by Liwen Y. Ho
“Are you okay?” Sam paused with the fork halfway to her mouth. “You look a little green. It’s not this meatloaf, is it?”
“No, no, the meatloaf’s fine. I’m just not good at this.”
“If you mean making conversation, then I completely agree. You could at least talk about the weather. Anything would be more interesting than sitting in silence.”
He chuckled. If Sam was good at anything, it was helping him to not take himself so seriously. “Do you remember when we ran laps in PE? You always tried to outrun me.”
“What do you mean tried to? I totally beat you plenty of times.”
“Sorry to break it to you, but I let you win. I was on the cross country team. We used to run a couple of miles a day. One mile was nothing for me.”
A look of amusement appeared on Sam’s face. “You think I didn’t know that?”
“You knew?”
“Of course. Guys do stuff like that when they like …” She ended her sentence with a shake of her head. “Why’re you bringing this up?”
“Because I don’t want to race you anymore. I’d rather you win.”
“I’m not following.”
“I’m trying to apologize. You said you wanted to leave our fight in the past, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Our friendship means too much to me to just let it go. Hear me out.”
Sam set the container of food on the floor and turned to face him. “Go on.”
“First of all, the things you said about me at church—you were right.” With the hardest part of his speech over, he released a deep breath. “I didn’t like hearing the truth, so I went into defensive mode. That’s why I lashed out at you.”
“Excuse me?”
The smirk on her face, one he was familiar with since high school, drove him crazy in so many ways. “You want me to say it again, don’t you?”
“Can you blame me? It’s not every day Lucas Choi admits he’s wrong about something.”
If he could get away with sticking his tongue out like Sam did, now would be the time he’d do it. “Fine. I’ll say it again. You were right.”
“Music to my ears. Go on. Tell me what I was right about. Please.”
“Only because you said please,” he quipped, then sobered as he continued. “You were right when you called me a hypocrite. I thought I was better than you, that somehow I had my act together and you didn’t.”
Sam shrugged. “I get that a lot.”
“The thing is, I don’t. I’ve been struggling ever since Lauren died. People keep telling me I’ll learn to deal with my new life, but I have no idea how to. When you showed up, you confirmed again how much I’ve failed.”
Sam blinked. “What are you talking about?”
“You understand Lucy better than I do. You got her to talk and open up and laugh again. It was incredible how she came alive. I was so grateful for what you did, but I couldn’t accept why you could reach her and I couldn’t.” His shoulders sagged in defeat. “I’d never failed at anything before. I was the one who got straight A’s, followed all the rules, never got into trouble. I’d always done things the right way. But there you were, doing things I would never do, and being a better parent to my daughter than I was.” He winced. “It was hard for me to swallow.”
“That’s always been your problem, Lucas. You’re too hard on yourself. Nobody expects you to be perfect, not even God. Stop trying to be. It’s okay to mess up. Trust me, I do it all the time.”
“But I messed up big that day. I wish I could take back what I said. I hurt you, Sammie. I’m sorry.”
She was quiet for a moment, busying herself with a piece of thread unraveling from the cushion. “The stuff you said wasn’t that far from the truth. I’ve heard it all before from my family. I wasn’t surprised you thought the same way.”
He stretched out his arm on the back of the futon until his hand covered hers. Her fingers stilled at his touch, and she looked up. “No, what I said was a distorted version of who you are. I was frustrated and took it out on you. The real you is brave, adventurous. You’re passionate about your work and the people in your life. You know how to have fun. You try to see the best in people, even me. I’m a better person for knowing you.”
“What about the part where I drive you crazy?”
“Oh, that part’s true. You’re the only one who calls me on my B.S., so of course you drive me crazy. But I love that about you.” Here it was, time to go for broke. He was done living with regret. “I love you, Sammie. I always have. You’re everything I never thought I wanted, but I absolutely need.”
