“He found out about the Nyte experiments, Lai,” Ellis says. “He was trying to find better proof of it before bringing it to the public—but the Council discovered what he was trying to do. They hunted him and he became paranoid. He was too afraid of getting us killed to share it with us, so he kept trying to fix it on his own. But he couldn’t win. The Council set up his suicide.”
My skin is ice-cold despite the heat. I don’t understand. That can’t be right. “But the letters he left us—”
“Yours was coded, too, wasn’t it?” Ellis asks. “I’m guessing he asked you to take over the Order in yours.”
I don’t answer.
She laughs, but it sounds strangled. “He told me the truth about what happened in mine. How funny that he left us such different letters and yet we each raised an army in response.” Her eyes roam over the Order members assembled behind me, prepared to fight. “I have a feeling he never guessed what you intended to do with the Order once you took over.”
“I never intended for this to happen. I never wanted this to happen. If you hadn’t started the rebels, I—” But I don’t know what I would’ve done. It’s true I would’ve kept the Order going, would’ve tried to make it the best it could be to fulfill Luke’s last wish, but I never would’ve steered it in the direction of war. That’s not what Luke would have wanted. None of this is what Luke would have wanted. The truth of his death weighs heavy in my chest—but it doesn’t change the present.
“No matter what the Council did to Luke, that’s no excuse for wiping out the ungifted.” My voice lowers. “The Sara I knew was kind, compassionate—she never would’ve wished anyone dead, let alone an entire sector full of innocent people.” I can only look at her, willing her to understand. “You let them warp you, Sara. But it doesn’t have to be like this. Please. All you have to do is call off this attack.”
Ellis stares at me for an endless moment. Against the odds, hope sputters in my chest. Maybe she’ll change her mind. Maybe she’ll realize how wrong what she’s doing is and we can stop meaninglessly shedding blood. But she shakes her head.
“I thought once you knew what they did to Luke, you’d realize I was right,” she says. “I thought you’d finally see sense. But I guess the time for trying to reason with you is over, Lai.” She raises her hand in signal to attack. The rebels surge forward, with the Order following suit, and the two sides crash together around me.
34
ERIK
I KNEW I’D have to fight people I really didn’t want to—I just didn’t think it’d happen so soon. Everyone I cross weapons with is a face I recognize. I grit my teeth and see them do the same as we go at each other. But I can’t kill them. Even though it feels like a betrayal to the Order, I leave them alone as soon as they’re on the ground or they retreat. We just have to stall for time until the military gets here, right? It’s not like I have to kill for us to win. Once the rebels see the military, they’ll surrender, right? Just like that last terrible battle. They will. They’ll have to.
But the worst comes way sooner than I’m ready for. I’m racing through the crowd, dodging and alternately lashing out, when I run into the one person I want to avoid the most. The same person I need to take down for Lai’s plan to work.
Cal stands in front of me, sword raised, breathing heavily from the battle as we both see each other and freeze.
“Cal,” I start, but he rushes in before I can say anything else. I lift my sword to block his. Sparks fly off the metal.
“I don’t want to hear it.” His eyes are shining, but I can’t tell if it’s from rage or tears. Either way, it rips through my chest like a freshly sharpened saw. “Whatever excuses you have, I don’t care.”
“Cal, please, just listen to me.”
He puts more strength behind his sword until I have to fall back. He follows after me and swings for another attack. I duck, recognizing from all our practices together the posture he uses when he’s about to feint a hit. I come up on his side and aim a blow that would only graze him if it connects, but he jumps back and avoids it.
“I understood when you lost your memories,” Cal says. He rushes at me again. “But this? You tricked us—you were betraying us the whole time!” I can only defend against his onslaught of blows as I feel myself getting pushed farther and farther back. “We took you in, gave you a place to call home, trusted you—and all along, you were telling our enemies exactly how to beat us. How many of my friends did you get killed? How many people have suffered because of you?”
