I give a shrug. “I never said I wasn’t.”
He shakes his head. “I think you’re going to drive me crazy. I really do.”
“Going to?” I question. “I thought we were already there?”
He shakes his head again, stepping closer to me. “You know, you’re the first person to talk to me this way in a long time, and I have no damn idea what to do with it.” His confession throws me off. So is the way that he’s staring at me, like I’m a complicated puzzle he’s unsure how to solve—or if he even wants to solve. But then he blinks and puts on a neutral expression. “There’s still a ton of other stuff I—we need to explain to you, but I don’t have time to do that right now.” He opens the back door to the car, indicating that my time with him is up. “Tomorrow, though, we’ll all sit down and have a talk. Then you can take the oath.”
“Sure.” I force a smile, completely doubtful that’ll happen. Because, deep down, I know something will happen that’ll make them change their minds about bringing me into their group. That’s how it always works for me. Every single time.
I move to get into the car, when he captures my arm.
“Why did you sound so doubtful about that?” he questions, his eyes shadows against the darkness.
“I didn’t,” I lie.
“No, you did. And I want to know why,” he demands, taking an intimidating step toward me.
I roll my eyes. “Didn’t I already tell you that you’re not as scary as you think you are?”
“That’s because I haven’t even tried to be scary yet.” He slides his hand up my arm then pulls me closer, his fingers trembling a bit. “Now tell me why you sounded doubtful about us sitting down and talking with you tomorrow.” He’s trying to act scary, but the way he quivers makes me feel almost sorry for him.
He hates being touched. And I can barely remember what it feels like.
“I just don’t think it’s going to happen,” I say. “I think, by tomorrow, you guys are going to realize you don’t really want me in your circle and that’s gonna be that.”
“So you think we’re going to dump you?”
“Yeah, pretty much. But it’s cool. Like I said before, I do better alone.”
He silently stares at me, a cool breeze gusting around us. “It’s going to be fun proving you wrong.” He releases my arm, steps back, then gestures for me to get in. “I’ll see you tomorrow, princess.” He aims one last smirk at me then hikes toward the front doors.
Looking away, I climb into the car and shut the door. The driver, an older guy with grey hair, greets me with a smile but doesn’t ask me where I need to go, driving forward toward the gate.
“Do you need my address?” I sit back in the seat and stretch out my legs.
“No, Mr. Capperellie gave me the direction,” he replies, pushing a few buttons on his GPS. “You just sit back and relax.”
I highly doubt I’m going to be able to do that with how wired I feel. Still, I rest my head against the window and watch the fields pass by in a blur as we drive down the hill and toward town. It takes us at least twenty minutes to get there, and by the time we're pulling up into my driveway, exhaustion has crept up on me.
“Thanks for the ride,” I tell the driver as I reach for the door handle.
“You’re welcome.” Then he reaches over the seat and hands me a card. “If you ever need a ride anywhere, just call me. Mr. Capperellie has already informed me that I’m to drive you anywhere you need at any time of the day.”
“You mean Jax?” I make sure since Zay’s last name is the same.
“Or Zay.” He urges me to take the card. I do, confusion whisking through me as I glance at it. All that’s written on it is a phone number.
Why would Jax have him give this to me? It doesn’t make any sense.
“Just dial that number,” he tells me. “That’s all you need to do.”
“Okay.” I fold my fingers around the card. “Do you have a name at least?”
He smiles warmly. “It’s Zee.”
Right. I remember one of the guys mentioning that.
“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Zee.” I reach over and offer him my hand to shake. “I’m Raven.”
He puts his hand in mine. “It’s nice to meet you, Raven. I’m sure we’ll be seeing a lot of each other now that you’ve joined Mr. Capperellie’s circle.”
Again, I’m not sure if he’s referring to Jax or Zay.
“Yeah,” is all I say, my head spinning in confusion as I push open the door. “Thanks for the ride.” I wave then climb out, feeling completely … Well, I’m not sure there’s a word that fits how I feel right now.
