"No? Can I?" Matt held it up and chuckled. "I love this thing."
"Lemme see." Ben got up from his seat and walked around the breakfast bar to stand next to Matt. "Oh shit. Please don't wear that."
"What's it say?" Kendal leaned against the counter, looking more alive than Damon had seen him in years. Dana was doing something to breathe life back into his best friend. He'd have to pull her aside and thank her.
Matt turned the shirt around and snorted before laughing again.
Kendal rolled his eyes. "Touch my balls for a dollar? Fuck me. No one is wearing that."
"I am." Matt pulled the party toy out of his mouth and tugged the t-shirt over his head.
Damon watched in humor as his brother squeezed his fat ass in the t-shirt that was obviously made for him. Matt tried to put his arms down but got nowhere. He was stuck with his arms out.
"Take some pictures." Damon pulled out his phone and tried not to cry he was laughing so hard. "Post them up everywhere."
"No. Don't you dare. Erica will kill me." Matt spun around and wrestled the t-shirt off of himself as the rest of them laughed their asses off.
"You don't even need liquor to be the life of the party, buddy." Kendal walked past Matt, patting him on the back and heading toward the door. "Let's go. We'll grab a burger at the bar. The strippers are due in our private room at ten. We need to roll."
"Strippers?" Damon's heart skipped a beat. No way he was watching someone strip. Bethany would flip her shit, and honestly, he wasn't interested. He'd seen a million naked women during his single years, which was plenty. "Fuck that, guys. I'm good with drinks and dinner, but no strippers."
"Oh come on, bro. Some of these girls are just trying to make a living." Matt wrapped his arm around Damon's shoulders as they walked to the front door.
"They should get an education." Ben walked behind them, his voice tight with what Damon assumed was angst.
"And pay for it how?" Damon snorted and walked out to find his Mercedes done up for the night. There wasn't an inch the guys hadn't written something offensive across the windows in shoe polish. "Awwww... fuck. Not my baby. I'm going to get you dicks back for this."
"Yeah, yeah. Stop bitching and get in. The strippers are joining us for dinner. BJs on me." Kendal got in the driver's side.
His words gave Damon pause. No fucking way was Kendal or Matt going to cheat on their women, and he sure as hell wasn't going to get within ten feet of another woman. They were pulling his chain. Time to pull back.
"You guys aren't serious, right? Cause I'm not good with a woman rubbing herself all over me while we try and eat dinner." Ben walked around the car, giving Damon an ill look.
"It'll be all right." Damon nodded at his friend. "Matt and Kendal will keep the girls off of you."
Damon couldn't help but notice Matt's smile fading. It wouldn't take much and Kendal and Matt would be crying uncle. Trying to play a trick on him? No fucking way.
"So you ready for this?" Kendal glanced over and wagged his eyebrows.
"Hell yeah, I am. Last night of freedom. Good thing you two assholes aren't married yet either. Might be fun to share a girl one last time. Maybe three or four of them." Damon buckled up and watched his best friend through his peripherals. Kendal visibly paled as he muttered his agreement.
Oh yeah. Let the games begin.
***
"Hi, boys. Any special occasion for visiting us tonight?" A busty blond stopped by the high-top table they'd found at the bar, along with the rest of Dallas, who was obviously there that night.
"My bachelor party." Damon winked at the girl. "We'll take a bucket of beers and four burgers. That all right?" Damon glanced around at the guys.
"Yeah. It's great," Matt muttered, looking like someone had swiped his favorite pair of jeans from high school and burned them in front of him.
Such pussies. Damon tapped the table. "What the fuck? You guys were dry humping the air at the house, and now you're like a bunch of wet rags. What's up?"
"I'm not letting a stripper touch me. No fucking way." Ben glanced down at the table, but he was the only one to say something.
"Oh hush, Ben. It's going to be great. You can just stand guard and make sure no one walks up. Matt can take the girl's mouth, Kendal her ass, and we'll leave the good stuff to me." Damon wagged his eyebrows and hopped off his seat. "Fun times coming up. I gotta piss. Make sure they bring ketchup."
