He was lucky that he walked away from me when he did. I would only hurt him. It didn’t matter that I loved spending time with him, or that he made me feel unlike any man ever had before. I knew the part of me that hated living with a man would rear its ugly head and make me do and say things that would devastate him.
I saw a shiny pair of shoes appear in front of me and sighed. Those shoes only belonged to one person. I heard his deep sigh before he sat down beside me. “So, what did you do this time?”
“Do you really need an answer to that?”
“So, you pushed him away and he left.”
“I don’t even know what happened. We talked about it last night. I said I could do more. I told him that he could come and go as long as he respected my time. It was all worked out. And then this morning, Oliver was in the bathroom with him and it devolved into this big fight and he was walking out the door. He actually thought that I would change my mind about marriage after we had been together for a while.”
“You’ve always been honest with him.”
“I know! I told him that I didn’t want to get married again. Why is that so hard to understand?”
“Because he loves you,” Nathan said bluntly. “Face it, the man wouldn’t put up with all this shit unless he was in love with you.”
“Well, that’s just too bad because I don’t love him.”
“Then why are you so upset about him leaving?” My gaze shot up to meet his steely gaze. “Come on, Charlie. You don’t care about this shit. You don’t want marriage. You don’t want to have to share your life with anyone. Isn’t that what you told me when I was over there? It’s a phase. It’ll pass in a day or two?”
“Nathan, I didn’t mean-“
“You know, the problem is that you think everyone should think like you, or at least, understand completely where you’re coming from. But you don’t actually respect the way anyone else feels.”
“Where is this coming from?”
“You know, I went over there to share with you something important to me. I was shaken, and I needed your support, and you tried to brush it off as nothing. You said I would feel differently in a day or two. Well, guess what, I still don’t feel differently. Maybe I’m not just like you. Maybe I need more than to just get laid every night.”
“I never said you didn’t.”
“No, but you assumed I would always be just like you. And you’re assuming that a man that wants you will play by your rules. That’s the way it is with you, your way or the highway. You don’t care that you’re hurting him. You don’t care that he’s bending over backwards for you. All you care about is that everything in your perfect world goes the way you want.”
I went to open my mouth, but he stopped me.
“You know, your husband was right. You never should have gotten married. He wasn’t right for you, and you knew it, but you went along with it anyway. And now you have a man that is perfect for you, would tear off his right arm to have you, and you rejected him. You can claim it’s because you don’t want to live with a man, and maybe that’s true, but the reality is, you don’t want to have to commit to one person. You like your freedom. You like ruling over everyone else, and the moment that’s taken from you, you hit the brakes.”
My mouth gaped as I stared at him. Who was this man beside me, and did he have a point? I had never seen Nathan quite so adamant about anything like this before. He was always like me, and then one day, something shifted inside him. Suddenly, I had an enemy on my hands. The man that always understood me was long gone.
I stood, flinging my purse over my shoulder and slammed my locker door. “You know, I’ve never judged you for the way you were. I expected the same. I know I’m not perfect, but that’s what we’ve always had in common. We’ve seen each other’s flaws, but it never mattered. I’m sorry if I didn’t take you seriously the other night, but what did you expect? After years of not having any emotions toward another human being, I was supposed to believe that you suddenly grew a heart?”
I moved past him, pissed and hurt for the way he was treating me after years of friendship. He grabbed my hand and yanked me back onto his lap, pulling me in for a hug. I knew that he instantly regretted his words, and so did I. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close. He was the one constant in my life that I couldn’t live without. He was my rock when I needed support and he was my sounding board during the hardest times.
“You’re such a jerk,” I whispered.
“Yeah, but I’m your jerk,” he chuckled.
I pulled back and smacked him on the chest. “Don’t pull that shit again.”
“I may have gone a little overboard.”
His smile faded the longer I stared at him. “Were you serious about wanting to find someone?”
He shrugged slightly. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Well, any girl you meet has to be Charlie approved. And whatever you do, don’t bring home some woman that’s going to praise you at every turn. Your ego is big enough.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder. “So, I need to apologize to him, huh?”
“It couldn’t hurt.”
“Do you think I have a shot with him?”
He was quiet for a moment, and then his hand ran across my back soothingly. “No. He’s perfect for you in every way, but not if you don’t let him in. And I know you better than anyone. I’d say you’ve lost him for good this time.”
I sighed, knowing he was right, but I was still going to try. I wasn’t ready to let Will walk away from me.
Will
“Hey, Friday night,” Paul said, waggling his eyebrows at me. “Wanna go party?”
I cringed as I watched him. “It’s like something out of The Roxbury. How do you manage to make something so simple sound so uncool?”
He walked further into my classroom and glanced down at his clothes and then back up at me. “Hey, I may be a teacher and a dad, but I still know how to have fun.”
“I never said you didn’t, but if I wanted a wingman, I would not bring you along.”
