by Misty Simon
I was very convinced, even though I could see through her body language that she didn’t mean any of it. I didn’t have to believe, though, only he did. She told him where her safe was and that she wanted him to have all the money she’d saved over the years so he could live the good life. She’d sacrifice herself for him.
I almost gagged at the last part, and it looked like Jared wanted to join me at worshipping the porcelain god. But Bella hung up and shook out her hair. “Done!” she said with triumph. “No way will he be able to resist that.”
“And now we take you to jail.” Jared got out the cuffs. He leaned in and puckered his lips, but Bella shoved him back.
“He might be watching right now. You’ll blow the whole thing if he sees you kiss me after I declared my undying love for him. Got it?”
“Yeah,” Jared grumbled as Ben kissed me for good measure.
I followed the two of them out of the house, Ben close on my tail. I figured this had better work, because it was the best idea we could come up with. It protected Bella and caught the bastard at the same time. He really was a bastard, too, if he came out of hiding just to nab all her cash and let her rot in jail for something he’d done.
Jared and Bella left in his squad car with Bella in the back, but they only circled around town before coming back to park his car in my garage. Then we all got into a van Ben had borrowed from his uncle Harlow and headed back over to Bella’s house.
The night was quiet, with only a slight breeze ruffling through the van’s interior. All sorts of high tech stuff took up residence in the back of the minivan. All I can say is thank God for tinted windows. I doubted Jackson would think he was being watched, or even un-self-absorbed enough to look around to see if he was. He thought he had this whole thing in the bag, I was sure. Well, I couldn’t wait to surprise him.
Sure enough, after the clock in the square struck midnight, the loser came creeping up to the back door, upended Bella’s little gnome guy with her key in his feet, and crept into the darkened house. We all waited with bated breath while the microphones inside picked up Jackson chuckling to himself as he dialed out the combination of Bella’s safe in the basement.
We sat in the van across the street, listening and recording as Jackson rummaged around in the safe. Ben, in all his private investigator glory, had rigged her place so the police would have everything they needed to put Jackson in the slammer once we gave it, and him, to them. We hadn’t involved them in the actual capture, though, since Bella had a few things to settle with the Bastard before we handed him over to the fuzz. Things she might not have been able to do if it was an official capture. You understand.
“Bags packed, check,” he said, his voice coming through loud and clear, as if he were standing right next to us. I gave Ben a thumbs-up, and he blushed. “In the trunk, check. Got away with murder though it was completely an accident. Stupid Trev wouldn’t give it over. How was I supposed to know that statue was made of lead? Jackie Sturder is a stupid bitch who will get nothing. Check.” He laughed with glee, and I was hard-pressed not to laugh along with him on that one.
He regressed into mumbling, but then seemed to get hold of himself, recapturing his earlier enthusiasm. “Screwed Bella for being the biggest bitch only second to that Ivy cow, check. Knocked her ass good. Handy little closet in the shop. Ha-ha. And then that picture—man, I’m good.” He laughed with glee again, as I had to forcibly be held back in the cushy bucket seat under my butt. So I guessed that cleared up who’d tried to hurt me besides Mr. Needleheim. Nice. Oh man, did I want a piece of that jackass Jackson.
But Bella was sitting next to me smiling as if it were her birthday, Christmas, and her wedding day all rolled into one. “Keep talking, you piece of shit,” she said, rubbing her hands together like one of the villains in old cartoons.
And he did. What was it with people having to relish all their bad deeds? Personally, if I did something wrong I think I’d try to keep it to myself. Then again, I wasn’t a loony-tune. Or at least I hoped not on the good days.
“Got me some money.” He whistled a little ditty. “Going to go far, far away, and the stupid police here won’t know where I went. Even if they eventually find me, I’m sure I’ll be able to talk my way out. It’ll be my word against Bella’s, and she’s a dumb cu—”
I had to physically restrain Bella after the last word. I will not even think it here much less let Jackson finish saying it. But I did snicker to myself about him thinking we didn’t know where he was, considering we knew his exact location. And how did he think he was going to talk his way out of the mess he’d made in that ugly painted house? The pig’s blood had been easily spotted on those sheets at the lab. The lab techs had also confirmed that the towels left in her shop’s laundry barrel were covered in Trev’s blood, which put one more nail in Jackson’s cage.
