by Elia Winters
He must not have been broadcasting any of it, though, because Lori smiled and squeezed his arm. She continued holding it, and maybe he was imagining the warmth of her touch through his sport coat and dress shirt. “You have a good dinner, ’kay? Maybe we can get together this week before Bridge starts up.”
“I’d like that. Oh, and congratulations on graduating.” He’d done the hectic double duty of teaching while getting a PhD, and it must be a tremendous relief for her to be finished.
“Thank you! Fucking finally.” She grinned. His impression of her at work was always composed, professional, funny but quintessentially aloof. Now, with her hair literally down in those perfect curls and her lips a deep burgundy red, Geoff thought inexplicably about kissing her, and mixed up in that same thought, imagined Patrick kissing her. She would be the type of woman Patrick would have gone for, most likely: an intellectual, like Geoff.
The thought didn’t bother him as much as other thoughts about Patrick’s past partners. When he looked back up, she had already left, heading toward the elevator on impossible heels that highlighted the curved muscles of her calves. When the elevator doors closed and hid her from view, he realized he’d been staring at those calves for a long time.
Patrick was waiting for him at their table, drinking his refilled beer and finishing the last of Geoff’s french fries.
“Wait, have you been eating those the whole time?” Geoff snatched his plate back.
Patrick put a hand to his heart. “I would never. But you left these unattended.” He went to snatch another, and Geoff gathered the remaining ones—a bit more than a mouthful—and shoved them all into his mouth at once. Patrick laughed uproariously, taking his hand back, eyes twinkling. “Okay. Fine.”
“Order your own next time,” Geoff managed to say around a mouthful of too-many fries then had to control his own laughter to swallow properly. The cold refreshment of his beer soothed his palate. A weird feeling settled in his stomach, a physical sensation that had nothing to do with the fries. Guilt, probably, but that didn’t make any sense. He had no reason to feel guilty. Even if he was imagining scenarios where Patrick would fuck other people.
“You want dessert?” Geoff took the desserts-and-drinks menu from the edge of their table and flipped it to the back.
“Gorgeous, I always want dessert.” Patrick licked his lips. “Unless you want to skip it. Seems a little earlier like you were ready to be the dessert.”
Geoff laughed. He could get behind that. “How about both?”
2
Geoff was a wonder. Patrick never knew what to expect from him, whether he was going to spend the evening buried in an ancient book on Egyptian dynasties or go jogging around their neighborhood, but tonight he seemed single-minded ever since the pub. He wasn’t always single-minded. Patrick would hesitate to call his husband “scattered,” since more often than not, he was hyperfocused on his particular task. Sometimes, he tended toward distraction. Not now, though. Right now, right inside the condo and with Geoff crowding him up against the wall, Patrick smiled into his husband’s insistent kisses. Okay, it was going to be this kind of night. Hell yes.
Any of Geoff’s problems focusing were gone when he kissed. He kissed with the unrelenting obsession with which he approached his favorite hobbies, like baking or listening to history podcasts. This wasn’t a history podcast, though. This was a hot, filthy kiss, his mouth and tongue moving over Patrick’s with a possessive insistence. His calm exterior—self-possessed, brilliant, nerdy—belied a passionate, fierce partner whose sexual acumen far surpassed his limited experience.
Geoff pulled back, lips leaving Patrick’s with a wet sound, and uncertainty flickered in his eyes. “Are you all right?” he asked. “You seem distracted.”
“I was thinking about you.” Patrick leaned in to kiss Geoff, who paused in kissing back.
“Thinking what?”
Uncertainty again. He got like this sometimes, more often lately. Patrick ran his hands down Geoff’s arms. “How hot you are.”
It wasn’t a lie, but Geoff raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “Okay.”
Laughing, Patrick tried again, gripping Geoff’s wrists to bring him in close. His body slotted alongside Patrick’s, warm and firm and lean.
