“I’m pretty sure it can,” he grumbled.
“Look, I’m not gonna be a dick about it. I’ll show up where she is from time to time, run into her in random places, and all the time pretend that it’s all an accident.”
“Yeah, but she’ll catch on to that.”
“Maybe, but hopefully not before I convince her to sleep with me again. After that, it’s all smooth sailing.”
“Except for the fact that she doesn’t want a relationship.”
“But I don’t need to convince her to have a relationship. See, I made the mistake of rushing things with her, trying to have her meet my brothers when it was way too soon.”
“It didn’t help that they outed you to the town.”
“She told you about that?”
He grinned at me. “See, this is how I know you still have a shot. A week later, she’s still talking about how infuriating it was that you ruined things by introducing your brothers. If you meant nothing to her, she would have forgotten about you immediately.”
I smiled to myself, happy that this was all going to work out. “There’s just one problem.”
“What’s that?”
“Her kid hates me.”
He waved me off. “He hates everyone.”
“He doesn’t hate you.”
“Yeah, but it took years for that kid to warm up to me. I’m telling you, get that kid on your side and you’re golden.”
“Seriously?”
He nodded. “I would recommend bribery. Lots and lots of bribery.”
I sighed. “Crap, another kid that’s gonna make me go bankrupt.”
“Relax, she’s got money.”
Charlie
I was out on Friday night with a few of the girls from work. I wouldn’t say we were exactly friends, but we got together occasionally for a drink after work. Mostly, I found them shallow and irritating. It was all about how hot a man was and if one of them could snag that man. And they all giggled, yeah, fucking giggled like they were teenagers. I really needed some new friends, but honestly, Nathan was the only friend I wanted to have. I just didn’t seem to get along with women. They didn’t understand my hatred for relationships. They all wanted a man that would fawn all over them and worship them. Like that actually happened. It was all bullshit, and as soon as that ring was on their finger, they would realize that.
“Ooh, what about that guy,” Callie pointed to a man across the bar. I glanced in that direction and grimaced.
“You’re not serious, right?”
“Why not? He’s totally hot.”
“He’s wearing a suit,” I pointed out.
“Which means money,” she said with a devilish look in her eyes.
“Which means player. Now, that’s someone I would go after, but if you’re looking for marriage, you’re looking in the wrong place.”
“You don’t know he’s a player,” she pouted. “He could just be looking for that perfect person that makes him whole. He just hasn’t found her yet.”
“It’s so true,” Marsha sighed, resting her hand in her palm as she stared across the room at the suit. “He’s probably been hurt before and he just doesn’t know how to put himself out there again.”
“And I bet he’s really misunderstood,” Sammy nodded. “My sister’s best friend’s boyfriend had this like, really bad childhood. It was terrible. He was beaten and just emotionally stunted. It took years for him to finally open up to her and trust again.”
I stared at all three of them, wondering what the hell they were thinking. “Okay, aside from your sister’s boyfriend-“
“Sister’s best friend’s boyfriend,” Sammy corrected.
“Whatever,” I rolled my eyes. “Aside from him, all the rest of the guys out there are just too stunted to actually be a good spouse.”
“How can you say that?” Marsha asked. “You can’t really believe that. You had to have been happy for at least part of your marriage.”
“I was,” I admitted. “For a little while, but then the rose colored glasses came off.”
“I don’t understand. I’ve met him. He seems like such a nice guy. What happened?”
I snorted. “What didn’t happen?”
“Did he cheat?” Callie asked.
“No, it was nothing like that. It was the little things. You know how when you live on your own, things seem sad and lonely and you wish you had someone with you?” They all nodded. “Well, when you get married, you never have time to ever feel lonely. And all those things you don’t mind doing when you’re dating, suddenly become like a chore. And the things that he remembered to do for you when you were just dating become an afterthought.”
“Okay, like what?” Marsha asked.
“Like…When I had Oliver, I wanted Kyle to be there with me, holding my hand as I was delivering. He literally sat in the chair across the room, hands behind his head as he pretended he was waiting for me to finish shopping. And the thing is, a woman would have been asking what she could do to help. A man, he needs an instruction manual. I swear, when God-“
“Put man and woman on the earth, he didn’t actually intend for them to live together for the rest of their lives,” Callie said, smiling sarcastically. “We know. We’ve all heard it before.”
“How can you guys not see it?” I asked incredulously. “Do you really think God would want a man and a woman, who are so opposite, to live together under the same roof, for the rest of their lives? I can guarantee, there are more dead bodies out there from women that killed off their husbands than there are men that died from natural causes.”
“If that were true, wouldn’t the homicide rate be higher?” Marsha asked.
“Maybe doctors are just really good at manipulating the numbers.”
“Okay, what about that guy?” Sammy asked. I looked over to where he was sitting with a woman, chatting and having a good time.
“Ugh, not a chance in hell. Boring in bed.”
“How can you tell?”
“Look at the way he’s sitting? He’s uptight.”
“He’s nervous,” Sammy said, almost sighing in pain for the man.
