My heart doesn’t know what to do with itself. The woman of my dreams just admitted to her feelings for me. But in the same breath, she refused to give me her heart.
I grate my fingernails over my scalp. “This is bullshit, and you know it…I want to be with you.”
She’s trembling, shaking all over. Her eyes clamp shut. She sucks in a breath. “Look—there’s a whole lot of emotion in the air right now. So, maybe we should hold off on any further big confessions and declarations. Maybe we should just…stop.”
“Come on, Penn. Don’t shut down on me.”
“I don’t want us to jump into something in the heat of the moment and then six months from now we realize that it’s all wrong for us. Not only do we have a lifetime of friendship I’d like very much to preserve, but there are babies involved. Two precious children. I don’t want to fuck them up before they’ve even had a shot at a good life.” Penny slowly rises out of her seat, like she’s scared that I could explode at the slightest movement. “I—I—we need some space,” she says softly. “I think I should move out.”
Penny nods to herself. She doesn’t even give me a say in this. She just scurries off in the direction of the doorway.
I drop my head. Run my thumb and forefinger along my brow. I watch her perfect bare feet as they back out of the room.
Great job, Walker. This is the exact opposite of the outcome I was going for.
49
Penny
My pants are around my ankles and the toilet seat is now warm and toasty under my ass. I’ve been sitting in my aunt’s dark bathroom for far too long, crying into a wad of toilet paper.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I’ve waited almost thirty years for the man I love to say he wants me, and when he finally did, instead of leaping into his arms, giving him a heartfelt blowjob and riding off into the sunset with him, I pushed him away.
Was that the right decision? Or am I just a masochistic freak?
Walker has sent me a million text messages since I left, trying to convince me to come back to the cabin to talk. But I need some time alone with my thoughts before I can face him again.
The sound of Aunt Lucille’s bedroom door creaking open fills the quiet house. With a less than regal hobble, I arise from the porcelain throne. My aunt doesn’t need to walk in on an unannounced houseguest—me—with her pants around her swollen ankles, ugly-crying into a fistful of bathroom tissue.
When I’d texted her earlier to ask if I could crash here, my message went un-read. I’m not too sure what that means but I have an emergency key to her house and this feels a whole lot like an emergency to me; I’m pregnant and broken and in need of somewhere to stay. At least until I get an apartment of my own.
I waddle to the sink at top speed to wash my hands right as the bathroom door swings open.
“Hey,” I say quietly so as not to give my unsuspecting aunt a heart attack. “It’s just me. I’m here.”
In my periphery, a body comes into view and I hear a yip. A deep, husky, male yip.
I snap my neck over at the door and am greeted by a pale chest, a hairy belly and a penis. A penis I’d rather not describe. Because said penis belongs to none other than…
“Frank?!” I drop the hand soap.
Walker’s family lawyer watches me from the doorway with bulging eyes. “Penny?!”
A moment passes and we stare at each other in silent shock. Then the man jolts out of it and cups his palms over his exposed genitals. A little skin-toned sack drops from his fingers to land at his feet.
A used condom.
My aunt sashays up behind him, satin robe flapping open, waving a purple silicone wand in her hand. “Gotta wash the Rabbit, baby…” I hear the sultry tone in her voice. When her gaze shifts to where I’m standing, she yelps. “My god, Penny, honey. What are you doing here in the dark?”
“I’m sorry. I-I needed somewhere to stay.” I keep my gaze above neck-level.
“What is it? Are the twins okay? What are you doing here?” With a worried brow, she clutches her robe closed across her chest and takes a step closer.
“It’s…” My eyes flash over to Frank. I purse my lips.
My aunt turns to her man. “You go warm up the shower, babe. Give me a second with Penny.”
“Sounds good, beetle. Let me help you with that.” With one hand continuing to cradle his junk, Frank gallantly stretches his other hand to retrieve the sex toy.
