by Daniel Kraus
Contents
Cover
Also By Daniel Kraus
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Money
Supermilk
Bugs
My Wiener
Gwendolyn
Midget
Walgreen
Dick Trickle
Scrapbook
Apples
Dag
Love
My Wiener Part 2: The Two Towers
Moms
Phone Call
Phone Call 2
Punch
Robbie
Natural Light
Flypaper
Kyle
Queen
Fam
Dragon
Walgreen 2
Dick Trickle 2
Feast
Shower
Music
The Fly
My Wiener Part 3: The Return of the King
Mrs F
Ghosts
You need confidence before you walk down Yellow Street with a big fat wad a green. Yeah, its morning but lots a business goes down in the morning on Yellow Street. Junkies still wandering for a fix and hos that didnt make enough for their pimps. Us three are pretty hardcore for kids but it aint like none of us are packing chrome.
We arent even off the stoop before Midge kneels down and investigates our jackolantern like shes from CSI Miami. Must be some beetles or worms up inside that big orange bitch. Moms bought it from some banger with a shopping cart full a pumpkins and even though it was fungused I was psyched cuz Moms hardly ever gets out of bed and when she does its only to cross the street to reup her cigs cuz the dude that works there wont let me buy any for her. Last time Moms acquired me something special like that was once upon a time and a galaxy far away.
Here its Halloween day and the jackolanterns mouth is sucked in like No Teeth Mike, this dude that shoots up across from school. Its all withered and rotten and a gross poop color. Every time I look at it I think about Moms cuz shes the one that bought it special for me and also cuz shes up in her room getting all withered and rotten too. Maybe Moms has bugs in her head like the jackolantern does? That would explain a lot.
Theres a Christmas tree ornament on the cement thats still got a gummy price tag and I crunch it with my snowboot. Christmas? Nope. Christmas is never coming. Its gonna be Halloween forever…
ALSO BY DANIEL KRAUS:
THE SHAPE OF WATER (with Guillermo del Toro)
THE DEATH AND LIFE OF ZEBULON FINCH
Volume One: At the Edge of Empire
Volume Two: Empire Decayed
TROLLHUNTERS (with Guillermo del Toro)
SCOWLER
ROTTERS
THE MONSTER VARIATIONS
SOME OTHER HARD CASE CRIME BOOKS YOU WILL ENJOY:
JOYLAND by Stephen King
THE COCKTAIL WAITRESS by James M. Cain
BRAINQUAKE by Samuel Fuller
THIEVES FALL OUT by Gore Vidal
SO NUDE, SO DEAD by Ed McBain
THE GIRL WITH THE DEEP BLUE EYES
by Lawrence Block
QUARRY by Max Allan Collins
BUST by Ken Bruen and Jason Starr
SOHO SINS by Richard Vine
THE KNIFE SLIPPED by Erle Stanley Gardner
SNATCH by Gregory Mcdonald
THE LAST STAND by Mickey Spillane
UNDERSTUDY FOR DEATH by Charles Willeford
CHARLESGATE CONFIDENTIAL by Scott Von Doviak
SO MANY DOORS by Oakley Hall
BROTHERS KEEPERS by Donald E. Westlake
A BLOODY BUSINESS by Dylan Struzan
THE TRIUMPH OF THE SPIDER MONKEY
by Joyce Carol Oates
Blood
SUGAR
by Daniel Kraus
A HARD CASE CRIME BOOK
(HCC-141)
First Hard Case Crime edition: October 2019
Published by
Titan Books
A division of Titan Publishing Group Ltd
144 Southwark Street
London SE1 0UP
in collaboration with Winterfall LLC
Copyright © 2019 by Daniel Kraus
Cover painting copyright © 2019 by Paul Mann
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher, except where permitted by law.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Print edition ISBN 978-1-78909-193-9
E-book ISBN 978-1-78909-194-6
Design direction by Max Phillips
www.signalfoundry.com
Typeset by Swordsmith Productions
The name “Hard Case Crime” and the Hard Case Crime logo are trademarks of Winterfall LLC. Hard Case Crime books are selected and edited by Charles Ardai.
Visit us on the web at www.HardCaseCrime.com
for Jason Davis
& Simone Lueck
A foraging wild creature, intent above all upon survival, is as strong as the grass.
—RICHARD ADAMS, Watership Down
BLOOD SUGAR
Money
Fat boy says hes gonna put crack inside Fun Size Snickers. I guess he went ahead and lost his dang mind. News flash, Robbie, crack is rocks, and you cant squoosh rocks inside Fun Size Snickers without ruining the Fun Size shape. Thats some idiotical sharkweek right there so I go
* * *
The mightyduck is he grumping for? The chunky butts seen me hit a whole thing a Reddi Whip till I got crunk. Saw me get torched on a big bowl a dank too. Dang, I puked a whole bottle a stank ass apricot schnapps while he just sat there and laughed his fat ass off. I dont say none a that out loud though cuz what if Robbie thinks all that stuff is poopypants baby stuff? One thing I dont need is more teasing from Robbie cuz when he teases he does it real hurtful.
