Ben already has his favorite waiting in the car, transferred to a thermos mug so it’s still hot, and one of those cookie things a rival coffee shop has started selling recently. Xander looks touched when Ben gives them to him. “Thanks, man,” he says.
Xander perks up more in the car. He tells Ben all about New York and what he’s been doing. How much he loves the city. Ben feels a pang, but keeps smiling, listening. Then Xander has to know. “Where are we going?” he asks. Ben likes him like this, all curious, wanting his surprise.
He smirks at Xander and says, “Wait and see.”
“I think I prefer you in subspace,” Xander grumbles. “More compliant.”
“What am I like?” Ben asks. “I mean, when I’m like that.”
Xander looks out the window. “Um. Quiet mostly.”
“Mostly?”
“Sometimes you say things.”
This is news to Ben. He starts worrying, hoping he hasn’t said anything bad. “Like what?”
“Poetry. Plays sometimes, some Shakespeare, I think. Stuff I don’t always recognize. Some of it I think might be original.”
“You’re fucking with me.”
“I’m not fucking with you,” Xander says, grinning into his coffee. “I’d almost call it adorable, but it’s too intense for that.”
Ben is genuinely shocked. “Like what? What do I say?”
“Well,” Xander says. “Once you quoted Donne. ‘Love's mysteries in souls do grow, but yet the body is his book.’ I had to look it up afterwards.”
“Shut the fuck up, I did not. You’re a lying liar from Liesville.”
“I’m a truthy truthster from Truthtown,” Xander says. “And you did.”
Ben laughs, wondering. “What else?”
Xander lifts an eyebrow. “Elizabeth Barrett Browning. Again, had to look it up. I always thought you’d prefer her husband. And I must say, I’m impressed with your poetry knowledge.”
Ben stares at him.
“Jesus, Benjamin, watch the road!” Xander says, alarmed. He grabs the dash.
“What exactly did I say?” Ben demands, swerving back into the proper lane.
“I asked you if you were crying,” Xander says softly. “And you said, ‘Touch it; the marble eyelids are not wet: If it could weep, it could arise and go.’ It stopped me in my tracks, actually.”
The fact that Xander knows the quote by heart himself now does not escape Ben’s notice. But it’s all too much for Ben to process right now. “It’s probably just bullshit,” he tells Xander. He has absolutely no memory of it, although it’s true he did study Donne and Barrett Browning in a college poetry course. He adds, “Meaningless stuff, like dreams are just fragments your subconscious throws up. And besides, I don’t cry.”
“Mm,” Xander says.
“And furthermore, Lizzie B-B was much more awesome than Robert Browning, so bite me.”
Xander is laughing, finally cheered up after the lack of sleep and the long flight. “So are you going to tell me where we’re headed?”
“Nope. We’re nearly there, anyway.”
And then they are. Ben pulls in to a park on the street and they get out. Xander looks up and down the street. “To be honest, I was expecting a sex shop,” he says to Ben.
“And you were right,” Ben says with an evil grin. “Et voila.” He waves his hand across the street at a dingy little store with a large black and white sign over the top: BLADES.
Xander looks at it, looks at Ben. “Um,” he says. “I don’t think –”
“No, don’t say anything,” Ben says hurriedly. “I’ve thought about it. A lot. I’m not saying I won’t freak out and safe word and want to stop, but.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I want to do something for you. I want to try something really intense. Something you want. Just to see.”
Ben can see the emotions flickering across Xander’s face. Shock, lust, relief, concern, tension, blankness. Sees the Great Wall of China stacking itself skyward in those brown eyes.
“Oh, no you don’t,” Ben says immediately. “This is my choice. It’s your present, but it’s my choice to give it to you.”
Xander is still holding the empty coffee cup. Ben takes it from his hand and replaces it in the car. “Come on,” he says, pulling his hand. “I Googled. These guys are the best in town. And you’ve never done anything I’ve regretted - well, except for the sharpie. But I trust you.”
He half expects Xander to argue, or start to list clauses and warnings. But he doesn’t. He swallow, licks his lips. “Okay,” he says. “We can look.”
Xander flicks the knife open and closed in his hand the whole way back to his home, staring at it like it holds the mysteries of the universe.
