Westfall was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and went to the nearby VA Center for treatment, but she knew that wouldn’t solve everything. For her nagging questions about God, she turned to a local church.
“Spiritually, we are the most vulnerable when we come home,” she said. “We’ve been immersed in seeing death and destruction. There’s a lot of woundedness.”
Church services weren’t easy for Westfall, either.
“How are you doing?” someone would ask.
“Actually, I can’t sleep, I’m really struggling,” Westfall would state.
“But you’re seeing someone about that right? There’s a book you really need to read.”
No one seemed to understand that Westfall needed more than a pat answer or a best-selling book she needed the body of Christ. “I didn’t need a church with a full-blown military ministry,” said Westfall. “But little things would have made a difference like someone coming over and mowing my lawn or fixing what was broken.”
One day at work she was having a hard time dealing with a situation anxiety was high. “What’s your problem? You made it home alive,” her boss told her.
Yeah, Westfall thought, but I wish I’d died over there.
It wasn’t until the local newspaper ran an article about Westfall that the extent of her struggle with PTSD was fully told. The day after the story ran, a woman came sobbing to Westfall’s mother: “I prayed for Andi every day when she was gone,” she said. “When she came home I stopped praying because I thought she was safe. But that’s when her war really started.”
Those words travelled near and far, including up to the Pentagon chaplain.
Finally, somebody gets it, thought Westfall.
Prayer:
Lord, open my eyes to the hurting people around me; show me how to lift them up with your strength.
“My spirit is broken.” (Job 17:1a)
Andrea Westfall in Kuwait
Andrea Westfall in Kuwait
May 2
GOD’S ARMY
Andrea Westfall, Oregon Army National Guard, Kuwait and Iraq (2002–2003)
One weekend in February 2007, Andrea Westfall stood outside Times Square Church in New York City, finishing a cigarette before bracing herself to go inside. Though she still believed in God, she had given up on going to church but she made an exception on this particular day. Today, Westfall was asked to share her story with Times Square Church leadership.
God, prove to me that people love and serve and mean it, she prayed. I have to see that a church has a heart for veterans. She didn’t think it was possible.
But as she listened to the leadership explain why they wanted to launch a military ministry, she noticed tears in the eyes of two senior pastors. “I got a glimpse into their hearts,” Westfall recalled. “My body armor started to fall apart after that; the pieces started coming off. Friends were saying that at the end of that weekend, my whole countenance had changed.”
Westfall returned to Times Square Church from her home in Texas for the Easter morning service and found herself fully engaged with the sermon’s theme of being called into battle by God as the King and Commander in Chief.
“The pastor said that we’re part of God’s army,” said Westfall. “I understood that. I started putting some pieces together that I was just missing: this belief in God is not a passive one, but faith is active and proactive, moving, growing. It means jumping in when needed, resting when it’s time. It’s like the army. I understood that. I can do this, I remember thinking, I can put my whole heart into this. And like that moment I first said my oath to join the army. For the first time in my life I made a public profession of faith and went forward for an altar call. That Easter Sunday was my birthday.”
While she anticipated that she would stumble on this new spiritual journey, Westfall understood the connection of God as king, warrior, and Lord. Still experiencing symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder even as she grows in her faith, Westfall shares her story through the Military Ministry’s Bridges to Healing program that educates churches about PTSD.
Prayer:
Lord, help me submit to your will and take delight in serving you.
“Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.” (1 Timothy 1:17)
May 3
PTSD IN THE OLD TESTAMENT
Dr. Bill Butler, leader of Times Square Church’s Military Ministry, New York City
Throughout the ages, countless soldiers, returning from battle, have suffered from what we now call post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), caused by exposure to constant traumatic events.
In 1 Samuel 30, David and his men, following a battle, were returning to the city of Ziklag, where their wives, children, homes, and possessions were. When they arrived, they found that the city had been ransacked and burned to the ground by the Amalekites. David and his men cried uncontrollably.
Brave and mighty warriors, in their right mind, would have quickly planned a pursuit of the enemy and fought for their loved ones who had been taken captive. Instead, these soldiers wept and discussed killing David.
David and his men were likely suffering from PTSD. Intense psychological distress with uncontrollable, uncharacteristic emotions, such as crying and depression, is classic in PTSD. Hopelessness, fear, and horror occur in the face of unfamiliar challenges. PTSD sufferers are unable to think rationally or process information properly in stressful situations. They can’t deal with problems at hand, nor can they plan for the future. Displays of inappropriate, aggressive behavior, often against authority, can lead to crime and even murder.
David, distraught from PTSD, “encouraged himself in the Lord his God” (1 Samuel 30:6). Chazaq, the Hebrew word for encourage, means to grow strong, firm, and secure by taking hold of the Lord. When David encouraged himself in the Lord, it was actually God taking hold of David, filling him with strength and security, and healing his affliction. This is what Jesus Christ does for us, when we passionately seek Him.