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“I’m saying I want you in my life. I need you. Lucy needs you, too. Our lives are better with you in it. Please give us a chance. Give me another chance.” He waited for her response, only to watch her turn away. Her long black waves shielded her face from view. Was it too late? Was she unwilling to give him a second chance? “Sammie?”
She looked up suddenly with tears streaming down her face. “Stop talking! My mascara’s running,” she sniffed, “and I’m going to look like a mess.”
With the pads of his thumbs, he gently wiped away her tears. Even with her red tipped nose and black streaks running down her cheeks, she took his breath away. “Hey, you’re a beautiful mess.”
Sam answered him with a grateful smile. “You really want me?”
“I want you, Sam. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you. I thought you’d moved on. You didn’t seem to care about me anymore.”
“If I had moved on, I wouldn’t have done this.” She walked over to the easel and turned it around. “You and Lucy were all I could think about.”
Lucas stood up, speechless. Before him was a painting of him and Lucy the day they had visited Sam and brought her breakfast. He was kneeling before her with one hand on the hem of her shirt as he tugged it over her round belly. Their eyes were fixed on each other in a shared smile. “You did that? It’s amazing.”
“I couldn’t get the memory out of my head. Once I started, it just flowed onto the canvas, like someone opened up a dam. It turned out exactly how I wanted it to.”
“I love it. The expressions—were those from memory, too?”
“Of course. Your faces were the easiest to paint. Why?”
“It looks like a special moment between a dad and his daughter. I didn’t know Lucy looked at me that way.”
Sam wrapped her arms around him, her eyes wet again. “You big dork. Of course she does. You’re her dad. She loves you.”
He wiped his face and exhaled. “I believe that now. Thank you. You really help me see things differently. I’m so glad you didn’t forget about me.”
“Oh, I tried, but I couldn’t get you out of my head. It was like having a song stuck on repeat. A good song—” she smiled and pulled him close “—but it was still annoying.”
“You better get used to it then ’cause I’m not going anywhere.” Leaning down, he brought his mouth to hers, allowing his lips to drink in a mixture of salty tears and sweet pleasure. It was the best kiss he had shared with Sam so far.
She pulled back suddenly, worry darkening her eyes. “What about my past, the stuff I did in Paris? You can’t be okay with that.”
“Do I wish it was different? Sure, I do. Only because I want to protect you. I hate the thought of you being caught up in a bad situation.”
“Then you probably don’t want to know how I got the money to pay for my furniture.”
The muscle in his jaw tightened. “Probably not, but tell me anyway.”
Sam looked down at her hands before meeting his eyes again. Her expression appeared worried, almost pained. “I met this guy Jacques through that site I told you about. He was thirty-eight, from a wealthy family that owned a big winery. He was also married, something I didn’t find out about until a year after we’d been together. He told me some sob story about his parents arranging the marriage as part of a business deal and
that he was going to leave his wife. But he never did. If it wasn’t for Mel talking some sense into me, I would’ve stayed with him. When I finally stopped being in denial, I got mad. I gave him an ultimatum. Either he paid me a lot of money or I would tell his wife about us. So, he gave me twenty-five thousand dollars. That’s when I came back to the U.S.”
“And how you got the money for your studio.”
“Yeah. It wasn’t one of my finest moments, but it is what it is. I thought about returning the money, but I promised never to contact him again.
“That’s probably for the better. What’s done is done.” Shaking his head in disbelief, he tried to digest the story. It was a lot messier than he expected. “I’m glad you left him.”
“I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time believing his lies. I never would have dated him if I’d known he was married. You know that, right?”
He looked into Sam’s eyes and saw a vulnerability there she usually kept hidden away. “Of course. I know you, Sam.” He took her hands in both of his. “I may not agree with how you handled things, but part of me likes the fact that you didn’t let him off the hook. He really didn’t understand who he was dealing with, did he?” He shook his head in pity. “No one messes with my woman and gets away with it.”