* * *
So I switch up my play and go
* * *
Walgreen can suck my left ball. Target is my preferential shopping experience by far. But the truth is, Walgreen is the only place even close to Robbies crib that sells stuff. I get dogging Robbie hard about how I dont want to go down there cuz its cold and mean old Dick Trickle works there but Robbie straight up ignores my ass. What he starts doing is chinups on this stupid chinup bar he wedged in the doorway. Guess where the mightyducker bought that cheap piece a junk? Walgreen!
* * *
Anyway it looks funny cuz Robbies this big fat dude that cant do two chins without a heart attack. Hes got all this pussy ass black hair down his neck plus pimples all across his flab cheeks and the saddest little mustache you ever saw. When fat boy pounds out his chins, all two a them, you can peep his whole big white blubber belly. I get a laugh out of that cuz my own abs are tight, even if Im mad short. Dag always looks away like looking aint polite. Dag is wrong ab
out that though cuz that mightyducking sharkweek is hilarious as sharkweek!
* * *
In case youre wondering why I cuss so polite let me explain. Robbie doesnt stand for cussing no more since he broke up with Little Lamb. Last time I cussed normal Robbie grabbed my shirt and said no little man like me oughta run his mouth like that cuz it dont show respect for your elders or even your dang self, and I said well what am I supposed to say then, and he said how is he supposed to know, so I just took the titles of interesting programs I saw on Moms TV.
* * *
Robbie bails out on his chins. Dudes old as hell, about thirty is what Dag says, and after he mops up his old man sweat and makes sure his heart didnt explode, he points at me and Dag and Midget like hes Tom Cruise and we are the Mission Impossibles. He says he dont trust my ass at Walgreen, not with his money he dont, so he wants the girlies to come with. Thats humorous cuz Dags ten times the klepto I am. Normally Id a been like, yo, how about you roll your own obese ass to Walgreen? Except fat boy said his money. Fat ass is handing over his own money to buy candy. Thats some unprecedented sharkweek right there.
* * *
Also I guess I should be honest and tell you Ive got pinkeye for the third time this year so it could be Robbie doesnt want to hand me the money direct from his hand and if thats the case I cant really blame him. Pinkeyes contagious as hell.
* * *
Course Dag gets dubious like she does and asks how come hes sending three kids? Dang, girl, I know the answer to that! Walgreen caught Robbie lifting a Gillette Mach 5 three months back and now they keep a video cam snap of Robbie taped on the register. But Dag is Dag and she goes on all opinionated about how Robbie doesnt have any excuse to stay home cuz its not like hes wheelchair fat. Ha! Robbie gives her a look like hes King Théoden from Two Towers and he sits his royal butt down on his busted ass easy chair that has a Dominos box to cushion his sore back. Fat boys backs always paining him. Then he lays his whole plan out. I end up super glad Dag asked cuz what Robbie says is straight up nuts.
* * *
Basically Robbie explains how hes gonna put all kinds a hard ass drugs into normal ass candies and pass that stuff out to trick or treaters tonight. See, this is why I hang out with this fat fool. Robbies dull as a park bench most days but every once in a while, blam, he does something crazy nobody ever ever saw coming. Like the time he bought himself two tarantulas, they were like tarantula brother and sister I guess, and he let them crawl their hairy asses all around the crib. Course then fat boy couldnt get neither one from under the couch and suddenly got all super scared of tarantulas and all a us were hopping on top the furniture and screaming, and when Robbie finally scooted them in a bucket he went straight out back and filled that bucket with dirt and buried that bucket and since then no ones ever mentioned nothing about any tarantulas.
* * *
This candy plan is double or triple times more messed up than anything Robbies ever planned. Dag acts like she already knows about it. She tells Robbie to tell me how come hes gonna do it, and Robbie is like them assheads deserve it, and Dag says to explain how children can be assheads if their brains arent grown, and Robbie says hes talking about their asshead parents. Dag looks at me and Midge and nods wise cuz like
* * *
Sounds like a lot of work though so Im like nah lets chill and wait for Ellen to come on cuz that dyke is amusing as hell. Its eight in the dang morning, right? So I put my feet up on the TV and thats when sharkweek gets real. Robbie shakes like hes having the DTs and his eyes go all watery and when it comes to Robbie watery eyes dont indicate being sad, it indicates total ninja rage. Fat boys so large, if he lays into you he can break a bone. So I take my feet down and I go
* * *
Midgets so excited about getting candies she might tinkle her drawers. Little sister is psycho for sugar. Course theres no way youd know that cuz Midget doesnt talk, but shes been my foster sister over a year now so Ive had plenty a time to do scientific observation. Sister eats sugar straight outta the dang packet. One time ants were in the sugar and Midget didnt give a mightyduck! Crazy little ho went crazy on that stuff. When she finished there was one little black ant dude fighting to crawl out her mouth. Serious, yo, I was rooting for that little guy but nope. He got slurped.
