I headed back out to finish my shift, which overall was a lot better than it had started. With every patient that I dealt with, my spirits started to lift. I knew that it would take me awhile to get over this loss, but I had to keep putting one foot in front of the other. By the time I got off work, I was tired and ready for bed, but I knew Nathan had other plans. I would blow him off, but maybe starting my morning off with him was what I really needed.
I walked out the front of the hospital, falling in step beside Nathan when he got up from his seat on the bench. He smiled at me and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me in closer. I already felt lighter, just being away from the hospital. There would be other patients, more would die on my watch. It was just the nature of the beast, but I had to push past it. I had to remember those that I could save.
Will
I pulled up to Eric’s house just after ten in the morning. Dressed in my nicest suit, I straightened my tie and headed inside. Everyone was gathered around, dressed in black to head to the funeral. There was no joking around this morning, and as much as I wanted to lighten the mood, I knew my jokes wouldn’t be appreciated today, especially by Josh and Carly.
“Hey,” I said, taking a seat at the table. Kat brought over a cup of coffee and I nodded my thanks, slipping my hands around the mug. It was still cold outside and it was snowing. It was actually a beautiful scene for today, though I doubted Jack would see it that way.
“Are you sure we should be going?” Josh asked. “Jack doesn’t want to see me.”
“He doesn’t want to see anyone,” Eric responded, drinking his own coffee.
“He’s pissed at me. Going to this funeral will only make things worse.”
“And what does it say if you don’t go?” I asked. Josh glared at me. “What? I’m just saying, either way, you’re fucked. If you go, he’s gonna be pissed that you showed up. If you don’t go, he’ll think that you didn’t care enough to show up. He’s grieving. None of it makes sense.”
“I agree,” Robert said. “When his grief passes, he’s going to be glad that you were there to support him.”
Josh shook his head slightly. “I don’t know. He blames us for his wife’s death. If he doesn’t want us there, I think we need to respect that.”
“Maybe just stand at the back,” Kat suggested. “Honestly, grief can make you blind. He may not even remember anything that happens today.”
“I heard he’s taking time off from the department,” Eric said.
“Time off or leaving?” I asked.
Eric shook his head. “Who knows. At this point, I wouldn’t blame him for walking away.”
Josh stood suddenly and stormed out of the room. Carly ducked her head and went after him, leaving us alone.
Joe picked up his wadded up napkin and threw it at him. “Nice going, asshole.”
“What? I meant because he’s hurting and needs time.”
“Yeah, and all Josh heard was that this is his fault and Jack is so devastated that he left his job,” Andrew retorted.
“How are things in town?” I asked, nodding toward Josh, who was in the other room.
“The gossip mill is running overtime,” Robert said. “You can’t walk down the street without someone talking about what happened. I’ve had at least twenty calls a day at the office with questions about Josh and Carly. Nobody has been blaming him, but they’re all curious as to what happened.”
“That’s not going to help things die down,” Andrew snorted. “No pun intended.”
“Maybe we should put out a statement on the town page,” Joe suggested.
“We’re not celebrities,” I said. “We don’t put out statements. And I’m pretty sure that anything we say publicly right now will only make things worse.”
Eric pushed back his chair and stood. “Well, we should probably get going so we can get to the service.”
“Yeah, but let’s sit at the back,” Robert said. “The last thing we need is to draw attention to any of us.”
Fifteen minutes later, we pulled up in front of the church. When we walked inside, the place was already packed. We took our seats at the back, but it was hard to miss Jack at the front of the church, his head hung low as he waited for the service to begin. I could see his little boy trying to climb all over him. He probably just wanted his daddy to hold him, but Jack was obviously too devastated to deal with anything right now. An older woman grabbed the boy and tried to hold him, but Brody squirmed in her arms until she had to set him down. Everyone around them just watched in pity, not trying at all to help out.
Without another thought, I got up and moved to the front of the church and bent down in front of Brody, who was on the verge of throwing a temper tantrum. “Hey, Brody. Remember me?”
He gave me a toothy grin and clapped his hands together, squealing at me in excitement. I grinned and looked up at Jack, who was vacantly watching us.
“If you want, I can take him for a walk around the church.”
He nodded, but didn’t say anything else. Right as I picked him up, Jack reached out and grabbed Brody’s hand, his eyes welling with tears as he stared at his little boy. I watched as he worked to swallow down his emotions and then his hand dropped to his lap.
I walked toward the back of the church with Brody squealing in my arms the whole way. The kid was lucky that he had no clue what was going on, but I was sure that over the past few days, he had sorely missed his momma. We headed outside into the fresh air and together we caught snowflakes on our tongues. When it got too cold to stay outside any longer, we hung out in the entrance of the church. I could hear the service coming to a close, so I picked Brody up and stood outside the doors of the sanctuary, waiting to take him back inside.
The doors suddenly opened and Josh walked out, his face a mixture of sadness and anger. And when he saw Brody in my arms, I was sure he was about to lose his shit.
