Dirty Mind (Nashville Outlaws #2)

by Cheryl Douglas

  I wondered if it was possible for me to turn things around the way J.T. had. To pour everything I had into a relationship with Charli while erasing every bad memory from my past. It seemed like an impossible feat, but what if J.T. was right, and this girl could be my future?

  “Nikki was it for me, man.” He swiped a hand over his mouth and the diamonds in his wedding band caught the overhead light. “I think I knew that from the first time I saw her.”

  I thought about the first time I saw Charli. That visceral reaction that made me want to hunt her down. “I know what that’s like.” I cleared my throat. “Acting on instinct, even though there’s this voice in your head screaming at you to back the hell off, you can’t.”

  J.T. nodded. “Exactly. If that’s the way you felt with Charli, you can’t ignore it. Trust me, I know. I let Nikki go. I thought I was doing her a favor. Turns out all I was doing was making both of us miserable.”

  “What made you decide to go for it?”

  “My brother died.” He closed his eyes briefly. “He was in the military. With us one day, gone the next. Made me realize life was too short to keep making bonehead mistakes, so when Nikki came home with Ty to attend the service, I knew I had to quit chasin’ tale and drop to one knee, beg that girl to marry me.”

  J.T.’s brother, Ty McCall, was country music royalty. He’d just retired after nearly four decades commanding the stage, but he’d left big footsteps for the rest of us to follow.

  J.T.’s story resonated, but I’d already dropped to one knee with a ring in hand three times too many. I couldn’t see myself doing that ever again.

  Sky made her way to the table and J.T. stood to give her a hug. “You were great tonight, sugar. You’re welcome back here anytime.” He winked. “But you’ll probably be too big to play this place soon.”

  “I’ll never get too big for Jimmy’s,” she said, squeezing J.T.’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t be going out on tour at all if it weren’t for people like you giving me a chance. Don’t think I’ll ever forget that.”

  That’s what I liked about Sky. She was sweet and humble. She didn’t forget where she’d come from or whose shoulders she’d stood on to get where she was. I wish Archer could get to know her as well as I had. I knew he’d see how special she was, that she was worth taking a chance on, even when his fear tried to paralyze him.

  “You’re sweet,” J.T. said, squeezing her hand. “Well, it was nice catching up, Dade.” He looked me in the eye. “Think about what I said, okay? And if you ever need to talk, call or pass by.”

  “Thanks, man.” I shook his hand. “I appreciate that.”

  Sky watched him walk away before sitting down across from me. “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything?”

  “No.”

  I watched J.T. check in with his manager before heading towards the door. He was probably anxious to get home to his wife. Me? I’d be going home to an empty bed again. Maybe J.T. was right. His strategy had worked a hell of a lot better than mine had, but the thought of taking another risk like that still scared the hell out of me.

  “Archer’s friend is still working,” Sky said, eyeing the waitress. “He comin’ back to pick her up?”

  “Why?” I smirked. “You jealous?”

  “I don’t get jealous,” she snapped. “Especially not over asshole’s like that.”

  “You wanna talk about it? Archer’s a good friend. I might be able to give you some insight, help you put this thing to rest once and for all.” Not that I was the guy any of my friends would come to for relationship advice.

  “I know I screwed up.” She raked her hand through her long hair, holding it off her face. “I bailed on him instead of sticking around to talk, but honestly, I thought I was doing him a favor.”

  “How so?”

  “He told me one-night stands are more his thing. He doesn’t do relationships, right?”

  “Not usually.” Archer and I went way back, and he rarely broke his three-date rule with anyone. “Doesn’t mean it wouldn’t have been different with you.”

  She raised an arched brow. “You don’t really believe that, do you?”

  “I don’t know for sure.” I looked her in the eye. “And now… neither do you.”

  I felt shitty for calling my friend out for the mistakes she’d made when mine were so much worse. Still, she needed someone to remind her that she’d have to woman up if she and Archer were ever going to find a way to work together. And for the sake of her career, I really hoped they could call a truce.

  “He hates me.” Her voice was soft when she said, “I hate that he hates me.”

  “Archer’s got a lot of hate inside of him, Sky. I wouldn’t take it personally.”

  She nodded, looking troubled. “I know. War has a way of tearing a nice, normal guy apart and no amount of love and understanding can piece him back together again.”

  “You’re thinking about your brother now?” I asked, covering her hand with mine. At her questioning look, I said, “Archer mentioned it.”

  “I wish we could have saved him, but by the time we realized how bad it was, he was too far gone.” Her voice broke as she looked down at our joined hands. “We just couldn’t reach him, Dade. And that still kills me.”

  “You know it wasn’t your fault, right?” I’d known a few people with family members who’d killed themselves and their stories were always the same: the guilt of not being able to help their loved one always tore them apart.

  “I know.” She looked down at the scarred wood table. “I tried to be there for him, to get him to talk to me about what was happening. But he couldn’t.” She shuddered. “I get the feeling what he did and saw over there just broke him. He couldn’t live with it anymore, the man he’d become.”

  “I can’t imagine.”

