by A. M. Hudson
“What are you doing?” David seized my arm as I grabbed the scissors.
“I’m gonna do it myself. Then you don’t have to hurt me.”
“Ara, you’ve lost it. You’ve actually gone crazy—give me those.” He snatched the scissors from my hand and threw them back in the drawer—slamming it shut.
“You’re right.” I sat down in my desk chair. “I have gone crazy.” Maybe all this had been too much for me. Maybe finding out about David was the last straw. Vicki warned me that trauma and grief could manifest themselves in unusual ways—ways you might not recognise. But she was talking about things like promiscuity and drug use, right?
“This isn’t manifested grief, Ara. It’s a collection of thoughts and cravings over a period of time that have grown into desire,” said the voice of reason from beside me. “There’s nothing wrong with you. But you have to drop this. All right?”
I nodded, wiping fat teardrops from my chin.
David ran his fingers through his hair and down the back of his neck, then held out his hand; I looked up at him. “Come on,” he said.
“Where’re we going?”
He grabbed his jacket off my desk and slipped it on. “We both need some fresh air.”
“Fresh air?”
“Yes.”
“And, where exactly are we going to get that from?” I asked in a shaky voice as he scooped me off the ground. “And how are you planning to get there?”
He squeezed me close, propping his chin on my forehead. “You may want to cover your eyes.”
“Holy shi—” I rolled my face into his chest as a jolt forced me to hold my breath.
“You okay?” he asked, his lips against my hair.
I think so.
“I’m going to put you down now, okay?”
“We’ve stopped moving?”
“Yes.” He laughed. “We’ve stopped.”
“Okay.” I clung to his shirt as he set my bare feet to a cold, slanted surface, and a dewy breeze circled my ankles, howling a warning. “Are we up high?”
The kidnapper wrapped his arm around my waist and whispered in my ear, “Open your eyes. See for yourself.”
“Do I have to?” I shut them tighter.
“You’re not afraid of heights, are you, Ara?” He chuckled lightly.
“I’m going to kill you for this, David Knight. I ha—” A breath of awe escaped my lips as my eyes inched open and I saw the endless skyline, trailing off to a dark blue horizon, where the hills that were grey in the day looked invisible under the scattered stars. “David, it’s so beautiful up here.”
He shrugged. “I come here all the time.”
“Is this where you spent the summer? Spying on me?”
“Yes,” he said, with a cheeky grin, taking my shaking hand to help me sit with my legs dangling over the slant of my dad’s roof. “But you know that was only while I was worried about you.”
“So, you don’t do it anymore?”
“Ha! Ara, if I was going to be at your house, I’d be in your room, with you—awake, or I’d be at home, leaving you to rest.”
I snuggled my head into his shoulder. “So, if I was depressed again, you’d stay with me more often?”
“No,” he laughed the word out. “You’re a little suicidal for me right now.”
I slapped his chest with the back of my hand. “Wanting to share blood with you is not suicidal.”
“Oh boy.” He shook his head, still laughing. “If you only knew the truth of what you do to me with your thoughts, girl. You have no idea how close you’ve come to death, do you?”
A cold shiver raced down my spine and sent my heart back into my chest with a jump. But even after the eerie feeling subsided, the shaking remained and my teeth chattered together.
“You’re so human,” David remarked lightly, wrapping his jacket over my shoulders.
“And you’re so warm—like a human.” The heat within the leather felt like that warm spot in someone else’s bed after they get up, layered pleasantly with the scent of citrus and that woodsy smell his car had. I slipped my arms through the sleeves, then moved to sit between his legs, wrapping his arms tightly around my chest.
“Are you frightened up here?” he whispered against the back of my ear.
“The human in me is, but the girl in me, who knows how much you love her, isn’t.”
“You know I’d never let you fall, right?”
“Even if I do fall—” I yawned as I spoke, “—I know you’ll be there to catch me.” I smiled, and as I looked at the eastern horizon, a flicker of silver glittered across the night sky. “Did you see that?”