The sound of rummaging came through the speaker. How much crap did Bella have in her safe, anyway?
And then Jackson was out the back door.
Ben rocketed out of the van, flying at Jackson before anyone else could blink. “You bastard! Bastard!” Every “bastard” was punctuated by a punch.
There were quite a few “bastards” before Jackson got his feet under him and went after Ben like a bull in an arena. It all happened so fast, I barely had time to blink, though I did try to quell the urge, since I always miss the good stuff when I do.
But then my beautiful Ben went flying as the former football player slammed into his chest. Ben didn’t fare so well as he flew into the back door, bounced, and fell onto a trash can.
Even from where I was sitting, still in the van, I could have sworn I heard the distinct sound of something breaking. Ow! I had to get to him, so I hightailed it across the street.
Jackson, who must have been suicidal at this point, stepped in front of me, blocking the way to Ben.
Idiot! Idiot of the highest order. I would have let him go—allowing Jared to take control of the situation—but Jackson was having none of it.
“You stupid bitch. You think you’re so fucking smart? Well, I’ve got something for you.” And he actually grabbed his crotch. Right in front of me. What the hell! I gave myself about a second to be agog before I used the handy target he’d provided me.
My knee nailed him right in the gonads. I was surprised I didn’t see him choking on his balls, but he was crying and crumbling to the ground right in front of my eyes. I kicked him when he was down, just for good measure, while congratulating myself for finally using a conventional weapon. No cooking oil or silk ties for me this time. Oh, no. I gave him the smackdown with my cow of a body. Score one for me!
Stepping past the crybaby writhing on the ground, I went to Ben, kneeling in front of him. “Where does it hurt?”
“My leg.” He grabbed his calf as a tear leaked out of his eye. Man, was that going to hurt in the morning.
“I’ll have Jared call an ambulance. Okay?”
“Yeah.” My manly man tried to suck it up, but he was hurting something fierce. “I don’t think it’s broken, though.”
“Okay, we’ll fix it.” I gave him a kiss on the forehead, then turned to watch Jared in action.
I’d heard his boots striking the ground and turned at the last moment to see him stalking up to Jackson like a lion on the scent. If Jared weren’t an officer of the law, I wouldn’t have guaranteed Jackson’s survival through this encounter at all.
But before Bella’s boyfriend could tread all the way over Jackson, Bella was there getting a kick in of her own. She repeated that word I wouldn’t think about earlier and nailed him a good one.
“Let me take him,” Officer Jared said, restraining Bella by placing his hands under her elbows. He picked her up, putting her off to the side, where she bellowed like a horse in heat. This was not an image I would ever share with her, but I must say it was refreshing to know she wasn’t perfect, either.
Jared bent down with cuffs in his hand, reading Jackson his rights in a calm, steady vo
ice. I couldn’t imagine keeping myself together like that, but Jared was calm, cool, and collected—Go, Jared!—although I was pretty sure Jackson’s head somehow got banged on the van’s doorframe, just for good measure, as Jared stuffed him into the vehicle.
Ben ended up hobbling to his feet, telling me he wouldn’t need an ambulance after all. It seemed he’d landed on some wood outside the door, the cracking noise having originated there. But he was still sore and thought he’d sprained his ankle.
That I could take care of.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Bacon scented the air in my kitchen. I followed the aroma as a person dying of thirst goes for the oasis. When I arrived at the table, it was stacked with pancakes, muffins, bagels, coffee, and the delicious bacon. Apparently we were having breakfast, again.
And I wasn’t alone.
