by Kate Gavin
Riley’s attention was pulled away from Bri when she heard a groan from Phil. It looked like they had finally met their match and lost. Cam and Phil walked away from the table and were immediately replaced by a couple guys from the cross-country team. Riley watched as they talked with Luke and Claire briefly, before Phil squeezed Cam’s shoulder with a smile and followed Luke out of the house.
Before Riley could continue chatting with Bri, Claire and Cam approached them. “Are you ready to go, Riley? I think this one has had enough,” she said, pointing at Cam with her thumb. “I’m going to drop you guys off at Cam’s, and then I’m going to head over to Luke’s.”
“Yeah, sure.” She stood up from her barstool, and said, “Oh, guys, this is Bri. Bri, this is Cam and Claire.”
Claire quickly stuck out her hand for Bri to shake, and said with a smile, “It’s nice to meet you.”
“You too.”
Cam was less enthusiastic with a short nod of her head, and a mumbled, “Hey.”
Riley winced at Cam’s clipped response but decided to ignore it for now. Instead, she turned to Bri, and said, “Nice talking to you, Bri. See you around school.”
“Do you maybe want to hang out sometime?” she asked hesitantly.
Cam let out what sounded like a displeased snort, but Riley ignored it and reached for her phone. “Sure, that sounds great. Here put your number in.”
After entering her phone number, Bri handed it back to Riley. “There you go. Have a good night,” she said as she lightly squeezed Riley’s forearm.
“You too,” she replied, enjoying the warmth from Bri’s touch. She turned to Claire. “I’m ready.”
They made their way through the small crowd in the dining room to the front door. When they reached Claire’s car, Cam immediately climbed into the backseat and slammed the door. Riley could tell something was wrong, but she had no idea what it could be, so she just let her stew in the back.
The ride to Cam’s house was relatively quiet except for the radio playing softly and Claire humming along. As soon as Claire stopped the car, Cam opened her door and muttered, “See ya, Claire.”
Riley and Claire looked at each other in confusion and shrugged. “Thanks for the ride. Have fun tonight,” she said with a wink.
Claire laughed. “I will. See you Monday.”
“Bye.”
Riley got out of the car and followed Cam into the house. She knew she would have to find out what was wrong with Cam, but she wasn’t sure whether she should ask about it tonight since Cam was drunk. When she entered the house, she realized Cam hadn’t waited for her, so she closed and locked the front door, took a deep breath, and walked upstairs to Cam’s room.
Riley walked into the room just as Cam finished pulling her T-shirt down. She quietly closed the door, conscious that Cam’s mom and brothers were asleep down the hall. She whispered, “Was something wrong tonight?”
“No,” Cam replied brusquely as she stalked into the bathroom to brush her teeth.
Riley followed and leaned against the doorframe. She knew Cam was lying. She studied the way Cam forcefully brushed her teeth before speaking again. “I know something was wrong, Cameron. I think I can read you pretty well by now.”
“Whatever. Maybe you need to read your new friend better.”
Confused, she asked, “What are you talking about? Is this about Bri?”
“Forget about it.” Cam rinsed her mouth and toothbrush before brushing past Riley into the bedroom.
“No, I’m not going to forget about it. What do you have against Bri?”
“Nothing.”
“Cameron, come on.”
“You do realize she was flirting with you? You know she’s gay? The rumor is all over the school.”
“And what does that matter? You remember I’m gay, right?” she whispered harshly.
“Yes, Riley. Just forget it,” Cam replied as she plugged in her phone.
Riley couldn’t understand where this attitude was coming from. Cam had said she had no problem with her being gay. Why is she making such a big deal about Bri possibly being gay? Riley felt her anger rise with each passing second. She turned Cam around so they could face each other. “No, I’m not going to forget it. Why do you have a problem? Is it because if people realize I’m gay, they’ll think you are too just because you hang out with me?” Cam briefly shook her head. “Talk to me, damn it. If you don’t want to be seen with me or be near me because I’m gay, then just tell me.”
