Mortimer: Where r u?
Mel: OMW down to ODECs. WHT Rachel?
Mortimer: CU down there.
Mel: Bio breach!
Mortimer: ?
Mel: Rachel ran through decon area, didn’t follow protocol.
Mortimer: ICU through glass wall now.
Mel: FUCK. Whole place will have to be scrubbed. Going in to check ODECs.
Mortimer: Someone’s in #4. Check that first.
Mel: OK
Mortimer: Not on calendar.
Mel: It’s Nadja.
Mortimer: ?
Mel: New MUON.
Mortimer: Rachel?
Mel: Gone.
Mortimer: Never there? Or . . .
Mel: Nadja’s confused, says she just Homed Rachel.
URGENT BULLETIN: UPDATE
OK, everyone, Mortimer here, there’s a lot of confusion and so I’ve been asked to post a temporary status update:
– Rachel bat Avraham was Homed back to 1203 Constantinople from ODEC #4 at about 11:25.
– This was an unauthorized operation. The MUON who performed the Homing was using the ODEC for routine training when Rachel showed up and demanded to be let in to the ODEC. Once inside, Rachel employed psy-ops [magical] techniques to induce the other MUON to effect the Homing spell.
– Unless you hear otherwise, RIP Rachel bat Avraham.
– There’s going to be a lot of wiki confusion over the next hour or so. Please just stay away from all Constantinople-related entries until end of day tomorrow or you’ll get even more confused. Tomorrow you may find references to a conflagration or explosion or firestorm around Galata Tower in Constantinople July 1203. If you are one of the Byzantine DOers or historians, it might not match your memories of the battle for Galata Tower. Those memories are now out of date.
– Lieutenant Colonel Tristan Lyons remains on active DEDE in that DTAP.
Meanwhile I’ve also been asked to share a little bit of information about Diachronic Shear since most of us weren’t on the scene yet the last time it happened. What I’ve got below is a helpful mnemonic to bide you over, until one of the real pros has time to write up something more detailed. Feel free to print this out and post it in break rooms, etc. More TK soon.
Peace out, Mortimer
DIACHRONIC SHEAR
YOU CRINGE, YOU SINGE!
RAFSTIQUORDOT!
Run
A common mistake at the onset of a Diachronic Shear event is to reflexively shield oneself from eruptions of bodily fluids and flaming gobbets, thus losing precious moments that could be spent putting distance between yourself and the epicenter. A rift between universes is no place to be fussy—you can always clean up later.
Amputate
Body parts that unfortunately found themselves on the wrong side of the rift may seem to remain attached. Intense GLAAMR and general disorientation may hide their misshapen form. Many victims will be unwilling to believe in the reality of what has happened to them. The temptation may be strong to leave these attached and hope for the best. Don’t do it! Think of it as being like gangrene, except faster.
Fires (extinguish)
Most Diachronic Shear events are recorded in the history books as epic fires of unknown origin. That’s because, after the Shear itself is over and done with, fires remain, and find plentiful fuel in destroyed structures. Nipping these in the bud may prevent enormous loss of life in the coming hours.
Shore up crumbling structures
Buildings may have lost primary structural members during the Shear. Ones that haven’t collapsed already may be prevented from doing so with stopgap measures. When in doubt, get out!
Tourniquets (apply as needed)
This is an elementary first-aid procedure that may save the lives of some who were caught along the boundary of the Shear.
Intimidate witnesses
Rumors spawned by a Shear event may trigger a cascade of aftershocks, as well as compromising your cover story. Do whatever it takes to discourage witnesses from saying anything to their friends and loved ones about what they have seen. Given the nature of what goes on during a Shear, this will commonly involve some sort of appeal to whatever gods, demons, or other supernatural forces figure in to the locals’ belief system.
Quell civil disturbances
Panicked bystanders may react in a way that will only inflict further human suffering—as well as making it difficult for you to get Homed.
Use your pre-established alibi
As part of Standard Operating Procedures, DOers should always have alibis and explanations handy for any discrepancies that may be called to their attention by curious and meddlesome locals. Anything you can do to place yourself far from the scene of the Shear will help you get home.
Observe
This one’s far down the list because it’s a lower priority. But it’s still a priority! DODO is always eager to gather more data on what happens during a Diachronic Shear, and so any observations that can be committed to memory will be welcome once you get home.
Return to the twenty-first century
This is self-explanatory! Find your KCW and get Homed as soon as possible—if a Shear has occurred in your DTAP, it means that your operation has been “blown” and there is no point in your staying around.