She sets the thing into his hand and moans. “So chivalrous. Where have you been all my life?” The two share a loud, smacking kiss.
Gag.
My aunt leads me out into the hallway and I grab the toilet paper because I know there’s about to be a whole lot of tears involved. Frank closes the bathroom door behind us.
“So what is it, Penn? Is everything all right? What’s going on?” She’s rambling with concern.
I awkwardly slide down to the floor in the shadowy hallway. Back leaned against the wall, legs crossed campfire style beneath my belly, I explain everything to her. She sits opposite me and listens intently. I tell her about Walker suddenly professing his love for me and my concerns about whether he really means it or if he’s just being blinded by his loyalty to me.
“Oh, honey. I always knew a declaration of love would come pouring out of that big, reclusive man.”
“That’s the thing,” I mutter. “He hasn’t actually said he loves me. Only that he wants to be a family with me and the babies.”
My aunt flinches.
“I think he’s making the offer out of a sense of obligation. And he’s already sacrificing his own business plans to accommodate me. That’s a recipe for resentment down the line.”
I hear the sympathy in Aunt Lucille’s voice when she speaks. “I know how hard it must be for you to keep your distance when you’ve loved him for so long. It’s incredibly mature of you to put your children first when blindly hopping on Walker’s offer would be the easier thing to do.”
“So you don’t think I’m being an idiot?” I quietly blow my nose.
She smiles softly. “No, darling. You have to be sure. You’re making a brave decision and I’m proud of you.”
I sigh. “Maybe I’m being selfish for not agreeing to be with him but I want to know that he’s in love with me. What woman wants to be with a man who only sees her as a burden, a responsibility?”
“I understand where you’re coming from.” My aunt nods. “You deserve a man who’s crazy about you. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be loved, Penny.”
That makes me feel marginally better about my conundrum. I brace my belly with both palms as my pair of little night owls kick up a storm.
“In the meantime, you can stay here for as long as you’d like. I promise Frank and I will be more discreet with our love-making when he’s in town from New York.”
A weight rolls off me. “Thank you. I appreciate that so much.”
“Of course, honey. You and Iris are my girls. You know that.” Aunt Lucille opens her arms wide for a hug.
The sentiment warms me up but I wrinkle my nose up anyway. “No disrespect but can we maybe save the hugs for after your shower?” I’m fighting laughter. “I have a pretty good idea where your hands have been and to be blunt, I’d rather not be their next destination.”
The woman rolls her eyes. “Bring that attitude here and you’ll be curled up in a sleeping bag on the garage floor,” she threatens.
Snickering, I gesture my chin toward the bathroom door and mouth, “You and Frank?”
My aunt beams bright enough to light up the dark hallway. “He’s the one,” she mouths back. “He’s the one!”
And, oh my gosh, my heart does a somersault at the announcement. Aunt Lucille has been actively searching for love her whole life. She’s kissed a whole lot of frogs. In fact, she’s even married a few of them. So, knowing that she’s finally found the real thing gives me hope for my own situation.
Her eyes water. I pass her a few
plies of tissue.
“I’m so happy for you,” I whisper across the distance. “I’m so happy you found your Prince Charming.”
“I know, darling,” she sighs. “He really is great. Now, you just focus on figuring out if Walker is the prince for you.”
The bathroom door opens a crack. Frank sticks his nose out into the hallway. “Um, anybody seen the toilet paper?”
50
Walker
Slouched in the barber’s chair, I flip my phone over in my hand. I slide my thumb across the screen. And I promptly change my mind. Again.
I’ve been going crazy. I need to talk to Penny.
I called and messaged to check in on her when she left the cabin last night. She texted back to assure me that she was safe and sound at her aunt’s house but she asked me for some space to process her feelings. As much as I hate it, I need to respect her request or else I risk having her push me away for good.
Clinton wears an expression of stone as he drapes the styling cape around my shoulders. “Where’s the rest of the gang?” he mumbles in a half-interested tone. Like somebody’s got a gun to his head, forcing him to make conversation.