“But it shouldn’t be like that. If there’s instant chemistry, there shouldn’t be that hesitation. No, she said something to him, and now he’s trying to decide if it’s worth hanging around.”
“Or, he just has really good posture.”
I sighed at Sammy. “Do you see his drink?”
They all leaned over the table to look closer. “Is that a Manhattan?” Sammy asked.
“Exactly. Do you know many men that drink a Manhattan?”
“Maybe he just likes the flavor,” Callie said.
“Yeah, and maybe he fucks like he drinks, with a fruity essence.”
Callie snorted out a laugh, covering her giggle. “That’s so terrible.”
“It’s the truth,” I said, defending myself.
“And what about that guy?”
I glanced at the door where she pointed and my heart stopped in my chest. It was Will, and he was with one of his brothers. He had on jeans and a leather jacket, and he was grinning at something his brother said. His baseball hat was pulled low over his eyes, but I could still see the mirth in them. I remembered when he looked at me like that. He was so sexy. And then he unzipped his jacket and slowly pulled it off. I couldn’t help the sigh that slipped from my lips as I watched his arm muscles flex as he took off his jacket. Or the way his abs moved under his shirt. Yes, I could see them, and they were just as good as I remembered.
“Uh-oh, I think Charlie found her hook for the night,” Callie grinned.
“Uh…no,” I smiled, looking back at all of them. “Just someone I know.”
“Someone you know sexually?” Marsha asked. “Because I’ve never seen a woman watch the way a man moves quite like that.”
I cleared my throat, blushing slightly. “We may have had some fun, but that man he’s with is his brother.”
“So, what’s the problem with that?
” Sammy asked.
“It’s a long story. Basically, I told him that we were just keeping things simple, but then he tried to trick me into meeting them.”
“Ooh, I like his style,” Marsha grinned.
“No, he went against everything I asked. I don’t want a relationship.”
“Girl, that man is sexy as sin, and you’re walking away because he wanted you to meet his brothers?” Callie asked.
“Yeah, it’s not like he took you home to meet his parents,” Sammy scoffed.
I sighed, wishing things could be different, but what were the chances of that happening?
“You know, I think I have to get home,” Callie said, standing and pulling on her coat. Sammy and Marsha followed suit.
“Wait, you’re all abandoning me?”
“We’re not abandoning you. We’re…opening the playing field for you.”
I watched in shock as they all left. I glanced over my shoulder to the bar and watched as he and his brother talked over beer. It wasn’t like I couldn’t go say hi. There was nothing wrong with that. And what was the worst that could happen? He would say he didn’t want to see me and I would go home.
Drinking the last of my beer, I picked up my jacket and purse and headed over to the bar. Joe noticed me first, his eyes wide as he slapped his brother.
Will
I peered in through the window and saw her sitting at the table. God, she looked so fucking sexy. She didn’t even have to try, and I was pretty sure she was putting in no effort. It was just the way she was. She didn’t care about appearances or making a man want her. She knew a man would want her just because she was confident to go after what she wanted. I just wanted that someone to be me.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Joe asked.
“Yeah,” I nodded. “I’m ready.”
“What are you going to do if she doesn’t notice you?”
“Oh, she’ll notice me,” I said confidently.
“And how are you going to make sure of that? Are you going to look over at her? Give her a smoldering gaze that scorches her panties?”
I rolled my eyes at his grin. “No, I’m going to ignore her. She can’t know at any time that I’m here for her. She has to think this is all a coincidence. So, no looking at her. Or posting about this on Facebook,” I added.
“You’re no fun. I guarantee, if I had just five minutes-“
“You already had five minutes, and with that five minutes, you made the whole town think I was gay.”
“Fine, a slight misjudgment on our part, but I still think you could have been a little clearer.”
I took a deep breath and ran my hand through my hair one more time. “Alright, let’s do this.”
He sniffed and swiped his thumb across his nose, puffing up his shoulders like he was getting ready for a fight.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Preparing.”
“I’m the one that has to be on tonight.”
“Not so fast there. If I’m not on my game, I’ll screw this all up for you. I have to play my part just as much as you do.”
I surpassed a laugh and opened the door to the bar, walking inside with Joe. I saw her out of the corner of my eye, but refused to look her way. I laughed out loud like Joe said something was funny and then I unzipped my jacket, taking extra time to pull off my jacket, making sure the material stretched over my frame.
“Is she looking?”
“I thought you didn’t want me to look,” he said, taking a seat at the bar.
“Well, one of us needs to know if she’s looking. Just don’t make it obvious.”
He glanced around the bar and grinned, nodding as he looked back at me. “Oh yeah, she’s watching you like a hawk.”
“Quick, say something funny.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Just make me laugh.”
He turned to the bartender and ordered two beers. “Okay, so there’s this chick I was seeing-“
I threw my head back and laughed, slapping my hand on the bar. He looked at me funny, shaking his head slightly. “That’s wasn’t…I didn’t get to the funny part.”
“Doesn’t matter. I just need to look like you said something funny.”
