milk... only Kate had never held one in her hand, not one from another person.
Her mind was racing. Barely a second had passed, but her mouth had gone dry and, in her left temple, her heart beat loud and hard
like a bass drum.
This box couldn’t be for her. It couldn’t be a ring box. She had to be wrong. She had to misunderstand the gesture. It couldn’t be… Vivian, she wouldn’t… couldn’t… isn’t… Kate couldn’t keep her thoughts from stumbling over themselves.
Her fingers convulsed, and she let out a little laugh, one that was too high and too strange. “From you, I assume?”
Vivian’s tongue flicked out to dampen her lip as she nodded once and twitchingly began fixing her hair before her hands settled on her stomach.
Kate watched Vivian’s hands rest there, in the place that said Vivian was nervous, and suddenly she was sure that she had been right. She was going to open this box and...
“Katelyn,” Vivian said, and Kate jumped, her grip going tighter on the box. “I know that you are not fond of anyone spending money on you, but–”
Unable to handle it anymore, Kate ripped the wrapping paper, eyes boggling when a small Tiffany Blue box was unveiled.
Tiffany?
She peeled back the lid and there, in her palm, sat the small black satin jewelry box. She had been right. She had pictured it perfectly.
Vivian was…
This was happening…
She had no idea what she was going to say. Should she say yes? Did she want to? Was this something she wanted?
They had moved pretty quickly as a couple already, going from friends to lovers who all but lived together almost immediately. Was she surprised? And yet somehow, this seemed like the logical next step.
She knew what she would say and that shocked her.
With one last choked glance at Vivian, she threw the lid open.
Nestled in the plush lining of the Tiffany & Co. engraved box were two large, glittering diamond earrings.
Her breath expelled all at once.
“Oh my god.” Kate touched the cold stones, which glittered unnaturally in the morning sun. She was dizzy, so many things swirling through her mind. She wanted to laugh.
She glanced up again and saw that Vivian was looking at her strangely, alarmed by something on Kate’s face.
Quickly, she cleared her throat and wiped her face clean.
She wanted to cry. She felt naked, as though everyone in the room had been able to see her thought process and now they were sharing in her humiliation.
Of course it was earrings. She felt foolish. She sucked in a deep breath, hoping her face was still clear. She couldn’t think about it, about what she had thought. She released the held air and the assumption before it lingered, became obvious.
With the release, however, came a new thought.
These were beautiful. They were simple solitaire diamonds, classic in their beauty… and these were expensive. These weren’t just expensive, they were otherworldly expensive... they were “I own a building just off of Michigan Avenue” expensive.
She was elated by their beauty.
She was nauseated.
“What is it, Mama?” Max asked around his mouthful of chocolate. “Pretty!” He reverently whispered when, stupefied, she turned the small box around.
Vivian’s face was waiting, tense. She could see from the way that Vivian’s fingers contracted and opened, from her steady stare, that Vivian was nervous. “Do you like them?”
She could feel the urge to run bubbling inside of her, the urge to throw the earrings back at her, to grow angry and to rant about how inappropriate the gift had been. This was too much, this was way too much! God, she had thought… She was embarrassed. “Vivian…”
“The thought,” Vivian cut her off, “behind the gift was to get you something simple, something that you could wear daily, if you cared to, and to get you something that looked like me.” Her hands were twitching uncharacteristically as she signed, her eyes bouncing around the room.
“That looked like you?” she muttered, incoherently. She didn’t understand. How did these... and then it clicked into place.
Looking down at the glittering drops Kate knew that Vivian identified with them because they were cold, hard, and beautiful. They were like ice and so Vivian saw herself in them, but all Kate could see were the little diamond tears that had fallen from Vivian’s eyes the night before.
Vivian shifted beside her and Kate saw the look on her face, saw the way she was staring at her, desperate for Kate to smile, for Kate to accept them.
She had to make a choice. Everything in her told her to be humiliated, to reject them because of the cost, that she would never wear them because they were a reminder of their differences, only seeing that face, she did.
Setting the box carefully down, she pulled Vivian to her, kissing her fervently. “I love them.”
“You do?” Vivian sagged with relief.
“I really do.” Fingers still shaking, she put them on and smiled as she asked, “How do they look?”
“Perfect.”
Kate grinned. “You’re perfect.”
Vivian blushed lightly and let herself be kissed once more.
Because she didn’t know what else to say, wasn’t sure how to make herself sit still, Kate offered, “I have a big gift for you, too, by the way. You just don’t get to get it until tonight.”
“Oh?”
Kate laughed. “Put that eyebrow away, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Like what?” Max piped up.
