by Con Template
Resembling a sweaty pig or not, I wasn’t going to let him mock me. I carefully hopped off the stairmaster for a fleeting moment and crouched down to retrieve my earpiece from my gym bag. I dramatically stuck the earpiece into my ear and jumped back onto the stairmaster. I wasted no time in confronting him.
“You,” I growled. My lungs gasped for air. Below me, the level on my stairmaster increased from ten to thirteen. Fire blazed in my eyes. “What the hell did you feed me? Why am I craving sweets so much?”
He sighed, already anticipating my reaction. With a casual inhalation of his cigarette, he decided to enlighten me on the new reality of my life. “The doughnut was for your cravings.”
Okay, that much I knew.
“And the hot chocolate?”
“To slow your metabolism down and double the calories of any sweets you digest.”
“What?!” I shrieked, scaring everyone in the near-empty gym. Because I had my earpiece on, I didn’t shy away with my reaction. At this point, I didn’t give a damn if people thought I was crazy. I had more important matters to tend to—like yelling at a Demon who decided to fuck with my metabolism. “You fed me demonic-crack doughnut and demonic-crack hot chocolate?”
He bobbed his head. His expression was utterly guiltless. “I did.”
“You cruel bastard!” I screeched. I panted heavily, my legs growing weaker with every progressing step. Sweat was dripping off of me like rain, and if it were possible, I could swear that there was steam wafting from my ears. It took my last vestige of control to not cuss at him. “How could you do this to a former overweight girl? Do you know how hard it was for me to lose weight and discipline myself in the first place?”
“Gracie,” he began diplomatically, “there are very few things in life that you care about. You’ve killed your family, you couldn’t care less about the acquaintances you call your friends, and you don’t exactly have an empathetic bone in your body. You are the very embodiment of a selfish and self-absorbed human being. The only thing you care about is your control over your life. You value your drive to be the best in life and your vanity—your superficiality taking precedence. I’m not doing anything to hurt you physically, but you have to understand that it only leaves me with the psychological part. The only device I’m left with is using your own obsession against you. It is my best option if I even want a remote chance of getting you to turn over your soul to me.”
“You asshole,” I growled breathlessly. If this were someone else he was screwing over, then I would applaud him for his brilliant strategy. Since it was me that he was screwing over, I harbored only resentment for him.
Although I knew that he felt slightly bad for making me suffer, I could still see the amusement in his eyes. He was darn happy to see me so affected by his method of attack. It only meant that he was one step closer to owning my soul.
“Go find yourself another human and life would be easier for you, Demon,” I replied, nearly dying from the rapid pace of the moving stairs. Screwing with my grades was one thing, but my weight and my weakness towards sweets was another thing entirely. This battle was getting more gruesome and unforgiving. The most frustrating thing was that I was losing. I was frigging losing to him.
And while I may have been losing, I wasn’t going to give up.
Some may say that because I had sadistic tendencies, then it would mean that I had no soul and there was no point in hanging onto it. Even though I was a horrible person to begin with, in my mind, sadistic tendencies or not, I was still a human being with a soul. As long as this was true, then I would hold onto it until the end.
My soul—what was left of my humanity—was mine and mine alone.
I would never part with it.
“I’m . . . I'm not . . . giving you . . . my soul,” I said in between pants. Conviction emanated from every word I uttered. “Not . . . now . . . not ever.”
Eclipse merely chuckled at my answer. My back was hunched over and I was on level thirteen of the stairmaster. I was sweating and huffing up a storm. It was clear that he found hilarity in my stubborn nature. On the flip side, he also understood that with every battle, all it took was one moment of weakness and the winner would be crowned. His eyes challenged me to be that winner because it was clear that he truly believed he was going to get my soul.
“Thirteen servings of doughnuts and hot chocolate, all of which are doubled in calories,” he noted lightly. He stood up from his seat and approached me with a purposeful gait. There was a sinful glint in his eyes when he added, “That’s a hell of an endeavor to burn off.” He then flashed a wicked smile that silently promised he’d win this battle against me. “Good luck with your futile efforts. When you’re ready to be kinder to yourself, you know the right words to say.” He courteously angled his head at me. “Have a good workout, Gracie.”
In a blink of an eye, he was gone, leaving me to dwell in my own state of misery.
With a pout and the urge to cry myself to sleep, especially after being reminded that I had to burn off the doubled calories of thirteen doughnuts and hot chocolates, I added another hour onto the stairmaster. I seriously contemplated jumping to my death as the excruciating seconds became more endless.
Only two hours and ten more minutes to go.
●●●
After my hellish gym session, I pathetically rested on the bench outside of the gym’s building. I was in pain and my entire body was in shock. The most blasphemous part of all was that I was still hungry for the culprits that led me into this misery in the first place.
The banana I was munching on was doing a horrible job of quelling my cravings for sweets because I didn’t want healthy sweets. I wanted unhealthy sweets that were fattening and delicious, and I couldn’t despise this craving more. I groaned in despair, taking the last bite of my banana when I heard soft footsteps approach me.
