by A. M. Hudson
No one replied.
I jumped out from the warmth of Mike’s arms and ran for the window, stopping dead, seeing a yellow rose on the windowsill. My ruby ring suddenly felt heavy—almost as if I was wearing the pain in my soul; I picked up the cold, thornless blossom and pressed it to my nose, spotting my iPod on the sill underneath it. Our lives, every inch of our journey had been mapped out in song on that device—from the first time I saw him and fell in love with him, through the days of wondering if he loved me, to the heartache of knowing he only loved me enough to leave me for my own good, and finally, to losing him. It would do me no good to listen to that playlist again, even though I knew that’s what David wanted. But I just couldn’t live my life in the past anymore. I had to find a way to move forward.
The street below was desolate and quiet, no sign of David having been or gone. The dawn sky looked cold and grey, like the world was readying itself for rain, and all the streets were empty, the lights still on along the footpath, while a soft red glow outlined the mountains to the east.
I looked over at Mike, sleeping peacefully, and drew in the sweet pear scent of the rose once more. Then, as I went to press the Home button on my iPod, noticed a new playlist there, titled “Ara”. It only had one song, so I stuffed my earphones in and pressed play; I could move forward tomorrow. Today, I just wanted to be closer to David by thinking about him—pain or none.
A delicate piano told a sad story, making my heart ache in the first bar. I pushed open my window, leaning on the frame as the words began; I’d never heard this song before. I knew David liked John Mayer, but he’d never even said which song was his favourite. I wondered why he put this one on my iPod and no other song. And then I listened more carefully to the words, relating instantly to the feeling; falling asleep thinking about the one you love—your heart so broken because they’re gone. You dream, for a moment, that they’re right beside you—that everything in the world is finally all right. But the warmth of their hand, the clear memory of their smile dissipates suddenly, destroyed by waking. It almost makes you want to sleep for the rest of your life so you can be together.
I checked the title of the song again, smiling. Appropriate. “Dreaming With A Broken Heart.”
Tiny bumps of chill dotted my belly with the kiss of a cool breeze, and the sun touched the earth just over the horizon, warming everything around me; the treetops became pink and gold, and orange leaves floated softly down to the ground, like autumn snow.
I pinched three of the yellow petals from the stem of the rose and held them out over the lip of the window frame; one for my heart; one for my soul; one for eternity. They all belonged to David. Each and every bit of me would always be his—no matter what my dreams may tell me.
When the wind swept past my window again, I flicked the petals into the day; they floated up into the air, making circles on the breeze, following the autumn leaves to the old oak tree in the garden, finally resting, with one last kiss from the wind, right on the seat of the swing.
“I love you, David. Forever,” I whispered into the nothing, reluctantly shutting my window on the stormy wind. A tear rolled down my cheek as I looked up to the sky and saw one, single star sparkling out above the waking world, almost like it was David watching over me.
“Make a wish.” Strong arms wrapped my waist from behind.
“I don’t believe in wishes anymore, Mike.”
“Well, I’ll make one for you, then.” He squeezed me tighter, then crossed his heart.
“What did you wish?” I asked.
“Can’t tell you. It won’t come true.” He pressed his hands to my waist and turned me around, slowly plucking my earphones from my ears. “Why are you crying, baby girl?”
I sniffed back the runny liquid in my nose. “So much has happened. Everything’s changing for me now, Mike. Sometimes, I feel like I’m losing control of it all—like it just goes too fast.”
“It does go fast, princess,” he said; I looked down. “But, that’s why you’ve got to make the most of every day. To love whole-heartedly—” he kissed my forehead, “—to laugh at stupid jokes—” he kissed my nose, “—and to find the good in every moment; happy or sad or difficult.” He pulled back for a second as he moved in to kiss my lips and added one more thing, “And I’m going to be here to do it all with you. For the rest of our lives.”
I closed my eyes, nodding. “I love you, Mike.”
My phone forced me to get up off my back, leave my comfy pillow behind and wander across to my desk. “Hello?”
“Hey, Ara.”
“Hi, Em. What’s up?”
“Um. I need you to do me a favour.”
“Sure. Anything,” I said, peeling the curtain back with my fingertip, looking down over the evening.
“I…I kind of need you to tell Spencer I can’t go to the ball.”
“What!” I screeched. “Why can’t you go—and why can’t you tell Spence yourself?”
“He…well…I was kind of going to get you to tell him I have laryngitis.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t want to tell him I can’t go. I just…I think I might cry.”
“Em, I don’t get it. Why aren’t you going?”
“I haven’t got a dress, Ara.” She started crying. “And I don’t even have anything old in my wardrobe. My mom cleaned everything out a few months ago and donated it all to charity.”
“Oh, Em.”
“I only have this ugly red thing that I wore when I was twelve. And I can’t go to the ball in a dress that short, either. I’ll look like a hussy.”
“Ara?” Sam said, popping his head around the wall.
“Hang on, Em.” I looked over at Sam, covering the mouthpiece of the phone. “What are you doing in my wardrobe?”
“Can I borrow your hair gel?”
I raised a brow at him. “Why?”
He stepped into my room, grinning. “I got a date tonight.”