Supermilk
Robbie gives Dag a big fat roll a cash. Kinda burns me up to be honest. Just cuz Dag lives in Pinebluff Glenn Estates, fat boy thinks shes more responsible than me? If shes so responsible, how come she spends so much time on Yellow Street in Robbies craphole? If anyones in charge of us three kids its me. Dags been following me around since she started public school. Yeah, I know. It sounds like she wants my wiener. She dont though. Cant blame her either. Like I said, Im mad short.
* * *
School was where me and Dag first met up. Recess, three years back. Guess you could say it was fateful and whatnot. She rolled up while I was trying to crack open the ribs a this bird. You know, for science. I mean, the bird was dead. Aint like he was pecking me. But Dag rolls up and starts bugging cuz she says Ill catch bacterial plague. So I dig around till I find this DVD in the gutter called Hope Floats and I start using that instead a my hands but Dag doesnt approve a that either cuz she says Sandra Bullocks is a Oscar winning actress and you have to respect that. I was like, bitch, Sandra Bullocks aint ever won a dang Oscar! And she starts talking Oscars like shes a professor of Oscar studies. Godfather Two and Ben Hur and Rain Man, all kinds a crazy sharkweek.
* * *
Im not even gonna front. Shorty schooled me serious, so when the recess bell ringed I asked if she enjoyed cool junk cuz I knew this dude Robbie that has a place thats like the Minas Tirith of junk and if she wanted we could go there after school. Then I had to educate her what Minas Tirith is. Girlfriend hadnt ever seen Lord of the Rings! Knew five million fun facts about Sandra Bullocks but not a single thing about Hobbiton or Mordor. Im telling you I about pooped my pants. She came over and thats how I started knowing Dag and how she lives in Pinebluff Glenn Estates and has two good parents and a sister called Lotte in the nuthouse.
* * *
Thats how me and Dag, and then Midget once Moms fostered her ass, how we got hanging together the three of us with Robbie. Cribs stank as hell but I didnt lie about the junk. Best rusted ass crap you ever seen. The front yards got a go cart skeleton and a big huge engine from I dont even know. Airplane, maybe? Midget can squeeze her whole body inside it and take a nap. Backyards even better. Theres a semi cab back there and old fridges and fascinating motorcycle wheels and a million bed springs that make a rust storm every time the wind kicks up.
* * *
When Robbie gets feeling low he goes on about how it didnt used to be junk. He says back when he lived here with his real biological family all the junk was work his dad was doing for pay. I guess his dad had wizard skills at fixing objects. Robbie says everything was shiny and amazing. Me, I prefer like it is now. You could build yourself a Peter Jackson castle out a all that junk with walls so high nobody could ever do evil to you or drag your butt to school or nothing. Walls like that, you could protect your family. Even if your fam is just three half ass kids with nowhere better else to go.
* * *
I dont have the personal muscle tone to push all that junk around myself. Too dang skinny, cant lift for sharkweek even though, for real, my abs are tight.
* * *
Its not that we aint psyched to have fat boys cash, its just weird, right? So while Dags doing her hair up and Midgets doing a tinkle I take a sec to glop the cheese outta my pinkeye and ask Robbie what drugs hes got on hand to put inside the candies cuz I aint seen him use in forever. Fat boy scratches his greasy hair
like a dog and wipes the grease across all ten thousand a his pimples.
* * *
Robbie goofs up a grin and says
* * *
That dont set me at ease zero. I remember fat boys last hookup and that ended poor. Robbie got late with the chip and got beat down hard. His ear bled for a hour and his eyebrow flopped down like a fake mustache. Dag goobed iodine or peroxide or some kind a medical liquid on it while Robbie cried how he wasnt gonna ever use again, how he was gonna go cold turkey, all that. Dag didnt question none a that sharkweek. She just fixed his mangled face clean as a doctor. Made me proud as hell.
* * *
Now its like Robbies forgot his own personal history. He tells me how hes gonna call his new dealer man while we do Walgreen and how hes gonna order up a big package but I say
* * *
Whole things pretty enjoyable till a hand exerciser hits Dag while shes beautying her hair and she whips around cold as ice. Dag dont have to say a word when shes pissed. Robbie hangs his head down shameful and looks at his pops broken old Seinfeld mug. He looks at it like its meaningful and the big new crack in it is meaningful too. He sits in his Dominos box chair and apologizes real sensitive.
* * *
He goes When Dag puts her hand on her hip all doubtful he goes