It made her happy to see the return of her old friend and she was grateful to Lochlan for giving this to him. It was truly a good deed.
As soon as he was outfitted, Bracken excused himself to go partake of the armed games. But knowing him, she was sure he was off to take revenge on a few nobles and “conquer” them. Cat bit back her smile as he literally ran like a child to join the other men in the list.
She walked up to Lochlan, who was paying the armorer. “That was a noble thing you did just now.”
He shrugged his charitable deed aside. “I like to help people, especially those who’ve had a hard time of it.”
Her heart softened. “My mother was like you. I once saw her pull the cloak off her own shoulders to wrap it around an old woman in one of the towns we were passing through. It was freezing cold, but my mother said better it go to the one who needs it most. She was a kind lady.”
“And you, lass?”
“I, too. It’s how Lysander and Pagan ended up traveling with us. We found them on the road, starving. I invited them to dinner and the next thing my uncle knew, they were permanent fixtures. I would have had it no other way. Bavel used to chide me constantly about picking up strays. He said that one day they would turn on me.”
“And did they?”
“Aye. A few. And it was one such stray who kidnapped me from my uncle and tried to deliver me to my father. I still can’t believe he betrayed me after all we did for him.”
Lochlan turned toward her as the armorer left them to wait on another customer. “I’m sorry, Catarina.”
She sighed before she stepped away. “Don’t be. I’m the one who has to deal with my father at some point. It merely irks me that he must move through others rather than dealing with me forthright. I am his daughter, yet we are awkward with one another. No child should feel that way around its parent.”
She glanced at him as they walked back toward the trail that ran between the tents. His hair was tousled from the wind and his eyes vibrant. “You’ve no idea how much I hate being my father’s bargaining tool.”
“I think I have a good idea on that, lass.”
Perhaps he did. There was something in his tone that spoke to the pain inside her. “Tell me something, Lochlan? Have you ever used someone this way?”
“Nay. I have not.”
“And if you had a daughter—”
“I would treasure her with every part of me.”
How she wanted to believe that. “Would you make her marry for the sake of your clan?”
Lochlan paused as he considered it. She gave him credit for the thought and she wondered what he’d say.
“Nay,” he spoke at last. “I would never intentionally hurt my child. I’d find another way for peace. One that could make both of us happy.”
Cat took his strong hand into hers as those words made her ache. If only her father felt that way.
But it also made her think of Lochlan’s betrothed, who waited for him in Scotland. “And how does your future bride feel about marrying you?”
He shrugged. “I know not. However, there is nothing settled between us yet, so she is not truly my betrothed. I have yet to answer her father’s offer.”
She cocked her head. Given what he’d said earlier, she couldn’t imagine why he would wait. “Why not?”
“Because I don’t want a wife who isn’t suited to me.”
She frowned. “What does that mean?”
He let go of her hand before he started forward. “I need a wife at my side who will be steadfast and clearheaded. One who is intelligent and calm-spirited. I don’t want someone who will cause conflict in my home or with my clan, but rather a wife who can shoulder her burdens without complaint.”
Cat cringed at what he described. “You speak of her as if she’s a horse. You seek a broodmare perhaps?”
He gave her a hostile glare. “Nay. While I hope the Lord sees fit to give me children, there is never any guarantee of that. In the event we are childless, I need a wife who is an asset to my clan, not a hindrance.”
While that made sense, it didn’t answer her original question. “But what of you the man, Lochlan? What do you seek in a woman?”
Lochlan glanced away from her probing stare as unnamed emotions choked him. He wanted what his brothers had. He wanted a woman who could hold him at night and stand by his side during the day. A woman who would love him and cherish him. One whose very presence made his day brighter.
But he would never find that and he knew it, so there was no need even to think about such things. His place was to care for others, not have them care for him. His needs weren’t important. Only those of his family and people.
However, she didn’t want to hear that. So he posed the same question to her. “Tell me what you want, Catarina? What kind of man would make your heart fly?”
Her eyes were sad and tinged by the same loneliness he felt so often. “There is no man for me.”
“But if there were…what would he be like?”
When she didn’t answer right away, he gave her a knowing smile. “It’s not so easy to answer, now is it?”
A tiny smile teased the corner of her lips. “Point well taken, my lord. And you’re right. I don’t know who that man might be. But I know it’s not the obnoxiously spoiled prince my father would see me marry.”
And he could well understand that.
“Lochlan!”
Lochlan turned at the sound of a familiar voice. It wasn’t until he saw the tall auburn-haired man that he realized who was calling him. It was his brother Sin’s foster brother and friend. “Simon,” he said, extending his arm to the man as he joined them.
Simon shook it and clapped him on the back. “Long time since our paths last crossed, my friend. How is everyone?”
“Doing very well, and you?”
Simon looked a bit sheepish. “Aside from the fact my wife is pregnant again and can’t get comfortable when she sits and has no compunction about letting me know it and sharing said pain, we’re all doing remarkably well.”