It was one man, David, who sought the Lord and the others were healed as well. He led them to regain what was lost in their lives. Each of us can be like David, if we desire Jesus Christ above all else. To minister to the military, we must passionately, unceasingly seek the Lord for more of His presence, His ways, and most importantly, His love.
Prayer:
Lord, help me to place you alone in my uppermost affections and to seek your healing for myself and for those around me.
“For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.” (Isaiah 41:13)
May 4
FLIGHT 77
Lt. Col. (Ret.) Brian Birdwell, U.S. Army and Mel Birdwell
Lt. Col. Brian Birdwell was watching the news of the planes crashing into the World Trade Centers with two co-workers in his office at the Pentagon, Sandi Taylor and Cheryle Sincock, when the phone interrupted them.
“Mom, get out of the building.” It was Sam, Sandi Taylor’s daughter. She had a bad feeling that the Pentagon would be a sure target for another hijacked plane.
Surely they won’t hit the Pentagon, Brian thought. If they did that, they’d have the whole U.S. military after them.”
Moments later, Brian excused himself to use the men’s restroom. “I’ll be back in a moment,” he told them. They would be the last words he spoke to the two women.
Stepping out of the men’s restroom on the second floor, he started down the corridor when a deafening explosion blew him across the corridor. Even as a Gulf War veteran and an artillery officer for more than ten years during his seventeen-plus years of service with the U.S. Army, the sound that filled the air was louder than anything he’d ever heard.
In an instant, the corridor had gone from being well-lit with bright fluorescent lights to being pitch black. Walls of fire rushed at him from two directions the site of the explosion and the elevator shaft tearing the glasses of his face and throwing h
im to the ground. The building shook; debris from the walls and ceilings suddenly became dangerous projectiles flying through the air.
Brian could see nothing, except for a yellow orange haze with black around the periphery surrounding his body. That’s when he realized he was on fire.
Meanwhile, Brian’s wife, Mel, was at home working on a science experiment for home school with their twelve-year-old son Matt when their neighbor, Sara, called.
“Is your TV on? The Pentagon has been hit,” she said, panic in her voice. Mel almost dropped the phone and ran to turn on the TV. The scene clearly showed Brian’s office behind the helipad. Flames were coming out all the windows in that area.
“Mom, that’s not Dad’s side of the building,” Matt kept saying, “It’s not him.” But Mel knew the truth.
Prayer:
Lord, when my flesh and heart fail, let my spirit still be strengthened by you.
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Psalm 73:26)
May 5
ESCAPE
Lt. Col. (Ret.) Brian Birdwell, U.S. Army and Mel Birdwell
Every nerve in Brian’s body screamed in pain. His arms, back, legs, face, and hair were all on fire. As he gasped for air, he swallowed thick black smoke and inhaled aerosolized jet fuel and heat so intense his lungs began to blister.
Disoriented and with damaged equilibrium from the concussion, his attempts to stand and escape failed repeatedly. Finally he collapsed and waited for his soul to depart from his body.
But somehow, he had landed under one of the only working sprinklers in the corridor, and the cold water extinguished him. Suddenly he was reoriented and began stumbling forward. But with the point of impact behind him and a fire door closed in front of him, he was trapped.
Then out of nowhere, a locked door to the B-ring opened and Col. Roy Wallace entered followed by Lt. Col. Bill McKinnon who Brian recognized immediately.
“Call Mel! Tell her I’m alive!” he yelled. But McKinnon had no idea who the skinless, charred body in front of him was, even as the two officers carried Brian to safety with the help of two other men: Chuck Knoblauch and John Davies.
Most of Brian’s skin was gone. What was left was charred black. Sixty percent of his body had been burned, 40 percent of which was third-degree. He was going into shock.
A fellow officer from the Pentagon commandeered Capt. Calvin Wineland’s SUV in the parking lot to carry Brian, who was strapped to a body board, to Georgetown Hospital. Finally, someone got through to Mel and told her Brian was alive and on his way to Georgetown.
Mel’s relief was overshadowed, however, when a nurse from Georgetown called her and said, “You’ve got to get here now. He is very, very serious.”
Mel was completely unprepared for what she saw when she finally saw her husband in the ICU. He was so swollen, his head was almost as wide as his shoulders. The medical team had already scrubbed some skin off his face and put salve on him, so he looked white, almost transparent. Every place else was covered in bandages. It would be a long, agonizing road ahead.
Prayer:
Lord, when the world falls apart, be my sure foundation, my source of stability.
“He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure.” (Isaiah 33:6)
May 6
PRESIDENT’S SALUTE
Lt. Col. (Ret.) Brian Birdwell, U.S. Army and Mel Birdwell
Two days later, Mel and Brian received special visitors: the President and First Lady.
“Colonel Birdwell, it’s nice to meet you,” said Mrs. Bush. “We’re really proud of you. You’re an American hero.”