“You are a smart man, Lucas Choi.” She placed a kiss firmly on his mouth. “And a good kisser, too. You’ve improved a lot since high school.”
“What? Was I bad before?”
“Well, that kiss outside the gym was a little on the stiff side.”
“Cut me some slack. It was my first time.”
“Mine, too, but at least I put some passion into it.”
“I was your first kiss? I thought you had so much experience. All the guys wanted to go out with you.”
“Oh, I had plenty of offers, but as lame as it sounds—” she rolled her eyes “—I was saving it for someone special. I wanted it to be you.”
“It’s not lame at all,” he said, drawing her into his arms again. “Thank you. I had no idea. Anything else you want to tell me?”
“That’s all.”
“Well, if you’re done confessing, it’s my turn.”
“You, confess?” She narrowed her eyes. “I can’t wait to hear this.”
He paused for emphasis, then announced, “I broke into your locker once.”
“You did what?”
The sight of her cheeks darkening brought him right back to their days in chemistry class. He couldn’t help it; he still enjoyed goading her. “That’s how I knew you had a moldy sandwich in there.”
“You broke into my locker? I could’ve had you suspended!”
“Technically, it wasn’t a real break-in since I knew your combination.”
“How did— ”
“You dropped the paper with the code written on it. I picked it up before anyone saw it.”
“So you could use it yourself? What were you doing? Let me guess, conducting a health inspection?”
“I left you a letter asking you to the Senior Ball. When I didn’t hear back from you, I assumed you’d turned me down.”
“Are you sure it was the right locker?”
“It was yours, I’m sure of it. You had the same quote taped to the door that you have on the classroom wall. Something by Picasso.”
“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”
His eyebrows rose in recognition. “That’s the one.”
“I never got the letter.”
“That doesn’t surprise me considering how much stuff you had in there. It probably got lost or thrown away.”
“So why’d you turn me down when I asked you to go?”
“I had asked Lauren by then.”
“You could’ve at least asked me if I got the letter. I was so mad at you for rejecting me.”
“I know. I didn’t want to risk upsetting you even more by telling you I broke into your locker,” he added with a sheepish smile.
“That’s a lame reason.”
“Yes, it was. I always wondered what would have happened if I had. Who knows though. God had another plan for us, a better one.”
Sam groaned. “Still lame.”
The sparkle in her brown eyes made him smile. “I want to make it up to you.” He took a postcard out from his back pocket and held it up. “You know what this is?”
“The reminder card for our ten-year reunion.”
“Our reunion dinner and dance. Will you be my date? I promise I’ll try not to step on you with my lead feet.”
She grinned. “Only if you promise to catch me if I fall?”
“The question is not if, but when. But yes, I promise.”
“It’s a deal then.” Sam stuck out her hand.
Lucas took it and pulled her close. “No more handshakes.”
“Giving me rules now, are you, Stickler?” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Well, that’s one rule that I don’t mind following.”
He claimed her mouth once more as joy flooded his heart. He had Sam back right where he wanted her to be, and this time he was not going to let her go.
Chapter 12
“Get your hands off me! My boyfriend’s a cop!” Sam shoved the large hands gripping her waist from behind and kicked her right foot back, making contact with a kneecap.
“Sammie!”
The voice coming from outside her car sounded familiar. Too familiar. She spun around in the backseat where she had been reaching for a bag and came face to face with Lucas. His pained expression made her gasp. “I’m sorry, babe, I didn’t know it was you.”
“I gathered that when you stabbed me with your heel,” he grimaced as he rubbed a red mark near the hem of his shorts. “I don’t think I can dance tomorrow night.”
She stood up and planted her hands on her hips. “What made you think it’d be a good idea to sneak up on me like that?”
“It’s broad daylight,” he retorted with palms raised, “and you’re parked in my driveway. Don’t worry, lesson learned. I’ll announce my presence loud and clear next time.” Cupping his hands around his mouth, he pretended to shout, “This is Lucas Choi, that charming, good-looking guy you like to kiss, approaching from your right.”