Riley watched as Cam’s face went deathly pale and she ran into the bathroom. She barely made it in time to throw up in the toilet. Riley closed her eyes and released a long sigh. She went to Cam, knelt next to her, and lightly rubbed her back as she continued throwing up. Once she was done, Riley stood and filled a glass with water and grabbed a bottle of aspirin out of the cabinet.
“I don’t want to lose you, Riley,” Cam said in a hoarse voice.
Riley handed her a tissue while Cam flushed the toilet. “That’s not going to happen. Why would you lose me?” Cam shrugged in a non-answer. Riley retrieved the glass of water and took two pills out of the bottle and handed them to Cam. “Here, take these.”
Cam swallowed them with a few small sips of water. She blew her nose, wiped her eyes, and threw the tissue in the trash. She slowly stood with a groan and drank several more sips of water.
“Feeling better?”
“Yeah, thanks.” Cam reached for her toothbrush to brush her teeth for the second time in five minutes, albeit a little softer and slower this time. After wiping her mouth, she placed the towel on the counter. She looked at the floor, and said, “I’m sorry, Riley. I was acting like an ass tonight.”
Riley reached out and lightly squeezed Cam’s hand in hers. “It’s okay. I still don’t really understand why you did, but let’s not talk about that tonight. Okay?” Cam nodded, and Riley pulled her in for a hug.
They both sighed in relief, and Riley wrapped her arms tightly around Cam’s waist. Riley was still confused about Cam’s behavior throughout the night, but she understood that Cam was in no condition to explain it. She knew Cam had to be exhausted, and she indulged herself a bit by placing a light kiss on the top of Cam’s head. “How about we get you to bed?”
Cam nodded against Riley’s shoulder.
Riley kept her arm around Cam’s waist as she helped Cam get into the bed. She gently pulled the covers up to Cam’s shoulders and Cam immediately grabbed the blanket and turned onto her side, facing the middle of the bed. Riley stood there watching the rise and fall of Cam’s shoulders as she drifted off to sleep.
Riley refilled the glass with water and placed it on Cam’s nightstand before getting ready for bed. She lay on her side facing Cam, gently pushing a few stray hairs behind her ear. “Goodnight, Cameron,” she whispered as she rested her head against the pillow.
“Mm, goodnight, babe,” Cam mumbled in reply.
Riley’s eyes widened in response, but she knew Cam was probably just thinking of Danny when she said it. They had only been broken up for a few months, so it wouldn’t surprise Riley that Cam still dreamt about him. Riley turned onto her back and rested one arm above her head as she thought about how much she wanted Cam to say that to her and mean it. If only.
The next morning, Cam woke up slowly, opening her eyes to blinding light coming through the window above her desk. She was on her side facing the wall and she squeezed her eyes shut as tight as she could to combat the effect the light was having on her head. While it wasn’t the worst headache she’d ever had, there was still a constant throb right above her eyebrows. She hadn’t let herself drink that much since the first party she had attended her sophomore year. She was normally decent at controlling herself and watching how many drinks she had, but seeing Riley with Bri had thrown her for some reason.
She opened her eyes slowly, attempting to adjust to the light. When she could keep them open completely, she turned onto her back with a small groan.
“Are yo
u okay?” Riley asked as she flipped over to look at Cam.
Cam turned her head to the left to meet Riley’s concerned gaze. “I’m okay. Head hurts a bit.”
“I can imagine,” Riley replied with a hint of amusement.
Cam let out a quiet chuckle, and said, “Yeah.” She averted her gaze and focused it on a loose string on her sheets. “I’m sorry about last night, Riley,” she said softly.
Riley sat up and leaned back against the headboard. “Why were you acting like that? Do you have something against Bri? Do you not like her?”
