“I know.” He glanced at the others in the room, apparently not wanting to be overheard. Christina was in a world of her own, standing with her arms outstretched by the air vent while Karl and Garth argued about whether Marty Foster should be on a twenty-four-hour cell watch. “Arrangements for new lives and identities can take months, sometimes years. While you wait for those details to be finalized, I’d like to be on your protection team. It would give us more time together, for us to draw a line beneath the past and allow you to heal.”
She imagined how it might be to share a home with Zeke, to cook together, or watch TV in the evenings and sit in the yard on a sunny day. It was the vision she always used to carry with her, the dream she’d held on to for such a long time even after they lost each other.
“I don’t think it would work out,” she said. “Every time we talk about our history, we fight. Do you seriously think our situation would change if you stayed with me longer? We’re never going to get over this hurdle of me needing an apology.” She dropped her voice to a whisper. “I know that the blame lies with my dad rather than you, but he never took responsibility for anything. You were right when you said that I’ve been projecting all my frustrations onto you. It’s not fair, but I don’t know how to stop. It’s like I can’t move on without someone telling me they’re sorry.”
He exhaled, long and steady, as if weighing his options.
“If I apologize for the past, will you allow me to request a reassignment to your safe house?”
“I don’t want to force you into making an apology that you don’t want to give,” she replied. “Believe it or not, I respect you too much for that.”
“How about you let me make that choice?”
“Sure. If that’s what you want.”
“It’s what I want.”
He closed his eyes, laced his fingers and used the platform to rest his chin, suddenly lost in thought, as if contemplating his next move.
Whatever path he decided, Goldie figured that they had a bumpy road ahead. Because she and Zeke couldn’t agree on anything without arguing about it first.
EIGHT
Zeke walked into the kitchen, yawning and stretching in the strong morning light that had permeated the drapes across the window. His night had been fretful, full of bad dreams about his old church back in New York. Susan had been looming over him, demanding an apology while the pastor stood silently by, head bowed in shame. Zeke had awoken in a cold sweat, questioning whether his subconscious was warning him against making the same mistake again. Heartache was bound to follow.
But if he wanted to be with Goldie beyond this assignment, there was no other option.
“Good morning, Agent Miller,” Karl said, looking up from his newspaper on the kitchen counter. “The news outlets are full of speculation about the likely outcome of the Volto trial after the sensational testimony of Mrs. Volto. I have a strong feeling we’re going to get a guilty verdict in a few weeks’ time. The signs are good.”
“Let’s hope so. A man like Leonardo Volto deserves to be put behind bars. Can you believe that he threatened to cut his wife into a thousand pieces and mail them to her father?” He poured himself a coffee from the steaming pot. “When Mrs. Volto told us that her husband would never hurt their baby, I guess she was lying not only to us but also to herself.”
Karl leaned across the counter, checking the doorway for listening ears. “Between you and me, I don’t think Leonardo Volto is an abusive husband. He’s abused plenty of others, but he’s always been fiercely protective of his wife, especially since her pregnancy.” He dropped his voice to a whisper. “I think Mrs. Volto wanted to present herself as a victim so she embellished a few details.”
“You mean she lied.”
Karl made a face as though he were sucking a cut lemon. “If a little white lie gives her a more sympathetic character, then it all works in our favor. She was a superb witness for the prosecution. Highly credible.”
Zeke clamped his mouth shut. Telling a little white lie while under oath wasn’t something he would ever condone, no matter how evil the defendant. A fair trial required honesty at each step of the way. But he wasn’t in charge of this case, and he needed Karl on his side for his next request.
“Sir,” he said, putting down his cup on the counter. “I have a favor to ask.”
“Shoot.”
“I wondered if I could be allocated to Goldie’s protection case once this assignment is over. She’s going to need trained agents to accompany her to the safe house and guard her while she’s there.”
Karl took off his glasses and placed them on his paper, pursing his lips. His body language didn’t bode well.
“Why would you want to do that, Zeke?” he asked. “You’d only be delaying the inevitable. It would make your final goodbye even worse than it would be now. My advice to you is go back to New York and get on with your life.”
“I can’t do that, sir. I need to make sure Goldie is safe.”
“She is safe. She’s safe with the Bureau. We’ll take good care of her and make sure she has everything she needs. You should remember that we’re experts at this.”
“But she needs me specifically, sir. Goldie and I have grown close, and I’d like to stay with her a little longer if I may, to help her deal with some issues.”
“Oh Zeke,” Karl said with a sigh. “I understand that you’re trying to help, but this isn’t the way to go about it. We try to discourage people in the Witness Protection Program from retaining ties with their old lives. It prevents them from fully breaking with the past.”
“Do you think that Goldie will definitely require a new identity? Is there no chance she could go into hiding for a while and wait for the heat to die down? If the Volto brothers get long sentences, the hit on Goldie will be old news in a few months.”