“I’m solo today.” My dad and brothers will come by some other day this week, I guess.
And that ends the conversation. The barber and I usually don’t exchange words unless we absolutely have to. That’s one of the things I like about him. He’s a kindred fucking spirit.
The truth is, I’m really not in the mood to socialize. Not even with my family. That’s why I didn’t sync up my barbering appointment with theirs this time. All I care about is figuring out what’s happening with me and Penny.
Did I come on too strong last night? Should I have taken a different approach? And more importantly, how the hell am I going to fix it?
I never should have told her I want her. Even if it’s the goddamn truth.
I crossed a line I promised myself I would never cross and I’m terrified of losing her. I’ll take her in my life any way I can get her. Even if it’s just as friends. If I hadn’t opened my mouth, at least she and I could have salvaged our friendship, but now it looks like we may not even have that anymore. The idea of her exiting my life leaves me feeling desperate and hopeless. But I don’t know how we’ll get back to that easy place.
She drew a line in the dirt when she had me sign that document giving up my parental rights. She made it clear that my sperm was all she needed from me. I should have just backed off when she got pregnant. But I kept getting pulled deeper and deeper into her ocean of magic. Now, I’m lost. I’m drowning. And her love is the only thing that can pull me ashore.
I was restless all night. I didn’t get any sleep at all. I spent hours pacing my fancy, redecorated house from wall to wall. And I could feel Penny in every room. In the living room vases. In the bathroom wallpaper. In the plush new teal blue duvet covering my bed. My house is her home. It’s where she belongs. I need her there with me. Fuck—I’m going crazy without her.
Thank god Clinton opens this place up early as hell. Through the storefront windows, I can see the early morning sun climbing the horizon.
I glance at my phone screen again. The temptation to call Penny is so strong. I flip the device over to subdue the desire.
Clinton claps a big hand on my shoulder. He meets me with a furrowed stare in the mirror. “Stop fidgeting, man.”
I mutter an apology and the barber gets back to work. I try to keep my ass from shifting around in my chair, but every few minutes, I swipe through my phone, re-reading her text messages, staring at photos of her baby bump, dialing her number without putting the call through. I’m on edge and even the barber knows it.
The bell chimes when someone opens the barbershop’s front door. I’m so twitchy that I jump in my seat, causing the razor to snip my chin.
“Dude, relax,” the barber chides. “You’re tense as fuck.” He hands me some paper tissues.
“Yeah, sorry,” I grit out, clenching my jaw.
With the napkins pressed to my chin, I glance toward the door where an elegant smiling woman is entering, her happy eyes locked on Clinton. His entire vibe transforms at the sight of her. His shoulders loosen and suddenly, he’s smiling, too.
He forgets all about me and strides off in her direction. “Hey Sunflower.”
“Hey,” she says. She takes a cupcake from the pastry box in her hand and lifts it to his mouth. “French vanilla with whiskey-spiked caramel frosting. What do you think?”
He wraps an arm around her waist and takes a bite. “It’s fucking yummy, baby, just like you.” The couple share a kiss.
Clinton’s wife owns the cupcake shop next door. Her name is Vivian, I think. I’ve heard bits and pieces of their story over the time I’ve been coming here. From what I recall, they couldn’t stand each other when they first met.
On the surface, the two of them are polar opposites. She’s all prim and put-together while he’s gruff-looking with tattoos all over. Yet, looking at them now, it’s hard to imagine a time when they weren’t completely into each other. The barber may be a grumpy fucker just like me but he turns into a whole different person when his girl comes around.
That’s what Penny does for me, too. She softens me, she strengthens me, she brings out my very best. God—I need her.
Vivian reluctantly extracts herself from Clinton’s arms and turns her attention to me. “Hello there.” She smiles as she approaches. “Would you like a cupcake?”