Totally mystified. Freaked out. Baffled. Yeah, those might work.
Stuffing the card into my pocket, I hike toward the front door of my house and decide to shove thoughts of the guys aside for now since I’m sure I’m about to get my ass chewed out for mouthing off this morning. Plus, I never did give Dixie May her stupid makeup case.
“All right, Raven, this is going to go a heck of a lot better if you just keep your mouth shut,” I give myself a pep talk, hoping for once I can listen to myself and keep my lips zipped.
Taking a breath, I open the front door and enter the house. The instant I step over the threshold, my guard goes up. All of the lights are off in the house, except for the hallway lights upstairs. The air is quiet, too.
Where is everyone? Did they go out for a family dinner or something?
I smile at the thought as I step inside, shut the door, and head for the stairway. If I can pretend to be asleep by the time they get home, I might be able to get away without a lecture and a punishment until at least morning.
But my smile fades the instant I enter my room and my gaze falls to my bed. The lamp is on, revealing the stash of drugs that I stole from my uncle scattered across the mattress
Shit.
I spin around to run, but my uncle steps out from behind the door and blocks my path, anger blazing in his eyes.
“So you thought you could steal from me, huh?” He crosses his arms and stares me down.
He’s not a very tall man, which is strange since my dad was really tall. But he’s bulky and has a mean right hook—that I know. He’s also still dressed in his sheriff uniform even though he’s probably been off work for a couple of hours. He wears it, though, when he’s trying to intimidate me. I don’t know why he thinks it does, though.
“I didn’t steal that from you.” My voice comes out even. I’ve learned not to show fear when he gets like this. That it only seems to rile him up more. “That’s stuff I bought.” Yeah, I’m basically admitting that I bought drugs, but I’d rather have him believe that than know I stole from him.
He gives a hollow laugh as he steps toward me while reaching back for the door. “How stupid do you think I am, Raven? I’m well aware that you've been stealing from me. But do you want to know what pisses me off even more?"
I bite down on my tongue until I taste blood, resisting the urge to throw out some snarky remark.
He slowly closes the door, then click, he locks it. “That you know a little secret of mine.”
I push down the fear wanting to emerge inside me, let out a slow breath, and inch back. “I don’t know anything.”
“Liar.” He matches my move, stepping forward and stealing the distance I put between us. “You’ve always been good at that—being a lying cunt.” He steps toward me again, his fingers drifting toward his holster. “Remind me. Have I marked you with that word yet? Sometimes it’s hard to remember with all the marks I’ve put on you already.” He pulls out his knife and flips the blade open. “You make it so easy, though, with that mouth of yours. It’s like you like me cutting you up.”
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in …
Exhale.
“Look, I’m sorry for stealing your drugs. I don’t know why I did it, but I’ll stop. And I won’t tell anyone about the stash you have. I’m a lot of things, but you know I’m not a narc.”
He lightl
y traces his finger along the edge of the blade. “You know the only way I can get you to listen is to punish you. It’s the only way to get you to obey me.”
He always says this to me, but it never makes any sense since I rarely obey anyway. In reality, I wonder if he gets off on this, on seeing me in pain, which is so messed up.
“I’ll start behaving better,” I lie, the backs of my legs bumping against the bed as I take another step back.
Shit. I’m cornered, but I refuse to allow myself to panic.
Numb, Raven. Tune out that fear.
He shakes his head. “Don’t lie to me again, Raven.”
“I’m not lying, “ I insist. “I promise. Just please don’t cut me again.”
His eyes flicker with delight for who the hell knows why. Then he reaches out and grabs my wrist. “You know I can do this. You know we have rules in my house.”
“Why am I the only one who has to follow them?” I growl out, jerking on my arm. “Let go of me, you fucking asshole.”
A sinister grin curls at his lips. “And there she is.” He shoves me down on the bed. “I don’t know why you always try to pretend like you’re obedient in the beginning. It never lasts. And you want to know why?”
