Saying the words, I feel like the world’s biggest idiot. I can’t believe I let my fear keep me from her this whole time. I just hope it’s not too late to convince her to take a chance on me.
“Oh my god, Walker. I hate that you’ve been going around all these years, thinking that.” Her tender stare broadcasts how deeply she feels my pain. “How come you’re not scared anymore?” she questions softly.
“These babies, Penn, these babies. They make me brave. They give me courage. They’re probably each just the size of a bell pepper, but they give me the courage of a giant.”
She drops her head and sniffles. It rips me up that she’s shedding tears over me. “That’s the thing. I don’t want you looking at me and the babies as your responsibility. I want to be your partner. Your companion. Your ally. Your equal.”
“You’re already all those things and more.” I lift her chin to make her look at me. “You seem to think I see you as a burden. You’re so wrong. I see you as an asset, a treasure. Honey, you’re the goddamned prize. Because what is my life without you in it? Nothing. I’m nothing. You give me purpose.”
She nuzzles closer to me.
I wrap my arm tighter around her waist. “I don’t want to miss out anymore. I don’t want to miss out on holding you in my arms every night and telling you I love you before you fall asleep and waking up tangled with you every morning. And I don’t want to miss out on the babies. The explosive diapers or the middle of the night feeding sessions. Their first steps. I want to hear them cry and laugh and speak their first words. I want to be a part of it all. Don’t deprive me of that, P. What do I have to do to show you that I’m in this for the right reasons?”
I can see it in her face. She wants this from me as much as I want to give it to her. I just have to figure out how to get her to stop being so afraid.
“Look—you may not believe me right now. You may have your doubts. I respect that. So, I’m not asking you to throw yourself all in. Let’s just take it day by day.” I speak with a conviction, a power I’ve never felt before. “I just need you to let me prove myself. Let me prove that I’m never going away, that I’ll never leave you. Just agree to that, Penn. That’s all I’m asking.”
She pulls in a sharp breath. Her eyes press shut. The pause seems to draw on for an eternity.
Then she does it.
She says the words that instantly make me the happiest man who ever walked this earth. “Fuck it—I’m all in. I love you, too, Walker. I…I love you.”
I scoop her up into my arms and my mouth is on hers in a heartbeat. “I love you, Princess. So fucking much. I always have.” I drop kisses all over her face.
With her arms draped around my neck, she giggles in my embrace. She repeats those three special words again and again. It feels like my soul wants to tear out of my chest to go tangle with hers.
When her laughter dies down, she looks at me with sincere eyes. “Why is this so scary, though?” she whispers.
My words are coarse. The raw passion in my own voice makes me shake. “You love me. And I love you. I don’t care how fucking scared we are. This is not going to turn into one of those stories where the guy and the girl don’t get their happy ending. I won’t allow it. We fucking deserve this, Penn. We both do.” I cup her beautiful face in my palm.
She furrows her brows and speaks cautiously. “Maybe the fact that we’ve loved each other our whole lives isn’t enough. Maybe we need to ease into things so we don’t freak ourselves out. Sometimes people act in the craziest ways when the thing they’ve always wanted finally starts to unfold. They call it ’self-sabotage’, I think.”
“We don’t have to rush it,” I tell her. “We both have fucked up pasts. We’ve both been wounded and rejected and hurt by people who were supposed to care for us. Fine. I admit that. But I am not letting us sabotage our future.” She nods against my chest as I speak. “This is our shot. Let’s not blow it, Princess. Let’s just go for it.” I ease back to look into her face. “Because all I know is I can’t lose you. I know that if I lose you, I'd never be able to replace you and there'd be a Penny-shaped hole in my heart for the rest of my fucking life."
Her body sags against mine. She makes a squeaking sound. I think this is what swooning looks like.
She’s crying now. Full-on crying. “Oh god. My lashes are falling off.” She laughs and removes the fake eyelashes with a tug.
I cringe. ‘Cause that shit looks painful.