Lochlan smiled before he realized that he hadn’t introduced them. “Lord Simon of Anwyk meet…Cat.”
Cat arched a brow as Lochlan shortened her name for the first time. It actually made sense. The last thing they needed was to have someone recognize her or hear her name and become suspicious.
She didn’t know who Simon was, but he seemed an amiable enough fellow. “Lord Simon, ’tis an honor to meet you.”
He gave her a courtly bow. “And you, my lady.” He looked back and forth between them expectantly.
“We’re friends,” she explained.
“I see.” But by his tone she could tell he was still trying to figure out their relationship.
Deciding to divert his attention, Cat asked a question of her own. “And how is it the two of you know one another?”
“Simon was the foster brother to my brother Sin and he’s Sin’s best friend,” Lochlan explained.
Simon gave her a charming smile. “Aye. I have the scars to prove it.”
She arched a brow at his light tone over such a matter. “Scars?”
Still Simon’s eyes twinkled merrily. “Hanging around Sin MacAllister and Stryder of Blackmoor can be quite hazardous to one’s health. As I said, I have quite the collection of scars to prove it.”
She laughed. “So you’re friend to Stryder as well. How interesting. He is the reason we’re here.”
“Aye,” he said laughing, “Stryder is the one who told me Lochlan was here. He said you were seeking news of your brother Kieran.”
Lochlan nodded. “Lord Stryder has agreed to see us to the Scot once the tourney ends to see if he is Kieran.”
Cat was a bit confused by Simon’s ignorance. “If you were so close to Lochlan’s brother Sin, how did you not know that Kieran was Sin’s brother?”
“Family trees are seldom uncomplicated, my lady. At the time I knew Sin, I knew he was half-Scot, but never once in those days did he mention his f
amily name at all. I knew nothing of the MacAllisters really from him until I’d returned from Outremer. Perhaps I should have made the connection then, but I, as everyone, assumed Kieran was dead and the two MacAllisters we knew in prison very seldom spoke to me of other brothers.” He indicated Lochlan with a tilt of his head. “Lochlan was the only one they mentioned by name and, unfortunately, that name is rather common in the Highlands. I thought nothing of it until today.”
It was sad to think he’d been that close to all of them and had never known. But then that was the way of life at times. “Having known them all so well, can you tell us if the Scot is Kieran MacAllister?”
Simon passed a sympathetic look to Lochlan. “I don’t know any more than Stryder does. We buried the one brother and brought the other back to England. The one who survived would never speak a name. Then again, he seldom speaks at all. For the longest time we thought him mute from his injuries.”
She cringed at the thought of the pain he must have known to be so altered. “What happened to them that night?”
“Honestly we don’t know. Again, whatever became of them when they stayed behind was never told. But it must have been horrible indeed. Neither of them was ever the kind of man to shirk from anything. And God and his saints know that I saw them survive things no man should suffer. I don’t even want to contemplate what it was that finally broke the Scot.”
She looked at Lochlan, who remained silent, but she knew what he must be thinking. Kieran had indeed shirked from his family. He’d run from them all into a hell unimaginable. It made her want to touch him, but she knew he wouldn’t welcome that.
Instead, Lochlan paused as if considering something. “Simon? Could I impose upon you to watch over Cat for a brief time? There’s a matter I need to attend to.”
“Absolutely.”
“My thanks.”
Cat scowled at him as he walked away. “Well that was certainly abrupt.”
“Were you two fighting?”
“Nay. I thought we were getting along famously…especially for us.”
Simon shrugged. “Perhaps he had to rush to the privy.”
She laughed at his unexpected comment. “Possibly. You were raised around all men, weren’t you?”
He joined her laughter. “Aye and my lady wife is ever fond of telling me just how much it shows.”
Cat liked this man a great deal even though they’d only just met. “How long have you known Lochlan?” she asked, as they made their way through the crowd again.
“Only a few years, but I’ve known his brother Sin most of my life.” He folded his hands behind his back. “What of you, Lady Cat? How long have you known him?”
“Not too terribly long. My cousin married his brother Ewan and now Lochlan is seeing me back to my uncle.”
“That’s rather nice of him.”
“It is.”
They walked for several minutes more while Cat tried to think of some way to broach the topic she truly wanted to discuss.
Simon finally stopped her and gave her a pointed stare. “You know, my lady. You can ask me anything.”
“Pardon?”
His gaze was warm and open. “I sense in your silence a need to interrogate me over Lochlan and his family.”
“How did you know?”
He shrugged. “I’ve been around many women who were highly inquisitive about the men I’ve known. I figure you’re no different than the others.”
It was true, but…“I’m not sure if I should be flattered or offended.”
His laughter was low and playfully insidious. “I never openly offend anyone…behind their backs is another matter entirely.”
She shook her head at his playful tone. “I find it hard to believe you could ever do anything dubious.”
A strange look fell over his face as his features instantly sobered. “There is much a person is capable of in the right circumstances.”
