Dark Secrets

by A. M. Hudson

  He touched his thumb to his tooth. “Yes.”

  “Kill?” I confirmed.

  “Yes.”

  “Oh, God!” I folded over again, hiding my brow in my hands. “Why?”

  “For…to survive.”

  “Isn’t that a little selfish?”

  He laughed once. “You’re serious?”

  “Yes, I’m serious!”

  “Uh, Ara, I don’t have a choice but to kill.”

  “Everyone has a choice.”

  “Not in this instance, sweetheart.” He wandered over and sat on my bed; I wanted to tell him not to call me sweetheart, but didn’t have the guts to say that to a vampire.

  He smiled—his secret smile. “Do you really hate it when I call you sweetheart?”

  My mouth hung open. “Did I say that out loud?”

  “No.” He grinned, rubbing the tops of his knees. “I can read minds, Ara.”

  I slid down the door and sat on the floor with my head in my palms. “How is that…possible?”

  “I’m sorry,” David said.

  I looked up quickly to his hand on my shoulder. “Get away from me.”

  He evaporated, appearing by my window. I dusted my arm off, scraping away any vampire germs that might’ve been left behind, then looked over at him; he looked so conflicted yet so comfortable as he considered the world below. The muscles in his arms, with the way he folded them across his chest, looked bigger, more defined. And I had once wanted them on me, wanted to feel him against me. Now, I only felt anger at myself for that—for ever loving him when he was such a vile, disgusting monster.

  He took a breath and spoke to the world outside, “Despite what you may believe, my girl, I am still human inside. And everything you’re thinking right now does hurt.”

  I blinked, trying to make my mind go blank, but it wouldn’t; I just kept seeing the faces of people as they screamed, begged for their lives, while David towered over them and took it. “Have you always been able to read my mind?”

  He nodded, not looking at me. I wanted to be mad, but the heat that rushed through me was boiling mortification, more than anger. I buried my face in my hand and groaned. Oh, so many thoughts I wouldn’t have wanted him to hear.

  David chuckled. “That’s pretty much what everyone says.”

  “God, I feel so violated.”

  “I’m sorry, my love. I know it’s awful but, if it’s any consolation, I’m not usually listening. And I can only hear your immediate thoughts. For anything in the past, I actually have to go inside your head.”

  I looked up at him. “But, you can get in there—you can find things?”

  He nodded.

  “That’s so freakin’ creepy.”

  He became smaller. “Please don’t say things like that, Ara.”

  “Well, what do you expect me to say?”

  “Ah, it’s a vampire!” He waved his hands about like a girl.

  “I kind of did say that.” I smiled. “But you muzzled me.”

  He winced, letting a breath out. “I’m so sorry about that, Ara. I just couldn’t have you running down to tell your dad.”

  I bit my lip, knowing full well that’s exactly what I was going to do. “So, I’m calm now. Am I free to go, or are you going to keep me hostage in here for the rest of my life?”

  He turned back to face me. “Will you keep quiet?”

  I nodded.

  “Then you’re free to go.”

  I felt better after a sigh of relief. Slowly, I got to my feet and opened my bedroom door. Dad’s voice lilted up the stairs, homely and warm; I listened for a second then looked back at David, who leaned on my desk, his arms folded. “Was that all—is this your only dark secret?”

  He nodded.

  “So you…” I lowered my voice. “You kill people?”

  He nodded.

  I stepped back in my room and shut my door, resting my head on it for a second. “Do you like killing them?”

  “Yes.” His voice came smoothly across the room, making my shoulders lift around my ears.

  “Do you…do you ever regret it?”

  “I didn’t, no, not until I fell in love with you.”

  I turned around then. “And what difference does that make?”

  “Compassion. Vampires are nothing if not compassionate, but only for our own kind. When we fall for a human, that compassion, for some reason, extends out to their race as well.”

  “Except, instead of loving thy neighbour, you eat him.”