  I thought Archer was one of the bravest guys I knew for trying to reinvent himself after returning home. He poured a lot of his heartache and anger and grief into his songs. They were real and raw. And that made him one of the most sought-after song writers in our business. Not many people had one tenth of the life experiences Archer had. Even if he would have traded a lot of them, they still shaped him, and made him see life differently than most.

  “Me neither.” She sighed. “I see Archer’s pain and it’s so reminiscent of my brother’s that I guess it scares me, if you wanna know the truth.”

  “If you think Archer would take his own life—”

  “No,” she said, shaking her head. “I didn’t mean that. I’m talking about the anger. The frustration. The sadness. Helplessness.” She paused over each word, like it was hard to get it out. “That’s the way it was for my brother, having all of those emotions trapped inside and I didn’t have to spend long with Archer to know that he’s trapped in that cycle too.”

  Some days were better than others for Archer, but I assumed that was true of most people. He had his demons, like everyone else, but his were a lot deeper and darker than most. Most men couldn’t say they’d stared death in the face and walked away or that they’d taken a life, because they had to, and had to live with the consequences of that choice.

  “I can’t deny you’re right.” But I really hoped Archer could one day find peace and happiness… maybe with someone like Sky. Because even though he’d never admit it, I knew he got lonely sometimes.

  “Do you think less of me?” she asked, wincing. “I mean, your friend’s a hero for his service, no doubt, but he scares me too.”

  “Because of his anger?” I asked, slipping my hand from hers as I leaned back.

  “Because of the way he makes me feel,” she whispered, leaning in. “That night with him was…” She fanned her face. “Indescribable.”

  I smirked. “You wanted more, huh?”

  “Shut up!” She laughed, slapping my arm. “I wanted…” She swallowed, diverting her gaze. “Him to look at me like he really saw me.”

  I frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “He looked right through me, Dade.”
She closed her eyes, like she was either trying to recapture or block out the memory. “Like I wasn’t even there. I guess, in the end, that’s the biggest reason I left. I didn’t want to be with a guy who was just using me to escape his problems for a while.”

  “I don’t blame you.” Is that the way Charli felt? Like she was just a diversion to me?

  “But you should talk to Archer about this. Let him know why you left. Maybe then you guys can put it behind you and work together. I know I don’t have to tell you this, but there’s no better song writing partner in this biz than Archer. He has a way of bringing the best and worst shit to the surface.” I laughed when I thought of some of the gut-wrenching songs we’d worked on over the years. I always left his place feeling like I’d been through the emotional wringer. “Seriously. You want a hit album, that’s the guy you want to be sitting across the table from you.”

  She wrinkled her nose. “You really think we could work together after we had sex? I’ve never done that before, had sex with a co-worker.”

  I thought of the working relationship I was trying to forge with Charli. If we both stayed on our side of the line, working with her might prove to be the toughest thing I’d ever done. “Honestly? I don’t know. I’m not saying it would be easy, but I think you’d both regret it if you didn’t at least try.”

  Her smile was twisted when she said, “The problem is, I need Archer a lot more than he needs me, and he won’t let me forget it.”

  “I wouldn’t be so sure about that, hon.” Given our circumstances, Charli might think she needed me more than I needed her too, but she’d be dead wrong.

  Chapter 11

  Charli

  It may have been cowardly, but I slipped out the back door of Jimmy’s while Dade was chatting up Skylar. The conversation looked pretty intimate. He was holding her hand, looking into her eyes, but if I worried about every woman who held Dade’s interest, I’d make myself crazy, and I refused to be that girl again. The one who wore her insecurity like a second skin for everyone to see.

  But Dade and Sky weren’t the real reason I’d left Jimmy’s. It was my talk with Reed. I couldn’t believe he thought I was talented enough to go on the road with him. He said he’d need to talk to his team about me but wanted to know if I was interested.

  Was I? That’s what I kept asking myself as I drove home. No, not home. To Dade’s guest house. I didn’t have a home of my own. But that would change if I took Reed up on his offer. The kind of money I could make on the road with him would be life-changing. No more living hand to mouth. I’d finally be free, at least financially. But I’d be selling a piece of my soul for that financial freedom, and I didn’t know if I could live with that.

  A knock sounded at the door, barely a tap, but it was enough to make me jump. It was dark and late, and I was so deep in thought a visitor was the last thing on my mind.

  I jumped up, running to the door. I knew who it was. Dade’s gatehouse always announced visitors, so it could only be the object of my fantasies in the flesh.

  “Hey,” he said, leaning against the doorframe. “I know it’s late and I should have texted first, but I was worried about you. You hightailed it outta there after your talk with Reed. Everything okay?”

  “I don’t know.” I wrapped my short black cotton robe tighter. “I’m still trying to process what he said.” I gestured for him to enter and closed the door behind him. “I guess he told you that he was gonna ask me about going on the road with him?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, he did.” He stood next to the gray two-seater, looking decidedly uncomfortable with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his worn jean jacket. “I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about that. Obviously, you’re crazy talented. I guess it was only a matter of time before someone discovered you.”

