Half-breed.
Jared had never belonged anywhere. This was the first time he had been glad of it. He wasn’t one of them. He didn’t want to be. He knew where, and to whom, he wanted to belong.
They could keep their secrets, as his mother wished. He didn’t want to be involved.
Kami got to school the next day without any incidents like being kidnapped by pirates or having the earth open up and swallow her, which on the whole Kami thought was a pity. And on her way up to her headquarters for her first free period, she ran into the person she least wanted to see. “Ash,” she said, breathless with horror.
“Hey,” said Ash.
Kami stared at him with blind panic and offered: “I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah,” Ash said. “You mentioned that already.” He fell into step with her, going up the stairs. “Look,” he said. “Don’t worry about it. Really. I feel like I should be the one to apologize.”
“No,” Kami told him. “No, I’m pretty sure that it should be me. Over and over and over again.”
“I knew you were upset. Taking you out was meant to be about cheering you up, not getting all offended and making you feel worse.”
“Well, you’re far too nice, and I’m still sorry for inflicting the worst date you’ve ever had on you.”
“Oh no,” said Ash. “It wasn’t the worst date I’ve ever had. The worst date I’ve ever had was with a girl who had a pet fire extinguisher.”
Kami blinked up at him.
“I found it puzzling myself,” said Ash. “So you see.”
“I could take on the pet-fire-extinguisher girl,” Kami considered. “I’ve done some very strange things.”
Ash’s laugh floated down the corridor, light as Kami’s heart suddenly was. Everything could be all right, she thought. “I’ve got faith in you,” Ash said. “So—how about it? Let’s give going out another try.”
You’d better not come in, Jared said. I’m in here. He didn’t hurl the comment at her resentfully. He just said it, as if he was resigned.
Kami stood at the door to her headquarters and looked in through the square of wire-covered glass. Jared was sitting at his desk, big shoulders hunched.
“No,” she told Ash, and saw him blink with surprise. “I really like you,” she continued, because Ash deserved to hear it. “But I’ve got a lot of stuff going on right now, and I just don’t—I don’t know how I can.”
She hardly heard Ash’s polite mumble saying “right” and “of course” and “somewhere to be,” meaningless words strung together to get himself out of this situation. She felt awash in horror.
Kami opened the door and went into her headquarters. The half-open blinds sliced the sky into bars of light and shadow over desks and floor, red lamps and Jared’s bright hair, making the room into a cage. She went over to stand at the window, behind Jared’s chair. Then she gave up and leaned against the back of Jared’s chair, almost touching but not quite.
“I’m glad you’re real,” she said. She was glad he was real. She couldn’t wish him out of existence, or even wish he was somewhere away from her. She wanted him with her: she wanted him right here.
Yeah? Jared asked.
Kami felt his slow-blossoming relief. There was no way to live a normal life, even if he wasn’t trying to interfere. She couldn’t be happy when he was unhappy. There was nothing she could do. Jared’s pain felt like her pain, and mattered a thousand times more than hurting Ash. There had been no way to smile at Ash and say yes to a date with a perfectly nice guy, when most of her heart lay behind the door.
Kami bowed her own head over Jared’s bowed head, and hated the link between them. She didn’t know if anything she was feeling was real.
Chapter Eighteen
The Water Rising
It was only half an hour after the end of school, and the Internet had already failed Kami completely. It was supposed to be a superhighway of information. She had exactly one hit on a Henry Thornton, living in Notting Hill. It was on a dating website. Apparently he was single, looking for a long-term relationship, and his interests were jazz and cricket. He had not been considerate enough to add “ritual animal slaughter” to the list.
Kami growled with frustration at the screen.
“Easy, tiger,” Angela said from her prone position on the sofa. “You’re wasting good aggression on computers when you could be turning it against mankind.”
Kami glanced over at Angela. Angela lay serenely with her hands folded across her chest and her lashes like black lace against her white cheeks. “You look so sweet when you sleep,” Kami said. “Like an emo ten-year-old’s first Vampire Bride Barbie. Pull the string on the back and she says cruel things to her hardworking friends.”