“God, look at that kid,” he said, running his hand over his eyes. “He has no idea what I took from him.”
“You didn’t take anything from him. This is not your fault.”
“Then whose fault is it?” he asked glumly. “Let’s face it. If I had never come back, that kid would still have his mother.”
People started pouring out of the church, and Josh and I stepped to the side. There were looks of sadness and shock as they walked past us, but no one said anything.
“You just have to give it time,” I said to Josh. “I know you think this is all your fault, but the truth is, you didn’t purposely bring Levi into our lives. You wanted him out-“
“Yeah, and look where that got us,” he snarled.
“What the fuck are you doing with my kid?” Jack barked, glaring at Josh. He snatched Brody out of my arms and stepped back like I would hurt the kid.
“I was just trying to help.”
“By bringing him around my kid? The last thing I need is a murderer around my family.”
“Jack-“ I started, but Josh stopped me.
“I’m sorry, Jack. I shouldn’t have come.”
“Then why did you? Did you want to rub it in my face that your family lived and mine is torn apart?”
“I just wanted to pay my respects.”
Jack got in his face. “If you wanted to pay your respects, you’d move your entire fucking family out of town and never come back. Don’t ever come near me or my kid again. I don’t need any more accidents happening to my family.”
He turned and stormed away just as the rest of my family joined us. Everyone was watching us, waiting to see what would happen.
“I guess we’ve worn out our welcome,” Joe said.
Josh wrapped his arm around Carly, pulling her in close. “Let’s go home.”
We all filed out of the church and headed for our vehicles. None of us went to the burial. It was clear that none of us were welcome. As long as we stood by our brother, we were dead to Jack. I should have seen that, but part of me hoped that showing our support would help in some way. But I could
see now that things were going to be different from here on out.
Charlie
I stood at the back of the large group that had gathered outside to bury the body of the woman I couldn’t save. I shouldn’t be here. I didn’t belong, but her death was eating at me. I wasn’t sure why. I knew there was nothing I could do to save her, but the look of devastation on that man’s face still haunted me.
I glanced around at everyone in attendance. They all knew and loved her, and it was obvious that she would be greatly missed. It made me wish that I had known her. A woman that touched that many lives had to be special.
The ceremony was short, but sweet. The minister spoke as if he knew Natalie well. A few people stood up to say something, but the husband, Jack, never said anything. From the pain I saw on his face, he couldn’t deal with it yet. He was too devastated.
After the ceremony, I stood at the back, not wanting to interfere. But when the crowds cleared and I saw Jack still standing there, my feet started moving before I could think better of it. He was staring at her casket, his eyes gleaming in the light of day. I stood beside him, just hoping that another presence brought him comfort. After a few minutes, he seemed to realize that I was there. He sniffled, wiping his nose on his sleeve, and cleared his throat.
“I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss.”
He nodded, his eyes meeting mine. “Did you know her?”
Oh God, this was awkward. “I was your wife’s doctor that night.” His eyes lit with recognition and then dropped to the ground. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come. I just wanted to-“
“It’s fine. I appreciate you coming out here today.”
I wanted to say something, anything else, but what could I say? I couldn’t tell him that his wife wasn’t in pain. That was obvious when she was brought in. And I couldn’t say that she died peacefully. She had probably been terrified. Suddenly, it seemed very stupid of me to show up here, like my being here would mean anything to this man. I took a step back and turned to leave when he spoke again.
“Why did you come here today?”
I turned to see him watching me in confusion. I tilted my head, trying to figure out what to say, so I went with the truth. “I couldn’t save your wife, and I saw how devastated you were when I told you she had passed. I don’t know why I’m here, other than the fact that if you loved her that much, she must have been pretty special.”
“Have you ever been in love before?”
“I thought I was, but I’m not sure I believe in love.”
He nodded slightly. “It’s not something that comes around very often. If you find it, don’t ever let it go.”
He turned away from me, staring back at his wife’s casket. In that moment, I wanted to know more than anything what it was like to love someone so much that you were this broken over their loss. I had never believed in marriage, despite having gone through it myself. It seemed so foreign and wrong. And I could never imagine getting married again, but right now, I wanted to feel that level of emotion that he was feeling.
Turning, I walked away and headed to my ex’s house to pick up my son, Oliver. I should have had him last night, but I didn’t want to bring him with me to the funeral. When I knocked on Kyle’s door, he looked me up and down like he was looking at a stranger.
“You look nice,” he said, almost as a question.
“I was at a funeral.”
He nodded, as if now he understood why I had asked him to keep Oliver overnight. “I’m sorry. Was it someone you knew?”
“A patient.”
He sighed and something about it set me on edge. I always knew that Kyle thought I cared more about my patients than him. He’d made it very clear that he always felt like he was coming in second. But there were many problems with our marriage, and I really didn’t feel like getting into any of them right now.
“Is Oliver ready?”