Geoff gently pulled his hands from Patrick’s, but instead of pulling away, he took the opportunity to remove his glasses. Rank that on the list of “things that shouldn’t be sexy but are.” Maybe Patrick had a professor kink, or maybe he’d developed one over all these years. He groaned. “I can’t wait to get you to bed.”
Geoff carefully set the glasses on the end table near them, placid. “Nobody’s stopping you, you know.”
Fuck. Patrick grabbed him behind the neck and dragged their mouths together, his arousal going from “yes, please” to “yes, now,” and the growl low in Geoff’s throat ratcheted it up even higher. Geoff’s mouth was hot, wet, focused, the kiss rapidly escalating from hot to scalding. Thank goodness their condo was a one-floor deal with no stairs to maneuver once they were inside, because he needed this man naked and on their bed immediately. They left the lights off, each kiss turning into another, breaking their connection only long enough to strip away layers. He loved when Geoff got like this, greedy and sharp. Geoff nipped at his lower lip, then the cut of his shoulder, on to his collarbone, the final layers of clothing tumbling away. Patrick would need to pick those up when they were done. He was never one to let clothing go unfolded.
“Stop thinking about the clothes,” Geoff said against his mouth, and Patrick laughed into the kiss.
“It’s habit.”
“Forget your habits.” Geoff dragged him onto the bed.
It was easy to forget when Geoff’s greedy hands pulled his boxers down the sharp jut of his hipbone. Freed from the fabric, his cock lay heavy against his stomach, hard already, jumping at Geoff’s touch as a flush of pleasure ran through Patrick’s body.
Sometimes they took their time, leisurely kisses turning into exploratory touches and slow, rhythmic sex. This was not that. Geoff mouthed down his body, not even pausing for breath, and swallowed Patrick’s cock.
“Fuck!” Patrick gasped, arching up, his hips thrusting once before Geoff pinned them down with his strong grip. Even swear words faded away as Geoff worked him over, hot, lavish mouth surrounding every inch of him. His husband was impossibly good at this, disproportionately good, narrowing in on the sensitive underside of Patrick’s cock head with his tongue until Patrick was twitching at the sheer overwhelming firing of his nerves. Patrick sucked in a breath. He couldn’t get enough air, couldn’t ground himself; his body was on fire.
Cold air brushed his sensitive cock as Geoff lifted his head, and Patrick shivered, finally able to get his bearings even if he couldn’t find his words yet.
“What do you want tonight?” Geoff asked. He dragged his tongue lightly up the tender skin, making Patrick twitch again. “You want to fuck me?”
Patrick’s brain had settled back to something coherent again, even as his dick ached for more. They liked to switch, sometimes settling into a pattern but always willing to change it up. Lately, Geoff had been bottoming more often. Patrick licked his lips, considering. He’d missed that thick, full feeling of bottoming, watching Geoff’s face as he struggled to keep control, the feral look in his eyes. “Fuck me.” Patrick spread his legs, reaching down to stroke a fist up and down his cock.
Geoff paused, then smiled, his dark eyes glinting. “You want me in you?”
“Hell yes.” Patrick repressed a moan as he twisted a hand around the tip of his cock, his balls heavy and tight. “The other night, when you went to bed early, I fucked myself in the ass and thought about you.”
Geoff closed his eyes and shivered. Geoff could talk filthy, really filthy, and Patrick loved to catch him off guard and turn the tables whenever he could. Geoff’s cock hung thick between his legs. It had been too long since Patrick had felt that inside him. He grabbed the lube off the nightstand. Geoff
watched, eyes hungry, as Patrick worked slick fingers inside himself. Patrick’s own impatience pressed him to go faster, deeper, until he had to pause and adjust. Geoff leaned down and began to gently, carefully suck Patrick’s cock.
“Ohh, I’m not gonna make it if you do that.” Patrick’s voice came out desperate. The sensations were too much, the pressure of his own fingers and the warm tightness of his husband’s mouth, and a few more minutes would make him come.
