Oh, shit. All this because of a little boy’s desire to not look different from everyone else.
“Burton says he wanted to look pretty like his mom.”
She gasped and covered her mouth with her hand, and Gavin stopped glaring, a sadness descending over him.
“He says the kids at school teased him about his weight, and he wanted to look like everyone else, but especially to be like Rachel.”
Rachel took a tentative step forward, with Gavin following close behind. “You can…. You can really see him? Talk to him?”
“Yeah.” Burton seemed torn between running to her and fleeing. Gavin wrapped his arms around Rachel, who was crying. “He’s afraid he made you angry because you moved out of the house, and he couldn’t come with you.”
“Oh my God, no.” She scanned the yard. “Burton, honey, that’s not it at all.” Her gaze shifted to me. “Please? If you can really see him, tell him we didn’t leave him.”
I knelt down in front of Burton, who had tears streaming down his cheeks. “They don’t hate you. They never did. When you took those pills, something bad happened, and it made your parents sad. They love you with all their hearts, and it hurt them to not have you.”
“But I’m right here! Why can’t they see me?”
On instinct I opened my arms to him, and he threw himself at me, snaking his arms around my neck. Images of the teasing, the laughter, the pain he felt every day assailed me. I wanted to recoil but held fast. I wouldn’t let Burton face this alone anymore. He was a good kid who got a raw deal.
“I died, didn’t I? That’s why Mommy was looking at me in the bed.”
It wouldn’t do any good to lie to him.
“Yeah, you did. It sucks, I know. I died once too. It’s not a lot of fun. But you see here? Your parents came, even though they were scared. They knew how much you needed them, and they would never, ever leave you like that. They love you so very much.”
“They didn’t care that I’m fat?”
“No, not at all. And you’re not fat. Look at your dad. You got the best parts of both your parents. Your dad’s looks and your mom’s kindness.”
“What’s he saying?”
I turned and found Rachel hovering over me, her hands clutched on to Gavin’s arm. “He asked me if you didn’t care that he was fat.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks. “No, baby. You weren’t fat—remember, we told you that. You were your dad’s son, because you looked beautiful, just like him.”
Burton rushed to his mother and threw his arms around her waist, burying his face in her stomach. “I’m sorry, Mommy. I’m sorry.” He stepped back, sadness like a mask on him. “She can’t feel me.”
I remembered how Tim reacted when I touched him. He could sense Burton’s presence and feel his sadness. I wondered if I could do that with the three who needed it right now.
“Gavin? Rachel? Can we try something?”
Rachel nodded.
I turned to Burton. “Give me your hand.”
He slid his hand into mine, and I gave it a squeeze.
“I want you to remember how much you love your parents, okay? You do love them, right?”
“Yes!” His little face scrunched up, and he returned my squeeze.
“Rachel? Can you take Gavin’s hand?”
She slipped her tiny hand into his massive paw.
“Okay, now take mine.”
She didn’t hesitate this time. She reached for me, and the moment we made contact, she gasped.
“Burton?”
“Can you see him?”
“Yes.” She dropped to her knees, bringing Gavin down with her. “Oh, Burton.”
He let go of my hand and rushed for her, throwing his arms around her neck. “I’m sorry, Mommy. Please don’t hate me.”
“Oh, my love. I could never hate you. You’re my special boy, remember?”
“Burt?” Gavin’s voice cracked. “Sweetheart?” He wrapped his arm around Burton and crushed his son and wife to his chest.
I knelt there, doing my best to retain the connection. Without them touching me, it was a lot harder than I expected it would be. Still, their emotions swept through me and filled me with joy. This was what I was meant to do, I was certain. Bringing peace to families who needed it.
This was who I was meant to be.
Chapter Nine
I HELD Burton, Rachel, and Gavin together for a long time. Mother and father told their son repeatedly how much they loved and missed him. As time went by, Burton became less tangible, and though Rachel kept saying she needed just one more minute, when he vanished, she smiled. We stood, and she turned and hugged Gavin, who caressed the back of her head while she sobbed softly against his chest.
When we were all wrung out, she gazed at me, her eyes red, and held out a hand. I reached for it, surprised when she threw herself into my arms instead.
“Thank you. Oh my God, thank you so much.”
I put my arms around her and squeezed. Then Gavin came over and squashed us both in a bear hug, going so far as to kiss the top of my head.
“You will never know what you did for our family. For so long we thought we’d done something wrong, made Burt feel bad, and we blamed each other for what amounted to be an accident.” His voice rumbled, so many emotions in it. “Thanks to you, that weight is gone, and even though we’re still devastated by his loss, we can find a way to cope now.”
It was then that Tim cleared his throat. “Look, I know I don’t have any right to ask this of you, but please, don’t tell anyone about Scott’s part in this.”
They looked at him, and I could see the realization dawning in their eyes.
“Oh no. We won’t say anything to anyone. We know the truth, and that’s what’s important.” Rachel ran a hand over my back. “Besides, we owe him everything.”
Gavin stared down at me, a smile on his face. He winked. “I want to kiss you right now.”