“Why don’t you and Jared go to the library?” Angela suggested, eyes still closed. She said “you and Jared” as if they were a unit.
“Angela,” Kami said sharply, “Jared and I are not dating.”
Angela lifted her eyelids a fraction of an inch. “Oh no. He asked you out and now you spend all your time together, sometimes having epic fights in the hallways. Where did I get such an outrageous idea?”
“We’re not and we never will!” Kami heard her voice go a little high.
Angela winced. “No loud noises. It is naptime.”
Kami leaned across her desk. “I’m not one of those girls, am I?”
“Those girls who disturb my naptime?”
“Those girls!” said Kami. “You know the ones. Who are always joined at the hip to some boy and all they talk about is some boy and they don’t hang around their friends anymore because they’re spending time with some boy. We hate those girls!”
“I hate practically everybody,” Angela pointed out.
“We should have a girls’ night,” Kami said. “Tonight. Hot chocolate made with cream, and a box of my mum’s pastries. You in?”
Angela’s eyes fell closed. “Only for the pastries.”
Kami returned to contemplating Henry Thornton, who was tempting her to be an Internet Mata Hari by having a green “User online now” on his profile. She stared at his thin, serious face. “Men are nothing but trouble,” she said. “Thank God for girls’ night.”
“Girls’ night?” Holly asked from the door.
“Come,” said Angela, without opening her eyes.
“Yes, do come,” Kami said after an instant.
“I’d love to.” Holly swept in, bringing radiance with her. Angela slid over so Holly could sit on the sofa and lean against Angela’s legs. “I’d say our best chance of getting to dance is to go to the cellar at the Bell and Mist.”
Angela opened her eyes all the way. “Somewhere with other people? But other people bother me.”
“I know, Angie, but I’ll keep them away, and besides, they don’t bother you as much as you say they do.”
“Are you willing to bet on that?” Angela asked. “Like, a sizable amount? Fine, but afterward we’re having hot chocolate and pastries and lots and lots of sleep.”
“Cool,” said Holly, and hugged her legs. “I haven’t been to a sleepover in years.”
Kami thought this was an excellent plan to lift her spirits. She just had to work out a few details first.
When Kami reached Angela’s house that night, she found Holly parking her motorbike behind the gate. Holly looked up and smiled when she saw her. “Just give me a second.”
Kami leaned companionably against the bike. “Yours is much shinier than Jared’s.”
“That is because the way Jared treats his is a disgrace,” Holly said, with unusual sternness. “I like things to be nice. Plus I like working on the bike myself. It’s a Triumph—that’s a classic bike.” She gave its shining blue surface an affectionate pat.
“Jared works on his,” Kami said defensively. “He just uses it—I think—as a bit of an escape.”
Holly shrugged. “Well, sure. That’s why I got the bike myself. When things get too much and everyone is packed in yelling at e
ach other, it’s wonderful to be able to get away, to be peaceful and on your own, moving away fast. But you have to care for your escape as well. That’s Jared’s problem. He doesn’t care about much.”
“He cares,” Kami protested.
Holly gave her a doubtful look, then she rose, dusting off her jeans, and Kami took her arm. Kami hadn’t thought about how crammed Holly’s family’s farmhouse might feel, especially if the family was arguing. Holly didn’t talk about her home life much. Of course she didn’t: Holly liked things to be nice.
“I have a serious girls’ night question for you,” said Kami. “I know you’re new to this, but I will require an answer quickly. Are you prepared to eat at least five éclairs tonight?”
“I don’t know,” Holly returned, laughing and pushing the door open as she shrugged off her jacket. Underneath she was wearing jeans and a pink backless top that was all sequins. “That’s a big commitment.”
They stopped on the threshold at the sight of Angela, sitting at her kitchen island being radiantly beautiful in a red silk shirt and dividing her scowls between Jared and Ash. “They were not invited,” she said. “But they won’t leave. Now you two are here, I’m willing to kill them if you’ll help with the cleanup.”