“I love you,” she whispers again. “I love you I love you I love you.” Her lips pucker against my chin. “It won’t always be easy but we can face anything. Together.”
I kiss her forehead. “Just know I’m committed to making it work between us. No matter what it takes.”
My mouth finds hers. I kiss her like it's the most important thing I’ve ever done. Like my life’s purpose consists solely of showing her how much she means to me. Dedicated and attentive and present. I empty my whole self into that kiss.
We touch and rub each other, hands roaming all over as we kiss until we’re both out of breath. The babies kick and roll around in her belly. It’s like they understand the significance of what’s happening in this moment.
When we pull apart, Penny looks dazed. She lowers herself onto the bed. “I think we should lie down.”
Fuck, I’ve worn her out. My poor girl. This pregnancy is really draining her stamina.
I can’t lie. I feel a little disappointed. I’d been hoping we could talk some more. Maybe go out for dinner. I would have even been willing to put on another turtleneck. Tonight is a special night, after all. But if she needs a nap, I totally respect that.
I glance out the window. The sky is already going dark. Looks like we really lost track of the day. “What time is it, anyway?” I ask.
Penny sprawls on the bed and mimics checking an invisible wristwatch. “It’s booty call o’clock.” She spreads her thighs and gives me her best come-get-it eyes.
I burst out laughing.
I go over and lock the door. “What the hell am I gonna do with you, woman?” I mutter as I lower onto the bed.
She fists the hem of my shirt and playfully tugs me down so our lips hover close together. “I’m yours now, so…anything you want, really…”
53
Walker
My scuffed-up boots click across the marble floor of the fancy Chicago hotel. I feel a little out of place here, but with the way Penny is grinning up at me, eyes sparkling, her hand in mine, I’d suffer through all this urban, posh crap with a smile.
I took the weekend off from the farm to drive her down here to Chicago as a surprise. She deserves a little getaway. With the babies on the way, and our whole lives about to change, now seems like the perfect time.
Over the past few weeks, she and I have been taking it slow and it’s been hell. We’ve been spending tons of time together and that part has been great. Dating. Getting to know each other. Like I don’t already know everything there is to know about the girl.
But the hellish part? She’s still staying at Lucille’s house. Which means I’ve been sleeping alone. I’m coping, I guess. Because I want her to feel one hundred percent certain—no doubts, no reservations—once we get this happy-ever-after under way.
Anyway, this weekend, I have her all to myself and I plan on making the most of it.
We approach the front desk to check into our room, and I don’t correct the hostess when she addresses us as Mr. and Mrs. Kingston.
Hmm…Mr. and Mrs. Kingston. Nice ring to it.
Judging by the way Penn leans into my side when the woman says that, I think she might like the sound of it, too.
I’m gonna work on making it happen. Sooner rather than later.
We step into our 12th floor room and she spins around, eyes wide as she takes in every detail. Pale gray walls, trendy furniture and silver knickknacks. Penny looks like she’s in interior designer heaven.
“Oh, Walker. This is beautiful,” she breathes, palms bracke
ting her belly.
I come up behind her, running a hand down the length of her arm. I speak into her ear. “You deserve all this and more, baby.”
A sweet smile lights up her face as she turns and cups my scratchy jawline. She kisses me tenderly.
My phone dings and I pull it out of my pocket. I quickly angle the device away when I check out the screen. Penny still somehow manages to see Alexia’s name attached to the text message that just came in. Shit.
“Why is Lexi texting you?” she asks, all suspicious as she lowers into a seated position on the edge of the bed.
I give her a vague response. “Stop being nosy.”
“What are you guys up to?” She lifts an eyebrow.
I shrug. “Maybe your friends are coaching me on how to be romantic and gentlemanly. So you and I can have a nice baby-cation or whatever those girls are calling it.” I chuckle.
Her voice is soft and earnest when she speaks, “Oh, Walker. You’re just the right amount of romantic and gentlemanly. And just the right amount of rugged and tough.” She pulls me down beside her. “I love you the way you are. You’re the man of my dreams. You’re my prince. My knight in flanneled armor.” She yanks me close for a kiss. Lips pressed together, we laugh softly.