Tim pushed his way in, actually going so far as to try to nudge Gavin back. That went over well. “No, you have someone to kiss. This one’s all mine.”
“Don’t worry, I got this.” Rachel grabbed my shoulders, pulled me down, and kissed me on the lips. When she drew back, her eyes were misty. “You’ve given me the greatest gift anyone could. There is no way I’ll be able to thank you enough.”
“You don’t need to, I promise.” I hugged her. “For so long I thought that this was a bad thing. That somehow I did something to deserve it. But after Burton? Seeing you all find some sense of peace? Right now, I wouldn’t… wouldn’t….”
Rachel’s face did this weird thing where it blurred around the edges and bright spots burst in front of her. Tim’s voice, usually so strong, was reminiscent of a cartoon character on helium. Hands clutched me, and I found myself not caring as I floated along, buoyed on clouds. Angelic voices spoke, and I had to wonder if I’d died again.
Man, that would suck.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any weirder, everything went black.
And we’re not talking your standard black. Think black-and-white movies. More grayscale than anything else, with someone singing and dancing in the rain, telling me how glorious life was, and how much mine was about to change.
And why not? Why in the hell would I ever have a reason to be normal?
“IF YOU don’t wake up, I’m going to have to rethink using that belt on your ass.”
The words were probably meant to be tough and growly, but came out soft and scared. A hand squeezed mine, giving me strength. In the background I could hear voices, and the scent that filled my lungs wasn’t unknown to me.
“Hospital?”
“Scotty? Oh God. You had me so fucking scared.”
I opened my eyes, and the first thing I saw was Tim’s face, and that made things 1000 percent better. “What happened?”
“The doctor said your blood sugar crashed. They’d never seen anything like it. He told me anything below seventy milligrams can harm you.
If it goes below fifty-four, it’s potentially life-threatening. Yours was twelve, and you were in shock and pale as hell. One of the doctors muttered something about it being impossible for you to survive it.”
“Never seen anything like it…. Great, I’m two for two now. First I die and they say it’s a miracle. Then I pass out and they say it’s freakish.”
“Hey, at least you’re keeping life interesting.” Tim tightened his grip. “Please stop doing this shit. My heart can’t take it.”
“Where are Rachel and Gavin?”
“He took her home. She was upset because she thinks that this happened because of them.”
I tried to sit up, but there was barely any strength in my body. “No, you have to tell them it’s not their fault.”
“I did. And it’s not their fault—it’s yours.”
Well, I sure as hell wasn’t expecting that. I mean, I was in the hospital bed, so he should be nicer to me, right?
“Mine! How is this my fault?”
“You had no idea what kind of effect doing something like this would have on your body. You went in blindly, risked your health, and….” He sighed. “You can’t do this again.”
I knew it was his fear talking, so of course I had to poke him a little.
“Actually, I think this is your fault.” I gripped his hand as tightly as I could, but I doubt he felt it.
“And how the hell do you figure that?”
“You’re supposed to be in charge for five years, two months, and thirteen… no, twelve days.”
“It’s six years, two months, and twelve days now. That little stunt of yours proves you require additional supervision.”
It was funny, but I wouldn’t laugh. “I need to do this.”
His chuckle turned into a sob. “When you went down, Gavin had to hold me up. I got so damned scared, and all I could think about was how unfair it was that I found you only to lose you.”
“But you didn’t.” I pushed out a breath, noting how much my lungs ached. “You’re right, I didn’t know what this would do, but now that we know, we can take steps to prevent it from happening again.”
There was a growl in his voice when he answered. “Oh, we’re taking steps. You’re not doing this shit again.”
“And how are you going to stop me?”
He leaned in and kissed my cheek. “If I have to tie you down, that’s what I’ll do.”
I shoved weakly at him. “Go away. I’m not in a mood to talk dirty.”
“I’m serious. I’m not letting you do this again.”
“You’re not…. No, that’s not how this works. There is a fucking ghost inside of you, and if you think I’m going to stand by and let it stay there, you’re insane.”
“My choice. I will do whatever I have to in order to be sure you’re not hurt.”
I struggled to sit up. He tried to stop me, but this time I wouldn’t let him. What I had to say was way too important.
When I was finally able to look him in the eye, I gave him a cold glare. “It’s not your choice. I have a say in this if we’re going to be together.”
The sad look I’d seen before swamped him once more. “I can’t lose you, Scotty. Not now.”
“Then work with me. Help me figure this out.” It was probably a low blow, but this was important. “Look at how happy we made Rachel and Gavin. Think about what this meant to Burton. I don’t know what happens, but he was happy when he could finally move on. Do you know how amazing that made me feel? To do something nice for someone, to not want anything in return? To finally realize that maybe dying was the best thing that ever happened to me?”
“Yeah, you died already. I had to watch you lying on the ground, your lips blue, your eyes wide open. I could see the terror on your face! Don’t you fucking get it? I can’t see that again. It’s already seared into my memory. I have nightmares where you die and that’s it. Game over. When they brought you back, I was so damned happy. Then you ran off—and don’t even apologize again—and I lost you a second time. That’s twice you were taken from me. I couldn’t stand a third time.”
