by Kate Gavin
Cam prayed she picked out the right gift. She wanted to get her something meaningful and it took five different stores until she felt like she had. But the anticipation of knowing if she was right was killing her. “Man, can you go any slower?” she asked with impatient amusement.
Riley grinned and said, “Patience, grasshopper.” As soon as she released the last piece of tape and placed the wrapping paper on the table, she held the small box in her hand and slowly opened the lid. She let out a small gasp and tears instantly filled her eyes when she saw a delicate gold chain with a small pendant of an owl standing on a branch. She held the box in one hand and placed her other hand over her heart. “You remembered?” she whispered as she met Cam’s gaze.
Blushing, Cam smiled and nodded in agreement. “Do you like it?”
Riley looked down again at the necklace. “I love it. Thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Will you help me put it on?”
“Of course.”
Cam stood and wrapped the necklace around Riley’s neck before bringing the clasps together. She lightly brushed away a few stray strands of her hair at the nape of her neck.
She grasped the pendant in her fingers and moved it around on the necklace a few times until it lay against her chest. “I still can’t believe you remembered. Thanks.”
Cam gave her a shy smile and said, “I’m glad you like it. Now, let’s say we head out of here and grab some dessert.”
“I like the way you think.”
After leaving the restaurant, Cam drove them to a local ice cream shop she had gone to since she was a kid. She got a scoop of cookies and cream while Riley got cherry. Riley held the treats in her lap while Cam drove down the road and parked in front of a small lake. It was still relatively nice out, so they sat on the car’s hood shoulder to shoulder.
Before she was able to take a bite of her ice cream, Cam shouted, “Wait!”
Riley jumped and looked around as if something was wrong. “What? What is it?”
She held out her cup of ice cream, which Riley took, and Cam then went through her purse and produced a single candle and a lighter. She placed the candle in the middle of Riley’s ice cream and lit it. “Almost forgot this. I would sing for you, but you definitely don’t want that. So, make a wish.”
Riley closed her eyes and took a deep breath while she thought of her wish. As she opened her eyes and met Cam’s gaze, she blew out the candle.
“What’d you wish for?”
“You know I can’t tell you that.”
Cam shrugged with a smile. “Worth a shot. I hope you get it. Happy birthday, Riley.”
“Thanks. Me too.” She playfully knocked her shoulder against Cam’s as they both turned to look over the water.
For several minutes, they sat in silence and enjoyed their ice cream, until Cam whispered, “It is stressful.”
“What?” Riley asked.
“Since the divorce, it is stressful.”
Cam sensed her emotions, long held under wraps, bubbling to the surface. The instant she felt Riley’s fingertips brush against her lower back she dropped her ice cream to the ground, bolted from the hood of the car, and paced in front of it.
“Cam…”
“You know why it’s stressful? Because most of my free time outside of school, work, and soccer is occupied with helping my mom by taking care of my brothers or things around the house. And I love my brothers, I really, really do. But on top of helping, I’m also worrying about how they’re actually handling everything. Ethan is young, and he seemed to bounce back pretty quick once they split, but did he? I mean we had to listen to our parents argue about stupid shit for months before they finally broke up. There were nights when Ethan would crawl in bed with me because he couldn’t sleep. So, I’d give him my iPod to listen to while he curled up against me.
“And Josh, sometimes he acts much older than he is, and he shouldn’t have to. I know he’s still angry at Mom and Dad for everything. They shouldn’t have to worry about this shit,” she cried, pain flashing in her eyes as she wrapped her arms around herself.
Riley enveloped her in a hug and the waterworks began. Cam unfurled her arms and held Riley tightly with a desperation she didn’t know existed. She buried her face in Riley’s neck, the sobs coming louder and the tears soaking her sweater. Cam enjoyed the warmth and pressure of Riley’s hand rubbing up and down her back. Each sweep of her hand brought calm to Cam’s spinning thoughts. Once her cries were mere whimpers, she let Riley guide her back to the hood. Even though they were sitting side by side once again, she maintained a tight grip around Riley’s waist and put her head on Riley’s shoulder.