“You think I wanted it to turn out like this?” I finally manage to get the advantage when I twist my sword around his and thrust it down. He barely raises it back up in time to block my next attack. “I only wanted you all to stop this stupid war—but Ellis is so bent on killing everyone she can’t even listen to reason, and you and everyone else just follow along even when you know this is wrong. You think I enjoyed selling everyone out? You think guilt wasn’t eating me alive the whole time I was there? You think I didn’t come to care about everyone and think of you guys as my friends?” My voice cracks on the last word, and Cal’s next swing strikes me across the chest.
I gasp as warm blood trickles down my skin, over my armor—but I know it isn’t deep enough to be serious. It takes Cal by surprise as much as me, though. He hesitates, staring at the injury he made with something caught between horror and grief. But he runs at me again.
“If you really thought of us as friends, you wouldn’t have sold us out,” he says. I duck beneath his swing, chest stinging, and lift my sword to block a hit from the side. “You wouldn’t have gotten our comrades killed.”
“I thought if I could end the war sooner, it’d save more lives on both sides.” I shove his sword back with my own and aim a kick at his knees. He jumps over my leg. “I hoped if it looked like you guys couldn’t win, you’d be willing to call a truce.”
“You thought we’d give up?” Cal demands. “You really thought we’d abandon everything we’ve worked so hard for all these years just because we were at a disadvantage? You don’t know anything. You don’t understand us at all.”
I say nothing. He charges again.
We keep at it without talking anymore. Before I went back to the rebels, I relied on my telekinesis to save my ass and barely knew how to use my sword. It was Cal who helped me relearn. He made me want to get better; his belief in me made me want to live up to his expectations. When I finally managed to beat him for the first time in one of our practice spars, his eyes were gleaming with pride—with confidence in me. When was the last time anyone looked at me like that?
But in the end, all I gave him in return was a knife in the back. I can see it in his eyes as he swings his sword, the tension in his muscles that was never there when we practiced together. He’s fighting for more than this war right now. I wonder if he’s even thinking of the rebels’ cause.
He has every right to want to kill me. But I am not going to die here.
We keep trading blows. My arms start to feel like lead, but I continue pushing back. If I mess up even for a second, I’m going to die. This isn’t the time to be careless.
My chance comes when Cal lunges too far forward. I swing my blade near the hilt of his sword, putting all the strength I have in the blow, and it flies out of his hands with a harsh clang.
He stares at his empty hands, then back at me. Since I still have Gabriel’s power crystal and he somehow miraculously hasn’t taken back its power, Cal’s gift of manipulating the wind won’t work on me. And he knows it.
Slowly, his hands fall to his sides. “It’s your win, Erik.”
I can’t move. I hadn’t actually thought about what I’d do if I won. I can’t just let Cal go like I did with the other rebels. He’s one of their top leaders and a crazy-good fighter. He’s not even really hurt. If I let him go, he’ll just pick up his sword and keep fighting—and I can’t let the possibility of him hurting my friends exist.
But I don’t want to kill him.
And the longer I stare at him, the more I realize I can’t kill him. Not Cal. Not the person who accepted me as I was and taught me the things I was supposed to know but didn’t. Not the person who laughed with me and helped me and believed in me. Not my best friend.
The tip of my sword falls. My eyes start to burn, and I blink back whatever’s trying to come out. “I can’t,” I say quietly. “Not you.”
He looks at me with such surprise that guilt stabs my stomach worse than a blade. Of course he must think I don’t care after everything I did. Of course he wouldn’t believe me if I said how much I cared about him, about our friendship.
“Cal,” I say. “Do you really believe the only way to finish this is to destroy the sectors? That it’s best to kill all those tens of thousands of people? I never for a second thought you were a heartless murderer. But is that really what you’re fighting to become?”
