Kestrel nodded. “They weren’t happy either. I pity whatever informant they had. I’m sure the man will pay well for that loose tongue. If it wasn’t for the fact it would have ended our lives”—he indicated himself and Lochlan—“had we been caught, I’d feel sorry for him. As it is, I hope they cut out his tongue and hang the bastard.”
Cat wished she were more charitable, but honestly, she couldn’t agree more. Whoever it was, they’d never done anything to him to warrant such hostility. So why that person would try to ruin their lives for nothing more than pure meanness made no sense to her whatsoever. Her mother had always said such treachery only harmed the one carrying it. And she was right.
So like Kestrel, she hoped they hanged the man.
Lochlan straightened up the netting before he addressed Kestrel. “Did Stryder and Simon make it?”
“The sailing? Nay. But they won’t be far behind us and Bracken and his family are in the care of Simon’s wife. All should be well.”
She let out a relieved breath. “Good. I would never want someone hurt because of me.”
Kestrel snorted. “And I concur most wholeheartedly. I would never want to be hurt because of you either.”
Cat laughed. Kestrel had an infectious sense of humor at times.
“By the way, your uncle bade me pass this note on to you.” He pulled a small piece of folded vellum from his pocket and handed it to her.
Cat unfolded it to read what Bavel had to say.
I’m so glad we had the chance to see you, kitten. You’ve no idea how much we’ve missed your presence. Viktor can’t cook at all. Why does he think well-done means charred? Or that brushing the dirt off is the same as cleaning?
She laughed at a truth she knew well.
But seriously, one word to you, kitten. Your father does love you, but he doesn’t see you. He has an ideal of you and though you are ideal, you’re not the woman he thinks of. Stay hidden for us. I couldn’t bear the thought of your being trapped with these people. You would never survive it. Stay safe and we will meet you soon.
Tears welled in her eyes. And she didn’t miss the fact that he’d been careful not to mention where she and Lochlan were going or the fact that Lochlan was with her. Bavel was ever quick that way.
“Is everything all right?” Lochlan asked in a concerned tone.
“Aye. I just miss him terribly.”
Lochlan gave her a tender smile before he looked at Kestrel. “How long to England?”
“We’ll be in Portsmouth in a couple of hours. Then it’s two to three hours more to reach the Scot’s home. We could be there by midnight.”
Cat was delighted for Lochlan. But as she met his gaze, she saw his reservation. They could journey all this way only to find out a truth he might not want to hear.
“Would we be better to wait until morning?” she asked Kestrel. “I would hate to disturb his household in the middle of the night.”
Kestrel shook his head. “Many of the Brotherhood are nocturnal. They prefer to sleep in the day and stay up all night.”
That made little sense to her. “Why?”
Lochlan let out a long breath before he answered. “Because people…and bad memories attack best at night. It’s when someone is most vulnerable.”
Kestrel nodded.
Lochlan met Kestrel’s gaze and gave him a subtle tilt of his head to let him know that he understood why the man slept with a lit candle near and a dagger in his hand. He’d been there himself more times than he wanted to remember.
To Catarina’s credit she appeared to understand that as well.
“Should we go topside?” she asked.
Kestrel shook his head. “Call me restless and worried, but I think it best we wait here. Once the ship docks, I’ll go get horses and come back for you. I think the fewer people who see us, the better.”
“I hate it myself,” she agreed. “But understand.”
So the three of them made themselves comfortable for the trip ahead. Kestrel by perching on top of a barrel so that he could see out a slit in the side of the ship and she by leaning against Lochlan’s side while they sat on the floor.
There was something unbelievably soothing about being this close to Lochlan while the ship rolled beneath her. Never in her life had she felt so safe. His presence soothed her even though her life had been torn apart and she was running from a future that would like as not catch up to her.
Amazed by the peace she felt, she took his hand into hers. “Have you thought about what you’ll say to your brother?”
“Aye. Hello seems like a good start.”
She laughed. “I’m serious, Lochlan.”
“As am I.” His eyes twinkled before they turned deadly earnest. “It depends on if he’s Kieran or another. I fear if it’s Kieran I may choke the life from him before either of us speaks over what he’s put our family through.”
She tsked at him and his groundless threat. “I know you better than that. Most likely you will embrace him and welcome him back.”
He scoffed a bit. “Aye, but the urge to strangle will be great.”
“But you will restrain yourself.”
He picked her hand up from his arm to toy idly with her fingers. The sensation of his touch on her skin made chills spread throughout her body.
“You have much faith in me, lass.”
She wrinkled her nose at him before she responded. “I do and I know you, prig that you are.”
Lochlan shook his head at her and her teasing. If anyone else had said that to him, he’d have been highly offended. But from her, those insults seemed more like endearments.
There was something very wrong with him.
And then his thoughts turned to Kieran. His stomach was drawn tight in reservation and yet her presence comforted him. So long as she was with him, he believed everything would turn out justly. It was the only time in his life he’d felt this way.
Catarina was a treasure.
He glanced over his head to see Kestrel. “Could you give us a moment?”
Kestrel didn’t move for a second. It was as if it took him a moment to realize someone had spoken to him. “Aye.” And before Lochlan could blink, he was out of the room.
