The last time, I promised myself I wouldn’t get mixed up in that man’s shit again. I plan on sticking to that promise. From now on, he’s going to have to deal with his bullshit on his own.
I scrub my hands down my face and try to get rid of this damn feeling. The toxic mix of anger and bitterness and self-loathing that has hung over me like a cloud all my life. I try not to let it all suck me in. I try to rise above it.
Footsteps crunch across the hay behind me and I'm pulled from the cesspit of my thoughts. I focus on the sound. I know those steps don’t belong to one of my heavy-footed farm hands...It's Penny. I know it’s got to be her.
Instantly, a deep calm sweeps over me. I fill my lungs with air. I wipe a bead of sweat off my forehead, probably only smearing more grease on myself. A grin starts curling the edges of my mouth before I can even turn around.
“Hey, you,” I whisper when I face her, relief washing my heart.
But Penny doesn't look up when I speak. She's not even looking in my direction. She’s walking toward me, eyes glazed over. Her pace is weird. Slow. Almost as though she’s in some sort of trance.
Alarmed, I hop off the tractor and meet her partway. "Penn? What's going on?"
She stops just inches away from me and that’s when I see it.
A small white pregnancy test rests in her palm.
Shock. That’s what I see now on her face. She’s in shock.
My pulse races. My anticipation climbs. “Penny…? Talk to me.”
Her lips move but she struggles to get words out. So, she just holds the tiny stick out to me. I avert my eyes downward, with no idea how to read the small display. I was expecting to see something helpful—like words or numbers or flashing neon lights or something—but instead, there’s just a bunch of pink lines.
I use the back of my finger to lift Penn’s face. I end up smearing grease all over her pretty chin. I just want to kiss it.
Nervous laughter fills my chest. "Come on, woman. Give me something here! Does this mean what I think it means?”
She meets my eyes finally. “I’m pregnant.” It’s barely more than a whisper.
I blink. "You're...?"
She nods and her eyes are cloudy with happy, glittery, stunned tears. "I'm pregnant, Walker."
My friend's quiet words slide through my system before settling in the center of my chest. Excitement explodes like a piñata. “Fuck yeah!”
My hands grip her tiny frame, and I spin her around the barn while her laughter spills out.
She’s pregnant. My best friend in the whole world is pregnant. With my baby.
I can't control myself—I hold her to me and kiss those soft, swollen lips...
All while wondering if this is our last kiss.
I've done my job, I've served my purpose.
Will Penny still need me now?
28
Penny
I’ve nearly chewed off the nails on my left hand, sitting back here in the exam room. This time, I’m alone. Walker did his part, so I didn't feel like bugging him to come with me to the doctor again. I hate admitting that I do wish he were here with me, I wish I wasn't sitting here alone.
But this is the path I've chosen—single parenthood—and there's no turning back. It doesn't matter that my feelings for my friend have only grown stronger over the past few weeks.
In any case, I need to focus my energy on this appointment. It took a few days before the clinic could squeeze me into their packed schedule. I've got my fingers crossed that things will go as expected, that the blood test will confirm what the at-home test indicated.
The nurse pokes her head into the room and the toothy smile on the woman’s face puts me at ease. She knows the outcome I'm hoping for. I hold my breath and my heart stops beating as she closes the door behind her. “Well, congratulations, Miss Merlini. You're pregnant.”
I nearly fall off the table in relief. "I'm pregnant?"
She nods. "You're pregnant, dear."
I cover my mouth with both hands to hold back my happy sobs. I’ve wanted this for so long, and even though I was hopeful, I didn't really expect it would happen the first month of trying. I pull in a thankful breath.
But in the next heartbeat, my chest is tightening. I'm pregnant...And now I'm wondering what that means for Walker and me because god knows I've been growing accustomed to his kisses, to his sleepy smiles, to the feel of his body in bed next to me every night.