“Charming and good-looking? I may need to check your ID. On second thought, there’s another way to confirm who you are.” Grinning, she grabbed a fistful of his cotton T-shirt and pulled him close and planted her mouth firmly on his. Lucas drew her closer and deepened the kiss, causing her knees to go weak. It was such a clichéd saying, but it described exactly how she felt.
Four weeks had passed since they started dating and she still couldn’t believe she got to kiss this man whenever she wanted. The fact that she had found someone who loved her for who she was and wanted to be with her was nothing short of amazing. Much like the beautiful colors of the changing leaves on the trees around them. Nature was beginning a new season and so was she. She pulled back for a moment to look into those light brown eyes that were fixed on her, only her. “I think you’re feeling better. Those were definitely groans of pleasure.”
“Your kisses have healing powers,” Lucas murmured against her lips. “A couple more and I’ll be good as new.”
“Great—” she smiled and let go of his shirt “—because you are dancing at the reunion.”
Lucas held onto the car door and leaned his weight against it with an exaggerated motion. “I can hardly stand; the pain’s so great. See how big the bruise is?”
“Oh, come on, you big baby.” Sam gave him a playful slap on the arm. “You promised. I’ve been waiting ten years to dance with you again.”
“And it’s been ten years since I last danced. It’s not going to be pretty.”
“No more excuses.”
As if on cue, her phone rang and the chorus from the song Shut Up and Dance flowed from inside the car. Sam grabbed her phone off the center console and held it up in front of Lucas. “This is a sign if there ever was one.”<
br />
“That’s a sign of something, all right.”
Sam turned the screen around and came face to face with her mother's trademark glare, or stare-down as she and her sisters had nicknamed it. What was she calling about now? Pressing the answer button, she braced herself for a lecture. “Hi, Ma, how are you?” She paused to listen. “Yes, the reunion’s tonight. What am I wearing? A dress.” Another pause. “Don’t worry, I won’t drink too much. I doubt it if there’ll be an open bar. That means the drinks won’t be free.” Gritting her teeth, she ended the call with a curt, “Thanks for your concern, Ma.”
“She sounds like a nice lady. I’m only assuming this since you haven’t introduced me to her or your dad yet. Have you told them you’re dating?”
“Like I said before, once I tell Ma about us, she’ll start looking for a church and picking out flowers and sending out wedding invitations. It’ll be drama after drama. I just want to lie low for a while and do the normal, everyday things we’ve been doing. Take Lucy to the park, go to the movies, or paint mugs like we’re doing today. I just want to enjoy us.”
Lucas furrowed his brows as if in deep thought. “You do want to get married sometime, right?”
“Are you proposing?” she exclaimed, her eyes wide with exaggerated surprise. Even though her tone was light, his expression remained serious. This probably wasn’t something to joke about. “Of course I do. I’m all for settling down with the right guy. Just don’t expect me to be barefoot and pregnant. I am not giving up— ”
“Your heels,” he cut in with a smirk. “I know, I know, nothing comes between you and your weapon of choice.” He pulled her flush against him, their noses touching. “So, tell me, have you met the right guy?”
Sam found it hard to speak whenever she was in Lucas’s arms. She swallowed slowly, noticing how shallow her breathing had become. Instead of giving him a verbal reply, she leaned in for another kiss. Their lips had barely touched when she heard a high-pitched giggle beside them.
“Daddy! It’s my turn to play with Miss Sam.”
“Hey, girlie!” Sam stepped away from Lucas to hug the little girl tugging on his shorts. How did they not hear her footsteps approach? She exchanged a quick glance with Lucas who appeared strangely calm given the fact that Lucy had seen them kissing. They hadn’t even told her they were dating. She couldn’t think of a worse way to spring the news on her. “How long have you been standing here?”