“A shooting star.” David nodded. “Make a wish.”
With my eyes closed, I crossed my heart and thought, I wish David would get the happy ending he longs for.
David held his breath, his whole body going stiff. “Why did you wish only for my happy ending?”
“Because, then I know that, even if our happy ending isn’t together, you’ll still be happy.”
He swallowed and looked away. “I thought you said you were a selfish girl.”
“I am.” I shrugged. “I didn’t wish for world peace.”
He snickered softly. “My darling, there are more than enough people in the world to wish for that. But it requires sacrifice and tolerance—not hopes and prayers.”
“Like us,” I said.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, happiness is a possibility for us—we can be together. It just means a sacrifice on one side.”
David nodded. “And tolerance on yours.”
“Tolerance?”
“Yes. For death.”
“You can’t ask a human to tolerate the death of another human. That isn’t fair.”
“But, your species kill each other all the time.”
“I don’t. Not personally.”
“Okay, well, you tolerate the death of animals for your nutrition.”
“Spoken like a vampire.” I smiled ruefully, keeping my eyes on the night sky.
“Well, my love, I am a vampire. Get used to it.” He kissed my temple.
“Bite me,” I scoffed.
“Don’t tempt me, young lady—your death wish may just become a reality.”
I rolled my eyes. “So…if you drank my blood and we made love after—I could get pregnant?”
“What?” The word burst from his lips.
“You said, when you were washing the dishes tonight, that it isn’t entirely true about not being able to have children with a vampire?”
“Oh.” He wiped his hand across his jaw, shaking his head. “Well, it’s rare. You would’ve heard of it in your much-loved mythology. The incubus and the succubus?”
“Is that real?”
“In a way. It’s not like the horror stories, though. Supposedly, the babies are mostly human—not immortal. They can survive on less blood than vampires, but still require food. I’m not sure how it works for female vampires. None of the girls I’ve ever known have fallen pregnant, but for males, we can still—you know—” he shrugged, “—we can still give life. There’s a rumour among my Set that my uncle has a son, born by a human girl.”
“Why wouldn’t you tell me about this, David?” I asked softly. “You know my desire to have children is one of the reasons I can’t promise you eternity.”
“Yes, but it’s not the only reason.” He stroked his soft cheek down mine. “I didn’t think it necessary to tell you.”
“Like so many things.” I ground my back teeth together.
“Yes. But, if you don’t ever want immortal life, then what good would it be to have a child, and have maybe five years together before you grow too old to be with a teenager?”
“It would still be better than having only a few weeks.”
“True, but after those five years, I would lose you and my children—not to mention they would one day out-age their father.”
David? Father? Of my children? I really liked th
e way that sounded.
“Besides, even if I was selfish enough to take those five years from you, I’d be away for the first two. I have to return to duty, and what then? You’ll be a single, teenage mother, and you may have missed your chance at love—at a normal, happy life. No.” He shook his head, tightening his hold around me. “I want you to have a good life, Amara-Rose. I want you to be mine, for all time, and I could convince you to come with me—and eventually you would. But I will not let you give up the things you want. Not while they still mean everything to you.”
“I know. I guess. It was just a shock…to find out that you can still…” I rested my hand in my lap. “I don’t know. I’m really confused.”
“Confused about what?”
“About what I should do. I want to be with you always. Not just until the winter comes. It’s not fair.”
“Life’s not fair, Ara. Haven’t you learned that by now?”
I shook my head, turning around to face him. “No, David. I refuse to believe that. Life is what you make it. Sometimes things happen that suck, but it doesn’t mean your whole life is unfair.” I shrugged and looked at the stars. “Life is just life, and sometimes you just get played a different hand to what you wanted.”
“And you don’t think that’s unfair?”
“Situations can seem unfair, but all things considering, David, we’re still alive, still breathing—not ill or starving or dying of disease. In that sense, I think we’re kinda lucky, right?”