Lochlan was taken aback by his actions. “That man moves entirely too fast.”
Catarina nodded. “He is unearthly at times.”
But that wasn’t what Lochlan wanted to discuss. He had most serious matters to speak of. Taking Catarina’s hands into his, he held them tight and turned toward her. The curiosity in those dark eyes seared him and for a heartbeat his courage faltered.
However, the heat of her hands on his brought it back tenfold and that allowed his tongue to work again. “I want to be with you, Catarina.”
She frowned at him. “You are with me.”
“Nay…’tis not what I mean, lass.” He swallowed before he forced himself to say to her exactly what he meant. “I want to take you to wife.”
Cat couldn’t breathe as she heard the words she’d never dreamed he’d speak. Part of her still wasn’t sure she wasn’t dreaming or mistaken.
Lochlan MacAllister wanted to marry her?
It was inconceivable and yet it was a dream come true. But she understood the sacrifice such a thing would require. Did he? “Lochlan…I…do you understand what you’re asking?”
His gaze burned into hers with the passion of his conviction. “More than anything.”
She still wasn’t so certain. “Do you know what my father will do if he learns of this?”
“I don’t care.”
Tears welled in her eyes. “Your clan—”
“My brother can take it. Braden would make a…” He hesitated as if reconsidering what he was about to say. “…decent laird.”
She laughed, refusing to believe he would actually abandon his people for her. “My father will never stop hunting us, Lochlan. He has promised me to another and he doesn’t take defeat well.”
Lochlan scoffed at her fears. “An
d neither does a Scot. Remember, we are the only country Rome couldn’t tame. They had put a wall up to protect themselves from us.”
She laughed at the reminder of Hadrian’s Wall, which had indeed been built for that very reason.
“If you will have me, Catarina, I can’t promise you how much time we’ll have together, but I can promise you that whether it’s only this one hour or a million more, I will love you for every one of them.”
She let out a small sob at words that cut through her heart and made it ache. No man had ever said such to her and no one had ever spoken with such sincerity. She threw herself against him and held him close as her emotions choked and drowned her. She couldn’t speak for the tidal waves that assailed her. All she could do was feel how much she loved him. How much she wanted to spend the rest of her life with this man.
“Catarina?”
She heard the hesitancy in his voice. “I want to be with you, Lochlan,” she breathed, her voice breaking. “I do, but I can’t if it means your life.” She pulled back to look up at him. “And I know for a fact that it would. I’m not selfless enough to be content with a single hour. I’m a greedy woman and I want you with me always.”
“Then we will run.”
She shook her head. “It’s not in you and we both know that. You’re not a coward, Lochlan MacAllister. I’ve seen you stand firm and proud when another man would have begged for mercy. You are what you are and that is why I love you. I don’t want you to become something you’re not to please me. Neither of us would ever be happy with that.” She wanted to say that it was enough for her that he was willing to run.
The truth was very different. It wasn’t enough. She wanted to be with him and she was angry that they couldn’t be together. It wasn’t fair or right.
Lochlan placed a tender kiss to the top of her head and held her close to his heart. Closing his eyes, he expected to hear his father’s voice in his head berating him. But there was only silence. How strange that it was only Catarina who could squelch the violence and insults of his past.
She was his peace.
There was a quiet knock before Kestrel opened the door and entered the room. “They’re starting to stare at me in the hallway. Sorry.”
Catarina pulled away as Kestrel returned to his perch.
There was an awkward silence between them. Cat wanted to speak, but didn’t want to voice her concerns before a stranger.
Time passed slowly until Kestrel finally spoke. “By the way”—he paused to turn his head in their direction—“I know ’tis none of my business. But it seems to me that people usually regret the things they don’t do more than the things they indeed do.”
He returned to stare out at the sea with an expression of heartache so profound that she could feel it within her own chest. “I had a lady once who I loved more than my own life who begged me to stay with her and not go to Outremer.” He let out a tired breath. “I didn’t listen to her pleas. I wanted to go to make money and earn lands for us so that I could treat her like the queen she was in my eyes. But I was gone so long that she assumed me dead and married another.”
His face sad, he fell silent before he spoke again. “And every moment of my life, I regret that I didn’t stay with her that final day when she begged me to. I didn’t think we stood a chance, what with the obstacles we faced and by trying alone to make a future for us, I ensured that we’d never have one at all.”
Kestrel turned to give them both a harsh stare of warning. “I guess Stryder is right. We are all damned or saved by the decisions we make. Just don’t let fear make the decision for you. There were two things I learned while in hell. One, it’s much easier to face the devil and fight when you’re not alone. And two, what you envision in the darkness of your mind is always much more frightening than the realities that come at you. The devil always blinks first. Stand your ground and fear nothing.”
Cat wiped at the single tear that fell from her eye at his words and the pain they betrayed, which he hid so carefully. Yet for their future, he was willing to bare his scars to them. It said much for the man and she pitied the woman who had haplessly let him go. “Thank you, Kestrel.”