“My mom has just been expecting so much of me since it happened, and I haven’t wanted to let anyone down. I needed to be there for Josh and Ethan and show them things were going to be okay. The world they knew was completely falling apart and it was my job as the oldest to make them feel safe.”
“You shouldn’t have had all of that on your shoulders. Who did you have to tell you things would be okay?”
“No one really. Claire was great once I told her, and Danny helped distract me when I needed it. But Dad was gone and seeing him was awkward for the first few months. Mom was trying to keep things moving along. She tried to act as if everything was normal, but it wasn’t at all. She was just so busy all the time. I don’t think she stopped to think about things until she was alone in her room. You know, sometimes I would walk past her bedroom and I would hear her crying at night. I hated hearing that, Riley. It broke my heart.”
“I’m sure it did. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Are things better now?”
Cam nodded. “A little. There are times when we all hang out and feel like a family again. I’m not naïve and think they’ll get back together. I’m just happy they can at least tolerate each other.” She sat up straight, using a napkin to wipe her tears and turning her head to avoid Riley’s sympathetic gaze. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lose it like that. That is so not normal for me. This was supposed to be a night to celebrate your birthday and I ruined it.”
“Cam, you didn’t ruin anything. You’re my friend and I want to know when you’re hurting. Let me be there for you, and if you ever need help with anything, all you have to do is tell me.”
“I’m not great at asking for help, but I’ll try.”
“Okay, good.”
They both looked out at the water again as they spent time with their own thoughts and Riley finished up the last bites of her ice cream.
Cam turned to her and asked, “Are you ready—”
She stopped when she saw Riley had a drop of ice cream at the corner of her mouth. She briefly stared at her lips while licking her own. She was about to reach up and wipe away the ice cream with her thumb, but she stopped herself and grabbed a napkin instead. She pointed at Riley’s mouth. “You have a little ice cream here.” As she reached up to wipe it away with the napkin, she noticed Riley’s eyes had gone dark. Then she blinked and the look was gone. She had never seen Riley’s eyes like that before, and she wasn’t sure what it meant exactly. But for some strange reason, she wanted to see it again.
Cam was shaken from her thoughts when Riley said quietly, “Thanks. Should we get going?”
“Sure.”
Cam picked her ice cream cup off the ground and tossed all the trash into the garbage can a few feet away. Once they got inside the car, Cam turned the radio to the local pop station. She made her way toward Riley’s house, each of them singing along softly.
When she parked in Riley’s driveway, she lowered the radio volume and faced Riley. “Happy birthday.”
“Thanks again—for everything.”
“Everything? Even me bawling my eyes out?”
“Especially that. I know it was hard to tell me about it. Thank you for trusting me. I will be there for you whenever you need me. Okay?”
“Okay,” Cam whispered.
Riley leaned over
for a hug and Cam was immediately struck by the smell of strawberries. She fought the urge to bury her nose in Riley’s hair. When she realized what she was thinking about, she pulled back rather abruptly. “I’ll see you on Monday.”
Riley stuttered, “Y-yeah, sure. Text me when you get home, so I know you got home okay.”
“Will do. See ya.”
“Bye, Cam.”
Riley got out of the car and walked toward her house, giving Cam the chance to admire how great she looked in her dress, especially from the back. When she saw Riley had made it inside, she leaned her head back against the seat and thought about her reaction when Riley hugged her. What the hell was that? She couldn’t help but compare it to how she felt when Claire hugged her. There really was no comparison. She always felt comforted by Claire’s hugs, but she never craved them. Also, Riley’s hug felt the same and maybe even better than the times when she would hug Danny during those first few months of dating. She had no context for the way she was feeling, and she didn’t know if anyone could help her sort it all out. So, as she backed out of the driveway, she decided to do what she usually did—ignore it by pushing it to the back of her mind. Maybe it would go away.
