by Lilly Mirren
With a deep breath she climbed out of bed and padded to the bathroom. If she was going to throw up, she should at least try not to do it on the bedroom floor.
She stood at the sink, hands pressed to the bench, and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her skin was pale. Was it more pale than usual? And were those smudges beneath her eyes the normal look she sported each morning, or something more sinister — like her body’s way of telling her that something was very wrong.
This couldn’t be happening today. She had a full day planned — fun with her sisters this morning, then preparations for an early afternoon wedding in the cove. Again, probably not her best idea, given it was winter. But it was always lovely in the cove, even in August. In fact, it was August that delivered the clearest skies, the bluest ocean and crisp air that took the sting out of the sun’s harsh light.
August was her favourite time of year at the Waratah Inn.
It was meant to be the happiest day of her life, and now she was sick. Again.
She pressed both hands to her stomach and inhaled another slow breath. The nausea subsided as she exhaled.
By the time she’d showered and dressed, Kate and Reeda were sitting in her bedroom waiting for her to emerge from the bathroom.
“There’s the bride!” cried Kate, throwing her arms around Bindi, and kissing her cheek. Kate’s eyes glimmered. She swallowed. “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry…at least not yet. Not until the ceremony, then I’m allowed to ball my eyes out.”
Reeda patted Bindi’s back. “How are you feeling this morning?”
Bindi’s stomach lurched again. “I don’t know… I feel a bit unwell, actually.”
Both sisters looked at her. Reeda’s eyes narrowed. “What kind of unwell?”
Bindi rubbed her stomach. “I feel sick… I don’t know if the cancer is back but…”
Kate pressed both hands to her mouth, her eyes wide. “It couldn’t…could it?”
“No, of course it’s not that,” stated Reeda with a firm shake of her head. “You’ve got nerves…wedding jitters. That’s all it is. You’re not sick, you’re nervous, which is completely normal.”
“You think so?”
“Absolutely.” Reeda’s chin jutted forward. “This is a special day for you. Some people say the happiest of your life, although that was never my experience. I threw up in the bathroom, then had my hair half pulled out at the hairdresser’s before walking down the aisle in front of a bunch of people who stared at me. It was a special day, but not the happiest. The honeymoon however…” Reeda winked.
“You’re probably right. I hope you’re right. I don’t want to have to go through all of that again. I don’t think I could take it.”
“Of course you could,” interjected Kate. “But you won’t have to, because Reeda is right, this is simply normal wedding jitters. Every bride gets nervous on the big day.”
“Did you?” asked Bindi.
Kate grunted. “Of course I did. I tried to convince Alex we should elope.”
“What did he say?” asked Bindi, her brow furrowed.
“He said he loved me and hung up the phone.” Kate smirked. “In the end, it was a really lovely day. I’m glad we didn’t elope and that our family and friends got to share in our wedding. That’s what it’s all about. You can marry the person you love anywhere but sharing the occasion with others makes it even more special.”
“If it’ll make you feel better, we could stop in to see Doctor Ash on our way to the hairdresser,” Reeda suggested.
Bindi bit down on her lower lip. “Actually, I think it would help. If I could see him, I might be able to focus on the wedding instead of worrying.”
“Fine, I’ll make an appointment while you get ready to go,” replied Reeda.
She left Kate and Bindi alone in the room. Kate sat on the bed and patted the space beside her. Bindi lowered herself next to Kate with a sigh. Kate encircled Bindi with one arm, pulled her close and Bindi rested her head on Kate’s shoulder.
“Big day, Bindi-boo,” said Kate, stroking her hair. “There was a time when I thought this day might never come…” She hesitated with her voice thick with tears. “I didn’t know if we’d be able to celebrate you getting married or having a baby…but here we are. And I’m so happy.”
“You haven’t called me that in years,” replied Bindi, her throat tightening.