“A date?” I smirked.
“Yeah. Can I use it or not?”
“Fine. But shut that bathroom door. I’m talking girl stuff.”
He walked off, starting up the hairdryer in the bathroom, but didn’t shut the door.
“Argh. Sorry, Em. Pest control.”
She laughed.
I walked into my wardrobe and glared at Sam through the bathroom mirror. “I told you to shut this door.”
He shrugged. “So shut it.”
“Argh!” I slammed it behind me and stormed out of my wardrobe, but a flash of blue fabric on the hook caught my eye, and as I thought back to the night David forced me to accept that dress, an epiphany hit me like a rock in the head. “Oh my God. Em!”
“Still here.”
“Come over. Right now. I have a dress for you.”
She didn’t even get to say anything. I hung up the phone and ran downstairs to wait for her, opening the door seven minutes later to a solemn-looking Emily.
“Hi,” she said.
I gave her a hug, and she smiled as she pulled away—but not at me.
“Hey, girls,” Mike said, sitting on the stairs behind me.
“Hi, Mike,” Emily said, her cheeks going pink.
“You back for another shaking?” he joked.
“I’ll pass,” she said sheepishly. “You know, you look kind of different when you’re not mad with worry.”
Mike laughed. “Yeah, guess it’s easier to see my face when I’m not towering over you, badgering for information on missing girls.” He cast a raised brow my way.
Emily giggled. “It was okay. You didn’t actually shake me.”
“Okay, enough small talk.” I grabbed Em’s hand. “Come see your dress.”
Mike laughed as we rushed past him, then slammed my bedroom door behind us.
“Now, close your eyes—and stay here.” I held out a warning finger.
“Can't go far with my eyes closed,” she said.
I left her by my bed while I ran to the wardrobe to get the green
dress, and came back, holding it against my body. “Okay. You can look.”
Emily’s eyes lit up and her mouth popped open as she ran toward me—well, to the dress. “Oh, my God, Ara. This is perfect. Where did you get this?”
“Had it for ages.” I shrugged.
“Can I try it on?”
“Of course, dummy, that’s why I asked you over. Here.” I handed her the dress and directed her to my wardrobe. “I hope it fits.”
“It looks like it will,” she said, her voice muffled under a shirt or something.
“Yeah, we’re the same size, so it should be fine.”
“I can’t thank you enough for this, Ara. I just haven’t found anything I love enough to wear, but I think this—” She stepped out and her beauty struck me. “Might do?”
“Emily?” I couldn’t help but to rush over and hug her. “How perfect is this on you—oh my God!”
She readjusted the shoestring strap on her shoulder and spun slowly to show the low back, scooping down just past the purple cotton undies she had on today, while the shimmering emerald green hugged her curves, making her skin look like liquid satin.
“I hate you, you know.” I sighed enviously, folding my arms. “It never looked that good on me.”
“Aw, I’m sorry, Ara. But I do love it,” she said.
“Well, then, it’s yours.”
“Mine? Ara, I can’t—”
“Yes, you can. I want you to have it. It was—” I shook my head, looking for the right words “—meant for you.”
“Thank you.” She reached out; I hugged her again. “I’m so glad we’re friends.”
“Me too. Come on—” I took her hand, leading her to the door, “—we have to show Mike.”
“Wait.” She pulled back a little. “Are...are you sure it looks good? I mean—”
“Em. It’s great. Stop worrying.” I stuck my head around the corner. “Mike?”
“Yeah?” He flashed a really sexy grin, stopping just as he was headed down the stairs.
“What’d you think?”
When I pulled Emily around the corner, Mike tilted his head to one side. “Wow. Yeah, that’s a great dress. Do a spin,” he said, twirling his finger in the air. Emily spun around. “I don’t know, Ara. Perhaps I’m marrying the wrong girl.”
Emily’s head whipped up; she looked at me, her mouth falling open. “Marrying? Did he say marrying?”
I shot a death glare at Mike. “Um, yeah. We’re…Mike asked me to marry him,” I said, fraying my fingers to show my ring.
“Oh my God,” Emily squealed, grabbing my hand; Mike rubbed his ear with his finger. “When did this happen?”
“Yesterday.”
“Wow.” She pressed both thumbs to my ruby, becoming seemingly smaller from the shoulders down. “And…what about David?”
“Um—”
“He’s—out of the picture,” Mike said softly, but very politely.
Emily’s eyes screamed her true thoughts. “Well, that’s just, like, so great, Ara. I’m so happy for you two.”
“I’m just gonna…” Mike jerked his thumb toward the stairs and walked a few steps backward before fleeing with the speed of a man in trouble. Oh, wait—he was in trouble!
“Emily?” I closed my bedroom door, then spun around to look at her. “What’s wrong?”
“What have you done?” her voice trembled.
“I already told you, Em.” I sat on the bed, shifting Emily’s jacket out of the way. “David and I broke up. Why are you so surprised?”
“Because, you were supposed to meet again one day, on a windy autumn morning, and fall in love all over again. Not go and marry another man!” She pointed to my door.
“Em?” I chuckled. “This isn't a fairy-tale.”