  “It isn’t like that. We don’t just walk around with a constant desire to munch on random humans. And never those in our local community. We eat only when we get hungry—like you do.”

  “No, not like I do. I go to the shop—buy a packet of chips. Not walk into a dark alley and end the local milk man.”

  David laughed. “Neither do I.”

  “So, what about when you are hungry?” I threw my hands up. “Is it hard to live among us then? I mean, there’s no way I could live in a chocolate factory.”

  “I just don’t let myself get that hungry.”

  “How thoughtful of you.”

  He cleared his throat.

  “Does…” I looked past him to the grey day. “So, how did you fall in love with me if I’d look better on your plate?”

  “I didn’t choose to fall for you, Ara. It just happened.”

  “How, I mean, what’s a vampire even doing at our school?”

  He laughed. “I’m on leave.”

  “Leave?”

  “Yes. I work for two years in the vampire community, then take two years to be human.”

  “Human? There is nothing human about what you are,” I said with a mouthful of spite.

  “We fall in love,” he offered, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “We can eat, sleep, walk in the day, as if we were still human. But—”

  “But you’re not.”

  “Actually, I was going to say but—” he tried to keep a light grin on his lips, but the hurt of my repulsion revealed itself within his eyes, “—everything is stronger; our bodies, our minds, all of our senses. We feel everything with an intensity I cannot describe; happiness, pain, heartache—” he cringed on the word, “—and love are so much stronger than you can possibly imagine.”

  I softened a little—about five-percent. It was the way he said love. There was something so…vulnerable about it. “I don’t know.” I shrugged one shoulder. “I think I might be able to empathise with you on the feeling-things-more-strongly aspect.”

  The sharp, crescent-moon dimple returned as he nodded. “You have a lot of heart, Ara. Perhaps that’s why I’m so drawn to you. You’re not like other humans.” His smile dropped away and he looked down at his shoes. “I am sorry that I’ve hurt you with my secrecy. More than you know.”

  Apology not accepted…yet. I squared my shoulders. “Okay. So, you said you eat and sleep and everything else? Why be a vampire at all?”

  “It’s not by choice,” he said calmly, like I was an infant. “You see, it’s like an alien, I guess. I thought about it once—how I could describe it to a human.” He pointed at me as he spoke, then touched his chin with thought. “It’s like an alien comes down and plants itself in you. You’re everything you were before, except that now, you have these incredible abilities, and your human side is driven by the desires of the alien’s first nature—blood.

  “I’m still David, but I’m also this alien. I drink because I’m compelled to. If I don’t drink, I become weak and desperate, then I’d eventually turn into a monster.” He laughed lightly and added, “Much like you if you don’t have breakfast. Only, there’d be no stopping me. I would kill…uncontrollably.”

  Great, so, I fell in love with an alien-operated vampire.

  We stood in silence again for a minute.

  “So, why humans? Why not squirrels? Or cats?” I subconsciously nodded toward my window, imagining Skittles on a plate.

  David laughed. “It is vital to consume the blood o
f your own kind. I am human, in part. Without human blood, human energy, and human life force, I’m nothing. Animal blood, and I speak from experience, not only tastes like ash, but can’t satiate the thirst and it won’t nourish.”

  “What if you just didn’t eat blood at all?”

  “I’d end up back at square one—killing uncontrollably until my hunger was quenched; it’s much kinder to take a few lives than many.”

  “Oh, God!” I nearly folded over and threw up. “How can there be any kindness in killing?”

  “Live a few hundred years and you’ll find out.”

  I looked at him with a pang of excitement. “So, are you immortal?”

  “Yes.”

  “You don’t die?”

  He shook his head.

  “At all?” I double-checked.

  He shook his head again and stood taller. “No. We’re virtually indestructible.”

  “Virtually?”

  “We can’t die, but we can get hurt. Our bones are like cement—iron-coated cement. They do not break. Ever. And our flesh is extremely difficult to penetrate—not that it would do any good to cut a vampire, because we heal incredibly fast.”