Geoff didn’t stop, though, only slowed down, the barest hint of pressure enough to keep Patrick teetering on the knife-edge of pleasure. Geoff loved to do this too. Force Patrick to wait, teasing him and sometimes making him beg. This was intense, too intense, and by the time he had stretched himself open, he was ready to burst.
“Please,” he moaned, fucking himself back on his hand.
“Mmm.” Geoff lifted his head. “You sure you’re ready? That wasn’t very long. I think you should keep going.” He licked the leaking slit, and Patrick’s balls tightened painfully, body begging for release.
Patrick choked out a groan, stroking his fingers deeper, adding lube and then returning, the easy slide and stretch echoing the pleasure throughout his body. He had to go slow if he wanted this to last. The intensity, torturous and blissful in turn, had him shaking when Geoff finally stopped sucking him and let him breathe.
“You’re an ass.” Patrick laughed, dizzy and breathless, finally able to recover and grab for the tissues.
Geoff only smiled, slicking his palm with more lube before wrapping that hand around his own dick. His eyes slipped half-closed, mouth open, his movements stuttering at the shock of pleasure. Patrick had slept with many people, and this was always his favorite part: watching his partner slowly taken under by the current of firing nerves.
Recovering, Geoff positioned himself between Patrick’s knees, pushing his legs back and up—the position they chose when they wanted to see the other’s face. Geoff licked his lips, lined up, and slowly began to move inside.
Patrick’s body took him in without protest, yielding, the heavy pressure perfect. Geoff didn’t stop sliding forward until he was all the way in, balls-deep, watching Patrick’s face with his own intense gaze. Patrick’s legs and cock twitched, and he reached down to stroke himself once before Geoff batted his hand away.
“No, not yet.” Geoff’s voice sounded strained. “I don’t want this to be over too fast.”
And damn, that was hotter than anything, having to wait and watch without touching his own dick while Geoff began fucking him. He couldn’t come without being touched, and the sensations scraped razor-sharp across the jagged edge between “yes” and “too much.” He dragged Geoff down for a kiss, messy and open. They breathed each other’s panting breaths as Geoff’s sharp thrusts slammed against Patrick’s hips. It was brutal and raw, the kind of fucking that would leave him sore, and the friction between their bodies was enough to slip along his cock and send him climbing that precipice.
“I’m gonna—” Patrick gasped, and Geoff bit his neck hard.
“Not yet.”
“Geoff, please.” He knew he sounded desperate. His hips shifted up to get more sensation, changing the angle of penetration, and fireworks lit up all along his spine. He wasn’t going to be able to hold out any longer.
Geoff reached between them and gripped Patrick’s cock, fierce and firm and so goddamn perfect. “Now.” Patrick’s mind went blank as pleasure shot through his body and he came across his stomach and Geoff’s fist.
Geoff was still driving into him when Patrick started to come down, twitchy and overstimulated and too sensitive, and then Geoff gasped and froze and came hot and wet inside him. Head thrown back, mouth open, eyes closed, Geoff looked like a statue of a god.
Afterward, they lay together in silence, the few moments before they would get up and clean themselves and each other. Rather than peace, though, the air hung heavy with a tension Patrick couldn’t identify. Geoff was restless rather than slack, shifting in a dozen micromovements.
“You want to get in the shower with me?” Patrick touched his husband’s short, curly hair.
Geoff made a murmuring noise of assent. “We probably need it.”
The tension dissipated during their shower, as it always did. The time touching each other in a nonsexual way, both for cleanliness and comfort, eased the tightness in Patrick’s chest that was either something radiating from Geoff or something he was creating on his own. A big selling point of this condo had been the large shower, which the perky young real estate agent had promoted as “big enough for two strong men like yourselves” and followed up with an uncomfortable wink. They’d bought anyway, and gratitude washed over Patrick like the hot water, as it did every time they shared this space.