Cat paused as she caught the underlying threat in his voice. “You’re one of the Brotherhood, aren’t you?”
He gave only the subtlest of nods.
She felt horrible for him. “I didn’t know, Simon, please forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive. You didn’t know and I didn’t volunteer the information. Besides, I’m not the subject who fascinates you. That would be Lochlan.”
She had to force herself to cringe at the truth. “I wouldn’t say Lochlan fascinates me.”
“If you say so, my lady.” But his tone was filled with disbelief. “In that case, I’ll pretend that I don’t notice the way your voice softens whenever you say his name.”
His words horrified her. “It does not…does it?”
“Aye.”
She felt heat creep over her face. “He is not the kind of man who intrigues me. Truly. At all.”
“If you say so, my lady.”
“I do say so, but—”
“You still want to know about him.”
She nodded even though she wanted to continue her denials. Yet what was the use? Simon could obviously see straight through her.
Simon led her away from the crowd, to a small, secluded bench where they could sit and not be overheard. “I don’t know much from Lochlan himself. Most of what I know about him and their family comes from his brother.”
“And that is?”
Simon took a deep breath before he answered. “I know Sin would lay down his life for him and there aren’t many men Sin feels that way about.”
That was good to know. “I heard that their father was rather abusive to others.”
Simon gave a bitter laugh. “Aye, you could say that and it wasn’t just to strangers. He was a drunkard who seldom spared his fist to any of his family. Lochlan did his best to protect his brothers, but from what I hear there was never anyone around to protect him.”
Her heart ached with those words. “He’s been responsible for the whole of his life, hasn’t he?”
“Aye.”
That truly saddened her. She hated to hear of anyone in such a state. While her father hadn’t always been kind, her mother and her mother’s family had been. She’d had an escape from the pain of her father’s court and the moment her mother learned of her treatment, she’d stopped it and kept Cat completely protected. How she wished all children could be so fortunate.
“And there’s never been a woman who’s captured his heart?” she asked quietly.
“Only one.”
She was stunned by that. To hear Lochlan speak, she would never have believed it. He acted as if he had no concept of love. “Did he not ask her to marry him?”
“Aye, he did.”
Cat was glad she was sitting. Had they still been walking, she would have most likely fallen from the shock of it. “What happened to her? Why didn’t he marry her?”
Simon’s eyes snapped with fury for his friend. “When his father learned of it, he made her his mistress.”
She felt the pain of those words like a physical blow. Nay…surely it wasn’t possible. “He did what?”
“He made her his mistress,” he repeated, his tone lethal. “Sin said it was his way of teaching Lochlan that all people had a price and that he could trust no one. That no woman would ever look at him as anything more than the laird of his clan. He would be a trophy to them. Something to claim but never anything to love.”
Cat was stunned that anyone would be so cold and stupid. And mean. What had happened to his father that he would think no more of people than that? Think no more of his son?
And what kind of woman would be so foolish as to fall for such a deceitful person? “Why would she, if she was involved with Lochlan, take up with his father?”
Simon laughed bitterly. “You ask me to decipher the mind of a woman I’ve never met? I can barely fathom my own wife’s reasoning most days.”
Perhaps there was truth to that. People often did the most bizarre things that never made sense to anyone save them.
“Do you know what happened to her?�
�
He nodded. “She died giving birth to his father’s bastard a year later. Sin said that Lochlan was the only one who attended her burial and that every year on the date of her birth and death, he takes flowers to her grave.”
It was just the sort of thing Lochlan would do. But oh the pain it must cost him. Why would his father have hurt him so badly?
Suddenly, she felt like a fool for complaining about her own father to him. By comparison, her father was a saint.
“Did the baby survive?”
“Nay, it was buried in her arms.”
Cat winced as she also remembered her earlier conversation with Lochlan when she’d thoughtlessly asked him about what type of woman he’d want for his bride. No wonder he felt as he did. He’d already offered his heart to a woman only to have her serve it back to him in pieces. How could anyone hurt another in such a manner?
But then life seemed to be nothing except pain.
And in that moment of sympathy, she wanted to do something nice for him. But what?
“Tell me, Lord Simon, does Lochlan have something he enjoys doing?”
He looked baffled by her sudden switch of topic. “Such as?”
“Chess? An instrument he plays? Anything of that nature?”
“Nothing Sin ever mentioned and nothing I’ve ever seen him do.”
Cat paused to look about the various vendors who surrounded them. Nothing stood out among their wares that looked like Lochlan. He was a simple man with simple needs.
And then she saw it…
There, across the way. A smile curved her lips as she rose from her bench and headed toward the stand. There were several nobles in front of the table, glancing over the wares.
Ignoring them, she picked up the small toy that was carved to look like a monkey. She pressed the bottom and watched as it rocked back and forth. Its tiny mouth opened and closed, making a clicking noise. It was perfect.
Unlike Lochlan, it was completely frivolous. And it was just what such a stern man needed.
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