“Vivian has a dirty mind!” Kate teased.
“Viv’n! Do you need a bath?” Max asked, his head tilted out of curiosity.
Vivian just laughed.
Charlie showed up in the early afternoon, shaking off bits of snow and making Vivian hiss at the mess.
“Oh.” Charlie frowned, watching as Vivian grabbed the mop, her eyebrows pulled down into a jagged V. “I forgot that the she-devil is coming today. Shit.” She watched Vivian for a moment, hesitating like she was considering turning around and leaving again.
“Yeeeaaah,” Kate drawled, her stomach suddenly gurgling, her hands shoving into her pockets as they watched Vivian glare and smack at their feet.
“Whoa! Nice rocks!”
“What? Oh!” Kate’s hands flew to her ears. She didn’t want to talk about it, so instead she turned away, calling to Max, “Charlie’s here! Time for stockings!”
The four worked through their stockings at a shocking rate, the air of magic from that moment muddied by their constant glances at the clock and Vivian’s health-conscious unhappiness about the amount of candy in each. Then, much too soon, they began the bustle of readying themselves for Jacqueline’s arrival.
“How should we dress? Should we put Max back in his suit?” Kate was chasing after Vivian, trying not to be alarmed as she swept and mopped the place from top to bottom despite the fact that it was spick and span.
“Definitely.” Vivian gave a distracted nod, studying a spot on the floor. “What is that? Why won’t it come out?”
Kate looked but couldn’t see anything.
“But it’s Christmas,” Max cried from across the room. “You never have to dress up on Christmas! It’s a pajama day!”
Kate ruffled his hair. “Well, this year we have to, buddy. But I promise pajamas for all as soon as Mrs. Kensington leaves.”
He frowned, not at all mollified.
Once she could pull Vivian away from the nonexistent spot, they helped Max shower while Charlie took over the cleaning. Charlie had already changed into some of Vivian’s clothes, so watching her try to clean in a stiff tweed pencil skirt, white blouse, and heels would have been funny if the air had been a little less stuffy, a little less tense.
They bathed Max, combed his hair back until it was perfectly neat, and then forced him into his shirt and tie. He whined nonstop, looking like he was on the verge of a complete meltdown, but eventually he was dressed. They settled him with Charlie on the couch in front of yet another Rankin/Bass special so Kate and Vivian could repeat the process on themselves, both swearing that if he moved then he would be in a lot of trouble – as would Charlie.
; Kate had thought long and hard about it and chosen the perfect outfit for the day. She showered in the downstairs bathroom, leaving the entirety of the upstairs for Vivian, then blow-dried her hair and pulled it into a soft but assertive up-do. Once her makeup was done, she pulled on a long-sleeved black shirt of the softest material and a pair of jarringly rough pants and heels. She didn’t want to take any crap today, and she didn’t want to see Jacqueline dish any out. She could hear Vivian upstairs, banging around, she could feel the stress radiating from her even from down there.
No one was going to turn their first Christmas together into a bad day, not even Jacqueline freaking Kensington.
Dressed, she headed upstairs to see what she could do for Vivian.
It took her girlfriend a moment to realize she was there, but once she did her eyebrow gave a very satisfying arch, making Kate beam.
The four of them were primped, polished, and ready ten minutes before Jacqueline arrived. Though the stress of preparing had been difficult, those ten minutes of waiting in silence had been worse. Just before the yellow lights began to flash, Kate dashed to the downstairs closet, pulling out the small box she had hidden there. Inside it held nothing but some cotton lining and an appointment card for 9:00 AM on January 5th.
She shoved it into her pocket, her heart thrashing with anticipation. She just couldn’t wait. She couldn’t wait to help Vivian through this, she couldn’t wait to see how much her life would change—she couldn’t wait to see that secret pain that Vivian always held in her eyes vanish. Vivian deserved to be happy. If there was anyone Kate knew who deserved that, it was her.
They were all at the ready when the metal doors slid open, standing in a line like the Von Trapp children with stiff smiles on their faces. Jacqueline came gliding into the loft, taking in everything around her with a highly critical eye as Kate assumed she had been doing since she arrived.
She watched Jacqueline descend the stairs, her frown growing. For just a second, a strange sensation, something akin to queasiness, passed through her. The warm feelings of the holiday were suddenly off, awkward and tense. The new level of intimacy she and Vivian had attained the night before took a side step as Vivian sealed herself in her protective bubble. Kate should have, maybe even did, expect it, but, somehow, she felt as though she were stuck half inside its protective shell and half out. Something flitted through the back of Kate’s mind, a concern she couldn’t name, and before she could try to catch it, Jacqueline was upon them.