Yeah, right.
Once Riley shut the front door and could hear Cam’s car pull away, she closed her eyes and leaned against the door with a groan.
“Riley? Are you okay?” her mom asked as she passed the entryway.
Riley slowly pushed herself off the door with a sigh. “I know Cam’s straight and she isn’t into me, but I really like her, Mom,” she said softly as a single tear fell down her cheek.
“Oh, sweetie. I know you do and I’m sorry. I wish I had some good advice for you, but I don’t know what to say. She’s your friend, right?”
“Best friend.”
“Then you’ll just have to settle for that. I know it’ll be tough, but unfortunately things like this happen in our life. We meet someone and maybe fall in love with them, but we need to understand they’ll never be ours. You’ll find someone someday. You’re young and you just have to be patient.”
Riley hung her head. “I know. Still sucks, though.”
Her mom chuckled and hugged her. “That it does.”
She took a shuddering breath and held onto her mom for several moments. “Thanks, Mom.” Her mom kissed the top of her head, and Riley wiped her face. “I think I’m going to head upstairs and get ready for bed.”
“Okay, goodnight. Love you.”
“Love you too,” she replied with a kiss to her mother’s cheek.
But after Riley got ready for bed she couldn’t sleep. She lay back on the bed with her arms across her face. She was frustrated that she had let her feelings for Cam grow as much as they had. Even after telling herself from the beginning that a chance to be with Cam was going to be slim to none, Cam’s beauty and personality had sucked her right in, leaving her to want Cam way more than she should.
She was pulled away from her melancholy thoughts when her phone vibrated. She wiped the few remaining tears from the corners of her eyes and grabbed her phone off the nightstand. She smiled when she saw a message from Cam.
I’m home!
Glad to hear it…or read it I guess ;)
:)
Thanks again for everything! Tonight was amazing!
No prob!
Well I should get some sleep…sweet dreams!
U too :)
She plugged her phone into her charger, shut off her lamp, and got underneath her covers. She lay back against her pillow and gently grasped her new owl pendant between her thumb and forefinger. She was still amazed that Cam had remembered the significance of owls to her grandma. She didn’t think she had ever gotten a more thoughtful present in her life. As she rolled onto her side, her last thoughts were of Cam…in that dress.
Chapter Nine
After winning the first round of playoffs, Cam’s team had a more difficult time in the second round. They lost by one goal after the opposing team scored with twenty seconds left. Bittersweet feelings stunned Cam as the horn sounded for the end of play. While she was happy to have one less responsibility on her plate, losing a close game always felt like a gut punch to the stomach. Since she was a senior, her soccer career was now officially over.
Coach Hawkins talked to them briefly at the end of the game, and she told them how proud she was of the team. Cam looked around and noticed a couple of her teammates had a few tears in their eyes. As they were released, the girls spent time doling out hugs and offering comforting consolations. Hoping to cheer up her friends, Cam invited Claire and Riley to spend the night, but Claire had already made plans to go out with Luke.
Cam hurried home to shower and make sure Josh and Ethan had dinner. By the time Riley arrived, they were already immersed in their video games. Cam opened the door to find Riley in pajama pants and a T-shirt under her coat, holding a bag filled with snacks. Cam looked her up and down, loving that Riley showed up comfortable and ready for a chill night.
Riley shuffled her feet and said, “Sorry, I figured since it was movies and junk food, it meant pajamas as well.”
“No, that’s perfect. I thought I would be going out again to get my brothers dinner.”
That was a fib. Her brothers had eaten some lasagna leftover from the night before. When she had gotten home, Cam had showered and put on some jeans and her favorite long-sleeve, maroon Henley. She wanted to look good for Riley.
“Come on in. We can watch the movies in my room since my brothers are playing video games.” She led Riley into the living room. “Hey guys, we’ll be upstairs in my room so let me know if you need anything.”
“Uh-huh, sure,” was the extent of their response.
“Sorry. They get a little too into their video games sometimes. Let’s head upstairs.”