Kate’s face shone. “You’ve become a wonderful young woman, I’m so proud of you. I know the two of you will be happy, and I think Josh is the luckiest guy in the world. I’ve never met anyone who is so concerned about everyone else’s feelings, and so intent on making sure everyone is happy the way you are. You’ve been a peacemaker since you were born, and you’re still doing it today even after a career as a big-time television journalist. You haven’t changed at all, and I love you so much.”
Tears filled Bindi’s eyes and her throat closed over. She couldn’t speak, so she simply squeezed her sister tight.
After they got everything together they needed for the morning, they climbed into Reeda’s car and drove to Doctor Ash’s surgery. He greeted Bindi with a firm handshake and a wide smile, then sat on the edge of the desk.
“You’re lucky you caught me. I only work the occasional Saturday morning. I’m heading out to the golf course as soon as we’re done. So, Bindi what can I do for you today?”
“Thank you for meeting with me so last minute. I’m getting married today…”
“Your sister mentioned that. Congratulations!”
Bindi smiled. “Thank you…anyway, I woke up this morning and felt nauseated, like I might throw up. It reminded me of how things were, when I was sick, and then I started to panic. Do you think it could return this quickly? I mean, I thought I was well, I’d moved on with my life. I can’t believe…” Her voice broke, and she bit down on her lip to keep from crying.
Doctor Ash patted her hand, then walked around to sit behind his desk. He tapped on his computer for a few seconds, then faced her.
“I think perhaps you’re nervous about the wedding.”
“Could I be sick again?”
His lips pursed. “Of course anything is possible, but I doubt it. We’ll run some tests to make sure, but I think you should forget all about this and enjoy your day. The most likely explanation is that you’re worn out, nervous, excited…not that you’re sick. It’s completely normal to feel panicked at the idea that you might be sick again, but I’d encourage you to try not to do that. We’re not going to panic without any confirmation that there’s something wrong. Okay?”
“Okay.” Her voice sounded small.
“Every time you feel unwell, if you let yourself get worked up about the idea of the cancer returning, you’ll let this thing rule your life and your emotions. I want you to be vigilant, of course, and be aware of how your body feels, but I also want you to be confident in your health. Don’t worry until there’s something to worry about.”
She pushed a smile onto her face. “I think I can do that.”
“Good.” He grinned. “Now, let’s talk about the important things… Is Kate catering the reception? Because I ate at the restaurant last weekend, and her crab dish was absolutely amazing.”
“You look beautiful,” said Jack, his eyes gleaming. He patted Bindi’s hand where it rested on his arm.
“Thank you, Jack. You look pretty dapper yourself.”
He was dressed in a white button-down shirt, navy dinner jacket and khaki pants. They both had bare feet, since walking through the sand in the cove was too difficult with shoes on. Besides, Bindi loved the feel of the sand between her toes. She had some stunning high-heeled white shoes for the reception at the inn, although she’d probably kick them off again as soon as the dancing started. She wasn’t the stiletto type; bare feet had always been more her style.
The kitchen was abuzz with activity. The staff in the early stage of preparations for her reception. The restaurant was closed for the night, and as Kate had said, it was
all about her and Josh. Bindi wasn’t used to having fuss and attention, it all seemed a bit much and she’d objected at first, saying they could hold the reception in the garden, but Kate had been firm.
“You only get married once, and I want to do it right. We’re celebrating,” Kate had said.
Bindi smiled at the memory.
She rested her free hand on the skirt of her white dress. It was a simple dress, elegant, yet suited to the beach wedding. Lace trimmed the neckline, then it fell, straight, to the ground. It had long sleeves, and a hemline that brushed against her ankles when she walked. She fingered Nan’s ring, still encircling her pinky. Then, held up the finger to examine it.
“What’s that you’ve got there?” asked Jack.
She showed it to him, smiling. “It’s the ring you gave Nan. I found it in her box. She must’ve had small fingers, because it only fits on my pinky.”
Jack’s eyes glowed. “That’s the ring I made when we were still kids. Wow, I haven’t seen it in years. She did have small fingers.” His voice thickened in his throat. He patted Bindi’s hand again.