She looked at me for a long moment, then threw her hands up in the air. “I don’t know what to say to you, Ara. You know, he loved you. Why should kids or careers or anything stop you from being together?”
“It’s not just the kid thing.”
“Then what else is there?” She sat beside me.
“He…he has things in his life that he doesn’t want me a part of—that I don't want to be a part of.”
“Like what?”
I raised a brow at her. “Em, come on, you know David's got secrets.”
Her eyes narrowed. “So, you can't love him if he has secrets?”
“No, it’s not that.” I stood up. “It’s that I can't be with him now I know those secrets.”
She stood too. “Are you kidding me? His inner demons are stopping you from being together?”
“Yes.” In a roundabout way.
“That’s not love then, Ara. It never was.”
“Shut up, Emily. You don’t anything about what I felt for him.”
She doubled back a little.
“Look, I'm sorry.” I dropped my arms to my sides and slumped on the bed. “I'm just tired of people thinking they know my heart.”
“I wasn't saying I did. I just…I just don't get it, you know. You wanted him so bad. I remember you telling me you’d give anything if he’d just ask you out. What changed?”
“The heart.” I shrugged.
She shook her head. “I gotta know.”
“What?” I asked, confused, as she reached into her bag and pulled out her phone.
“I gotta ask him.”
“Ask who what?”
“Ask David what he did that’s so terrible it’s destroyed this magic love I thought you guys had.”
I smiled. “He’ll never answer his phone, Emily. He’s probably got a new number.”
She shrugged, holding her phone to her ear. “It’s ringing.”
I tensed. What if he answered? What then?
I felt my toes edge, turning in preparation to run and snatch the phone.
“Jason?” She practically screeched, almost projecting forward. “Hi, um, I—uh—where’s David?”
I tried to force my brow into a dismissive position to hide my obvious confusion at the way she spoke to Jason—like she’d known him for years, or had, at the very least, met him before.
“Just tell me where he is,” she said, then went quiet. “Well, does he know what Ara’s gone and done?”
“Hey!” I scoffed.
She bit her lip, ignoring me, then nodded—to herself, I think. “She’s marrying him, Jason.”
I gathered, from the look on her face, that Jason didn't really have a lot to say about it. And why would he?
“Okay.” She shrugged. “He’s your brother.” She hung up the phone and looked at me; I felt like a school kid in big trouble from the principal. “You are the stupidest girl I've ever met.”
“Hey! I am not. I'm just trying to be happy.”
She shook her head, conceit littering her smile. “By living without David?”
“Yes.”
“Then that just makes you even dumber than I thought.”
“Look. Stay out of it, Em. It’s my life.”
“And I’m your friend. That means I get to tell you when you’re being a dumb cow!”
“No, Emily, I’m being sensible. I’m doing what any normal, sane teenager should do.”
“That’s the point! Don’t you get it? You’re a teenager. You don’t have to make smart choices.”
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Well, exactly. And I have the freedom to say and do stupid things, because I’m young, Ara. And so are you. And if you let love go now for reasons only an adult would care about, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”
“What would you know about regret? You’re the same age as me.”
She looked down at her feet. “I have my regrets.”
“Yeah, well, for me, David won’t be one of them. It’d be worse if I stayed with him.”
“What is wrong with you?” She tossed her phone onto my bed. “Do you need a brain scan or something? It’s David!” She waved flat palms at me. “David freakin Knight,
Ara, not just some random guy.”
“Just stop it, Em. Okay!” I thrust my body forward a little, tightly holding back tears. “He’s gone! He’s not coming back, and I don’t want to talk about it!”
“That’s because you know you should have gone with him.”
“What the hell does it matter to you?”
“He was my friend, Ara. I cared about him. And I care about you, too. God only knows why I bother, because you obviously don't care about yourself.”
I shook my head, looking away.
“I'm sorry, okay,” she said. “I just…I’ve never really had close friends before and, I mean, David was my first one. He was the first person that ever understood me.”
Yeah, or read your mind.
“And you—” she continued. “You became my friend because you actually liked me. Not because I was popular or knew all the guys. You actually liked me, Ara, and I don't have any other friends like you and…” Her lip quivered. “He’s gonna take you back to Australia, isn't he?”
“Who?”
“Mike.”
“He wants to,” I said, unable to look at her.
“And what then? Then I’ll have no one.”
“You have Alana.”
She swiped her tears and sat on my bed. I sat down beside her.
“I'm sorry, Emily.”
“I'm sorry, too.” She took my hand. “It’s not my place to interfere, I just—”
“You care?”
She nodded. “I don’t like him.”
“Who?”
“Mike.”
“What? Why?”
“I don’t like how he calls you baby and girl all the time.” Her nose crinkled. “Don’t you find it degrading?”
“Why would I?” I shrugged. “He’s not trying to control me or own me by using a pet name.”
“But you’re not his pet. That’s just the point.”
“And he doesn’t treat me like a pet, either. It’s a term of endearment. I, unlike you, have an appreciation for verbal affection.”
She laughed through her nose. “You sound like David.”
“I do?”
“Yeah. He says stuff like that all the time.” She softened. “Er, well, said.”