“Why is it that you always seem to cook me breakfast after I’ve solved a murder?” I asked around the bacon crunching in my mouth. I knew it was rude, but I couldn’t pass up all that delicious greasiness. It had called my name with squeaky pleading. Right.
Bella whipped around from her position at the stove. She was wearing one of the aprons Ben kept hanging on the back of my pantry door. This one had a frog on it with the words KISS THE COOK under the cartoon drawing. He had four now, all different. And I’d also found a lamp that wasn’t mine sitting on one of my end tables. Along with two of my drawers in my dresser cleaned of my clothes and now stuffed with his. I had a feeling we were going to need to talk about this. And soon.
But it could wait until after I shoveled food into my mouth. About halfway through breakfast, I heard a big vehicle pull up out front and figured that maybe my dad was here with Martha. I had successfully avoided letting him sucker me into the big discussion about the investigation when he was here for the frame-sale thing. His pout over not being involved this time had still been something to behold, but I had endured plenty without having him hang over my shoulder. Still, it had been nice of him to hang around in case there had been trouble yours truly couldn’t handle.
So to say I was surprised to hear a knock on my door was a big understatement. My dad normally busted in without a single thought for privacy. I rose from the table, made my way to the door, and braced myself. If it was someone else coming to knock me in the head, I was going to take them down like I had Jackson. I still felt the hum of that kick in my leg. Woo-hoo!
I whipped the door open. There stood Detective Bartley, with Charlie right behind her.
“Um.” I cleared my throat, not feeling on even footing. Compared to what the detective wore, I looked the part of the slob in my ratty robe and a pair of house slippers I should have torn down to rags months ago. Bartley was dressed to the nines, with her hair done, nails painted, and suit immaculate. Let’s face it, I would never be able to meet her on level ground, so I should probably give that particular hope up.
“Ivy.” Looking over the top of her sunglasses at me, Bartley pushed her hair over her shoulder. “Are you going to let us stand out here all morning?”
“Oh, um. No, of course not.” I pulled the lapels of my robe more tightly together, valiantly fighting the good fight against running back into my bedroom and changing.
Charlie gave me a small wave as he walked past me, winking at me at the same time. I gave him a little hand flip, too, wondering what on earth they were doing together and why they were here this early in the morning.
The bacon must have led them back to the kitchen, because when I arrived, they were both chowing down. Bella had pulled up a couple more chairs, but Jared and Ben were now conspicuously (good word!) absent, although there was a Carrie’s Coffee box on the table with Snicker Doodles in it. I snatched it off the table and shoved it under the sink, hoping no one but Bartley saw my stealth.
“So what’s the haps?” I asked, going for nonchalance, yet fearing I had not pulled it off.
But Detective Bartley smiled at me, showing a whole lot of teeth, but in a nice way. “I wanted to thank you, Ivy.”
My face flamed up, I could feel it. I had never really been thanked before, or even acknowledged. This was a whole new thing for me. “You’re, um, welcome.” I hated the word “um” right now. Dammit. And the lilt at the end of the sentence? Yeah, it was there, too.
“Well, I wanted to let you know we have an award we want to give you.” She reached behind her to a very cool purse hanging off the arm of her chair.
Charlie clapped his hands as if he were the one getting some kind of honor, but I smiled at him despite his silliness. He had been a huge asset yesterday, taking care of the shop so I could get everything set up with Ben, Bella, and Jared. And he’d made my tills overfloweth. He was my new best male friend, to be honest, and I couldn’t have been happier. Not to mention the fact that he’d gotten rid of Jackie permanently by turning her in as a possible accomplice for Trev’s murder. Seems she was trying to get into more than one man’s pants around here lately, and agreed to deposit those towels at Bella’s Best for Jackson. Jackson who, it had come to light, had not intentionally killed Trev. He’d had a fit of temper and hit the other man with the statue I’d found in the living room. Apparently he regretted it for a moment before his sneaky brain had started working. At some point, he’d decided to blame it all on Bella to get her to depend on him. Yeah, that had backfired on him. And now he was going down for a long, long time, despite some of the townsfolk thinking he should be called innocent and reinstated as the golden boy. Idiots.