This is a blessing, I try to convince myself, because I don’t think my heart could handle too many more months of sleeping with Walker. I might be able to persuade my body that all the sex was for some greater purpose, but my heart? My heart was just not getting the message. At least now, I can move on.
The nurse hands me a prescription for prenatal vitamins and an eight-page list of 'do's and 'don’t's on my way out. Who knew there was so much food I’m suddenly not allowed to eat? Like seriously? Luncheon meat? There goes a whole page in my coupon book.
I leave my appointment on a high and I just want someone to share my news with. I send a text to Iris, who rounds up the girls. We all make plans to meet up at Renewed Gowns, Lexi’s second-hand bridal shop on Promenade Street.
Twenty minutes later, I strut into the bridal boutique with a grin so big it barely fits through the front door. The shop is officially closed for the day. My friends are waiting with flowers and candy and strawberry milkshakes from Jittery Joe's. They heap onto me with hugs, shooting a dozen questions at a time.
“You haven’t been sick or anything?” Lexi asks. She sits behind the counter with her feet up on a box of second-hand wedding shoes as she winces and caresses her jumbo-sized belly.
I lean on her counter and sip from my takeout cup. "The fatigue was the first symptom but I tried chalking it up to my shifts at the bar, the stress of getting my business off the ground and the non-stop sex sessions Walker and I had been having on a nightly basis. But then came the extra tender breasts that seemed to balloon in size overnight. When I puked up the apple I had for breakfast yesterday morning, I knew it was time to get a pregnancy test. Plus, I’m starving all the time, and did I mention my boobs are killing me?”
Iris leans on the glass display next to me. “They do look huge already,” she muses with a little laugh, propping her chin on her fist and tossing some candy into her mouth.
"I resent them so much," I gripe, cradling my sensitive breasts.
"As president of the itty bitty titty committee, I resent you for saying that," Lexi glares playfully in my direction. “I’m about to give birth any day now and my cup size has barely budged. This isn't even fair."
Jessa sighs happily. “You’re going to be so cute with a baby bump, Penny.” She's across the room browsing through the bridal shop's new arrivals. She pulls an ivory-toned princess-style gown off the rack and stands in front of the mirror with the dress pasted to her body.
I smile and bite down on my bottom lip. "I can’t wait to have a little bump to show off...Actually, I can’t wait to experience all the firsts," I confess.
God, I'm just so excited about this. Sure, I’m in my thirties and a little late to the party. But that just makes this time even sweeter for me. I’d like to think I have more patience than younger mothers. More wisdom. More appreciation for the important things in life. I will be a good mom for this child.
"We're so happy for you..." Iris throws her arms around me and gives me a squeeze.
“Tell us about the baby daddy,” Jessa coos. She swaps the princess-style dress for a lacy mermaid-cut gown from another clothing rack. “How are things between you and Walker?”
I lift one shoulder and rifle through the candy bag on the counter in front of me. “Same as always. Me and Walker are just friends.”
Friends who made a baby together. That’s normal, right?
I keep my attention on the candy bag, trying to ignore the looks my friends share. I'm so tangled up inside. I can’t handle them calling me out on this.
Though d
eep down, I can’t help the feeling that, after all the nights Walker and I have spent together, just friends won't be enough for me from here on out.
He seems to be reading my thoughts from across town because within minutes, my phone rings and it's him. My pulse pounds loud enough to drown out the girls’ chatter as I step aside and answer.
"Hey..." I speak into the receiver.
"Hey..." I hear something tender in his voice.
In the heavy silence that ensues, my heart beats faster. My cellular memory instantly evokes the warm sensation of his breath at the base of my neck first thing in the morning, the way his fingers feel locked with mine when he’s fucking me from behind, the way he unconsciously pulls my body up against his in his sleep. There's a pang in my stomach knowing I'll never experience those things again. Now, the memories are all I have left.
Please don't feel these feelings, I beg my heart again.
The guttural sound of an engine fills the line. "Are you on the tractor?" I ask to fill the lull in conversation. At my question, each and every one of my girlfriends swing their eyes my way. Their cheesy grins are identical. They've figured out who I'm talking to.