He doesn’t say anything. I can feel people around us watching—a lot like when Ellis and Lai fought each other last time. I realize they’re waiting to see what Cal will do. He’s one of the rebels’ leaders—and the most outgoing, friendliest one. It didn’t take me long after I joined the rebels to realize how much they love Cal for his kindness and good humor. Whatever he chooses to do right now could have a huge impact on them. It could buy the Order the time it needs without Cal having to die for it.
Please, Cal. Please make the choice you know is right.
Cal sighs, long and low, and finally lifts his head to look at me. He almost smiles. “You’ve gotten soft,” he says. I stiffen. “But you know, I kind of like that. You always were too distant before. I … was really happy when you came back, Erik. Not just because I could be with my best friend again. But because you were even better than before.”
A heavy weight crushes my chest, but I don’t know what to say. The tears from before are threatening again, and I blink them back, hard.
Cal almost laughs. But it disappears right away, and exhaustion as heavy as Lai’s replaces it. “I’m … so tired of this fight, Erik.”
“Then let’s end it. Together. We don’t need to lose anyone else, Cal.”
He looks at me for a long time. I think he’s going to say it’s already impossible or that he’d rather die than give up here. But then he raises his voice and says for everyone around us to hear, “I’m surrendering. I have no reason to continue fighting for this war.”
When I run to hug him, the tears finally fall.
35
AL
THERE’RE SO MANY people I can barely see in front of me. I stick close to Jay and a few others. We’ve managed to form a tight group, watching out for one another and teaming up to take on anyone too strong for just one of us to fight. It’s the first time I’ve ever fought back-to-back like this in a real fight for so long. Usually I go off on my own once I get impatient trying to match everyone else’s pace. But when my halberd misses its mark, Jay’s there to cover for me. His knives flash in the light, tracing his movements better than my eyes can. He’s gotten a lot faster than when we first met. And stronger.
We tag-team a huge, broad-shouldered girl. I act as the distraction and pull her attention toward me, swinging and thrusting my halberd at any opening I can. Jay circles and strikes as soon as she’s too focused on me, diving in with his blades before she can block, then backing out again to safety. Together, it doesn’t take us long to beat her.
We regroup with our other allies, forming an outward-facing ring with weapons bared. Anyone who’s dumb enough to approach us quickly realizes their mistake.
At one point as I swing my halberd, feeling a rush of adrenaline as I let loose, I catch sight of my brother in the distance. I don’t know what made me notice him, especially when he’s so far out and not even in the battle itself—just watching from the top of a shaky-looking pillar of boulders—but I recognize him instantly. His eyes scan the battle, and even from here I can see the look of worry on his face. I remember how he just watched during the last fight, too. Of course. Gabriel’s always been physically weak—it’s why I never suspected him of being a Nyte. It’d be suicide for him to join.
He’s my target—and if I take him out like I said I would, not only would it be a punch in the face to the rebels since he’s one of their leaders, but it means his neutralization gift would disappear, too. This fight would be a lot easier for our side. It’d be so simple to cut a path through to him. To stand at the bottom of that pillar and shove it over.
But I don’t. Taking him out would be a huge help for the Order, and maybe it would even make me feel satisfied about successfully carrying out my revenge. But he’s so far away. To go after him would mean abandoning Jay and the others. Right now, my friends need me to fight by their sides. And I still don’t even know if I actually want to kill him or not anymore. I’ve had time to think about what he said in that last battle. I think I believe him. But I want to talk to him more first.
I keep my back to Jay’s, and we steadily, calmly take down another rebel. And then another. And another. I know Jay senses my mood change by the way he’s tensed up, but when I don’t make any move to run away, he loosens up again.
Guilt flares through my stomach. What have I been doing? Abandoning my friends in battle. Leaving them to chase after pointless revenge. Paul died because I acted like that. Jay could’ve died in that last fight. Maybe he would’ve if he hadn’t gotten so much stronger. I’m not about to throw anything else away for the past. Never again.