Cam followed Riley’s movement and sat up, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She shrugged before quietly replying, “I don’t know how to explain it.” She was having a hard enough time rationalizing her thoughts to herself, much less verbalizing them to Riley. She just didn’t like the way she felt seeing them together—Bri touching Riley and obviously flirting.
“Does it have something to do with the fact that everyone thinks she’s gay? Is it that you don’t want to be associated with me if people find out that I am?” Riley asked hesitantly but with an undercurrent of anger.
Cam looked at her with wide eyes. “No,” Cam exclaimed. “You know I don’t have a problem with that.”
“Then, what was it?”
Cam scrambled out of bed and paced the length of her bedroom. Throwing her hands up in frustration, she turned toward Riley and put her hands on her hips. “Ugh, I don’t know. But, come on, she was all over you. I mean just because I don’t have a problem with her being gay, doesn’t mean other people will feel the same way. She didn’t seem that great. And she’s so…tall,” Cam said with a scrunch of her nose.
“Well, that just means she can always reach the top shelf,” Riley replied as she got out of bed and walked around the bed to stand in front of Cam.
“Oh, shut up. It’s not funny. You seriously aren’t thinking of dating her, are you?” Cam replied in a harsh tone as she crossed her arms.
“I don’t understand what your issue is with her. It’s like you’re jealous of her for some reason. Is it because you think she’ll take me away from you or because you have a crush on me?” Riley joked.
Cam’s mouth fell open, her arms dropped to her sides, and she stood stock still. “Wh-wh-what?”
“What’s that look for? Would it be so bad to date me?” Riley placed her hand on her chest, giving Cam her most earnestly hurt face without breaking into a grin.
For several seconds, Cam’s mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. “No, I didn’t say that.” She looked down at the floor and unconsciously mumbled, “It wouldn’t be bad at all.” Cam looked up with panic in her eyes. Shit, did I really just say that? Do I actually want to date her?
Riley’s eyes widened slightly. “What?”
“N-nothing.” Cam said as she shook her head. They both stared at each other, neither one knowing what to say. Just as Riley was about to speak, Cam responded, “I meant what I said last night, Riley. I don’t want to lose you.”
Riley reached over and squeezed Cam’s fingers. “Cam, even if I started dating Bri, which I’m not saying I will. But, if I did, you wouldn’t lose me as a friend. You do know that, right?”
“Yeah, I guess,” she replied as her gaze returned to the floor.
“Look at me, Cam.”
Cam lifted her gaze to Riley’s.
“You are one of my best friends. No one could ever replace you.”
Cam slowly nodded her head. “Okay.”
She wasn’t sure if she believed that, but she also wasn’t sure if she was only scared of losing Riley’s friendship. Deep down she knew her jealousy was stemming from something more, but she still wasn’t ready to explore that and didn’t know how to put it into context.
“Okay, then. Now, let’s go downstairs and make your family some pancakes. Plus, I’m sure you could use some breakfast after throwing up everything you ate last night,” Riley said.
Cam scrunched her nose in reply. “Eww. Why did you have to remind me of that?”
“Isn’t that what friends are for?” Riley teased as she pulled Cam into a hug.
Cam let out a chuckle and melted into Riley’s arms. “Yeah, I guess so.”
Chapter Eleven
Cam spent the next week contemplating the idea of dating Riley. The fact was that she became excited any time she thought about being more than friends with her. It was completely terrifying too. What if she told Riley she had a crush on her only to get shot down? That was a big risk, and one she wasn’t sure if she should, or could, take.
Cam sat at their usual lunch table, waiting for Riley to join her. She unpacked a sandwich and apple while keeping her eye on the exit door of the lunch line. Soon Riley stepped into the main room, bringing a wide smile to Cam’s face. Just as she was about to wave, she watched as Riley looked behind her and Bri came out as well. Cam stared as they exchanged a few words and flirty smiles. Bri touched Riley’s elbow and walked away to her own table. A sense of dread washed over Cam, and she lost her appetite. It wasn’t hard to miss the bright smile Riley had on her face as she walked up to Cam’s table.