“ I feel like she’s with me when I wear the ring, so now I never take it off.”
“She’d have liked that,” he replied. He shook his head. “I can’t believe she kept it all these years. I thought for sure that thing was lost long ago.”
Bindi held her hand to her chest. “No, it meant a lot to her, I can tell. She kept in the box with her journals and your letters…the box you whittled for her.”
His blue eyes crinkled around the edges. “I wish…oh never mind. Wishing doesn’t change a thing, does it?”
Bindi sighed. “No, it doesn’t. But then if you changed anything, where would we be?”
“You’re right,” he replied. “Even if I could change things, I don’t believe I would. Every single experience, every relationship, every broken heart and wound, every kind word and kiss, they all add up to a life. A life I don’t regret. A life I wouldn’t give up for anything, even if it didn’t turn out the way I planned or hoped. It’s imperfect and beautiful, a mess and yet so…I don’t know…fulfilling.”
“That’s very poetic, Jack. I didn’t know you had it in you.” Bindi grinned, her vision blurred by tears. “And I understand what you mean. I think I’m beginning to feel the same way about everything that’s happened in my life. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’d love for my parents and Nan to be here today, and if I could change that, I would in a heartbeat. But they’re not, and instead I have a new grandfather, someone I’ve loved most of my life, here to give me away instead. There’s something very special about the twists and turns of life.”
Jack kissed her cheek. He blinked and inhaled a slow breath. “I’m glad I can be here for you, love. It doesn’t get much better than this.”
Bindi sniffled, shook her head. “I can’t cry yet; I haven’t even made it to the altar.”
He nudged her. “Come on, I hear the music playing. It’s time for your big entrance.”
As they walked down the winding path to the cove, plovers called in the distance. The sound of the waves grew louder with each step. The afternoon sun was warm on her head, but the breeze over the water chilled her, goosebumps popping up across her bare legs beneath her dress.
The small crowd of family and friends congregated at the end of the cove turned to look when she and Jack stepped onto the beach. The sight of Josh, dressed in a white shirt and khaki pants, made her heart race. She still couldn’t quite believe she was getting married. After everything that’d happened in Melbourne with Brendan, and then her illness, something inside her had accepted the idea that marriage wasn’t going to be part of her journey. She’d missed her chance by wasting her heart on a man who didn’t love her the way she loved him, and she’d never get another.
The nausea from that morning had passed, now excitement beat in her chest. She’d pushed away the panic and thoughts of illness returning, and focused instead on the wedding, just as Doctor Ash had recommended. It’d seemed to work. She felt vibrant, strong, and alive.
Her eyes brimmed with tears as she walked closer and saw the look on Josh’s face. His mouth turned up at the ends and his eyes gleamed with joy. He’d given her another chance at love and happiness, even when she’d thought it couldn’t happen. He’d stuck by her side when she was sick and tried to push him away.
He was the man she’d always dreamed of marrying without realising it. And he was waiting for her at the end of a short, sandy aisle.
She gulped in a short breath to keep from crying and forced a smile onto her face.
Kate and Reeda stood at the front of the group, wearing matching gowns in teal with faux fur shrugs. Both had tears in their eyes, both smiling wobbly smiles.
Mima and Betty stood on one side of the aisle. Mima nodded when Bindi caught her eye, then dabbed at her face with a handkerchief. Next to her, Alex and Duncan looked stoic and strong.
Kangaroo paw flowers were strung in bunches to the ends of the aisle. White plastic chairs were arranged in neat rows, their legs digging into the soft sand. Behind Josh stood an archway woven with fresh flowers from the garden. Jack had made the archway. He said it was worth the effort since he suspected they’d have many a wedding at the inn in the years to come and they might as well prepare for it.
Bindi was glad — he’d carved it and painted it with care. It was special because of who’d made it, and the love he’d built it with. She didn’t want a big wedding, lots of fuss or expense. All she needed was her family and friends by her side, the sound of waves enveloping her and the outline of the inn that’d changed her life in the distance, hidden by a thicket of coastal gums.