Yeah, I really do love this woman. She appreciates me just the way I am, even with my bad attitude, my short temper and my laundry list of flaws. Her acceptance makes me feel all the things I’ve been yearning for my whole life.
We stretch out on the mattress and the kiss grows intense. We lie there, tangled up, making out like teenagers and I can’t remember ever being happier.
“Hungry?” I ask when her stomach gives a light rumble. I reach out and run my palm softly along her round belly.
She laughs. “Always.” She lays her hand over mine.
I scoot down till I’m at eye-level with her belly. It’s time for a serious discussion with these babies. “Listen, you adorable little sponges. You need to stop mooching up all of Mommy’s food. She needs some for herself, too.”
In response, their tiny hands and feet and elbows kick-kick-kick up a storm beneath my palm. I fall onto my back chortling.
Penny rolls her eyes but I still see her smile. “I swear these babies get more conversation with you than I do.”
“That’s ‘cause they don’t sass back.” I pinch her on the hip. “Enough playing around. Get showered. Then, we’ll get you some food.” We’re on a schedule here. Even though my girl doesn’t know it.
She waddles into the bathroom, grumbling all the way. As soon as the door closes, I grab my phone and have a hushed conversation with Penny’s girlfriends, finalizing my plans to make this the perfect evening for her.
When she emerges from her shower, I have a dress spread out on the bed. It’s yellow with big flowers all over it. Iris, Jessa and Lexi helped me pick it out. Penny slams a hand over her mouth in shock when she sees it. Then she bursts into tears and goes on a five-minute ramble about how much she loves me.
She looks absolutely regal beside me as we leave the room, arm in arm. I feel like a damn king knowing she’s mine.
In the elevator, instead of hitting the button for the lobby, I pull out a special key and hit the button for the penthouse.
“Ooh! Rooftop dinner?” she coos, twinkling with excitement. “Or stargazing, maybe? I bet you’ve got a big telescope all set up!”
I pull her into my arms and smirk. “You know I’ve got a big telescope.”
She rolls her eyes.
The attitude on this chick. I grin to myself.
Seconds later, when the elevator doors slide open and all Penny’s friends yell out, “SURPRISE!”, I feel her knees falter beneath her.
I guide my shaking girlfriend out into her baby shower. The group of enthusiastic women rushes forward to greet us. Iris, Lexi, Jessa, my mother, Miss Lucille, some of Penny’s former co-workers from the bar, even some of her design clients. I’m not surprised at the huge turn-out. Everybody loves my girl.
My eyes scan the sea of faces, searching, searching. When my gaze lands on a professionally-groomed woman at the edge of the crowd, red bob flopped over her forehead as she focuses on typing furiously on her phone, I’m washed with relief.
Penny’s voice rings out beside me. “Mom…?” Her tone cracks with emotion on the single word.
Patricia Merlini pockets her phone and steps forward. She grips her daughter by the shoulders and puts dainty air-kisses on her cheeks. “Hello, Penelope.”
Penn’s head snaps to me and she gasps. “Walker!”
Grinning, I think back to the promise I made when she surprised me at the farmer’s market weeks ago. Unapologetically, I lift a shoulder and let it fall. “I told you I’d get you back.”
54
Penny
I lean over to Iris and whisper into her ear. “But seriously, though…why are there strippers at my baby shower?”
I glance around at the half-naked male sculptures prancing around the hotel’s sky-lit rooftop room carrying trays of drinks and appetizers. I feel bad for them. I mean—they’re wearing loin-cloths and it’s kind of chilly up here.
In the chair next to me, my cousin rolls her eyes. “Oh, you know Lexi’s responsible for this. She got the idea in her head and we couldn’t talk her out of it.”
I titter. “Poor guys. Their man-meat must be shriveling up. Maybe someone should turn up the heat?”