“Why would you need a wingman?” he laughed. “You have the hottest woman ever. And if you tell my wife I said that, I’ll castrate you.”
I shoved my papers in my briefcase and slid the clasp in place. “Charlie and I aren’t together anymore.” I grabbed my coat and headed for the door. He stood stock still, staring at me like I was some kind of exhibition at the World’s Fair.
“Wait,” he yelled, rushing after me. “What the hell do you mean?” He glanced around, lowering his voice. Everyone was gone for the day, but still, talking about our personal lives at school was asking for trouble. “I thought she was finally coming around?”
“Yeah, and then it all went to shit.” I stopped in front of the doors to the school and put my coat on, then picked up my briefcase. We headed outside while I finished telling him what happened. “I don’t know. One minute, everything was fine and the next, we were over.”
“Wow, I just didn’t see this coming.” We stopped in front of our vehicles and he stared at me in concern. This was the first time he had ever seen me truly caring about a woman, so I knew he thought I was about to go off the deep end. “So, are we thinking strippers or lots of alcohol?”
“How about we just combine the two,” I grinned, but he saw through me. I sighed. “You know, I should have seen this coming. She was always honest with me. I can’t even blame her because she never lied to me. This was all in my head. I wanted more, and I knew that she didn’t. I just didn’t think it would hurt so bad, you know? I thought I could handle having to walk away from her. But it really sucks, and it fucking hurts.”
His eyes widened and he ran a hand through his hair, letting out a deep breath. “Wow, I didn’t realize you were so…”
“Pathetic?” I laughed.
“In love with her,” he finished.
I dropped my head because it was true. I hadn’t actually
said it out loud yet. I hadn’t even admitted it to myself, but I knew that was exactly how I felt about her. Despite everything, her pushing me away and trying not to get attached, I had fallen for her, and it hurt all the more because she was the first woman I had ever loved.
“Alright, well, that seals it. Let’s go.” He waved me over to his truck.
“Where?”
“Where else? To get drunk. I’m your DD so you can get drunk off your ass and forget about your pathetic excuse for a love life.”
“Wow, that’s…so nice of you,” I said sarcastically.
“Hey, I’m foregoing chores so that I can get laid, and it’s all for you! Be grateful.”
I grumbled as I tossed my stuff in my truck and then locked it up, heading over to his. I got in and slammed the door, not sure that I really wanted to go get drunk right now.
“Maybe I should just go home.”
“And wallow in self-pity? I don’t think so. Friends don’t let friends wallow. You need alcohol and you need to find a revenge fuck.”
“It’s only revenge if I’m getting back at her for something,” I said, not sure he was understanding the meaning.
“You are getting back at her. She’s going to rue the day she walked away from you.”
“I walked away from her, and she didn’t want the relationship. She’s not going to rue anything.”
He sighed, obviously irritated with me. “You know, can you just go with me here? I’m trying to make you feel better, trying to pump you up and you’re just dragging this whole thing down. Frankly, I’m not sure you’re rue material.”
I shot him a what the fuck look. “Of course I’m rue material. I could make any woman rue the day she messed with me.”
He snorted from beside me. “Not with the sad, pathetic mess you’re melting into beside me. You’re actually more of a puppy right now than a lion or tiger.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I asked, completely confused by him.
“I’m just saying, if you’re going to make a woman rue the day she messed with you, you need to be a beast that she should never have messed with. You know what, change of plans. We need different clothes. You need to not look like a teacher and more like a stud that’s about to hit the town and blow some shit off your back.”
I sighed, running my hand across my forehead. This was going to turn out bad. I could tell. We pulled up to my driveway and I got out. “You know, I could have just driven home. Now my truck is back at the school.”
“Yeah, but we didn’t know this was going to happen.”
“And now in the morning, I’m going to have to call you and have me drive back to the school to pick up my truck and then drive it back here.” I huffed in irritation. “You know, we should just call this whole thing off and stay home. I can get wasted just as much here as I can in a bar.”
“Where the fuck are your balls?” he shouted. He bent over like he was examining my groin. “Seriously, because I hear a man-bitch over here, whining because of all the driving he’s going to have to do. Should I just call my wife to come over so you can cry on her shoulder?”
I rolled my eyes and headed for the house. “Fine, let’s do this.”
“That’s more like it,” he snapped. “Now, go take a shower so you don’t smell like a teacher.”
“What the hell does a teacher smell like?”
“Like boredom. Do you want to go into that bar tonight and smell like some bored, sad sack? Or do you want to smell like a man that’s on the prowl?”
His pep talk was really starting to get on my nerves. “I guess-“
“You guess? What the fuck is wrong with you, bitch?” He slapped me hard across the face and then stepped back in shock.
I rubbed my face and glared at him. “I think you need to dial it back a notch. How much Jersey Shore have you been watching?”
