Mark knew that Dr. Sutton had been doing a lot of reading on PTSD and comparing notes with what he observed in the troops coming home. “I told him that I would like him to start informing us on what he was seeing, so that we could keep our commodore, the guy in charge of all the SEAL teams on the East Coast, informed. We had a great working relationship with each other,” said Mark.
Another instrumental player in Mark’s life at that time was the Group chaplain, Cory Cathcart, who had also been doing a lot of reading and research about the effect of combat stress.
“So through what I learned from the chaplain and the doctor, and by Marshele getting counseling, I realized that I was one of them,” said Mark. “I was one of the thousands of service members with PTSD.”
Prayer:
Great Physician, heal us of the pain of our yesterdays and our todays.
“Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long.” (Psalm 86:3)
August 6
YOU’RE NOT GOING CRAZY
Cdr. Mark D. Waddell, SEAL, U.S. Navy, Iraq (2003–2006)
“I was praying without ceasing,” said Mark. “I was afraid of breaking. I thought I was going crazy.”
When Mark vulnerably described to Dr. Sutton how he was doing emotionally with all the trauma that he had experienced, Dr. Sutton said it was ordinary human capacity trying to adapt to abnormal stress.
“Mark, post-traumatic stress and post-traumatic stress disorder are not mental illnesses,” Dr. Sutton told Mark in his office. “You’re not going crazy. All this stuff that’s going on right now is not your fault.”
Mark agreed with Dr. Sutton to go get counseling, but only as long as it was faith-based. “The only thing I was hanging onto was my belief in Jesus as a Christ-follower,” said Mark. “If I didn’t start off with faith-based counseling, then it would be a futile endeavor.”
As soon as he began his series of counseling, Mark noticed a positive change. “That’s because with Dr. Sutton I had an emotional breakdown, and then the confirmation that I wasn’t going crazy from someone who studies the mind, the psyche, and PTSD,” said Mark. “It was so reassuring to learn that all these circumstances of this trauma weren’t my fault. All these feelings that I was having were a normal response to extraordinary trauma.”
Mark was also told that PTSD is the only clinically diagnosed anxiety order that’s directly associated with a known cause. “These were landmark things for me because when I thought I going crazy, when I thought I was losing everything, and then I hear the diagnosis, I knew there was hope,” he said. “There was hope for recovery not only some recovery but complete recovery, to go back to feeling again, to loving again, to establishing relationships again.”
Prayer:
Lord, thank you for the hope we have because of your mighty power and grace.
“Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!” (Psalm 66:20)
August 7
NEXT STEPS IN THE JOURNEY
Marshele Carter Waddell, author of Hope for the Home Front and co-author of When War Comes Home: Christ-Centered Healing for Wives of Combat Veterans
“The best news my counselor told me was that everything I was feeling was normal. She helped me understand my husband’s crisis,” said Marshele. “She helped me understand his mind, his heart, and the reactions he was having to his life experiences.”
Mark’s willingness to go to counseling was another huge step for the couple. “When he tried to be so strong for so long, it was good to see him be vulnerable and open with me,” said Marshele. “I know it was really hard for him.”
The journey toward complete healing isn’t over yet, Marshele said. “But there are greater signs of healing now. The monsters that raise their heads are getting smaller, and the victories are becoming bigger over time. I think that time is such a huge part of this prescription. We just have to wait. We have to keep doing the right things, keep loving one another, and keep believing that faith, hope, and love will endure and they will undergo anything if given the chance.”
The Waddells are more able to talk openly in the moment of rising tension, or within a couple of hours of the incident. Reconciliation is taking place much more quickly than before.
In 2007, Mark and Marshele began sharing their story with other churches through Bridges to Healing, the PTSD ministry branch of Campus Crusade for Christ’s Military Ministry. Marshele also speaks directly to women who share their experiences in her book, When War Comes Home: Christ-centered Healing for Wives of Combat Veterans, co-authored with Reverends Chris and Rahnella Adsit.
“When families go through these combat deployments and especially when dealing with PTSD on a moderate to severe level, everyone close to the situation goes through a faith crisis: Where was God when all this happened, where is he now? Why do I feel like I knock and the locks are bolted?” said Marshele.
“In those times, as long as you don’t give up, you will grow. God hears all of it, and eventually he responds, he stirs, and you will know he’s present in it. It just seems like forever in those long dry spells.”
Prayer:
Lord, give me the discipline to stay faithful to you even in the dry spells.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3)
August 8
GOING TO WAR
Capt. Stuart Zeigler, U.S. Army, Afghanistan (2007–2008)
“We’re going to war!”
I will never forget those four little words that were spoken by an ROTC instructor at Temple University in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. It was September. 11, 2001, and we both sat speechless before a tiny 12-inch black and white television screen watching a third plane crash before our very eyes into the Pentagon.