Anyway, Detective Bartley finally found whatever it was she’d gone hunting for and whipped back around to me. “Just a little token of our appreciation.”
My eyes bugged while my palms became sweaty. Taking a deep breath, I reached for what looked like an overly stiff manila envelope. What could it be? Had they given me a commendation? A special thank-you plaque for all I’d done for them over the past several months? Wouldn’t that be something else?
Of course this was my life, so I wasn’t too surprised when I opened the thing, drew out the plastic-covered paper, and read, “To the world’s most nosy woman. Life would be easier if you’d mind your own business, but since you haven’t and won’t…thanks.”
Looking up into Detective Bartley’s sparkling eyes, I bit my tongue until I almost drew blood. Bella came over from the stove to see my prize and whacked me on the back. I did draw blood, then. Nice. “Thwanks. Thwanks awot, Bartwee.”
“Oh, Ivy. I think you can call me Debbie now. And you’re welcome.” She snickered, I gave a weak smile, Charlie clapped his hands, and Bella laughed outright.
Okay. Okay! It was funny. I started laughing, too, until I heard some banging and a loud thump in the front of the house. What the hell?
“Could you excuse me for a moment?” I got up and put my napkin on the table, not waiting for anyone to give me leave. It was my house, after all, police or no police.
When I stepped out of the kitchen and into the living room, I just knew my eyes popped out of my head. I could tell you for certain my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, making it impossible to do anything but gurgle like an idiot.
I heard someone snicker behind me. I had barely enough restraint to turn around but not snarl in case it was Bart…Debbie. Since it was Bella, I did let myself snarl. Her boyfriend was helping my dork of a boyfriend…
Peeling my tongue away and chewing on it a second, I marshaled myself, then yelled, “No fricking way in hell! I draw the line here. I draw the line! Get it out! Get. It. OUT!”
“But, Ivy,” my erstwhile boyfriend actually tried to wheedle me. Two good words, but so help me God I could not even think of enjoying them.
“Out, now. Or I’ll get the lighter fluid.”
“I think she means business, man,” Jared, the slightly sane one, said. “Maybe we’d better…”
He’d probably trailed off because I could almost literally feel flames of righteous fire shooting out of my head and my ears. I was that mad. “Maybe? Maybe!” I shout
ed like a fishwife with too much merchandise to sell. “Try definitely.” I’d pulled myself back and barely whispered the last words with deadly intent.
“Garage?”
“Add a ‘b’ there to come up with garbage, and you’ve got it right.” I stalked toward Ben, and he prudently backed away.
“Am I still welcome?” he asked, giving me a cheesy smile. “You did say I could move in, right?”
I crossed my arms, appearing to think about it, just to get his goat. When really I couldn’t wait for him to move in now. We’d figure out how everything was going to work. I’d encouraged him to keep his apartment at least until the lease was up. Which was why I was so baffled to see this monstrosity here.
If you haven’t clued in yet, he and Jared were trying to move the duct-taped couch into my house. That was absolutely not happening, with a capital NOT.
“The couch goes,” I finally said.
“I’ll take it back immediately.”
“How about I go get the lighter fluid for real? We’ll burn it right out front.”
“That would be illegal,” Debbie said, coming up behind me, with Charlie hot on her heels. What was it with them? Tell me they weren’t an item.
But then I didn’t have time to follow that thought trail any farther because my dad and Martha pulled up in a huge RV. I had a feeling this one wasn’t a rental, because it had caricatures of Stan and Martha on the side, with their names underneath. The artist had made Stan nutmeg brown. I had to laugh because it was so typically Stan. Of course, I tried not to think about the shit hitting the fan once he found out Ben was going to be “shacking up” with me. But then that would be typical Stan, too, and I was confident I could deal. Maybe.
I put all that away as I invited them in for breakfast, too. Second breakfast for those of us who had already eaten.