He walked off, and before he could get out of earshot, all three of them were losing their shit. Damon pressed his fist to his mouth as he walked toward the john. Just pulling the wool over his friends was enough to make the night a hit. As if he'd get anywhere near another woman when he had Beth. Fuck that. It was almost crazy that Kendal, or really Matt, would believe him. The fact that Matt hadn't blown up and acted like a complete psycho over Damon's suggestion told him that Matt was still chewing on the truth of Damon's words. He wasn't quite convinced yet.
"Hi there." A cute brunette with a nice body and very few clothes moved in front of Damon. "I'm Lyndsay."
"Hi, Lyndsay. I'm engaged." He smiled and pulled her hand from his chest.
"Oh shit. All the good ones are gone." She huffed and glanced around the bar.
"You assume I'm one of the good ones."
"This is true." She smirked. "I wasn't hitting on you to get anywhere. I locked my keys in my car, with my wallet, and was hoping to get close enough to pick your pocket." She gave him a grin as if she were proud of her nefarious ways.
"And you're telling me this why?" Damon patted his pockets just to make sure she wasn't the diversion, and four of her friends hadn't moved past him, draining him dry of his cash and cards.
She shrugged and laughed. "Not sure. Okay, well, have a great night, Mr. Engaged. If you see a single guy who needs a cute girl to flirt with him, just-"
"Wait. How much do you need to get into your car?"
"Around a hundred bucks. I swear the lock-pick guys are complete criminals." She rolled her eyes.
"How about this... I'll pay you a hundred bucks if you pretend to be the stripper for my bachelor party." Damon lifted his hand as she started to protest, her hand already on her hip. "Wait. You don't have to strip. Just let me run into the bathroom and grab a handful of condoms. We go to the table, and you just snuggle up to my side and play along. I'm just fucking with my friends who thought they were going to fuck with me. Yeah?"
She smiled. "I like it. I'll wait here. Hundred bucks, right? No stripping?"
"I would never ask that of you, and any man that did, you need to punch him in the dick and walk away." Damon left her and walked in the bathroom as excitement bubbled up inside of him. If only he could record the whole event. Beth was going to love it.
He grabbed a handful of condoms from a basket on the sink and tucked them in his pocket. He found the girl waiting patiently outside the john and reached for her hand.
"What's your name?"
"Let's go with Candy?" She snickered, and he did too.
"Awesome. Thanks again for doing this." He paused and pulled out a hundred dollar bill. "It's going to help me make some great memories. Just act oblivious and play along. These guys are going to shit themselves." He felt like a fifteen-year-old boy playing pranks on his little brother again. Nothing felt better, nothing but Beth.
"You bet." The girl shoved the money in her pocket and snuggled against his side as they walked back to the table.
Everyone's eyes grew wide as Damon moved up to the table with his arm wrapped around the girl. "Guys, not sure who you had stripping for us tonight, but Candy here found me near the bathroom and is totally game." Damon glanced down at her and licked his lips. "You're good taking on three of us?"
"Why not four?" Her lip turned down in a pout. "I can strip for all of you, but I really like a challenge."
"Oh no, Ben here isn't into women. No offense to you, angel cakes, but he's just not interested." Damon glanced up at Ben, who looked completely petrified.
&n
bsp; "What the fuck are you talking about?" Matt exploded. "We have women. There's no way in hell we're sharing anyone tonight. You've lost your fucking mind. I should beat your ass all over this bar for even thinking about doing that to-"
"Wait. This was your idea." Damon reached into his pocket and pulled out the condoms, tossing them onto the table and glancing over at Kendal, who was completely white, his eyes wide and mouth agape. "Come on, buddy. You wanted a stripper that would bend over for us. I got us one." Damon smiled wickedly and gave Kendal the nod he used to give him back in college when it was go time.
Kendal lifted his hands as he swallowed hard. "You've lost your mind, dude. We were kidding. I ain't touching anyone."
"You aren't either." Matt got up, his face completely red.