“Seriously, though,” he says. “I think this is the best present I’ve ever had.” He’s said the same thing three times.
“Good,” Ben says for the third time, feeling smug. It’s a small blade, because there are laws about carrying these things that he didn’t really listen to, although Xander did, attentively. But it’s sharp, enough to cut Xander’s thumb just by pressing gently. “So, when we get back –”
“No, no, no,” Xander says. “When we get back, I’m going to eat, fuck you, then sleep. I’m exhausted.” Ben pouts. “Besides, what I want to do is going to take time to work out. And it would have to be when you could have recovery time.”
“I always need that,” Ben shrugs. But he is pleased beyond words that Xander’s mind is firing over the possibilities.
“No,” Xander says. “Not like you’ll need for this. And besides, I’ll need recovery time too.”
“Fine,” Ben sighs heavily, but he’s intrigued by the dark promise in Xander’s words. When they reach Xander’s apartment, Ben takes his bag, and Xander takes his knife, still fascinated by it. Ben has to remind him that he has the keys to the door.
Noah and Henry, Xander’s pets, are still with Joe, which means they have the place to themselves. When Xander sees the food in his fridge, he tries to hide his face, but Ben catches his look of adoration. Ben is starting to feel like the Perfect Boyfriend.
“Yeah, I thought you’d be hungry,” he says nonchalantly, as Xander starts grabbing out the dips, falafels, spanakopita, marinated mushrooms. Ben got most of them from the local Greek place, but he did machete the vegetables for dipping himself.
“Jesus, Ben,” Xander says with his mouth full. “I have to go away more often.”
“No!” Ben says. “No, definitely not.”
Once Xander has eaten enough – but not too much, Ben makes sure of that, because he’s certainly not having him falling asleep before the sex – he showers, and Ben waits impatiently in bed. Xander comes to him smelling of that weird soap he likes, and with wet hair. He slides into Ben’s arms and kisses him hard.
“I did miss you,” Xander says. “So much.”
“Show me,” Ben says.
“I’m so tired,” Xander groans.
“I believe in you.” Ben palms Xander’s crotch, smiling into his neck. “Yep.”
“Mm. I’m starting to believe in me too. But listen, I need to tell you –”
Ben cuts him off with a kiss. “Tell me later, all about New York. Right now I just want you to use my body.” He gives a brilliant grin.
But even fatigued, Xander likes to have him subservient. “Get down there and suck. Like you mean it. If you’re good enough, I might wake up enough to fuck you. Otherwise, you don’t get to cum.”
Ben dives. It’s been too long since he’s had Xander in his mouth. He uses some tricks he’s learned off the internet, which make Xander gasp and definitely wakes him up.
“Jesus!” he hears Xander saying. “Have you been practicing?”
“No, I –”
But Xander grabs his neck and shoves him back down before he can explain. Not that Ben is complaining. He works his way down, starts jacking him and sucks his balls into his mouth. His saliva drips enough that he takes a tentative try at rubbing his fingers do
wn further, down between Xander’s crack, but Xander yanks his hair.
“Oh, no, Benjamin,” he laughs. “No, no, no. Not even any time in your dreams, not yet. Takes a lot of mileage before you get something like that.”
Ben growls, but obediently keeps his fingers to himself. “Are you going to fuck me, or what?”
“Wow, you sure are looking for a lonely night,” Xander yawns.
“But you said –”
“I said do a good job, not backchat until I give in.”
Ben wants to protest, wants to say he’ll just take care of himself anyway if Xander doesn’t like it, but he doesn’t. There was one time when Xander caught him jerking off after he wasn’t supposed to, and he doesn’t want to repeat that experience. It was painful.
“I’m sorry,” he says, and means it. Goes back to sucking. Uses his tongue like Xander does when he wants to make him shoot in record time, flicking into the slit and rubbing under his ridge. Cradles his sac with an infinitely gentle pressure.
“Okay, enough,” Xander gasps a few minutes later. “You’ve made your point. I’ll fuck you.”
Ben smiles arrogantly, but isn’t dumb enough to keep it on his face by the time he gets back up to Xander’s. “Hi,” he says.