Mel interpreted for Brian, who either spelled words in the air with his fingers or mouthed things around the tubes in his mouth and nose. Mrs. Bush talked with the Birdwells for a few minutes before giving Mel a long hug and asking how she was doing.
The President walked into the room, looking haggard with bloodshot eyes. He stood at the foot of the hospital bed, said “Colonel Birdwell,” and saluted Brian.
Brian tried to return the salute, and in raising his arm, revealed bright red muscle under the sterile towels draped over him. With tears in his eyes, President Bush stood still, holding his salute while Brian desperately tried to complete his. He made it three-quarters of the way before dropping his arm in pain.
“Colonel Birdwell, you are a great American, a hero, and we are going to get the guys who did this,” the President said. “This will not go unanswered.” Then he turned to Mel, gave her a hug and kiss and asked how she was doing. He asked if he and Mrs. Bush could pray for her family.
“When President Bush held his salute for me, I don’t think he was doing that out of respect for a single person, that is me, but for all our men and women in uniform,” said Brian.
Noticing Mel’s Vacation Bible School T-shirt, which read, “Every day’s a holiday with Jesus in your heart,” President Bush asked, “Is every day a holiday with Jesus in your heart?”
“Yes. Some of them are not especially happy holidays, but every day is a holiday,” Mel replied.
Soon the Bushes were gone.
“I had looked into the President’s eyes and could see he understood the gravity of what lay before this country that by standing in Brian’s presence a potentially dying soldier he would soon be sending other soldiers to their deaths by the decisions he would make in the upcoming days,” said Mel.
Prayer:
Lord, give us the courage to see past our pain enough to still find delight in you.
“He will guard the feet of his saints, but the wicked will be silenced in darkness. It is not by strength that one prevails.” (1 Samuel 2:9)
May 7
SILENT AGONY
Lt. Col. (Ret.) Brian Birdwell, U.S. Army and Mel Birdwell
For three months, the pain was so unbearable far worse even than the pain of being on fire that Brian repeatedly asked God to take him home. Instead, he survived, enduring more than thirty excruciating surgeries, daily debridements, and torturous physical therapy.
Debriding involved strapping Brian to a hard rubber board and submerging him in a tank filled with a warm water-chlorine derivative-iodine mixture. They then either cut away dead tissue or scrubbed it off. “It felt as if they were using steel wool washcloths on top of the stinging,” said Brian. “They were wiping a washrag over open wounds where, in some cases, it was directly on straight muscle. It was absolutely agonizing.” They even gave Brian amnesia medication, not to relieve the pain, but to help him not remember it. Sometimes the dosage wasn’t enough, and the memories were terrifying, not to mention the anticipation of the next “tank session.” The dressing changes and debriding in the tank took almost three hours daily.
Skin grafts were another source of pain. The doctors used his own skin from his stomach and upper thighs (donor sites) for his fingers, elbows, face and arms. The rest of his body which would be grafted later was covered with cadaver or pig skin temporarily to prevent infection. As the pig or cadaver skin began to rot, the staff debrided it, cleaned the area and put more on, much like replacing soiled bandaids again and again.
“The skin grafts were exceedingly torturous,” said Brian. “But the area that hurt the most after a grafting surgery was the donor site.” Once the doctors shaved off the skin, to protect that donor site they would cover it with a substance that was glued and stapled on. Staples were removed (again, painfully) on the third day.
“Actually, there wasn’t anything that didn’t cause tremendous amounts of pain,” said Brian. “If I don’t recall something, it was because I was so often out of my mind with the pain.”
Before every bath, dressing change and surgery, Mel prayed with Brian and read to him Joshua 1:9: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
&
nbsp; Prayer:
Lord, may I take courage in the confidence that you are with me no matter what.
“Be strong and very courageous.” (Joshua 1:7)
May 8
MIRACLES IN HINDSIGHT
Lt. Col. (Ret.) Brian Birdwell, U.S. Army and Mel Birdwell
Many people ask, “Where was God on September 11?” The Birdwells can point to several examples of how God worked not only on that day but in the months leading up to it to keep the loss of life from being even greater than it was.
The wedge of the Pentagon that was hit had been newly renovated, with entire departments that had not moved back in yet, so it was the least-occupied area of the building.
One of the renovations was Kevlar coating on the windows, which likely saved lives by preventing glass from shattering and becoming projectiles.
Months prior to September 11, 2001, Pentagon officials conducted a mass casualty exercise to prepare a major emergency response. The scenario they created was a plane hitting the building. Because of that exercise, emergency medical supplies were provided to all medical personal in the Pentagon, saving Brian’s life.
If Brian had gone to the restroom twenty seconds earlier or later, he would have been in the plane’s path and died. If he had stayed at his desk, he would have died.
Brian survived the blast though he stood just two car-lengths from the point of impact, and suffered no puncture wounds or broken bones.
Stories of Faith and Courage from the War in Iraq and Afghanistan Page 19