“Don’t worry about it. Happens to the best of us,” Riley said as she followed her.
“You play video games?” Cam asked in delighted surprise.
“Yep.”
“Nice. I do too, but not that often. Mostly just with my brothers. Okay, let me go change. You can pick the first movie. We can sit on the floor or bed, um, whichever you prefer.”
“The bed’s fine,” Riley said with a shy smile as she took off her shoes and put her bag on the floor.
“Okay, be right back.” Cam went into the bathroom to change into her pajamas. When she returned, Riley had picked out a movie and spread the snacks out on the bed. “You’re ready to go, I see. A little excited, huh?”
“Well, what girl wouldn’t be? Snacks and Bridesmaids—is there a better combination?”
Cam chuckled. “Guess not. Let’s do this!” She hopped onto the bed and scooted backward until she was sitting next to Riley against the headboard. They watched the movie with frequent bursts of laughter while snacking on various chips and candies.
Once the movie was over, Cam paused it on the credits and faced Riley. “I need to go check on my brothers, but I wanted to say something first.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I just want to say thanks for how awesome you’ve been, especially since I broke up with Danny. You helped me through all that and then you let me talk to you about my mom. So, um, thanks.”
“You’re welcome. That’s what friends are for, right?”
“Yeah. Let me go get my brothers in bed. I’ll be right back.”
Once her brothers were settled for the night, Cam heard her mom come in the door, so she walked downstairs to say hello.
“Honey, whose car is out front?”
“Oh, that’s Riley’s. We’re watching some movies in my room.”
“Okay, is she spending the night? I don’t want her driving too late, and make sure she calls her parents if she does stay.”
“If it gets too late, I’ll make sure she stays. I’m gonna head back upstairs, Mom.” As she reached the doorway, she saw Riley still sitting on her bed, but her face was pale and she absently stared down at her hands. “Riley, you okay?”
As soon as Cam was out of earshot, Riley rubbed her hands across her face and let out a quiet groan. Cam had been so strong when she opened up to her on her birthday, yet Riley was still hiding a big part of herself. It was only fair that she show the same level of vulnerability that Cam had. But what if she hates me?
Riley’s head snapped up at Cam’s question and she gave her a forced smile. “Yeah, but there’s something I should tell you.”
Cam closed the door, sat next to Riley, and asked, “What is it?”
Riley rubbed her palms over the tops of her legs and chewed her lower lip, struggling to form the words. No matter the circumstances, coming out was always a risk and she was terrified.
Cam reached over and covered her hand. “Come on, you can talk to me. You’ve been a sounding board for me for weeks; now let me be one for you.”
She nodded. “Right, I know. It’s just, I don’t want anything to be weird between us, but I don’t want to hide anything from you either. You’ve told me about stuff in your life and I want to do the same.”
She didn’t make a sound but nodded, which Riley interpreted as a sign to keep going.
“You know how I told you I would tell you about my tattoo sometime?”
“Yep.”
She took a deep breath and pulled up her shirt to reveal a feather that transformed into several flying birds at the end.
“It’s beautiful,” Cam replied.
“Thanks,” she said. She took another steadying breath. “To me, it represents freedom as well as rebirth. I got it after I came out.” She cleared her throat and said, “I’m gay.”
Cam sat there, eyes wide. She opened and closed her mouth several times, but no sound escaped.
Fearfully, Riley pleaded, “Cam, please say something.”
“How were you able to get a tattoo? You just turned eighteen!”
Riley narrowed her eyes in confusion. “That’s your first question?”
“Um, no. I mean, I-I don’t think it is.”
Riley watched as Cam struggled to find whatever she really wanted to say, so she pushed forward. “My mom has like ten tattoos, so I figured it’d be pretty hypocritical of her if she said I couldn’t get one. After I came out to her, I told her how long I had this idea, and that it was really important to me. So, she went with me and signed the consent form. And I think it helped that she felt guilty about making me move.”