Afterward, washed and changed into lazy lounging clothes, Patrick broached the “something” that had been cropping up more frequently in their encounters. Geoff was curled against him on the sofa, scrolling through some website on his phone while a show they’d seen a dozen times played quietly on the television. “You want to tell me what’s been on your mind lately?”
Geoff paused in the scrolling, his thumb hovering over the screen of his phone, and then clicked the button on the side to put it to sleep. “It’s not you. It’s me.”
Patrick gave a laugh that didn’t feel funny. “That’s what people say when they’re breaking up with someone, you know.”
Geoff tensed, and for a split second, Patrick thought he might have accidentally hit on something unexpected. No, that couldn’t be. Their relationship was wonderful, loving and intimate and warm, and he’d surely have seen some signs. It was something else.
Geoff still rested against him, not making eye contact, although he turned to stare at the television. In the dim blue light, his profile looked stark. “It’s hard for me to think about everything you turned down to be with me.”
Hurt and irritation bubbled up in Patrick’s chest, and he took a deep breath to quiet it. “What do you mean? I didn’t turn down anything.”
Geoff pulled away from Patrick so he could sit upright. Patrick pushed himself up as well, not liking the feeling of lounging casually while Geoff looked so serious. “I know you say that every time, but sometimes I think about all the people out there. Are you really happy with monogamy?”
“If I weren’t happy with monogamy, I would have told you from the beginning.” Where was this even coming from? They’d been together for so long, and Geoff had never mentioned any of this before. Sure, they had their arguments, but Patrick had never seen this kind of insecurity underlying their conversation before. “Why are you bringing this up now?”
Geoff looked away. “We just had our sixth anniversary. So we’re going on seven. Somebody at work made a seven-year itch joke last week, and…I don’t know. It got me thinking.”
“Don’t you trust me?”
“Of course I trust you.” Now it was Geoff’s turn to look taken aback, leaning slightly away from Patrick on the couch. “But we’ve been married a while, and you might be getting restless. You used to date other people, and now you’re just married to me. Forever.”
That was hard not to take personally. “I’m happy to be married to you. Forever.” Patrick entwined his fingers with Geoff’s. “Is this because I used to be polyamorous, or because I’m bisexual?”
Hurt flashed through Geoff’s eyes. “Being bi doesn’t mean you need multiple partners. We’re both bi, Patrick. It’s a polyamorous thing.”
“Why do you think I need more than just you? Don’t you think I took my vows seriously?”
“I don’t mean that.” Geoff shifted, visibly frustrated. “It’s not that I think you’d cheat on me, I just don’t want you to resent me. Because you used to have more, and now you have less.”
Less. How could Geoff sit here and call himself less? Patrick’s mind boggled, mouth falling open, searching for the right words. “Geoff, you’re wonderful. You’re funny, and smart, and a huge fucking nerd, and
you make me a better person. I’m not going to leave you for someone else.”
Geoff relaxed, his shoulders losing some of their tension. “But don’t you miss it?” Geoff asked. “Being with…other people?”
Did he? Patrick considered, thinking back on all the people he’d slept with and dated in his life. “Do I get attracted to other people? Sure. I think that’s pretty normal. But I wouldn’t give up what I have for that. I’m committed to you. And that’s not changing, no matter what gorgeous people I see. I promise.”
Geoff relaxed more, and his next question came out more like curiosity, less like desperation. “What if you suddenly realized you wanted to sleep with someone else? What would you do?”
Patrick leaned back again, rubbing his beard. Maybe he could joke. “Why, did somebody ask you about me? Are they hot?”
Geoff looked stricken for only a second, then laughed. “You’re an asshole. No, I mean, really. You were polyamorous. You used to do that kind of thing, right? Sleep with multiple people at once?”
“Not in the sense of threesomes. But, sure, I dated more than one person at the same time, and everybody knew where they stood. We weren’t monogamous with each other. It wasn’t cheating.” They didn’t talk about this often, and Geoff might not know the ins and outs of a polyamorous relationship.
“And what about now? If you wanted to sleep with someone else, would you tell me?”