I move to climb off the bed, but he wrestles me down, climbing on top of me and pinning me down. “Get off me!” I scream. “Now—”
He smacks me so hard my ears ring. Then he pins my hands down beside my head, leaning in and breathing into my face, “Because you’re just like your stupid mother. You’re a spoiled little brat who thinks you can do whatever she wants.”
“Shut up!” I scream, tears pooling in my eyes.
“Aw, am I hurting your feelings? Well, good.” Pinning both my hands in one of his, he leans back and lifts the hem of my shirt. “The next time you even think about trying to steal from me, you look down at this and remember.” He points the tip of the blade at my side and nicks my skin, causing blood to pool out. “Remember what you are.”
Then he starts cutting, moving the blade over my flesh. I barely feel the pain, though. I’ve become numb to this. Numb to everything. Almost.
My thoughts drift to the card in my pocket. If I had a phone, I could try to call the number. But I’m still not sure anyone would show up if I did. And I don’t need to start relying on people only to be let down. I’ve done that before. Many times. I don’t think I have anything left in me to deal with it again.
“You’re quiet tonight,” my uncle remarks as he climbs off me.
Droplets of blood are on the blade of his knife and his hands. My blood.
Blood all over my hands and anger searing through my veins, consuming my mind.
“Got nothing to say?” My uncle stands by my bed, staring down at me with expectancy.
I stare at the ceiling, not moving, refusing to say a word.
“Looks like it worked then.” He wipes the blade of his knife across the side of his pant leg, cleaning off the blood. Then he puts the knife away and looks at me again, waiting for something. When I make no effort to even budge, he shakes his head. “Whatever. At least I got you to shut up.” He turns around and storms for the door. “Don’t ever touch any of my shit again,” he snaps then walks out of my room, slamming the door behind him.
I don’t move. Barely breathe.
I don’t want to be here.
I want to fade away.
Why couldn’t that water have swept me away with it?
After what feels like hours, I drag myself off the bed and walk over to the mirror to see the damage. My side feels like it’s on fire as I lift up the hem of my blood-stained shirt and peer at the newly marked word branding my flesh. Then I shake my head, my jaw ticking.
Disappointment.
The twisted motherfucker.
I lower my shirt then sink down onto my bed, sitting in the middle of my drug stash that he just left in here, probably trying to send me some sort of cryptic message—my uncle really likes his minds games. What the message is, I haven’t got a clue. And I really don’t care.
Shoving the drugs out of the way, I lie down and close my eyes, trying not to think of anything. But my thoughts drift to The Raven Three again. While I’m skeptical that they’ll associate with me tomorrow, a tiny part of me can’t help hoping that maybe, just maybe, I won’t be let down for once. That we’ll have our talk. That they’ll make good on their promise and take care of my uncle.
As a smile starts to pull at my lips, I quickly erase it.
No, I’m not going to get my hopes up again. I decided a long time ago that I was meant to wander through this life alone, and it does no good to try to see things any other way. Because all that leads to is disappointed. Just like the fresh new word on my side says.
Jax
“Do you think she got home okay?” Hunter asks as I drive us toward my father’s house that’s located on the other side of town.
Ever since we left our house, he’s been rambling on and on about the girl with hair like raven feathers, the girl who pushed her way into our lives today.
“I think it’s time to talk about the rest of the rules,” I say as I steer down the dark, desolate street lined with trees. While I have nothing against Raven, I’m not about to let Hunter become obsessed with her, for several different reasons, one being it could complicate this whole addition-to-our-circle-thing.
“I second that,” Zay mutters from the backseat.
He has his sleeves tugged down and is rippling with tension. And while the situation probably has him wound up, I worry he might be cutting again.
He used to do it a lot, but has been better lately. Today, was an emotionally intense day, though, and Zay doesn’t handle emotions very well. Whenever things get too chaotic or intense, he replaces whatever’s going on inside him by bleeding it out of him or someone else.