“I suppose.” I reached out and brushed my chin with his thumb. “After all, we did find each other against all odds.”
“Right. And I wouldn’t be here—alive—if you hadn’t come along.”
“Really? So you think you would’ve acted on those, what did you call them—fleeting thoughts?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“You scare me, Ara-Rose.” He grabbed my shoulder and spun me back into him, forcing me to hold my breath under his bear grip. “What’s going to happen to you when I leave?”
I didn’t answer; I didn’t feel it needed an answer. And I wasn’t sure I had one to give, anyway.
The silence hovered over us for a while then as the dark blue horizon turned almost pale white and the sweet smell of morning dew mixed with the perfumed air from the dying summer rose. David and I both took a long breath.
“Are you okay, David?” I asked, sensing a shift in his spirit.
“Every day I wake,” he started hesitantly, “And I tell myself that I’ll let you go; that it’s the right thing to do. And then you say things like that to me—tell me that you’re not sure about living—and I wonder if I should just convince you to come with me; if I should just wish for you to suddenly lose your desire to live life, wish for you to throw your arms around me and beg me to change you.
“And then I look at you and I see you for the sweet, young, human girl, who has never lived a day in her life, and I just can’t do it—I just can’t take your life from you. I have to bite my tongue every time I’m about to say something that would convince you.” He pressed his face firmly against mine for a second, breathing me in. “I’m just a guy, Ara. I’m not perfect. In fact, I’m more perfectly imperfect than a human. I have this evil side in me that is screaming for me to steal you. It’s only the angel on my shoulder that makes me wish a better life for you.”
“I know, and sometimes I wish you’d just force me to do it, too. But I’d hate you for it. It’s just so dumb.” I slammed my hands down by my sides. “All of it. I wish it were different.”
“Well, you know what they say?”
“Yes. They say a lot of things that don’t really make sense. But which one were you referring to specifically?”
“Wishing is good time wasted.”
“Shut up, David! God, you’re so negative.” I leaned forward to look at him, groaning out loud. “You know, you might not, but I still believe wishes come true.”
“That’s because you’re still a child.”
“Then what does that make you?”
“Ha! A sick-minded hundred-year-old who has a fetish for teenage drama.”
I laughed too, and looked out over the treetops. “There is still magic in the world, Mr Knight. You don’t have to be a child to find it. Even my dad believes in it, and he wasn’t a child when he taught me to believe—taught me how to make wishes.”
“How can you teach someone to make wishes?”
“There’s a special way to do it.”
“There is?”
“Yes.”
“Will you teach me?”
I smiled and cleared my throat as I turned to look at David, noticing the tiny silver reflections of stars in his eyes. “Well, when you see the first star of the evening or the last star in the early morning, close your eyes, cross your heart and make a wish. If you keep it secret, then it will come true, one day.”
“And you still believe that?”
“Yes. I do. And no one is going to take that away from me with borrowed philosophy about life.” I took a breath of the cool, dawn air. “When you find that one of your seconds has been wasted on a wish, and you think you could’ve really used that second—really need it back—then I’ll agree it’s wasted time wishing. But not yet.” I looked back to the sky. “Not while I still have hope.”
“My only hope is that you see sense—realise that being a vampire isn’t so bad, and let me bite you—to change you.” David sighed, closing his eyes and crossing his heart.
“And there’s that evil side,” I noted with a smile.
“Yes. But I will never stop wishing for it, Ara. I know that’s wrong, but I can’t control my heart’s desires.”
“As long as you control your teeth, then I’m fine with that.”
“But you asked me to drink your blood—what if I lose control?” he said playfully.
“I’m not having this argument with you. I don’t want to be a vampire. I just want to be with you. Nothing more.”
“Okay. No more talking about it.” He kissed the top of my head and held me to his chest. “When you’ve decided you can’t live without me anymore, then we’ll talk about it.”
“But I already decided that.”