Damon lifted his phone and took a picture of each of them, the one of Matt a close-up thanks to him getting in Damon's face. "And this is what a chump looks like." Damon chuckled and glanced down at the girl. "Thanks a million, Candy. Good luck getting home, sweetheart. Need one of us to walk you out?"
She laughed. "No, but thanks for the help. Good luck with your party."
"Oh, it's all downhill from here." Damon released her and turned toward his brother. "Not interested in a lap dance ?" he mocked Matt and then Kendal. Everyone deflated.
"No fucking way you just turned that on us." Kendal pressed his fingers to his forehead. "I seriously thought you'd gone off the deep end."
"Hell yeah I did, and you bitches fell for it. Trying to pull one on me. That shit isn't ever going to fly." Damon took his seat and reached back to push on Matt's chest. "Where's your t-shirt, bro?"
"Fuck you. That wasn't funny." Matt walked around to the other side of the table and gave Damon the death stare.
"Damn, man," Kendal started, "when you gave me the look, you know the look , I knew we were in trouble. I haven't felt that sick since finding out Dana and Ana were sisters. Shit. I think I need to go home and lie down. Fuck me."
Damon laughed low in his chest and glanced over toward Ben, who was nursing his beer. "And you, buddy? You okay?"
"Yep. You gave me the out. I owe you one." Ben lifted his beer toward the center of the table. "To Damon Bryant. There's no one quite like him, and though he's a complete bastard, he's our bastard. Here. Here."
They all lifted their beers and smacked the bottles against each other.
Some random dude jacked the moment by leaning in between Damon and Kendal. The poor guy couldn't have been over twenty. "Dude! Are there really condoms on the table? Fuck-freaking-tabular!"
Damon reached over and grabbed all of them, handing them to the kid. "Knock yourself out, man."
"Awesome!" The guy took them and turned, running through the bar, yelling something incoherent.
"Ahhh to be young and dumb again." Kendal smiled over at Damon. "You almost had me a few minutes ago."
"I was ready to beat your ass." Matt was still in a mood.
"You were ready to try. There hasn't been a day in twenty-eight years where you've beaten my ass."
"Yeah, but you're getting old." Matt tilted his beer toward Damon, who reached out and snatched it from him.
"Just means I'm more wise with my moves." Damon finished Matt's beer and set the empty bottle in front of him. "I'll always win."
"I believe that shit," Ben muttered.
"Yep. Nothing has changed. Not even the girl’s name." Kendal snorted and moved back as the food was delivered.
"Please tell me you guys boned some poor girl named Candy back in college." Matt leaned back in his chair, amusement on his face.
"Several," Damon and Kendal said at the same time.
The table erupted in laughter. There was no need for strippers, loose women or condoms. They had good women, and nothing was going to fuck that up. Not ever.
Chapter 33
Bethany
"Get everyone up front please." The wedding coordinator wasn't exactly the type of person Bethany was excited to work with, but Kent's sister, Allison, had been adamant about hiring the chick. They weren't doing a rehearsal dinner because the world was starving for authenticity , so the ceremony should be done from scratch.
Damon, Bethany and the rest of their wedding party were walked through the details of what would happen at ten that next morning, the day of the wedding. It was fast and furious, but that was usually the way they did things. Why change now?
"You all right?" Damon turned and ran his hands down Beth's shoulders.
"I'm ready." She smiled up at him and moved in to kiss him.
"No kissing! Save that for tonight. It's bad luck." The wedding coordinator pulled Bethany back.
Damon growled before pursing his lips.
It was going to be a long day of dealing with her. Bethany couldn't even remember the lady's name, but maybe it was for the best. Damon's Aunt Allison walked into the church and glanced around.
"Where are the flowers? Have the bows been fluffed? Is your dress here?" She turned and pinned Bethany with a death stare before walking into the sanctuary. "Why isn't the unity candle centered on the table? Good grief."
Damon rolled his eyes and turned to walk out the other side of the church. He paused and glanced back. "Just a few more hours and you're mine."
"I've been yours since the moment I first saw you." Beth wrapped her arms around herself and tilted her head to the side. "It was just a hard road getting you to see that."