The engine cuts off. "Yeah, I'm just finishing up the day. I'm about to go home and grab a quick shower." And now, of course, I'm imagining him wet and naked and bending me over under the spray. Shit. "What are you up to?" he asks casually. "Do you have plans tonight?"
I glance over at my shameless audience. They stare unapologetically. I angle my back to them for a little privacy. "I'm just hanging out with the girls. I wanted to give them the news. I'm going home soon."
He smiles and I can hear it through the line. "Good," he says. "Because I've got plans for us?"
"Plans?" I furrow my brows and now I feel myself smiling, too.
"Yup. You're gonna go home and you're gonna put on one of your fancy dresses and I'm gonna pick you up in an hour," he announces, all bossy and sexy.
"Why's that?"
"I made reservations at Le Sous-Sol, Penn."
"You did? Why?" Walker is a notorious homebody. This is totally out of character for him.
“Because my best friend is pregnant and, tonight, we're gonna celebrate," he announces.
My breath hitches and I don't even know what to say.
"One hour, Princess," he repeats. "Be ready." The line goes dead.
Slowly, I spin back toward my friends. My cheeks are blazing. "He's taking me to dinner," I tell the girls.
Lexi wiggles her eyebrows. Iris gasps out loud. From across the room, Jessa holds up two big, pouffy wedding dresses. "Take your pick, girl. 'Cause I hear wedding bells a-ringing."
29
Walker
I'm starving." I hear Penny's stomach grumble vigorously above the low music. Again.
She peers around self-consciously at the restaurant's elegant patrons. Le Sous-Sol is where all the tourists go when they're looking for a fancy-pants French dinner. Now that it's almost summer, the visitors have started trickling into our quaint coastal town. Business is in full swing for the service industry establishments around Crescent Harbor.
"Gosh, sorry. This is embarrassing," she whispers, her teeth sinking into her decadent bottom lip. "It's just another one of those pregnancy things, I guess."
"Yeah, you're hungry. Good thing you're at a restaurant, huh? You don't need to be embarrassed. Fuck these uptight assholes." When I say that, she grins.
Leaning across the table, I squeeze her hand. It's meant to be an innocent, comforting touch, but I feel something electric. From the way Penny's breath catches, I'm wondering if she feels it, too.
Her eyes quickly shift back to the menu and she focuses intently on selecting a meal.
Her belly growls again. We both look up from our menus and make eye contact over the cluster of candles in the middle of the table. We share another private grin and instantly, some of the heaviness in the atmosphere dissipates.
I'm wearing one of those sweaters she bought me. Another fucking turtleneck. At first, I didn't really like them but now, I guess they don't look that bad. And I like the way Penny looks at me when I wear them. They're definitely not going to become my every day style but tonight is a special night and I want to do everything to make Penny happy.
When I reach up and pull the turtleneck away from my throat, her eyes sweep me from across the table.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" I ask.
One corner of her mouth quirks up. "You look handsome, that's all." Her eyes drop back to her menu.
I feel heat flash through me. Get a grip, idiot. It was just an innocent comment. She doesn't mean anything by it. It doesn't mean she wants to tear your clothes off. Friends give each other compliments all the time.
Since I'm all about equal opportunity, I let my eyes sweep her. She's wearing this tight teal blue dress with her tits spilling over the top and no matter how hard I try, I can't help but steal little glances. Her hair is up in an elegant ponytail high on her head. I want to lean across the table and bite her long, feminine neck.
"You look gorgeous," I say. Somehow, it comes out as a growl.
Her eyes snap up to mine. In the twinkling candlelight, I see her pupils dilate. She nervously licks her lips. "Thank you." Her focus quickly falls to her menu again.
There's been a tight energy hovering between us from the minute I picked Penny up tonight. Our gazes have held longer than normal and even the slightest touch has buzzed with innuendo. I don't know if I'm just imagining it but half the night, it seems like Penny feels it, too.