Five years later it had seemed that those words had indeed come true for every soldier serving in the U.S. Army, except me. Having received my commission as a second lieutenant in the army in 2003, virtually every one of my fellow ROTC classmates had one or two deployments in support of the “global war on terror” in Iraq and Afghanistan. As of September 2006, I had none.
After several deployment notifications that fell through, I became convinced that it was my destiny to remain a commissioned officer in the Army Reserves, working stateside as a specialist in homeland security. This non-deployment affected me in an adverse way. It seemed that everyone else was doing their duty or deployed overseas Why am I lucky? Why do I get to stay behind? I wondered. I was single yet watched as many of my friends with wives and children were called up to go serve while I stayed behind. It’s not fair that they have to leave their families and I still haven’t gone once, I thought.
It came as little surprise when in September of 2006 I received my latest warning order from the army that I might yet again be deploying overseas. I chalked it up to another “boy who cried wolf” scenario and went about my daily life. In the two weeks between my latest alert and when I was required to report for soldier readiness processing, my life would change forever.
Prayer:
Lord, as I make plans for the future, remind me that you are ultimately in control.
“Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.” (James 4:14a)
August 9
LOVE AND WAR
Capt. Stuart Zeigler, U.S. Army, Afghanistan, 2007–2008
On September 24, I was introduced to Amanda through mutual friends. We instantly bonded. Six days later Amanda and I went on our first date. In between the day we met and our first date, I received the official notice that I was indeed going to be departing in late December of 2006 for pre-deployment training at Ft. Riley, Kansas, followed by a twelve-month tour in support of Operation Enduring Freedom in Afghanistan.
“Do I still follow this love?” I asked God repeatedly. With each and every date and moment spent with Amanda I felt more assurance that this woman was not only special, but a woman with a heart for Christ and a woman of encouragement. I specifically remember one ev
ening several weeks into our relationship asking her “not to forget me when I am away.” She promised me she wouldn’t.
Then the two of us shared a moment that I had never shared with a woman before. We prayed together. Then suddenly, one of us began to slowly and very softly sing a familiar hymn. The other quietly joined in. The two of us sat there holding, praying, and singing praises with each other. How do two people find true love and then cope with the separation of that love in such a short period of time? The impossible is accomplished and expressed through intimate prayer, and unending songs of praise to a God whose plan is far greater then we could ever hope or imagine. Thanks be to God that his thoughts are not our thoughts and his ways are not our ways. Never in a million years would I have imagined God would bring my future wife to me before sending me overseas in his service. Little did I know that day that it would be through song and prayer that God would draw me closer to Amanda, but more importantly, closer to him.
Prayer:
Lord, help me not be so intent on my own plans that I fail to see the better path you have for me.
“‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord.” (Isaiah 55:8)
August 10
MIGHTY FORTRESS
Amanda Zeigler, wife of Capt. Stuart Zeigler, U.S. Army, Afghanistan (2007–2008)
God truly became the focus of the year 2007 the year Stuart was deployed because the Lord was all we had to cling to. Stuart was completely in his hands, and all I could do was pray (and pray, and pray more). There were some nights that I was too distraught to do anything but read my Bible in search of comfort and peace. Psalm 77 was good for the nights I felt like I was coming apart.
Stuart always said he could feel my prayers, especially during the first days that he arrived overseas. Knowing that Stuart was lifted reassured me immensely. I prayed for him every day, usually many, many times. It was also comforting to know that the God of my mundane suburban existence was the same One who had created the spectacular mountains of Afghanistan, and the barren scrub terrain that became the backdrop for Stuart’s daily life. I remember thinking how the human spirit can adapt rather quickly to sudden life changes and great emotional turmoil.
Stuart would often remind me that “God knew what he was doing” when he brought the two of us together, and that what God brought together, no man would separate. We knew we were being challenged, but we had a great Helper on our side, holding me when I was lonely and afraid and sheltering Stuart in the face of danger. I also came to see God as not just a passive do-gooder who was amiably blessing us from above, but one who at any point could defend my soldier from scores of Taliban, stop an IED from detonating, and could shield him from any “terror that stalks by night.” The children’s rhyme leads us to believe Jesus is “meek and mild,” but the Jesus that I experienced was truly a strong and mighty fortress.
Prayer:
Lord, I praise you for being our shield and protection for body, mind and spirit.
“But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.” (Psalm 59:16)
August 11
FUTURE GRACE
Capt. Stuart Zeigler, U.S. Army, Afghanistan, 2007–2008
For several months during my tour I was assigned to a remote outpost along the Afghan/Pakistan border. I was assigned to teach, coach, mentor, train, and advise the leadership of the newly formed Afghan National Border Police.