The grumpy bastard in me wants to say no but with all the bitterness I feel, a bit of sugar would probably do me some good. I accept the cupcake with a ‘thank you’. I inhale it in a few bites while Clinton walks his wife to the door.
He whispers something into her ear and she giggles. “You’re so bad. Get back to work.” With another quick kiss, she’s out the door.
Now my chest is aching even worse. After seeing that spark between Clinton and his wife, the way she smooths out his roughness. Fuck, I want that, too.
I glance down at Penny’s picture again. It’s a picture of her standing on the porch of the cabin. She’s beaming at the camera as she cradles her big belly in her palms. She is absolutely radiant and I can’t take my eyes away.
Clinton stands over my shoulder with the razor. “S’that the chick you were supposed to knock up?”
I blink, suddenly remembering that the topic had come up a few months ago when I was here with my family. “Yeah, that’s Penny,” I say. My words come out flat and emotionless but I feel that jagged wound down the middle of my chest cracking open.
The barber nods. “Looks like that worked out…Congratulations, I guess.”
“Yeah, thanks.” Even I hear the morose tint to my voice.
He continues to stare at my screen. “You tell her you love her, yet?”
My heart spasms. “Who said I’m in love with her?” I mutter dryly and dab at my chin with the bloody napkin again.
He shrugs. “The fact that you’re sitting here twitching like a strung-out fiend and staring at her picture says that you’re in love with her,” he responds matter-of-factly, eyes on my reflection in the mirror.
I scowl deeper.
When I don’t answer, he hawks a laugh. “Yeah, I see why you’re scared to tell her. She’s out of your league.”
At that, I twist around in my seat and pin the bastard with a look. “Excuse me?”
Shit, it looks like I’ll have to beat my barber to a pulp today. Then I’ll be permanently banned from this place. That’s too bad. The man gives one hell of a taper cut.
Smirking, he throws up both hands appeasingly. “Hey, my wife is out of my league, too. Have you seen her? The woman has the class of a housewife and the sex appeal of a pin-up girl rolled up into one perfect package. She’s gorgeous, she’s smart, she’s ambitious…” He chuckles. “And she upgraded the fuck out of me. She made me want to be the best version of myself.”
I relax back into my chair. Fuck—that doesn’t sound like such a
bad deal.
He nods and grins large, pride beaming from him in all directions. “Every day, I wake up next to her, feeling like I won the lottery, man.”
That’s how it felt waking up next to Penny. When I’d wake up with her in my arms, I’d face the day ready to take on anything. And now I’m supposed to go back to living the other way?
I’m desperate enough to ask for this guy’s help.
“Fine,” I grumble. “I love her. But it’s hopeless, man. She doesn’t want what I have to offer.”
He shakes his head at me like I’m a stupid little boy. “It’s never hopeless, dude.” He smirks. “My wife? She straight-up hated me when we met. Or so she pretended. I could see right through it. It wasn’t hate at all. It was fear. And once I got past that, once I figured out how to dig past her insecurities, it was a done deal. Her heart has been mine ever since.”
I push all my pride to the back burner. I just want to know this man’s secret. “Tell me—how do I get her? And how do I keep her?” I ask.
He claps me on the shoulder and leans in like he’s telling me top-secret, classified information. “You take control. You make her feel safe and wanted in a world where she feels so insecure. You give her the strength to follow her dreams and you be the rock she needs. Just love her, bro. Don’t leave her doubting it…And I guarantee you, she’ll give you the world in return.”
51
Penny
The next morning, my design consultation with Cliff at the Frosty Pitcher is scheduled for 10 a.m.
Stumbling out of bed and making myself look presentable is a chore. Last night sucked—majorly—and I’m feeling the effects of my insomnia this morning. But I need to keep up my professionalism and being on time is a huge part of that so I grab my hand-drawn floor plans, pull on my big girl panties, and paint on a smile courtesy of Maybelline.
Mister Baby Daddy (Bad Boys in Love Book 3) Page 25