Hunter turns around in the passenger seat to look at Zay. “What’s your deal today? This is the second time you’ve tried to pretend you’re all about the rules, but we all know you’re not.”
Zay slants forward and rests his arms on his knees. “If we bring Raven into the group and you fuck her, it’s going to cause drama. And I hate drama more than I hate rules.”
Hunter rolls his eyes. “Newsflash, brother: you’re the walking definition of drama.”
“Not girl drama,” he stresses. “That’s your thing.”
True. Hunter has been sleeping around since he turned thirteen and has never been with one girl more than once. But he has some deep, dark issues; ones that Zay and I are aware of, but no one else knows. Well, except for the woman who caused them.
And Zay is the exact opposite of Hunter in every way. He never sleeps around; can barely stand being touched, which is another reason I’m worried he might have cut today—because of how much touching he did with the raven that fell into our lives.
But bringing it up with him is a complication. I know he’ll get pissed and probably throw my own issues into my face, which is part of the reason I’m not going to bring it up right now. The other reason is we all need a clear head right now. We need our masks on, the ones we put on when we’re around anyone else but each other. It’s how we keep our secrets a secret.
We’ve done a lot to make sure no one finds that out about who we really are. We’ve told lies and spread rumors.
It’s what we do. Have each other’s backs no matter what. Make sure no one knows our weakness so they can’t use them against us. This is how it’s been since we were old enough to realize how screwed up our families are. Then, when we turned twelve, we created The Raven Three just to set in stone who are and who we vow to be. It also a way to protect ourselves from all the evils in this town. And that’s how things have been since then. Just us three.
Until today, when Raven jumped off that damn bridge.
The three of us made a vow a long time ago that if anyone were ever brave enough to jump off the bridge, we’d bring them into our circle. Mostly it was just a joke and we never thought
anyone would actually do it because to do it, you’ve got to be either a total adrenaline junkie or completely messed up in the head. We never thought some beautiful, scarred girl with the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen would be the one to do it.
But it’s not like we had to make her one of us just because we made some vow forever ago. We could’ve easily not told her after Zay pulled her out of the river. We could’ve just driven her home, but something about her sad eyes, the scars, her defiance, the loneliness seeping from her, the stuff Zay found out about her… She’s almost as fucked up as us and that made us want to bring her into our group.
But bringing a female into our group could complicate things, which is why we need rules. I just hope everyone will follow them, but none of us have ever been good at following rules.
As Zay and Hunter continue to argue, I focus on setting more rules. “We have the rule I set earlier when Raven was around, but I want to make another rule for just us that kind of goes with that one. So rule number two is no sleeping with her.”
“That doesn’t sound fun at all,” Hunter gripes, twisting back around in the seat.
“Rules aren’t meant to be fun,” I say as I slow down the car to make a turn. “Rule number three: no fighting over her. If there’s something that needs to be addressed that has to do with her, we’ll discuss it privately. I know that technically we’re going to bring her into our circle, but when it all comes down to it, if there’re any problems, it’ll end with just us three. Got it?”
Hunter melodramatically rolls his eyes. “Whatever, big brother. I get that you’re totally bossy.” When I continue to stare him down, he adds, “Fine, I got it. We come before her.”
“Good.” I glance at Zay in the rearview mirror. “What about you?”
He gives a nonchalant shrug, his hand resting on his arm where more than likely he cut himself. “You guys are more important to me than some girl will ever be.”
For the most part, I believe him. Except one small thing makes me hesitant. Zay saved her today, which was weird but not completely out of the realm of reality. No, what was completely insane was that he was the one to share his body heat with her. He said he had to do it because he was cold, but I think, deep down, he feels slightly connected to Raven because of her scars. Zay has scars too that run deep, both invisible ones and ones that mark his flesh.
The Raven Four: Books 1-2 Page 14