“Hi. Turn over.”
Okay. Apparently it’s going to be quick and dirty, but Ben is fine with that. He hears Xander scrabble in the nightstand, and spreads his legs automatically.
“You’re like a well-trained dog, Benjamin,” Xander tells him. “Good boy.”
Ben stifles his groan in the pillow, his cock throbbing. He can hear noises as Xander slicks himself up with lube, and tenses slightly as fingers touch him, invade.
“You like that?” Xander asks. “Tell me.”
“I’ve missed it,” Ben pants. Xander’s fingers are probing, teasing. “You can’t go away again without fucking me for two days straight before, okay? Give me something to remember next time.”
“You won’t remember me otherwise?” Xander snarls. He pushes higher, but not high enough.
“Fuck. Yeah, no, I didn’t mean –”
“Quiet,” Xander whispers, and it’s an order. Ben shuts up immediately. Xander slides his cock in, slowly, inching, listening for his breathing. "Oh, I have missed this," Xander says. He pulls Ben's hips back into him sharply, then holds him down by the wrists. "I have missed having a Benjamin of my own to play with."
Ben feels the familiar buzzing in his head, the sign he’s slipping under.
“Are you going to quote poetry for me tonight, Benjamin?” is the last thing he really remembers hearing that makes any sense. After that, it’s all feeling and floating. He feels Xander holding him down and hears him come, feels him come, feels him biting, but it’s all far away. He tries to say he wants to be there too, and Xander apparently is a mind reader, because soon after that Ben feels his orgasm overtake him, his dick jerking obediently in Xander’s hand.
Ben wakes up so early that it’s still dark, and Xander isn’t there. He pads out to the lounge area, naked.
“What are you doing?” he yawns. Xander is sitting at the computer, reading something.
“I’m still on east coast time,” he says apologetically. “Sorry. I didn’t think you’d wake up.” He stands up, stretches. “Come back to bed with me,” he says, smiling.
“Okay.” Ben is still half asleep anyway.
Xander pulls him into a tight embrace once they’re back in bed. “Oof,” Ben says. “What’s that for?”
“I missed you, dumbass.”
“I missed you, too.”
“You quoted Seneca,” Xander says, sounding like he can’t hold it back any longer. “Seneca.”
“What?” Ben yawns. He was in a play, he recalls. In high school. Something by Seneca, because their drama teacher had a hard-on for the Romans. “Well. I am pretty awesome like that, apparently.” Xander squeezes him again. “What the hell did I say? Was it in freaking Latin or something?”
Xander starts laughing. “You’re not that awesome.” He moves up to lean over Ben, murmurs into his ear. “Where am I? Beneath the sun’s rising, or beneath the turning point of the icy Bear?”
“Oh, yeah,” Ben mumbles. “I remember. I was Hercules.”
“Does that make me your icy bear?” Xander asks. But Ben is too tired to keep up.
“Sure,” he says. “You can be my icy bear, Xander.”
There’s a pause, and Ben drifts. “Baby, I really need to tell you –” Xander whispers, but Ben is asleep before he hears the rest of the sentence.
Continue the odyssey with Ben and Xander in part three of the Rough Love serial: Marked by Him, available now.
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Next
Marked by Him
Xander Romano’s career is making demands he’s not sure he can agree to. And so is his boyfriend Ben, who’s pushing Xander to try out his new present. Only it’s the gift of fear that Xander’s most interested in, and Xander isn’t sure if Ben is ready to go that deep.
Ben Ballard doesn’t believe any scene with Xander could get truly scary. He knows Xander, and he knows Xander would never really hurt him. Xander might play at being the Big Bad Wolf, but underneath, he’s a big softie.
Right?
Find out what happens when Xander blows the house down…
Rough Love can be rough. Please proceed with caution if you have any triggers.
Marked by Him is the part four of the Rough Love serial. Join Ben and Xander in their continuing odyssey of self-discovery and experimentation as they work out the kinks together. Never fear - these two will get their HEA. It'll just take them some time to figure out what that happy ending looks like for them...
Rough Love can be rough. Please continue with caution if you have any triggers.
Read on now.
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Dared by Him (Rough Love Book 3) Page 5