He walked across the foyer and pulled Beth into his arms, leaning down and brushing his nose by hers. "I wrote vows for you today. You just do the ones the preacher gives you and I'll say mine. I had a few things I needed you to know."
"What?" She stiffened as he kissed her, softly at first, and then with a bit more hunger. It was a good thing everyone was rushing around trying to get things ready. For an engagement that happened seven months before, everything seemed last freaking minute.
Bethany melted against him and opened her mouth, welcoming him inside of her, where he belonged. She ran her fingers up the side of his smooth face and tucked herself against him, prolonging the kiss.
He finally broke it, his eyes glossy, lips a little red. "God, I love you. Tonight I'm going to worship every inch of you. Let's just get through the formalities."
She smiled. "Let's enjoy them. We're only going to get to do this once in our lifetimes. Let's savor the moment."
"How about you do that, and I savor you?" He nipped at her lips. "Don't overdo yourself for the ceremony. You, first thing in the morning, is enough to stop my heart. I'd hate to keel over up there at the front of the church."
"You're not allowed to die until we're old and can look back on a full life together." She leaned in for another kiss as a lump formed in her throat.
"Thank you, baby. For giving me this." He reached up and pressed his palm to her chest above her heart.
"My breast?" She snorted, and he laughed as his eyes filled with tears.
"Your heart. It's healed mine." He leaned down and kissed her again, jerking back as the wedding coordinator's shrill voice filled the foyer.
"No kissing! It's bad luck!"
Damon smiled at Bethany. "We make our own luck. See you tonight."
"I love you," she called after him.
"Not as much, but that's all right. You can make it up to me in other ways." He shook his ass before walking out of the church.
Bethany laughed and glanced over at Damon's Aunt Allison and the coordinator. "What? He loves sex." She shrugged and turned, enjoying the gasps behind her. How in the world Kent had an eccentric sister like Allison when he was so low-key and laid back was beyond Bethany. It was only a day they had to get through with the whole family and then her and Damon would be on a beach, just the two of them.
"There you are." Erica walked out into the hall from one of the little Sunday school rooms. "The make-up lady will be here at four, but the stylist needs us to come down to her salon. It's just five minutes down the road. You ready?"
"Yes."
Bethany stuck her head into the bride's dressing room they fixed up to find her mom and Aunt Patty laughing about something. They already looked like a million bucks.
"You guys ready to get our hair done?" Bethany lifted her eyebrow as her mom bent over, laughing harder.
"We're good. We've already got ourselves ready. We're just laughing about some of the times we had when we were your age." Patty lifted her hand and wiped a few tears from her face. "Life has been good."
"And it's only going to get better." Bethany's mom stood up and walked toward her. "You and Erica go. We'll stay here and make sure Allison and her pet don't change all of the colors or throw out the flowers before you get back."
Patty laughed loudly in the background.
Bethany smirked. "Right? I swear I don't know what gets into her."
"Control, baby doll." Patty got up and walked toward the door, moving up beside Bethany's mom. "It's all about control. Some people need it to feel important, but the rest of us know that we're already queen of the world, in some part of the world."
"Hell yeah to that." Bethany's mom lifted her hand, surprising her a little.
Patty hit it, and Bethany moved back. "Okay, you two weirdos. Erica and I are going to get our hair done. The make-up chick is supposed to be here in a couple of hours, so make sure you help her find her way back here if you see her."
"Will do. Have fun, baby." Bethany's mom moved up and pulled her into a warm hug. "I love you. I'm so proud of you."
"Thanks, Mom." Bethany glanced back at Erica. "You ready?"
"As ready as I'll ever be." She lifted her hand and dangled a set of keys. "Damon's going to be looking for these, but we should totally use that to our advantage."
Beth snorted and put her hand out. "Are these to his Mercedes?"
"Yep. I know it's his baby , but the thing rides like sex on wheels. He's going to be here for the next four hours. Let's take it?" She smiled nefariously.
“It has shoe polish all over it.” Beth rolled her eyes. “You sure we wanna-”
“Drive Damon’s car? Are you kidding me…” Erica laughed.
Mister Big Stuff: A Single Mom Friends to Lovers Novel Page 94