  I gestured to the sofa, even though it seemed strange to invite him to sit, since he was the guy who owned the furniture. “I was just gonna have a glass of wine. You want one?”

  He shrugged out of his jacket, tossing it on the gray and white armchair. “I wouldn’t mind a beer. Pretty sure that fridge is usually stocked with alcohol.”

  “It is.” I popped the top on a longneck and handed it to him. “I think I’ll join you. Save the wine for another night.”

  I sat on the small sofa and held my breath waiting to see how close he wanted to get. He finally claimed the spot beside me, wedging a cushion between us as he faced me.

  “Talk to me,” he said. “Tell me how you feel about Reed’s offer.”

  I took a sip of beer and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. Killing time while I tried to process my thoughts. “I’m flattered, obviously. But I never expected an opportunity like this so I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.”

  He stretched his arm along the back of the couch, running his fingers through the ends of my hair. “You have the talent, Charli. Question is, do you have the desire? You have to want this more than you’ve ever wanted anything, ‘cause I’m tellin’ ya, it can be a brutal ride, full of highs and lows. And if you don’t want it as much as your next breath, it’s not the business for you.”

  I appreciated his advice, since he’d been there and had the awards and scars to prove it. “When I was a kid I used to fantasize,” I admitted. “I loved music. Listening, writing, playing instruments, it’s always been a passion. But playing on the big stage was always my sister’s dream. That’s why Cece left for Nashville when she turned nineteen. It was the only thing she ever wanted to do.”

  “What did you want to do?” he asked, trapping me in his eyes. “What were your dreams?”

  No man had ever asked me that question before. And Dade made it sound like he really cared about my dreams. “They were simple, I guess.” Compared to his dreams mine would probably sound boring. “Nice little home of my own. Job I liked. Maybe get married and have kids someday.” I returned his smile, feeling the knot in my chest ease. “I guess I wanted to be normal. My parents, as you know, are pretty out there, so I guess that’s why I craved stability.”

  “Do you still crave stability?” he asked, linking his hand through mine. “Because the music biz is anything but.” He hesitated. “But that kind of rush can make life worth living too, so maybe stability isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

  I could tell he was trying to support me, whichever decision I made, and I appreciated that. “What would you do if you were me?” I asked, setting my bottle down on the coffee table chest in front of me. “Would you take Reed up on his offer, assuming his team sees something in me?”

  “If I were you,” he said, leaning in a little closer. “I’d search my heart.” His eyes drifted to my lips before he said, “I’d imagine what your dream life would look like, then go for it.”

  “My dream life,” I repeated.

  My dream was sitting right in front of me. Wrapped in a six-foot plus muscled package and decorated with ink. But my dream was out of reach. He was close enough to touch but too distant to give me what I really wanted. Him. All of him. No holding back. No fear. No ghosts from the past. Just us. Taking it one day at a time to see if we could build something solid.

  “Crazy as it sounds, I love what I do. The whole VA, or in this case PA, thing works for me. Things don’t get boring because I can work for different clients, do different things.” I shrugged, wondering if it made any sense to him that I was satisfied with my simple career path. “I can work from home, which I like because it means I can get out for a walk or do some yoga mid-day. Take a break to play my guitar. And I can always have music on in the background, which is nice.”

  “Yeah,” he smiled. “I noticed that.”

  I wouldn’t apologize or be embarrassed that I’d been shuffling through his songs on my phone all day while I worked. They happened to be some of my favorites. “Music makes me feel good. Puts me in a good mood.”

  “What puts you in a bad mood?”

  I couldn’t believe a guy like Dade wanted to know so much about me. He was the one w
ho’d travelled around the world and met royalty, A-list celebrities and dignitaries, while I’d never even left the country.

  I wrinkled my nose before I found the courage to tell him the truth. “Money and relationship problems mostly. I worry about my parents too. They’re not getting any younger and with my dad’s recent health problems…” I refused to live in fear when I should be grateful he’d made a full recovery. “I don’t know. I guess I get in a bad mood if I dwell on the negative too long, like most people.”

  I leaned my head against his arm. It felt warm and solid. He made me feel safe and it had been a long time since I’d felt safe with anyone.

  “You told me why you like your job,” he said, setting his bottle down next to mine. “But you didn’t tell me about your dream life, Charli. That’s the only way you’ll know whether this gig with Reed could align with what’s in here.” He pointed to my heart before gliding his finger up to my temple. “And in here.”

  He was right. I had to search my soul, which I’d been trying to do before Dade’s visit, but he somehow made it easier to get it all out there and make sense of my thoughts. “I love nature,” I said, trying to formulate a picture in my mind of all the things that made me… me. “Going for long walks in the woods. Just letting my mind wonder, that’s kind of my jam.”

  He nodded. “You’re a creative person. We usually need those long periods of silence to recharge.”

  We? I was flattered that Dade drew similarities between us. “I’m a bit of an introvert.” It had taken a long time for me to own that title, but it fit. I loved being alone. “I prefer small groups to big crowds.”