Karl gave a wry smile. “That’s wishful thinking, Zeke. You know as well as I do that a Mafia hit never expires. There will be a price on her head forever.” He folded up his paper, obviously carefully considering his next words. “She’ll need intensive counseling to enable her to adjust to becoming a new person. It’s a long, hard road ahead, and she needs to leave all her baggage behind.” He raised his eyebrows. “Do you understand what I mean?”
That forced Zeke to think deeply. What was best for Goldie? Would she be better off without the baggage he would inevitably bring?
“I need some time to fully consider this,” he said. “When do you think I’ll be required to return to New York?”
“Now that Mrs. Volto has given her testimony, we’ll be removing her protection detail, but I’ll offer her one last opportunity to enter the Witness Protection Program. If she declines, which I have no doubt she will, we’ll close her case file, withdraw our agents and allow her to employ private bodyguards.”
“When do you expect to pull out?”
“Tomorrow. Mrs. Volto is fully aware of our plans, so I’m guessing she already has private security lined up. You’ll almost certainly be leaving Philadelphia tomorrow afternoon.”
Zeke swallowed away a sour taste in his mouth. He could be headed back to New York in a little over twenty-four hours. These might be his last precious moments with Goldie before they were forced apart yet again.
Karl noticed his discomfort. “If you decide that you really do want to accompany Goldie to her next safe house, I’ll approve it with her and put in an official request, but I’ll need to know by eight o’clock this evening. Time is of the essence here, Zeke. Christina will be moving Goldie out of here tomorrow morning, whether you’re on the assignment or not.”
He calculated the time he had left to make what could amount to the most important decision of his life: eleven hours.
“Thank you, sir. I’ll give it some serious consideration.”
“Serious consideration?” Goldie said, breezing into the room, her ankle seemi
ngly now able to bear her weight without causing her to wince. “That sounds ominous.”
“We’re just discussing something important,” Zeke said. “Something that needs quite a lot of thought.”
Karl tucked his newspaper beneath his arm before sliding from his stool. “It’s another hot one out there, and we’ve had warnings of potential blackouts later due to the strain on the grid. I’ll just go check with Christina that we have contingency plans in place.” He smiled. “I’ll leave you guys alone. I’m sure you have a lot to discuss.”
Goldie watched him leave the kitchen, her expression bemused as she took a carton of juice from the fridge. “What did he mean by that?”
“I asked him if it was possible to reassign me to your protection detail. He said he needs a firm decision later this evening.”
“Oh.” She stood, holding the juice in midair. “And what will you decide?”
“I’m not sure. I want to come with you, but Karl thinks it’s not in your best interest.”
She raised an eyebrow skeptically. “Really?”
“Yes, really. Once you enter the Witness Protection Program, all your focus should go into choosing and learning about your new life. I might hold you back.”
She put the juice back in the fridge and roughly closed the door. “It sounds to me like you’re simply looking for an easy way to withdraw your offer.”
“No, that’s got nothing to do with it. I want what’s best for you, Goldie.”
“And you don’t think that maintaining a relationship with me is a good thing?”
“Not in the long run, no.”
“Just admit it, Zeke,” she said, folding her arms. “You changed your mind. You don’t have to lie to me.”
“I’m not lying. I think I’m falling for you all over again, Goldie. I would never lie to you.”
She froze, staring at him, as the weight of his declaration seemed to take full effect.
“You should never say a thing like that unless you mean it,” she said quietly.
“I do mean it. The only reason I’m undecided about accompanying you to your safe house is because it might end up hurting you in the end. What if I come with you and we find ourselves growing even closer? What if we end up as besotted as we used to be?”
“Do you really think that might happen? It doesn’t seem likely.”
“It seems highly likely to me. What if we found ourselves head over heels in love?” He touched her forearm. “Would you ever consider allowing me to enter the Witness Protection Program with you? If that were a possibility?”
“That’s a ridiculous question, Zeke,” she replied quickly. “It’s such a monumental step to take, to give up everything you’ve ever known, especially when you don’t need to. I don’t know why you’d even contemplate it.”
He didn’t miss a beat. “Because I want to be with you.”
“You can’t be sure of that, not really.”
He fell silent. She was almost certainly correct. How could he be sure that he wanted to leave behind his life, family and friends to start over with Goldie? He had a good life in New York with everything he’d ever wanted. Everything except her.
He placed a flat palm across his heart. “Something is telling me that my place is by your side. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s like an invisible thread is joining me to you. Wherever you go, I want to follow.”
“That’s a sweet idea, but it’s little more than a fantasy,” she said. “You’ve had enough experience of the Witness Protection Program to know that it’s psychologically damaging for plenty of people. Adjusting to a new name and new identity takes its toll, and it’s a decision that should never be taken lightly. Don’t even think about it.”
He knew she was right. Some people in WITSEC never fully integrated into their new lives and continually hankered for the old, sometimes even returning to their hometowns in spite of the serious danger. Zeke was under no illusions about the implications of what he was asking. He just needed to know that it was a choice, because the only other option was letting her go, and that seemed even worse in comparison.