“I thought you could all use a bodyguard,” Jared suggested. He looked at Kami, and she felt that he was happy to see her. She could not quite help smiling.
Kami looked away and took off her coat. She wasn’t long-legged in tight jeans like Holly and Angela, but she was wearing a white dress that tied low down in front, swung bell-like about her, and had a bright pattern of apricots. She hoped that she looked pretty.
When she looked back, Jared was not looking at her. He seemed set on looking almost anywhere else. “If you keep talking to Angela, soon you will be using a body cast,” Kami told him, more sharply than she meant to. Then she turned to her friend. “Don’t worry, Angela, I expected this. Well, I didn’t expect Ash.”
Ash gave Jared a cold glance. “I followed him to see what he was up to.”
So Ash still suspected Jared, then.
“Doesn’t matter!” Kami said loudly over her own discomfort. “Boys. Listen up. We are going out for a girls’ night, where there will be dancing.”
Kami did an illustrative shimmy. Angela looked resigned.
Jared looked amused. “What was that?”
“You’ve got to dance like nobody’s watching, Jared,” Kami informed him.
“Have you considered that perhaps nobody’s watching because they’re too embarrassed for you?”
“Fine,” said Kami, grinning at him. “Be a hater of dances. Be a hater of joy. I don’t care. You’re not invited!” She clapped her hands. “You have plans.”
Hearing his cue, Rusty sauntered obligingly through the doors. “Hey, Lynburn, we’re going out,” he said. Then he stopped and frowned. “There are two of them,” he observed.
“The other one won’t need to be subdued by force,” Kami assured him.
“Nevertheless, my price has doubled,” said Rusty. “I’ll want six dinners prepared lovingly for me in the next two weeks.”
“Four,” Kami told him. “And you’re ridiculous. You can cook.”
“Be reasonable, Cambridge,” said Rusty. “Not doing things you can do is the whole point of laziness. Not doing things you can’t do is just sensible.”
Kami slapped his arm. Rusty leaned down, took her lightly by the shoulders, and brushed a kiss on her cheek.
“You look nice, Cambridge,” he murmured. “Who’s the blond bombshell?”
“Holly,” Kami whispered. “Don’t hit on her!”
Rusty laughed, sliding his arm around her shoulders and pulling her in against his side. “You know I don’t hit on people,” he said, ruffling her hair. “I’m Endymion.”
“You’re Endymion,” Kami repeated.
“It is my ambition to be the Endymion of dating, yes,” Rusty said calmly. “Endymion, he was a guy in myth who knew how to work it. He lay asleep forever while the goddess of the moon dropped by every night and adored him. Nice.”
He doesn’t have to talk nonsense in a whisper in your ear, Jared said.
As opposed to talking nonsense in a whisper in my brain? Kami asked.
Jared glared. Some people, Kami knew, had bedroom eyes. She was saddened to have to admit that Jared had filthy alleyway eyes. The thought reached Jared and he tilted his head, and Kami felt what he felt: startled and amused.
“For killing people in,” Kami exclaimed.
The kitchen went still except for Jared’s small, strangled laugh. Kami could not blame everyone else: it must have been a very unsettling thing to hear out of context.
Rusty remained relaxed. “Time to go,” he announced. “Come on, Lynburns. We’re going to the pub.”
“Thank you,” Ash said doubtfully.
“Not the pub where the girls are going,” Rusty clarified. “The pub on the other side of town.”
Jared had been edging up on Rusty and Kami, giving Rusty that edging-toward-homicidal look.
Rusty let go of Kami and grabbed Jared casually by the collar. “Come on, Blondie,” he said to Ash, who moved forward propelled by the sheer force of his own politeness. Jared jerked away, and his shirt pulled tight in Rusty’s hand. Rusty held on with no visible effort. “The girls don’t want you here,” Rusty continued, his voice light. “So you’re not staying.”