My heart went out to him, honestly. The first time I had no control over, and the second I made a bad decision, but….
“I still have to do this.”
He glared at me. “Why? Why does it have to be you?”
“Think about what you just said for a second.”
He sighed, took the chair next to the bed, and tipped his head back. “Fine, you can see the ghosts. I get it, really. But think about what this will do to your—our—lives. No matter how much you think it won’t change things, eventually someone will slip up and tell people what you can do. Are you ready for that kind of attention?”
I’d thought about it already. “I’ve been a freak my whole life. Kids didn’t bring it up much, but their behavior was less than subtle. The only person who stood by me was you. I want to believe that the only one I need by my side is you.”
“Okay, what about your mom? What about Ryan and his family? What’s going to happen when the kids are older and everyone hears about how Uncle Scott sees ghosts? What is that going to do to their lives?”
The thing about Tim was that he saw things in, like, a million dimensions. Where most of us saw only a few moves ahead, he could oversee the entire board, noting when the pieces would eventually fall.
“I hadn’t thought of that.”
“Just two days ago, you couldn’t even tell your mom, let alone Ryan. Now, all of a sudden, you want to go out and take the world by storm.”
How could I make him understand? My whole life I’d been searching for what made me special. I needed a purpose in life, and now I found one.
“You know who you are.” My voice was soft, hoarse. “Since I met you, you’ve always known who you were. Me? After the accident, I had no idea who I was anymore. Then when I started seeing ghosts, I ran away because seeing the ones who died in horrible ways freaked me out. It wasn’t like watching A Nightmare on Elm Street where you could console yourself with it not being real, because this is technicolor, in-your-face, high-def bullshit that I see.”
He started to say something, but I forged ahead, desperate to get the words out.
“Burton? He at least looked normal. I’ve seen people—babies—with their faces burned off. I saw a woman who died while she was giving birth. She was covered in blood, and her cries? Oh God. I don’t even want to think about them. She’d lost what was most important to her, and she was begging me for help. I had no idea that maybe I could do something. That there might be a way to help her move on. Do you know how many ghosts have come to me for help?” I pulled down the top of the hospital gown and traced my finger over the gash. “This? That day, the ghost stood over me, screaming for help. I get now why he lashed out. Fear, anger, frustration. All of it becomes too much after a while. I finally realize that I have more in common with a ghost than I thought. I want—no, I need—to help them, because if they’re anything like me, the dark emotions that course through them will eventually take a toll on them too.”
Tim sat quietly, looking down at his hands. I’d said what I had to, and though I wanted to make him understand, I let him ruminate on what I had just told him.
Eventually he sighed and lifted his head. “I want you safe.” He shrugged a shoulder. “I’m not even sure what that means. I’d rather you not have to deal with this at all, but now I understand that if you don’t, it’s going to continue to haunt you—no pun intended—and you’ll have to keep running. I’m not sure what to say.”
His earnest expression, the slumped shoulders, and the soft voice all pierced my heart.
“Okay, I’m going to say this, and it might sound crazy—”
“Because everything we’ve talked about has been sane.”
“I choose to ignore that. This has been my ‘normal’ for a long time.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
To tell the truth, I think Tim was more upset that he hadn’t been there to
protect me than he was that I left. He’d accepted his role as my protector, and when I was gone—ran away—he no longer had a rudder.
“No more of that. This is all on me, and like Mom said, it’s time I grew up and accepted that. Got it?”
He gave me a half smile and a nod. “Got it.”
“Good. Now, as I was saying—”
The door opened and a doctor stepped in. It had been many years, and he looked a lot older. His dark hair had gone gray, and he had started a collection of wrinkles, but I remembered him clearly.
“How’s my miracle boy? Still can’t just go ahead and live a normal life?”
“Hi, Doctor Jenkins. It’s been a while.”
He stepped over to the bed and picked up my chart. “To be honest I could have gone the rest of my life without seeing you again.” His eyes darted back and forth on the page, and when he finished reading, he looked up and fixed me with a sharp gaze. “Okay, you have to tell me, how do you come in here with a blood sugar level that should have left you either in a coma or dead, but a few hours later, you’re back to normal and we can’t find any evidence there was anything wrong with you?”
“Ancient Chinese secret.” Tim waggled his eyebrows.
Doctor Jenkins sighed. “Your husband can take you home if you’re feeling better.”
Husband? How long was I out? “I’m okay. A little tired, but I’d sleep better in my own bed.”
“All right, I’ll sign the release papers and you can get out of here.” He went to the door and opened it, then turned around. “Please don’t make a habit of this. You come in here, and it makes me question whether I know anything at all.” Without waiting for a reply, he left.
Tim grinned at me. “See, I’m not the only one who you screw up.” He reached out and stroked a hand through my hair. “Of course, I’m the only one who’s going to be taking you home, so that works out.”
“Well, yeah… I mean, where else would I be but with my husband?”
He had the decency to flush. “They weren’t going to let me in, so I had to get creative.” He drew his hand back. “I’m sorry if I overstepped.”
The Spirit Key Page 10