“What if I want to think about it?” he asked. “I know it must seem like a crazy idea but won’t you at least consider it?”
“I have to be realistic,” she said. “I couldn’t let you give up your life for me. It’s way too much for anybody to ask of a person.” Her face fell with an expression of profound sadness. “I think you’re a good person who tries really hard to do the right thing, and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me here. But it’s time for me to finally admit that we were never destined to be together. I think there was still a small part of me that hoped you’d apologize for hurting me, sweep me into your arms and make everything all better.” She smiled weakly. “But I have to stop living in a ridiculous fantasy world. You and I will never get back together. Tomorrow you’ll be out of my life, and we can both finally close the book on whatever we had.”
He didn’t think it was possible to close their book. The ending was yet to be written.
“You said that if I apologized for not trying harder to find you all those years ago, then you’d allow me onto your safe house protection detail.” He was still hopeful of salvaging something positive out of this. “Does that still stand?”
“Does it really matter?” she asked with a weary sigh as she turned to leave the kitchen. “It’ll never happen anyway.”
* * *
Zeke scrolled through the list of contacts on his cell phone, found the one he needed and hit the call button. He was still unsure of what he wanted to say, or why. He only knew that he had to find out the answers to some very important questions.
The voice on the line hadn’t changed at all over the last three years, and in his mind Zeke saw a big, bearded, smiling face saying, “Hello, this is Pastor Jim.”
“Hi, Jim. It’s Zeke.”
“Zeke!” Jim sounded pleasantly surprised. “It’s great to hear from you. How are you, buddy?”
“Not so great right now. I’m on assignment, but I’ve hit a snag and I need some help. I have some questions.”
“Sure. Go ahead.”
He may as well come right out with it. “Why didn’t you believe me when I said that I saw Susan steal from the church collection plate? Why did you insist on asking me to apologize when there was nothing to apologize for? Why did you let her get away with it and punish me by allowing me to leave the congregation instead of her?”
Jim was silent for a few seconds, as if formulating a response.
Finally, he said, “When you saw Susan steal from the collection plate, it wasn’t the first time she’d done it. She admitted to me that she’d stolen from us four times previously. I knew you were telling the truth, and I also knew I was placing a lot of pressure on your shoulders when asking you to apologize.”
This was a lot for Zeke to take in. Jim had known all along that his apology had been hollow. So why force him to make it?
“Will you explain to me exactly what happened?” Zeke asked. “I think I deserve that at least.”
“I can be open with you now. Susan passed away eight months ago, so she doesn’t need me to keep her secrets any longer.”
Zeke was shocked. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize Susan had died.” He guessed that she hadn’t even reached sixty years of age. “I don’t want to cause you any distress, Jim.”
“That’s okay, Zeke. She’s at peace with the Lord now, and it sounds like you need some closure on what happened.”
“Yes, I do, if it’s possible.”
“Susan was very sick when she stole from church, and she was trying to save enough money for a doctor’s appointment to find out what was wrong. She had no health insurance, you see, and she was too embarrassed to ask us for help.”
“She was embarrassed?” Jim’s church was the most supporti
ve and caring Zeke had ever known. “There’s no shame in being sick.”
“Do you recall the Bible story about the woman who touched Jesus’s cloak and was healed of her affliction?”
Zeke recalled the passage from the gospels. “Sure. She’d been bleeding for twelve years, I think.”
“That’s right. Susan had been bleeding in the same way and for an awfully long time, and she was experiencing the same sense of shame and embarrassment that the woman in the Bible must have endured. She was a shy person and couldn’t bring herself to tell any members of the church what was happening to her. She needed money to explore the reason for her bleeding, so she took it from the church. What you saw was a desperate woman who stole from the only person she trusted with her secret—God.”
Zeke leaned against the wall in his bedroom and ran a hand down his face. “Why didn’t you tell me this at the time, Jim? It would’ve helped me to understand why she did it.” He burned with disgrace at the way he had judged her harshly at the time. “I was so angry at being forced to make an apology for being mistaken in what I saw. I couldn’t get past the unfairness of it.”
“Susan begged me not to tell anybody what she’d done, and I agreed because she needed the love and protection of the church. And I couldn’t expose her illness to anybody either. I gave her my word.”
“So you sacrificed me instead?”
“I guess I did, but sometimes we have to make these hard choices. You’re strong, Zeke. You’re someone who can eat everything, whereas others can eat only vegetables.”
“What?”
“Romans chapter fourteen. It tells us that we mustn’t pass judgment on those whose faith is weak. People like you, with unshakable faith, can eat everything on the table, but people like Susan, whose faith is weak, can eat only vegetables. I knew you could withstand the sacrifice I was asking of you because you’re a strong man of God.”
Zeke fell silent, considering all that Jim had divulged. This changed everything. Susan hadn’t been brazenly stealing for the purposes of greed. She had been trying to touch the cloak of Jesus, and Zeke could have ruined her reputation had he not withdrawn from the church without making a fuss.
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