He inclined his head to her. “I don’t want to see someone else make my mistake. If you’re both willing to run, then run until they find you and don’t look back. Ever. Believe me, the world is large and there are places you can live where no one will ever find you again.”
Lochlan paused as he thought about Kieran and all the years his brother had been missing. Kestrel was right. His brother had run and none of them had ever known his whereabouts. Not in all this time.
Perhaps they could have a future after all.
He held his hand up for Catarina. “Will you run with me, Cat?”
The hesitation in her eyes brought a wave of fear to him. If she rejected him again, he wasn’t sure what he’d do.
She glanced to Kestrel before she nodded. “To the ends of this earth, I will run with you, Lochlan MacAllister.”
Chapter 15
For the first time in Lochlan’s life, he actually looked forward to the future. For once, he had one worth living for.
As soon as they tied up this last mystery with his brother, he and Catarina would begin their life together. Neither of them knew where they would go, but it didn’t matter.
She was used to earning her living and making do, and she would teach him whatever he needed to know. Not to mention he could earn extra coin at tournament. No one had ever bested him in a joust and few could defeat him at sword. They would be fine, he was sure of it.
He waited on the docks with Catarina while Kestrel bought them new mounts that would take them to the Scot’s castle. This late at night, there were very few people about. But even so, he was careful. They still didn’t know who Philip’s informer had been.
But even with that weight on him, he still felt freer than he’d ever been before.
Kestrel returned with the horses. Lochlan smiled in approval. The man had chosen healthy, fast mounts for them.
“My thanks.”
Kestrel gave him a wry smile. “I hope they never come in handy.”
Lochlan laughed as he swung Catarina up into her saddle. “That makes two of us.” Running from a king’s justice was never good and often made bloody bedfellows.
Mounting his own horse, he allowed Kestrel to take the lead.
They rode in silence with nothing more than the bright moonlight as company. The sound of wolves echoed in the distance. There was a light mist on the ground, but even so there was nothing ominous about the night.
At least not until they reached the Scot’s castle. It sat up on top of a high hill with a road so narrow, they were forced to ride single file. More than that, it was so narrow that even the horses were nervous and had to move very slowly lest they lose their footing.
“We should have dismounted,” Catarina said from behind them.
“Too late now,” they said in unison. There was no way to dismount without falling down the side of the hill and most likely dying painfully on the sharp rocks below.
The Scot had planned this location well. No one would ever be able to take his fortress. Nor would they be able to approach it without being seen. Something that became obvious as they reached the small clearing before the castle’s opening.
Kestrel reined his horse and made sure he was within the circle of light that fell from the battlements above. It allowed visitors to be seen clearly, while the visitors could tell nothing of those who stood above, watching them.
“Raziel, ’tis the Kestrel. I bring friends in search of the Scot. Let us in.”
Lochlan could only see shadowed outlines on the battlements above them. For all he knew they were getting ready to pour oil over all three of them and set them on fire. It was an unnerving thought.
The silence rang out for several minutes.
“Did he hear you?” Lochlan finally asked.
His answer came as one of the doors before t
hem scraped open. There in the doorway was a tall, lean Saracen who was dressed in dark blue and gold-trimmed flowing robes. With an aura of extreme power, he wore two swords crossed over his back. Arms akimbo, he didn’t appear pleased by their late-night visit.
“Kestrel,” he said, his voice nothing more than a deep rumble. “It’s been a long time, old friend.”
“Aye. Thanks for not shooting me…this time.”
Raziel’s face showed no sign of amusement. “You will never forget that, will you?”
“I still limp and feel the bite of the wound every time it rains. How could I?” Kestrel dismounted before he joined Raziel and clapped him on the back like a brother.
Grateful the tension was broken, Lochlan dismounted, then moved to help Catarina down.
As they approached the Saracen, Raziel’s black eyes narrowed dangerously.
“They’re not us,” he growled at Kestrel. “Who have you brought here and why?”
“I’m Lochlan MacAllister.”
Raziel hissed before he pulled a sword free and angled it at Lochlan’s throat. “Are you mad?” he snarled through clenched teeth. “The Scot will lose what little mind he has left.”
Lochlan couldn’t breathe as anticipation, fear, and trepidation mingled inside him. “He’s my brother. I want to see him.”
“You abandoned him.” The accusation hung heavy in the air, but it wasn’t the truth and Lochlan knew it.
“I have never abandoned a brother in my life. Ever. And I won’t let that lie stand.”
“I believe him,” Kestrel said, pushing Raziel’s blade to the side with his bare hand. “He’s traveled far for the truth. What say we speak to the Scot alone and see what he has to say?”
Raziel snorted. “You’ll be lucky if you’re not gutted on the floor like a pig. The Scot has no interest in the past.”
Still Kestrel argued for them. “Have a heart, Raziel. Lochlan isn’t like my family. He’s not going to spit on the Scot for surviving. Let us speak to him and see what he has to say.”
Raziel curled his lip before he finally sheathed his sword. Even so, the disdain he felt for Lochlan was clearly etched into every part of his demeanor. He narrowed his black eyes before he spoke a low, deadly warning. “If you say anything to hurt my lord, I will have your tongue and your heart.”
The Warrior Page 18