“Hi ma’am!” the little chipmunk voice greeted me, snapping me out of my thoughts. While still laying down on the bench, I angled my head in the direction of the voice. I came face-to-face with a cute chubby kid who was about six-years-old. He was holding a brown carton box and was smiling innocently at me. “Ma’am, would you like to buy some chocolates? If I sell a lot, my fieldtrip gets paid for and I get a really cool yoyo!”
My eyes blossomed at the prospect of chocolates.
I propelled upright and gaped at him with open judgment. How simultaneously cruel and ingenious was this kid to come to a gym to sell his damn chocolates? I had never felt so pissed off and so thankful to see some cute chubby kid selling me chocolates. I didn’t know where the kid came from, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care about how much it cost, I didn’t care if eating these chocolates would make my efforts at the gym today useless, and I didn’t care if I would feel guilty after I was done eating them. All I cared about was my chocolates.
“Give me the whole box.”
His eyes enlarged into the size of golf balls. “Really?”
I nodded vehemently, feeling more and more bitter towards him as each second passed. Innocent or not, he was the harbinger of temptation and he was playing a key role in screwing up my diet.
It was odd for me to realize that after being tortured by Eclipse, I had actually forgotten all about my sadistic inclinations. It wasn’t that I forgot that I had sadistic tendencies, but for some strange reason, I just hadn’t had the urge to revel in someone else's misery lately. However, now that I was reminded of it, I could feel the need spike up again. I was desperate for another dosage of someone’s despair and this kid would be the perfect victim.
I tossed the banana peel underneath a shady area and then handed the child a wad of money for his box of chocolates. He definitely picked the wrong time and the wrong person to approach. I was not the nicest person to be around when I was tired, hungry, and just plain pissed off. I could feel my chest constrict in need, and I knew that this kid had to be the one to quench the thirst I was yearning for . . .
“Thank you, ma’am!” the little
boy shouted, giving me a polite bow.
I nodded dismissively at him and began unwrapping my first chocolate bar. I bit into it and groaned out in joy. While munching on my chocolates and knowing all too well that I was doubling my caloric intake, I kept my eyes on the cute fat kid as he walked away in glee. He was so happy to be able to sell his entire box of chocolates that he didn't even notice that there was a banana peel waiting for him in the darkness. He was getting closer and closer to it. Then—
I expelled a tortured sigh.
I should have let him step on it because his misery would make me feel better. For reasons that evaded my own understanding, I couldn’t do it. My sadistic tendencies—alive as they were—weren’t powerful enough to overshadow the sense of morality I felt for the kid. I didn’t have the heart to hurt him, even though I really wanted to enjoy someone’s misfortune.
“Hey cutie,” I called out just as his small feet were about to unknowingly make contact with the banana peel. He turned to me, blushing at the name I had called him. I imagined he must’ve had a small crush on me and that me calling him a “cutie” just lit up his little world.
Ah damn, why do I always have such a weakness when it comes to innocent and cute-looking kids?
“Yes ma’am?” he responded, jogging back in a cheerful bounce.
I smiled and handed him twenty dollars. “Here’s the money to buy your yoyo because you’re so cute.” I laughed before adding, “The next time you see me, please don’t bring me anymore chocolates to buy, okay? I don’t want to get cavities.”
His eyes broadened even more. He nodded his head fervently. “Okay! I won’t sell you chocolates anymore!”
I laughed my approval and patted his head. “Good. Now, there’s a banana peel over there.” I pointed in the direction I had tossed it. “Can you do me a favor and throw it in the trashcan before someone slips on it and hurt themselves?”
He bobbed his head, bowing to me once more before he happily ran over to pick up the banana peel. He hurled it into a nearby trashcan and ran to his older sister shouting, “Lala! I can buy my yoyo now because I’m cute!”
As he disappeared into the crowded streets with his sister, I bitterly bit into my chocolate. I chastised myself for throwing away the chance of hurting someone and being able to revel in their despair. I didn’t have the heart to hurt anyone tonight and because of this, the tension in my body was going to plague me for the entire night.
Great. Another thing to look forward to, I thought grumpily.
It was only after I took in a deep breath that a realization washed over me. I belatedly conjured up an idea of what I could do to make my life more bearable. More importantly, I realized what I could do to defend myself against a Demon like Eclipse.
Why didn’t I think of this before?
If Eclipse could wreak havoc on my life, then why couldn’t I do the same to him?
I could feel my sadistic heart beat in excitement at the prospect of something so thrilling. I couldn’t believe this idea hadn’t come to me sooner. A cold and malicious smile slid across my lips. I finally saw the light at the end of a once impenetrable tunnel.
The overbearing and cunning Demon had no idea who he was fucking with. He did not know that he had awoken the monster inside me. If he wanted to play dirty, then I would play dirty with him.
“You have no idea who you’re messing with,” I said in a low voice, eager to get started with my plan. “I’m going to destroy you.”
Eclipse started the battle.
Now I was declaring war.
"Don’t you see the irrefutable truth?"
11 : Picking on a Demon
At a young age, I learned all too quickly about my sadistic tendencies.