“Hey!” she said as she sat next to Cam.
“Hi,” Cam grunted.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Just a bad grade on a calculus quiz.”
“That sucks. Was it a big part of your grade?”
“I don’t think so.” Cam took a bite of her sandwich, only so she wouldn’t have to continue lying. She swallowed and it felt like a rock in her as it went down. She didn’t have the strength to ask about Bri. Just the thought of them dating made her heart heavy.
She continued to pick at her food while Riley ate and chatted about her morning classes. She replied when necessary but didn’t add much to the conversation. They went their separate ways after lunch, but Cam’s concentration vanished for the rest of the day. She tortured herself by replaying the way Riley had smiled at Bri.
She found it ironic that just as she was thinking about being more than friends with Riley, Riley seemed to be interested in someone else. Any hope Cam had was slipping away.
* * *
Christmas break came and the holiday itself went by quickly for Cam. She spent several days hanging out with her entire family. Her dad had taken time off work and stayed at their house for five days, and her mom had announced she was cutting her hours even more at the restaurant and only going to work the weekends Cam and her brothers were at their dad’s house. They spent their days playing games, singing Christmas songs while baking cookies, and watching movies together. It felt almost normal.
Claire spent the break out of town at her grandma’s house, but Riley had been over once or twice to play video games and watch movies. While they continued to hang out, something was missing. Before, everything had felt effortless, but now there seemed to be an elephant in the room—Bri. Cam refused to bring her up. Any confirmation of Bri and Riley dating would be a little too painful, so their conversations over the break were comprised of safer topics like school and what they wanted for Christmas.
Cam knew Claire would be back in town for New Year’s Eve, so she called to see what Claire’s plans were for that night.
“I’m sorry, Cam. I already made plans with Luke. Do you want me to see if we can add you to our dinner reservation?”
“No, don’t worry about it. I’m fine. I’ll call Riley, and if she’s not free, I’ll just hang out with my mom and brothers.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to think I’m abandoning you.”
“No, it’s totally fine. Have fun with Luke.”
“Oh, I will. That is something you don’t have to worry about. We’ll hang out the next day, I promise.”
“Sounds good. See ya.”
After she hung up with Claire, she immediately pulled up Riley’s number, but she hesitated before she pressed the button. What if she had plans with Bri? Would Riley choose Bri over her? Knowing she would
n’t know until she asked, she took a deep breath and called.
“Hey. I was just wondering if you had any plans for New Year’s. Want to come over for another movie marathon?”
“Definitely!”
Surprised, Cam blurted, “You do?”
“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Um, no reason. Come over at six, okay?”
“See you then!”
* * *
New Year’s Eve arrived and Cam reminded her mom that Riley was staying the night. “Okay. Let me know if you guys need anything. The boys and I will have our own movie marathon until one of us falls asleep, and we all know it’ll probably be me first,” she said with a wink.
“It definitely will be.”
The doorbell rang and Cam found Riley outside wearing the same pajama pants but a different T-shirt than their first movie marathon night. “Hi, let’s head upstairs and get started.”
“Lead the way. I’m ready to load up on junk food!” Riley exclaimed as they made their way into Cam’s room.
Laughing, Cam set out pretzels, popcorn, chocolate chip cookies, and brownies on the bed as Riley picked out their movie lineup. Cam also placed a bottle of water and can of pop on each of the nightstands. Riley had chosen several comedies and one Disney movie as their choices for the evening.
Just as they settled on the bed, Riley’s phone beeped. She picked it up with a smile and let out a laugh when she opened up the message.
Curious, Cam asked, “What’s so funny?”
Riley typed a reply as she said, “It’s just a message from Bri. She was wishing me a happy new year and sent a picture of her and her little sister in pink face masks.”
“Oh,” Cam replied, dejected.
Riley put her phone on the nightstand and turned to Cam with concern. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Cameron, I can tell something is. It’s written all over your face. You’re upset about something.”