He seemed to gather himself and nod. “Maybe you’re right. I’ll just wait outside.”
* * *
As much as I didn’t want to go out tonight, Paul was right. I needed to find some way to get past what I was feeling. Maybe getting another woman under me was the way to go. Maybe not, but drinking would definitely help. I had on jeans and a black button down, and I had even put a little gel in my hair. After putting on my best cologne, I felt like I was ready to hit the bar.
“There’s the sexy beast,” Paul grinned.
I grimaced and shook my head. “Don’t.”
“Right.” He cleared his throat and we got in the truck, ready to head to the bar. “Should we get some dinner first?”
“We can eat at the bar. No one’s going to be there until later anyway.” I sighed, thinking now that this was a stupid idea. But I went along with it anyway. After going inside and ordering our food, we talked about work and sports, anything to get my mind off women. Slowly, people started trickling in for the night. There were a few good-looking women that came in, but every time I looked, I felt like I was cheating. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t mine anymore. I still wanted her.
“Man, you have got to stop pining over Charlie. She’s made it clear that she’s not looking for the same things you are.”
“I know, but…God, this sucks,” I muttered, drinking more beer.
“I get it, but she’s not coming around. You know this. There are plenty of beautiful women here tonight. Take your pick. You could have any of them. What about that one?” He pointed across the bar to a woman in a short, red dress with blonde hair.
“She’s okay, I guess.”
“Okay? She’s a ten, nine at the very least. Look at those legs! I would kill to have those legs wrapped around me for one night. Again, you tell my wife that and I’ll kill you.”
I rolled my eyes. I knew he wasn’t interested in the woman. He was just saying that shit because he was hoping I would become interested. “She’s…too bashful.”
“What?”
“You know, she’s blushing and shit. Charlie never blushed,” I grumbled. “She had balls, you know?”
“No, I don’t know, and if you keep talking about women having balls, they’re gonna get the wrong idea.”
I sighed heavily and looked around the bar some more.
“Okay, nine o’clock, blue dress, killer heels.”
I looked in that direction, but I didn’t see anyone that matched that description. “Where?”
“Nine o’clock, man.”
“I’m looking at nine o’clock.”
“No, you’re not. You’re looking at six o’clock. Maybe seven o’clock.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I pointed to twelve o’clock and counted backwards. “Eleven, ten, nine. That is nine o’clock and there is no blue dress with killer heels.”
“You’re counting the wrong way.”
“No, I’m not! Your twelve o’clock is behind me. Where the fuck are you looking?”
“At nine o’clock!”
“Is everything okay over here?”
A woman in a blue dress and killer heels stepped up in front of me and I practically choked on my tongue. She was hot. Possibly a twelve, but she still wasn’t Charlie.
“Can we buy you a drink?” Paul asked.
“He can. You’re married.”
“I’m just his wingman.”
“Well, I’m just looking for a good time. Do you happen to know where I can find one?” she asked, her head tilted to the side.
“Uh…” I stared at her, trying to find something to say, but there was nothing. I was blank.
“You’ll have to forgive him,” Paul interjected. “He’s a little heartbroken at the moment and can’t seem to appreciate a pretty lady when he sees one.”
“Just out of a relationship?” she asked. “Me too. So, what happened to you?”
“Um…” I glanced at Paul, shooting him daggers. How the hell was I supposed to get over Charlie if I was going to have to talk about her. “Well, I was seeing this woman and she’s very independent. She doesn�
��t believe in relationships…”
An hour later, I was still talking to this woman, whom I hadn’t even gotten a name from, crying in my beer. Not literally, of course, because I wasn’t a pussy.
“I just don’t get it. I’m a good catch.”
“You are,” she said sympathetically, placing her hand on mine. “And if she can’t see that, then she doesn’t deserve you. You’re such a good guy. You’re kind and I can feel how much you love her just by how much you talk about her.”
She made a sad sound and then leaned in, wrapping her arms around me. Paul’s eyes were wide as he mimicked how this woman practically just threw herself at me. I was waving him off, but he just kept staring at me and the woman wrapped around me.
Her hand trailed down my chest, patting it gently. “You poor thing. What can I do to make it better?”
“Nothing,” I sighed. “I wish you could. I wish I could take you home, but…I’m just not in the right frame of mind right now.”
She pouted her lips, nodding with me. “I know. It’s hard when the person you love doesn’t love you back.”
“Did I tell you how I was following her? Trying to get her to notice me and then I was going to ignore her?”
“Oh, that’s so sweet.”
“I even followed her into Kohl's, hoping that I could run into her and it would be this really awesome thing. But then I was holding lingerie and telling the salesperson it was for my mother. It was a disaster. I had to throw the thong at the security guard so I could get out of there before she saw me.”
“Oh, you poor thing. That just sounds terrible.”
“It was,” I said with a heavy sigh.
Textbook Approach: A Small Town Romance Page 23