  “Well, so, like, there’re no stakes or holy water or silver or decapitation?”

  “No. Immortal means immortal, Ara. There is no death. No peace. Only an endless eternity of mourning and solitude—watching everyone you love grow old and wither away—forever just a memory, leaving nothing but a fruitless hope of finding happiness again.”

  “Sounds—” I studied his face, “—unbearable.”

  “You have no idea,” he said through a breathy laugh as the tension in the room eased.

  “I know you, David. I know you have a good heart, but, I mean, I’m struggling to understand how you can be so loving, yet so…dangerous. How…how do you live with the guilt? For killing people.”

  David laughed lightly. “I don’t. I have no choice but to stay alive, but I hate myself for some of the things I’ve done. You just find a way to do it without leaving too many scars on the world—or your own heart. But there aren’t too many vampires with empathy for humans. It gets lost when we change. Mostly, you’re just food to us.” As he shrugged, he flashed an easy smile at me; I shuddered.

  Food? “Don’t ever use that term around me again, David. I still care for humans, you know, since I’m one of them.”

  “I’m sorry, Ara. We’re just from different worlds, you and I. I’ll be careful what I say around you, I promise.” He looked into my eyes, his gaze guarded. “Assuming you still want to see me.”

  “I don’t know.”

  He looked down at his feet. “Would you like me to leave?”

  I bit my lip, tapping my fingertips on my leg. “Not yet.”

  “May I sit?” he asked, motioning to the bed.

  I nodded; he sat down.

  “So, is it true that all vampires are totally hot and sexy?” I asked after a few minutes.

  “Depends on your tastes, I’d say.” He sat back a little, smirking. “Get to the point.”

  “I—” I shook my head. “I didn’t have a point.”

  “Yes, you did.”

  “Did not.”

  “You forget,” he said, pushing my quilt away from his leg. “I can read your mind. What was your point?”

  My shoulders sunk. “Why me? Why a plain, ordinary, scarred human, when you could be with a hot vampire chick?”

  He moved his words around inside his mouth for a second. “You do things to me that no other girl, human or vampire, has ever done. It’s not optional for me to love you, Ara. I…when I’m with you—” He looked at me, breathing out before continuing. “I’m more human than monster. More heart-and-soul than vacant-shadowy-night.” He blinked softly and added, “Plus,” with a smile.

  “Plus what?”

  “Plus, I’m crazy in love with you.”

  I looked down to hide my wide grin.

  “It’s not enough for me just to love you, though,” he said. “I need to be with you—to see you, to touch you—be a part of you in a way no one else in the world ever could.”

  My face fell into my hands, his words sending giggles through my chest. I couldn’t believe I’d managed to fall in love with a real, blood-sucking vampire. And my parents were afraid I’d start hanging with kids on drugs.

  “Ara? Are…are you crying, ma jolie fille?” David’s hesitant embrace fell around me, and the fear I felt before edged in the centre of my stomach, while the weight of his arms on my body made my heart beat faster. But I closed my eyes and focused on the truth; this was David. Not some random murderer.

  My David.

  I looked up, and the vampire ran a cool fingertip under my eye—a kind of affection, kind of touch, that felt so normal to me now.

  “Are you okay?” David asked, looking overly concerned.

  “Relax, David. I haven’t lost it…yet.”

  “Sorry.” He broke into a breathy smile. “It’s just that…when a guy tells a girl he’s a vampire, he doesn’t exactly expect to be laughed at.”

  “In my defence, I screamed as well.”

  He stiffened.

  “Well, would you expect anything less than fear, David? You’re a dangerous creature—not a Cullen,” I added, with a wry smile.

  He laughed, loud and full. The sound warmed the room with its grace. “I wish.” He rolled his head backward as the laugh dissipated to a smile. “Great books, though.”

  “You read them?”

  “Of course.” He breathed out, still smiling as he added, “Wouldn’t life be so much easier if it were really that way?”

  “No, because then you’d be icy-cold…and pale. But I like your golden skin.”

  “I know you do.”