I found myself several miles from Pakistan on a remote outpost with thirty-five border police soldiers living in conditions of no running water, no electricity, and very little contact with the outside world. For a period of time I was very lucky to be able to use our satellite phone for a five-minute phone call once or twice a week. It was during these times that I learned to rely on prayer to see me through. Feeling very much helpless I learned to lift up Amanda in prayer on a daily basis.
Throughout my deployment I chose two verses (Romans 8:18 and Romans 8:28) to recite when I was down and looking to encouragement. I would pray them and draw upon them for strength.
Romans 8:18 states, “Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.”
It is simply amazing when I pondered and reflected upon the future grace that our Lord and Savior would eventually pour out upon us. No matter how many bad days there were in Afghanistan, no matter how down I felt emotionally, no matter how much pain I experienced physically… all that was NOTHING compared to what good things were to come my way. As a believer in Christ, I believed that my suffering was nothing compared to the joy, grace, and love I would experience in a lifetime to come with Amanda as my wife and the love of my life. I took comfort in these verses on a deeper level. I used them to give me courage. If God decided to call me home during that year of service in Afghanistan, all the suffering I endured would be nothing compared to the promise of future grace and glory that is promised to me through faith in Christ Jesus.
Prayer:
Lord, when my shoulders droop with the weight of suffering, keep me steady with the promise of future grace.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
August 12
BACK ON THE HOME FRONT
Amanda Zeigler, wife of Capt. Stuart Zeigler, U.S. Army, Afghanistan (2007–2008)
During that year of deployment, I struggled when friends would complain about missing their husbands or boyfriends due to work or some other minor inconvenience. How can you be so inconsiderate knowing all the while that I would give anything just to be able to call Stuart? I thought as I stared at them in disbelief.
The hardest overall period of time was the weeks immediately following his arrival in Afghanistan. I was a wreck. I lived alone, had lost my job, and now felt like I had lost my other half. Adding to despair and confusion was the hard fact that I’d only known this man for a matter of months.
What if he really isn’t the one I’m going to marry? What if I still have feelings for him when R&R comes around, and he’s not in love with me anymore? What if he no longer thinks I’m pretty? What if I’m not a good enough Army girlfriend, and don’t send enough letters and care packages? All the questions wandered through my mind.
Of course none of this actually happened, but the feelings were real. I would alternate between consuming all the news I could find, and isolating myself from every media outlet, convincing myself that if I didn’t know about the bad stuff, it would not happen to Stuart. One time, newscaster Stone Phillips, commented on how the approaching spring was going to be a violent one for Afghanistan and the troops, with the Taliban promising a spring offensive. I stared defeated at the TV, and then let my imagination get the best of me, resulting in what felt like a panic attack. It was awful.
Another challenging time was in early spring when Stuart was sent to a remote outpost on the Afghan-Pakastani border. We went weeks and weeks without any communication. The only phone contact we had came from a SAT phone. He called me on Easter Sunday, and we talked for four minutes. Those four minutes made my week. Thank God for technology. Oftentimes I would marvel at how far we’ve come since just Desert Storm, nineteen years ago. How wives managed in World War II, I will never know.
Prayer:
Lord, grant me patience when my heart screams out for immediate deliverance.
“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:14)
August 13
THE STORM AND THE SAFETY NET
Amanda Zeigler, wife of Capt. Stuart Zeigler, U.S. Army, Afghanistan (2007–2008)
For me the deployment was a tumultuous storm raging beneath me, threatening to swallow me whole. But during the storm, I was held up by a safety net. Yes, the water would splash on me, and get me wet, yet I would never be pulled under I would never drown. In my mind, God was the safety net
protecting me and holding me day in and day out.
God comforted me through many different sources. Sometimes all it took was an encouraging conversation with an acquaintance, and other times it would be a timely Bible verse, just when I needed to hear it. I read Psalm 91 (The Soldiers’s Psalm) over and over again. I also read Song of Songs, and found hope in how the male lover is reunited with his female lover when “the season of singing comes” after the winter. Lastly, some of the great hymns of the faith were instrumental in uplifting us. Stuart and I loved “How Firm A Foundation.” The lyrics, “Fear not I am with thee oh be not dismayed for I am thy God and shall still give you aid.” This verse was such a relief to me when Stuart returned to Afghanistan after R&R (when we got engaged).
Yes, there were days that were bleak, scary, lonely, but in the end, I was never overcome. My friend once described the feeling of being prayed for as being “unnaturally buoyed.” That is absolutely true, and in a way, it was such an exciting thing. We needed God, and he was there. God answered our prayers for Stuart’s safety, and the safety of his team for which I’m still grateful to this very day. Our raw dependence on him was vital to making it through. In a way, I feel sorry for people who never get to experience their faith in such a throbbing way.
Stories of Faith and Courage from the War in Iraq and Afghanistan Page 31