When I was first admitted into the psychiatric hospital, I had always known that my fondness for sadism was alive inside me. I also knew that this was something I needed to hide.
It first started off with small animals—mainly butterflies. During our free time outside, I’d always run around in the gardens, catching butterflies in my hands and bringing them back inside with me. There, I’d do what I always did: sit at one of the windows, think about my life, brood about how much I hated being held captive, and then I’d rip the wings off of the butterflies. I wanted other living things to feel as trapped as I did, as helpless as I did, and as miserable as I did. It was only after that did I feel calm and collected again.
This sadistic and disturbing method of therapy gradually evolved into something a bit more . . . frowned upon.
Within my group of friends at the hospital (and I use the term “friends” very loosely), I was a master manipulator. I was charming, I was nice, and most of all, I had the face of an Angel. Some of my favorite pastimes were leaving banana peels on the floor or splashing anti-bacterial soap on the tiles in hopes of being able to watch the other patients or orderlies slip down and hurt themselves. There was even an instance where I convinced two other patients to fight each other while I stood off to the side. I would watch everything, faking fear in my eyes whenever an orderly appeared by my side to ask me why I was so scared. I was the mastermind, but never the one who got caught.
In high school, it was the same thing. My antics were subtle, usually shenanigans here and there used to get people to hurt themselves for my entertainment. It never got to the point where I killed or seriously injured anyone. It was never my intention to hurt anyone. I only wanted to enjoy their miseries.
As I grew older, the addiction became all-consuming.
It reached a point where I would have to perform my antics several times a day to quench my “thirst.” If I didn’t meet my quota, I’d be left feeling antsy and completely miserable the entire day. My needs evolved to a point where it was no longer feasible for me to perform multiple acts of mischief a day (since it maximized the chance of me getting caught). This was when I came up with the idea of immersing myself in a place filled with miserable people and this was why I started my volunteer work at hospitals, orphanages, and ultimately women’s shelters. It was one of the most ingenious ideas I had ever conceived. It was Heaven for me to be surrounded by so many unhappy people. I knew it was sick and disturbing, but it was like a compulsion that I couldn’t stop. No matter how hard I tried to wean myself from it, I would always end up losing. It was like there was something inside me that wouldn’t rest in peace until I fed into this addiction . . .
I had downgraded my sadistic activities since those earlier days because as I grew older, I started to feel slightly guilty about the things I was doing. As a result, I only allowed my malevolence to come out once in a blue moon. I had been relatively “normal”—for lack of a better word—this past year, but with the appearance of Eclipse, I couldn’t think of a better living thing to sic my sadistic tendencies on.
Would it be immoral to pick on a Demon, especially when he provoked me and picked on me first?
I didn’t think so.
This was why I was positively upbeat the following morning. A hidden smile tugged at my lips as I sat alone in the student quad area, watching a cartoon movie on my phone. I was waiting for my first class to start and waiting for my Demon-turned-victim to appear.
“Hi Gracie,” Eclipse greeted gently, the signature melodic lilt in his voice as alluring as ever.
In a matter of seconds, he was sitting beside me at the lone table I was at. The warmth of his body and the smoke from his cigarette moved around me. I felt his brown eyes lay its expectant gaze on me, and I smiled internally at this.
It was time to initiate my plan.
Jumpstarting the attack, I did well to brush him off with the cold shoulder. I ignored his salutation by upping the movie volume on my phone.
The easygoing aura that radiated from him subdued when I said nothing to him. “How long are you planning on giving me the cold shoulder and staying mad at me?”
I turned up the volume on the phone again as my reply to him, further drowning him out with my earphones. The funny thing was
that one of my earphones wasn’t working, which meant that I could still hear him. I just wanted him to believe that I couldn’t.
“Gracie.” I could hear the tired sigh in his weary voice. He placed his arms on the table and lowered his head a bit. He tried to catch my eyes. “You know you can’t ignore me forever.”
I didn’t say anything to him nor did I deign to make eye contact with him. I merely continued to smack my lips together while loudly chewing on my gum.
Visibly unhappy with my silent treatment, he took one of the earphones out of my ear.
“How about I give you a break today?” he compromised softly. “The grades will continue to decline as planned and I can’t control your caloric intake because it’s in your system now, but I can stop all the accident-prone things from happening.”
I was already one step ahead of him. I had anticipated Eclipse to bribe me with the lessening of one punishment as barter to get me to cease with the silent treatment. Unfortunately for him, I was resolved on not giving in. I was going to see this plan through. I would only settle for him leaving me alone and allowing my life to return to normal again. Until then, the strategy would continue as planned.
Deliberately disregarding his offer, I blew a tired sigh, kept my eyes firmly away from his, and continued to blissfully ignore him. I was still loudly chewing on my gum, keenly aware that this was driving Eclipse crazy.
“Gracie, come on. Don’t do this.” I could hear the steel beneath his supple voice. He maintained his composure amidst his thinning patience. “I know that you’re upset with me because of the diet sabotage, but is giving me the silent treatment really the best way to deal with all this?”