  My ears and cheeks flushed with heat. “So, you don’t, like, sparkle or anything, do you?”

  “Ara. You’ve seen me in the sun,” he stated dryly. “Did I look like a lamp to you?”

  Hmm. I remembered how lovely he looked in the sun; how he seemed to glow—an incandescent beauty with perfectly formed muscles. His skin was so soft and smooth, hairless, as far as I could see. But although the memory was bright and golden, making me forget how dark my room was getting, I was pretty sure he didn’t have moths buzzing around his head or anything. So, no, he didn’t look like a lamp. But boy, would I love to take his shirt off right now just to be sure it was all real.

  A tiny smile tugged the corners of David’s lips, changing his whole expression.

  “Stop it!” I scolded, holding my finger up to warn him against his invasive, mind-reading behaviour. Would there ever be any way to get used to him being constantly in my head?

  David’s shoulders lifted with his short, breathy laugh.

  Obviously not.

  “Okay. So, those myths aside—” I wandered over and plonked on my floor, crossing my legs to get comfortable.

  “Just to save you time, Ara, technically, everything you think you know is a myth.”

  “Like what?”

  “For one, despite ancient storytelling, vampires are not actually dead.” He sat on the edge of my bed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “And we’re not undead, either—we’re actually alive.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. And you know what else we’re not?” he hinted with a lopsided grin.

  “Enlighten me,” I said playfully.

  “We’re not evil demons or weirdoes with anaemia, but—” he pointed to the roof, “—we are, in fact, colder—which is where some of the stories come from, I guess.”

  “But…why are you cold if you’re alive?”

  “Why are you cold?” He grinned; I shrugged. “If we go for long periods without…nourishment, we get colder and a little pale.”

  “So, you’re not so very different from me, then?” I grinned.

  “Ha! Maybe you’re a vampire and you just don’t know it.” He pointed at me, his very cute, dimpled smile making me laugh.

/>   It was nice to laugh with him again. “There’s just one thing I’m curious about, though. You said you’re not dead?”

  He nodded.

  Everything David and I ever did together, every moment I touched him since we met, I ran over in my mind. “I—I can’t remember ever hearing a heartbeat. Do you have a heart?”

  His gaze fell on his clasped hands. “I don’t have a heartbeat, because I don’t need my heart to beat. You see, the energy—the life force I draw from a human—moves the blood through my arteries. It’s very powerful.”

  “Like magic?”

  “Kind of. And I don’t need my heart to pump blood to my lungs for oxygenation either, because I don’t make the blood. It comes to me with oxygen in it. See?” He held out his forearm and rolled up his sleeve to reveal clear veins, slightly protruding from his skin as if he were flexing his muscles. “They don’t contain blood. They carry the remaining life force—the energy that makes me immortal. The blood I drink runs through the arteries, which are deeper. That’s why my veins look skin-tone.”

  “So…really? You don’t make your own blood?”

  “Nope. When the blood I drink runs out of oxygen and nutrients, I simply drink more.”

  “So, if you get a cut and bleed, it’s not your blood seeping out?”

  “No, it is. My body coverts the blood I drink to use as its own.”

  “Wow.” I stared at his arm.

  “But,” he added, rolling his sleeve back down, “I do still have a heart.”

  My head bounced and my lips pressed together into a thin smile. “I know.”

  “Then you know I love you?” His hand flinched a little—like he was going to reach for me, but thought better of it.

  “I know you do. The trouble is—I love you, too.”

  “Why should that be a problem?”

  “Because you’re a vampire, David. You—” My words were lost. What could I say? That I wasn’t sure how I felt about him now I knew he killed people? That’d be kinda shallow, wouldn’t it?

  “It’s not shallow, Ara. This,” he said, motioning to himself, “is a lot for anyone to handle.”

  I let my cheek lift my lip in the smile it forced. “Touché.”

  He sat back again, rubbing his thumb over his chin. “I was human once, you know. And I do understand how you feel about the deaths.”