Alexia barges into our discussion. “Shriveling or not, man-meat is man-meat so you’d better enjoy it, girl. Because, trust me, once those babies get here, you’ll be yearning for a glimpse of Walker’s man-meat. Don’t be picky now.” She takes a bite of her flaky pastry and the crumbs drop into the neckline of her blouse.
“Well, I’m just grateful that you guys planned a baby shower for me.” I smile at them. “And I don’t know how you were able to pull it off without me even realizing.”
Lexi shakes her head. “It was all Walker.”
“I’m still shocked that my man’s romance game is on this level,” I confess.
Jessa shrugs from across our round table. “I always told you there was a big teddy bear beneath that surly farmer exterior.” She takes a sip of her cocktail.
“He really is romantic.” Iris smiles. “All of it was his idea. He just came to us for help with the execution. Especially when it came to…” Iris’s voice trails off. She gestures her chin toward my mother sitting on the other side of me.
One glance at my mom and my pulse takes off. It’s completely lame but seeing her sitting here, knowing that she took the time to show up tonight—fuck—it validates a need the little girl in me has had for too long. The need to be seen.
She and I haven’t really been able to talk yet. She’s been busy, wrapping up a few work things. I’m anxiously awaiting the chance to speak with her.
Finally, she ends her phonecall and looks at me in that shrewd, assessing way of hers. “So, Penelope. How are you handling this pregnancy?”
I beam. “I’m doing pretty well. But it feels like everything’s swollen and—”
A shrill ding from my mother’s phone interrupts me mid-sentence. Eyes cast on her screen, she lifts a finger to halt me. I feel my friends observing from the sidelines.
When Mom is finished typing out a response, her attention moves back to me. “And you said you decided not to find out the gender?”
I shake my head. “Um, no. We found out the gender last week. We’re having boys.”
Let me tell you, Lucas was over the moon at the prospect of grandsons and Diana broke down into tears. Of course, they adore Callie and Baby Di, but they’re really excited for the opportunity to welcome little boys into the Kingston family testosterone fest.
“Oh! Boys. How lovely.” Mom sounds straight-up clinical. “Wallace must be thrilled.”
I flinch. “Walker. His name is Walker.”
Before the conversation can continue, her phone rings. “Eduardo, I’m having very poor reception. Having a very
hard time hearing you and the internet connection is non-existent on this god-forsaken rooftop.” She’s grabbing her purse, pushing away from the table and forging off toward the corner of the room with a finger in her ear for quiet.
I feel my irritation rising. I try to wash it down with a swig of my non-alcoholic mimosa. I’m just trying to be grateful that she bothered to show up at all. I’m trying to convince myself that’s enough.
From the other end of the roof, Diana enthusiastically claps her hands together, drawing all attention her way. “Penny, it’s time to open up the gifts, dear.” She smiles at me, a cluster of gift bags dangling from each arm. My guests chatter with excitement as they circle around Walker’s mom.
Meanwhile, my own mother has her back to the crowd, cuddled up with her phone near the elevator.
Iris and Aunt Lucille wear tight-lipped expressions as they observe Patricia. Then they walk off to join the other girls.
“Um…Can you give me a second?” Embarrassed, I gingerly rise from the table and push my way through the greased-up strippers.
But just as I’m about to wave an arm to get Mom’s attention, she stabs the elevator button. The doors fling open. She steps inside and she’s gone.
No explanation. No excuse. No goodbye.
She doesn’t even look back. She’s just gone.
My heart squeezes, metaphorically smashed between the elevator’s closing doors.
Why am I surprised? Why am I hurt? This is what she always does.
I glance back toward the party. My guests are chatting and laughing, totally oblivious to my mother’s insensitive actions.
And right about now, I’m tired. I’m tired of idly standing by while she’s ignored me and neglected me and made me feel insignificant my entire life.
I’m tired.
I stomp off toward the elevator and punch the call button. I have some shit to get off my chest. And Mother Dearest is going to listen whether she wants to or not.
Mister Baby Daddy (Bad Boys in Love Book 3) Page 27