“So, you don’t actually give a fuck about anything I say. Good to know. I would have just stayed home and had some fun with my hand had I known this would be such a boring night.”
“Relax, you can pick up a chick.”
“Really? So, you wouldn’t mind if I went over to that barbie and flirted with her?”
“What? No, you need to stay here. I can’t just sit here by myself while you go chase down some blonde.”
“Let me get this straight: I’m not allowed to go find a woman, but if someone approaches me, I can flirt?”
“Sure.”
He shook his head exasperatedly. “You know, this is turning out to be way more work than I planned.”
“Guess what? Women are work. Get used to it.”
“So, what are we supposed to do now?”
“Well, you should talk to me. Make it look interesting, like I’m really invested in this conversation. I can’t just be sitting here like a dullard.”
“A dullard?”
“Yeah, it’s what you would call basic.”
“Hey,” he grinned. “See,” he waved his finger at me. “I knew that if I said it enough, you would eventually come around to my way of thinking.”
“There is no coming around. I teach history, where I have to talk about proper grammar. We have these things called ‘history papers’, and in those papers, one of the things I grade is grammar.”
“But as a history teacher, you should also be flowing with the times. In twenty years, people will be teaching how the millennials did things.”
“You mean the stupid way? I’m telling you, there is no way you’re getting a woman if you call her your bae.”
“Oh, and I suppose that calling Charlie your girlfriend will work so much better.”
“Better than if I call her poop,” I retorted.
“That’s not what it means.”
“That is exactly what it means,” I said, pulling out my phone. “See, right here, the real meaning of bae in Danish is poop. And worse, in Icelandic, it means bye!”
“That doesn’t mean jack shit. So we Americanized it.”
“Yeah, we do a lot of that shit. It never turns out the way we planned.”
“Give me one example,” he said, leaning back in his chair.
I thought about it for a moment and then grinned. “Tacos.”
“Really? What the hell is wrong with the way we do tacos?”
“Everything. There is absolutely nothing Mexican about the way we do tacos. Have you ever gone to an authentic Mexican restaurant and ordered Chalupas? It’s nothing like what you get at Taco Bell.”
“I like Taco Bell,” he argued.
“Still, it’s not the same thing. We ruin everything over here. Spaghetti, pizza-“
He cut me off by slapping me. His eyes were wide and he was darting his eyes to something behind me.
“What? Stop fucking hitting me!”
Suddenly, I remembered why we were here in the first place and looked up into the gorgeous eyes of the woman I wanted with every fiber of my being. My throat went dry and my palms got sweaty. I was a fucking mess, but she was standing here in front of me. My ploy had worked.
Charlie
“What? Stop fucking hitting me,” he said, trailing off when he looked up and saw me. He cleared his throat after a moment and seemed to collect himself. “Hey,” he said, completely surprised at seeing me. “What are you doing here?”
“Well, I just got off work and came to have drinks with the girls.”
He glanced around the bar, but didn’t see any groups of girls. “Looks like they all abandoned you.”
“They did,” I chuckled. “I didn’t realize you came to this place.”
“Well, it’s no
t far from my place. Usually I end up at my brother’s place, but Joe was already in the area.”
“Yep, taking care of some biker shit,” he grinned.
“Did you want to join us?” Will asked.
“Oh, no. I don’t want to intrude.”
“You’re not. We’re just drinking and shootin’ the shit.”
“Alright,” I smiled. “Do you want to grab a table?”
I pointed back to the table I had just abandoned and he nodded. “Sure.”
I motioned for another beer from the bartender and dropped some money on the counter. We walked over and took our seats. I thought it might be weird, but we fell back into conversations. Joe was actually pretty cool, despite the fact that he seemed to be a nosy gossip.
“So, it seemed like you were having a pretty intense conversation when I walked up. What were you talking about?”
“Oh,” Will chuckled. “I was telling Joe how we always Americanize things and end up ruining them.”
“Oh, I agree,” I said, grabbing the beer the bartender brought over. “Look at the English language. Aluminum…how boring. Wouldn’t it be so much more fun to say aluminium?”
“Right?” Will snorted. “Or car park. It’s shorter than parking garage and sounds so much better.”
“Or loo,” I said excitedly. “Who wants to say bathroom?”
“And rubbish. It sounds so much cooler than trash.”
“Or petrol, motorway, or football,” I added.
“Wait, football is football,” Joe said in confusion.
“No, football is soccer,” Will corrected. “Which makes so much more sense since most of American football is not played with your foot.”
“Okay,” Joe sighed. “I give in. I guess we ruin everything.”
I shrugged, smiling over at Will. It was nice to hang out with him like this. It was so simple, like I was just hanging out with friends. Real friends. And his brother was pretty cool, despite preferring the American way of speaking. Still, as I watched Will joke around with his brother, I just couldn’t figure out how any of them thought he was gay. I wasn’t getting any vibes from him. He didn’t dress like a gay person, he didn’t have any funny tells, and he definitely didn’t speak any differently. He didn’t even say anything that would make me think he was leaning gay.
Textbook Approach: A Small Town Romance Page 15