“Okay, well, when you decide you don’t want to be a frail old lady and die, then we can talk about it.”
“Not gonna happen.” I laughed.
David breathed out softly. “You know, I’ve never met a girl so eager to die in all my life.”
I shook my head and folded my arms across my chest. “No, David, I’m not eager to die—I’m eager to live.” And for the first time since I lost Mum and Harry, that was finally true. Love had given me a reason to exist, and now, even without love, I wanted a life. We could remain in the bliss of summer romance until winter showed, and I wouldn’t think about the choice I had to make; I just wanted to pretend it wasn't there, because, when the time came to make my decision, he knew, and I knew, we’d be saying goodbye. I could only hope some miracle would come along to save me from the choice of losing the one I love, or killing to be with him.
Chapter Twenty-One
“Wake up. Wake up.” Vicki slapped my bedcovers. “Time to go.”
I groaned, shielding my eyes as she threw my curtains apart, blinding me with the white glow of morning. “Vicki. It’s Saturday.”
“Yes. I know.” She opened my window, and the fresh scent of cut grass and rain blew in with the light breeze. “Good to see you’ve finally started sleeping with this closed.”
“I didn’t. Dad must have closed it.” Or David. I tried to remember last night, but could only half remember falling asleep against my vampire’s chest, which, instead of bringing a rise of anger for him closing my window, brought only a dreamy sensation all through my limbs.
“Ara?” Vicki said, staring at my face. “Are you awake?”
“Yes.” I flopped back on my pillow. “I don’t wanna go to school today.”
“You know full well where we’re going
today, young lady,” Vicki said in an insistent tone.
“Yes, which is why I’m staying in bed.”
“That’s enough. Now, just humour me and your boyfriend, and let him spend some money on you.”
I pulled the covers over my head.
“Be nice.” She ripped my blanket away and dumped it on my chair, leaving me cold in the nakedness of my bed. “Is it really so bad that David wants to buy you a dress?”
“Yes.” I pushed up on my elbow. “I have savings, Vicki. I can buy my own dress.”
“Ara-Rose!” She folded her arms. “Where are your manners?”
“In my drawer, where I left them.”
She shook her head, sighing, and wandered over to find them, pulling out some jeans and a T-shirt instead. “Get dressed. We leave in ten minutes.”
“Argh. Fine.”
“Thank you.”
I flipped my legs over the side of the bed and stumbled to the window. I wanted to grunt at her, but held it in, folding my arms and resting my head on the glass pane instead. Outside, the dull grey clouds hid the sun, making everything under its suppressed glare seem vividly white—lighting up the entire yard and all the garden debris. “Did it storm last night?”
“Yes. You didn't hear it?” Vicki folded her arms, looking out at the clouds as they spilled over and the soft pattering of rain filled the desolate street below.
“Nope. Slept like a baby.” I shrugged. “Maybe I’m just getting over my fear of storms.”
“Well, lucky Dad closed your window then.”
A pensive twist to my lips became the first smile of the day. “Yeah. Really lucky.” Thanks, David.
“And tidy this room,” Vicki added as she closed my door.
With a certain amount of dread, I studied the chaos around me; clothes on every piece of furniture, covering every scrap of carpet—looking remarkably like a storm broke loose in here last night.
I got dressed, then shook my quilt out over my bed and hid my clothes, clean and dirty, in the laundry basket so Alana and Emily wouldn’t think I was a total pig when they came to stay tonight.
“Ara. I’m going to the car—hurry up,” Vicki called.
“Just a sec.” I ran to the bathroom, locking both doors, then smeared another layer of concealer over the bruises David left when he ate me in the auditorium closet. The leftover proof of my insanity looked mean and ugly—like a swollen, purple infection, leaking some kind of clear fluid. But, thanks to Vicki’s shopping obsession, another layer of this two-hundred-dollar bottle of concealer, that could cover up a nose if you wanted to, saw my mark disappear.