Kami moved toward Jared; he glanced at her and checked himself.
“Fine,” he snapped, and made for the door.
“This evening with Surly and Blondie had better get me pastries,” Rusty said. “You girls have fun.”
He calls you Cambridge, Jared pointed out.
You knew he did that, Kami said. It’s to tease me for studying so much and wanting to do journalism at Cambridge.
He did know. He knew everything about her, which sounded creepy even to him, but it wasn’t like he could help knowing.
I could give you a nickname, Jared suggested. I could call you Cam—Cam—His brain refused to surrender up anything appropriate. Camembert.
The inside of the Water Rising was dim and brown, with stools that seemed to have old men growing from them like mushrooms from the hollows of trees.
Kami was in another pub, happy and distracted, laughing, but slightly concerned about him.
Jared felt sick of himself. The way he saw it, he had every right to hate Ash. As soon as he’d seen Ash, sitting between his mother and father and looking so much like Jared, it had given him the jolt of unexpectedly seeing yourself in a mirror. Except it wasn’t quite like a mirror. It was like looking through a window into another world, a world where he’d come out right. It was fair to hate Ash, but hating another guy because Kami leaned into him with perfect trust was too close to wanting Kami to be unhappy.
“I have to tell you, boys,” said Rusty. “The last time I went out with blondes who were related to each other, it went a whole lot better than this.”
Jared glanced over at Ash, who was studying the table and looking more like Aunt Lillian than usual. At least Ash was miserable as well.
“This isn’t really a hotbed of frenzied excitement,” Jared drawled.
Rusty looked around at the two old men on stools, the elderly couple bartending who had been giving Jared and Ash apprehensive looks since they’d arrived, and the pool table with the felt curling up at one corner. “Nonsense,” he said peacefully. “This is a very exciting place. They hold duck races here.” Then he put his head in his arms.
“You can’t seriously go to sleep here,” Ash hissed.
“Seriously,” said Jared. “He can.”
Jared went over to the bar and got a ginger ale.
“Seventeen’s old enough to drink over here,” offered the woman at the bar, who Jared thought was called Mary Wright. Her husband frowned a warning at her.
“I don’t,” Jared said, and tried out a smile that made her look more alarmed than before. “But than
ks.”
He gave up, wandered back to the table, and asked Ash, “Do you play pool?”
Ash blinked, looking extremely surprised and cautiously pleased. “Not very well.”
Jared smiled. “Great.” He jerked his head in a summons and made for the pool table, set up a game, and grabbed a cue. Then he walked around the table, considering it from all angles.
“How about you?” Ash asked, watching. Ash tended to watch everything Jared did, as if certain the next thing would be appalling.
“I used to hustle pool in San Francisco.” Jared leaned over the table and went for a power stroke. He looked up and grinned. “Sometimes I won by flirting a little. Not planning to try that here.”
“You were playing pool with girls?”
Jared grinned. “Sometimes.”
“What?” said Ash.
“Dude,” said Jared. “San Francisco.”
“What!” said Ash.
“What’s the matter, Ash? Off your game?” said Jared, and smirked.
Ash wasn’t as bad as he’d made out, but he wasn’t a bold player, and holding back at pool seldom paid off. Also, Ash steadfastly refused to make things interesting.
“I like winning something,” Jared argued.
“I don’t like losing anything,” Ash argued back, his voice polite even when arguing.
That was when fear exploded into Jared’s mind.
We can’t find her, said Kami, and then her panic ran through him: Kami had heard a scream.
“Kami,” said Jared. He broke his pool cue over his knee in one economical movement and ran. He saw Rusty rise from the corner of his eye, moving faster than a man who’d been napping on a table in a bar had any right to.
Ash’s voice behind him came clear and sharp: “Jared, don’t!”
Jared was out in the night, rain falling and the moonlight making the wet cobblestones look like shards of mirror sliding beneath his feet, by the time Ash came close enough to grab his elbow.
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