The other half, I can practically see her re-tracing the line between us in the sand. I feel the gravitational force of the friend zone boxing me in. Again. Fuck.
Now that she’s pregnant, she doesn't come over to my cabin after her bar shifts anymore. There's no point. She got what she needed from me. I fulfilled my promise to help her conceive a child.
But I miss her, dammit. My cabin has been so empty and echoey without her these past few nights. Sleepless hours tick by while I stare up at the ceiling, just wanting things to go back to the way they were before.
These past few weeks, I didn't feel alone. I didn't feel angry. I didn't resent the whole damn world. Because despite whatever bullshit happened during the day, I could look forward to the night, when Penny would crawl beneath my sheets after a shift at the bar and I'd be inside her and she'd say my name like it was her most favorite word ever invented.
And now it's just...over? I'm not ready to let her go.
She digs into her little clutch and pulls out a few folded up sheets of paper. I notice the medical clinic's logo printed at the top.
"What's that?" I ask as she peruses the document.
"Oh, nothing," she says absently without looking up. "Just a list of foods I'm not allowed to eat. The nurse from the clinic gave it to me today." Her eyes dart between the paper and the menu like she's cross-referencing the two.
My shoulders stiffen. I feel myself frowning. "Wait—you had an appointment today?"
She finally glances over at me. "Yeah, just to confirm the pregnancy. Store-bought pregnancy tests aren't always accurate. I went in for a blood test to confirm that I didn't get a false positive when I peed on the stick at home a few days ago." Her eyes assess my expression. "...Are you okay?"
I clear my throat. "Well, it's just...you didn't tell me..."
"Tell you what?" She tilts her head to the side.
"That you had an appointment."
"Well, it wasn't a big deal. And I...I didn't think you'd care."
I furrow my brows and lean across the table when she says that. "What the hell? Of course I care, Penelope. You know I do." I know she's been let down a lot over the years and she feels like she's got to face life on her own but I need her to know that it's not like that with me. She can rely on me. Always.
Her expression grows guarded. I blink. Shit. She made me sign a legal agreement promising to back off and let her do her thing. She made it clear that
she didn't want me meddling in her single mother journey. Yet, here I am smothering her from day one. I need to respect her boundaries before she forcefully reminds me of them.
Quickly, I qualify my statement so I don't scare her away. "All I'm saying is, of course I care about the things going on in your life. We're friends."
Her features shift as if my words have disappointed her somehow. "Right. We're friends..."
"Look, I want you to know that if you ever need someone sitting there, holding your hand through this, I can be there for you. I want to be there for you."
She twists her linen napkin in her hands. "Well...my next appointment is in a few weeks. The first ultrasound. Do you...do you think you'd wanna go with me?"
The corner of my mouth hooks into a slow half-smile. "Yeah, I wanna go."
She mirrors my smile. “Fine.”
The waiter comes and we place our order. While we wait for the food, she talks a mile a minute about her pregnancy milestones and her upcoming design projects. She keeps up the same level of enthusiasm when the conversation shifts to my dreams of upgrading to greener, cleaner equipment and expanding my network of sustainable greenhouses to continue to feed fresh, organic produce to Crescent Harbor and the surrounding communities year-round.
When the food comes, Penny eats her entire meal—some French beef stew—and then half of mine. I think she'd have eaten the whole damn cow if the waiter had put it in front of her. Doesn't matter though. She could eat an entire farm and she'd still be beautiful. In my eyes, she's the most beautiful woman in the universe.
She's pregnant with my baby.
The range of emotions that statement sparks in me is insane. From terrified to territorial and everything in between, I feel it all. I'd do anything to protect her, to make her happy.
When the waiter comes with the bill, Penny tries splitting it with me. Ha! She must be crazy.
"Walker, this is an expensive restaurant. And 'friends' split the bill. I don't want you feeling responsible for me."
Mister Baby Daddy (Bad Boys in Love Book 3) Page 15