On the other side of the aisle, Jack’s son Stefano, standing with his wife and children, smiled at her. After losing so much of her family, it warmed her heart to gain so many new members. She’d felt alone when Nan died. Even her sisters hadn’t been enough to fill the void, especially when they bickered and squabbled over what to do with the Waratah. But now, she knew she wasn’t alone. She had a family who cared for her, was there when she needed them, and her heart was full.
Jack kissed her cheek. “I’m so happy for you, love,” he whispered.
She smiled through a blur of tears. “Thank you, Jack.”
Josh took her hands, kissed her cheek, then recited his vows as the pastor read them out. It was Bindi’s turn next, and she kept her gaze firmly on Josh’s blue eyes as she vowed to spend her life with him, through sickness and in health, until death.
The words brought a lump to her throat.
When finally the pastor encouraged Josh to kiss the bride, a wave of joy swept through her. They were married. Husband and wife.
He cupped her cheeks with his hands and kissed her tenderly. Sparks lit up her lips and travelled down the length of her spine. When he stepped back, she grinned, then moved forwards to kiss him again as the small crowd behind them cheered.
38
August 1995
Cabarita Beach
The pair of hooded plovers that circled overhead, calling their distinctive cry, were the same blighters who swooped him as soon as spring began, and they had little ones scurrying across the sand behind him. They’d settle in the sky with the sun behind them, so he had to strain his eyes, hand tented across his forehead, to see them. Then, they’d swoop as soon as he looked away, retinas burning.
Charlie’s eyes narrowed as he poured the last of the water he’d saved from a bucket in his shower onto the small garden bed behind the cottage. It’d been a dry winter and he did his bit to save water whenever he could. Ever since Nan had moved in, she’d been planting flowers and bushes here and there around the place. Only made more work as far as he was concerned. The entire cottage was surrounded by natural scrub, brush, pandanus bushes and coastal gums, but she had to grow more. Of course.
He shook his head with a chuckle to himself and righted the now empty bucket, then carried it back to the house.
Inside, the sm
all kitchen still smelled of the eggs Nan had scrambled for them both when they’d risen at dawn. He wiped the pan she’d used dry, then stowed it back in a cupboard along with the other pots and pans he’d accumulated over the years.
The cottage was more a home to him now than any place he’d ever lived, other than his childhood home of course. He still missed that, sometimes with an ache in his chest that couldn’t be sated by anyone or anything. He figured that was something he had to live with until he died, that empty pain, the grief of losing a home too young, never to return again.
He’d visited the house when he was in Bathurst, but it wasn’t the same now. The new owners had painted it, given it a rendered finish and a second story. The red bricks were gone, now it was a strange shade of grey. Bicycles had littered the yard, and children played beneath a sprinkler that showered the grass with drops of shimmering spray.
He was glad the place was still filled with joy, with children and laughter. Yet, he couldn’t help the ache in his chest. It came and went. Usually showed up when he wasn’t expecting it, then left again as soon as he managed to think about something else. But losing his parents, never being able to truly go home again, having to watch as his sister’s memories faded and putting her in a home well before her time, those things stayed with him. He could go on in life, but the feeling of loss never went away.
Reeda, Kate, and Bindi had that to carry with them. They’d lost their parents at an age when they should’ve been carefree, living it up in Sydney with their friends. Instead, they’d had to give up their home as well, move north, and start again. He knew it’d been hard on them. It’d been almost unbearable for Edie, and for him as well. But that was behind them.
Now, if only they could get the girls to visit, to get along with one another long enough to enjoy some time at the inn with he and Edie, they could finally tell them the truth about their heritage. Not to mention the fact that he and Edie were married. They still hadn’t broached the subject with the girls, much to his dismay. He’d reminded Edie that morning, in fact. She’d murmured something about doing it soon. As soon as she could get all her granddaughters together in one room. He’d shaken his head at that — when would that happen? Perhaps they should just do it over the phone, he wasn’t getting any younger.