“Doing okay?” Jay calls over the clang and shouts of battle. His arm is bleeding, but it doesn’t look deep. He has one eye on me, the other on Lai, where she’s fighting with Peter and Amal against a trio of rebels. Erik took off a while ago, but I’m not as worried about him. He can hold his own.
“Okay, enough,” I say as I ward off a blow that would’ve otherwise hit my collarbone.
I see him nod slightly out of the corner of my eye, more to himself than me. “All right.”
“Stick close to me,” I say. My attention is on Lai now, too, as she thrusts her spear through one of the rebels’ shoulders and flings him to the ground. Even though she’s still figuring out how to fight one-armed, she’s a terror on the battlefield. “We’re going to make it out of this alive. All of us, together.”
Another nod. “That goes without saying.” But I can hear the relief in his voice.
We keep fighting when my eye catches Gabriel again—much, much closer than last time. Way closer than he should be. He’s actually in the fight, swinging a sword he obviously knows how to use and just as obviously doesn’t have enough strength to wield with any serious threat. In his other arm he holds a shield—something he actually is using well. He’s relying on it a lot more than his weapon.
“What is that idiot doing?” I mutter. “He’s going to get himself killed.”
“Who?” Jay’s voice spikes with alarm as he follows my line of sight. When he doesn’t recognize the person I’m looking at, he frowns. “Is that your brother?”
But I don’t really hear Jay’s question. Gabriel’s close. Close enough that I should go take care of him as my target.
No. I need to stay here. What if something happens to Lai or Jay or the others? I refuse to lose any of them.
But he’s going to die like that. I have to do something.
Why do I care? I don’t. Let that dumbass get himself killed. It doesn’t concern me. In fact, he can take care of my job for me.
“Al,” Jay says. “It’s okay. Go. We’ll be all right here.”
I hesitate. But Jay’s voice is certain, and I know I’ll regret it later if I don’t. “I’ll be quick,” I say. “Just shout if you need me and I’ll be back before you can blink.”
“I know you will.”
I take off running.
An Order member is attacking my brother. He shuffles back awkwardly under the weight of the blows he’s taking on his shield. When I get closer, I recognize the Order member. “Hey, Irina,” I shout. “I’ve got
this—can you go help Jay and the others?”
She looks up at the sound of my voice. Maybe because she’s used to following my orders during training, she doesn’t question me before running in the direction I came from.
Gabriel looks more surprised than she did. “Alary?”
I swing my halberd, but I aim for his shield and do it slowly, without a lot of power so it’s easy to block. He still staggers back. “What are you doing here?” I hiss. “You can’t fight—your body’s never been strong enough for something like this!”
“I can’t just watch my friends put their lives on the line and not do anything.” Even though he’s so weak, his eyes are hard. “If there’s something I can do to help, I…”
I cut my halberd toward his side, giving him plenty of time to block it. This time, he realizes I’m not seriously attacking him and looks at me warily. “What are you doing? I thought you said next time you saw me, you were going to kill me.”
“I said I was going to kill you if I saw fit,” I say. “I haven’t decided just yet, so don’t go counting your blessings.” But as I aim another careful hit, I have a feeling I already know what my decision is. I could easily kill him. He’d deserve it, if not for killing our parents, then for running away when we were kids, and again for joining the rebels. I’d be totally justified if I killed him right here and now. He’s an enemy leader on the battlefield. This is war.
But he came out here and risked his life because he didn’t want to just sit back and watch his friends die. Even though he knew he wasn’t a fighter, he was still willing to fight beside them. Would a terrible person really do that?
I don’t know whether I accidentally put too much power into my next hit or if Gabriel’s grip came loose, but his shield goes flying into the crowd of people battling around us. He watches it go sadly. “You always did beat me, even when we were kids.”
“Sorry to break it to you, Brother, but you’ve never been hard to beat.”
An Outcast and an Ally Page 27