“Yeah, he’s just playing some video games.” I nodded, but he didn’t leave to get him. Instead, he just stood there staring at me. “You know, I wanted to talk to you about something. Do you have a minute?”
“Sure.” I stepped into the house I used to share with him. It was the last place I wanted to be, filled with memories, only most of them were of us arguing. I remembered one time in particular that I was arguing with Kyle and looked over to see Oliver hiding on the stairs, covering his ears. That had been the moment that I knew we couldn’t keep going on as we were. We agreed to a divorce later that week. It had been the best thing for all of us, and I knew that even though it affected Oliver, it was better in the long run. He didn’t deserve two parents that couldn’t stand to be in the same room anymore.
I took a seat across from him on the couch and waited for whatever he had to say. It didn’t take long.
“I think Oliver spends too much time on his video games. I want to put him in sports.”
My eyebrows shot up in surprise. That wasn’t what I had been expecting. “Okay. I’m fine with that, but what sports are you thinking?”
“Little League baseball will be starting up in a few months.”
“He’s never played baseball.”
“Well, he’s got to start somewhere.”
“Are you able to get him to and from practices and games? Because-“
“I know,” he said testily. “You won’t have time to do any of it.”
“Kyle, you act like I have some control over my schedule. I’m a doctor. I can’t just come and go as I please because my son has a game.”
“I’m well aware of your schedule,” he snapped. “I’ve been dealing with it for years.”
I took a deep breath to control my temper. Yelling at him wouldn’t solve anything. “Kyle, you knew before we got married that this was the way it was going to be. I told you my goals and you said you were fine with that.”
“Well, we’re not married anymore, are we,” he shot back.
I sighed, knowing his exact meaning. “Did you want me to come in so you could tell me how much you loathe my job or did you actually need something?”
“I just thought you might take an interest in Oliver’s life.”
“I do take an interest, but it’s not like I can just tell the hospital that I can only work certain hours or days. It’s not fair to them and they would never go for it.”
“So, your son comes second.”
It was the same argument we had over and over again. It wasn’t that I didn’t love my son. I did, but this was my job, and I had worked hard to get where I was. Kyle had fought to be listed as the primary caregiver, and he won because the courts agreed that Kyle could provide Oliver with a more stable home. So, I saw Oliver twice during the week and every other weekend. It was basically joint custody, but Kyle liked to throw it in my face that he spent more time with Oliver.
I stood and smoothed down my skirt, trying to regain my composure. “Let me know what sports he decides to play. I’ll show up to whatever I’m able to.”
“So generous of you,” he said snottily. I saw Oliver come down the stairs and said a silent prayer that I could finally get out of here. The last thing I needed was another fight with his father. “Hey, bud! You ready to go?”
“Yeah.”
“Great!”
We headed for the door and stepped out into the cold. I could feel Kyle’s cold stare the entire walk to the car. I wanted to flip him the bird, but if Oliver saw me, it would only make things worse. We got in the car and I turned to my kid.
“So, what should we do today?”
He shrugged. “I just want to play video games.”
Yeah, he definitely needed something else to do.
Will
I stood at the front of the classroom and stared at the bored expressions of the sophomores in front of me. Normally, I had lively discussions in my classes, but this class was a dud. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get these kids to show an interest in history.
“There were four major cholera outbreak
s in London from 1832 to 1866. And it was Dr. John Snow during the Broad Street cholera outbreak that suggested that cholera could be spread through ingesting contaminated water. Now, can anyone tell me who the monarch was during this time period?”
“You mean, like the butterfly?” one student asked.
I sighed, keeping myself from rolling my eyes at the kid. “No, Spencer, not the butterfly. The monarch, as in, who was sitting on the throne of England during this time period?”
“Wasn’t it that woman that ruled for a really long time?” another student asked.
“She did rule for a long time. Does anyone know her name?” I asked.
“Elizabeth, right? Elizabeth I.”
I shook my head. “No, that’s-“
“Yeah, she was that psycho lady that killed all those people because they were Protestants.”
“That was Bloody Mary,” I corrected.
“Yeah, and didn’t she get divorced like eight times?” another one asked.
I ran my hand over my face, widening my eyes in frustration.
“Queen Elizabeth I was named the Virgin Queen.”
“If she was a virgin, why was she divorced eight times?” another one asked. “Was it because she wouldn’t put out?”
“She was not divorced eight times,” I snapped. “You’re thinking of King Henry VIII. And he wasn’t divorced eight times. He had two annulled marriages, once widowed, two of his wives were beheaded, and the last one survived him.”
“That’s only six,” one of the students pointed out.
“That’s because he was only married six times.”
“So, he was the one that was dealing with cholera?” another asked.
“No, he-“
“Dude, don’t you listen? That was Bloody Mary,” the girl retorted.
I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head slightly. It was the last class of the day, and I really needed it to be over.
Textbook Approach: A Small Town Romance Page 2