Document
Get to a debriefing room as quickly as possible and record everything you remember while it’s fresh in your mind.
Opiates
Medical research conducted during the Iraq War has confirmed that immediate administration of morphine following a traumatic event can prevent post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Our medicine cabinet is well stocked and we have personnel standing by trained in the prompt and proper administration of this therapy.
Therapy
As all DOers will be aware from their HR portfolios, the benefits package includes state-of-the-art health care, with no arbitrary distinctions made between physical and mental health. These benefits are your right—don’t hesitate to use them!
Post by Dr. Roger Blevins on
“Department Heads” ODIN channel
DAY 1808
cc: LTG Octavian K. Frink
General Frink has asked to present an account of the confusing and regrettable events preceding and following the disappearance of one of our MUONs: Rachel bat Avraham. Please note that this is a confidential and privileged communication for senior management only. You may disseminate relevant facts to your subordinates on a need-to-know basis.
I must begin by emphasizing that none of these events were within my power to alter, in large part due to the somewhat decentralized nature of our current org chart and the inherent limitations of managing Anachrons, MUONs, and other personalities who are not a good match for modern organizational discipline.
Having said that, below is a summary of events courtesy of Macy Stoll after interviewing all relevant witnesses. I believe at this point you are aware, at least anecdotally, of most of what happened, but you may consider the following account definitive:
Per established HR procedures, Dr. Blevins was interviewing Rachel bat Avraham in Conference Room #2. This was a quarterly review, of the sort normally conducted by Lieutenant Colonel Lyons, but since LTC Lyons was away on a DEDE, Dr. Blevins had decided to conduct the review himself.
Under normal circumstances this interview would have been unremarkable. Rachel’s personnel record indicated a few areas that were in need of improvement, which Dr. Blevins brought up in the conversation as a matter of course. Dr. Blevins reported after the incident that Rachel showed signs of being under considerable emotional distress, presumably related to the upcoming climax of our 1203 Constantinople operations and possible repercussions for the family and friends she left behind in that DTAP.
Rachel became highly emotional and announced her intention to return home at once. Dr. Blevins reminded her that this was forbidden. A confrontation developed and Dr. Blevins informed her that he would summon DOSECOPS if needed to prevent
her from gaining access to an ODEC. She reached into her purse and drew out a small canister of pepper spray which she discharged in Dr. Blevins’s general direction. He did not sustain a direct hit, but the cloud of spray drifted into his face and created intense irritation of the eyes and nasal passages, forcing him to leave the conference room and grope his way down the hall to the men’s washroom where he washed his face in a sink for several minutes before recovering to the point where he could summon DOSECOPS. By that time, Rachel had long since fled the room.
Subsequent review of security camera footage shows that Rachel proceeded via the back stairwell to the cellar level where she entered the bio-containment area and passed directly through it without performing any of the required decontamination procedures. ODEC numbers 1 through 3 were vacant, but ODEC #4 was occupied by Nadja Cole, a MUON in training, recruited only three months ago. She was using the ODEC to do “homework” related to her training program; she was not there to Send anyone, nor does she yet have the seniority or training required to do so.
Because of Rachel’s seniority, Nadja did not question her when she requested entry to the ODEC. Once the two of them were closed up together inside of ODEC #4, we lose the thread of the story, since our only witness is Nadja, and it appears that Rachel employed magical techniques of some sort to cloud her judgment and induce her to Home Rachel back to 1203 Constantinople. Nadja’s account of what happened is fuzzy and clearly unreliable. Since Homing is a much easier spell than Sending, apparently Nadja, with Rachel’s assistance, was able to accomplish it.
We will likely never have the complete story of what Rachel did upon returning to her home DTAP. The historical record is, at the moment, clouded by GLAAMR and impossible to make sense of. LTC Lyons is expected to be Homed three days from now and may be able to supply some further details.
Dr. Blevins was examined by Dr. Srinavasan in-house and discharged with oral and topical medications to control swelling and discomfort from the pepper spray. No permanent injuries are anticipated.
Nadja has been placed on administrative leave pending the outcome of a more formal investigation.
The bio-containment zone is still being scrubbed down as per protocol and is expected to be back in working order in time for LTC Lyons’s scheduled return.
AFTER ACTION REPORT
DEBRIEFER: Dr. Melisande Stokes
DOER: LTC Tristan Lyons
THEATER: Constantinople
OPERATION: Galata
DEDE: Relic relocation
DTAP: Pera, Constantinople, July 1203
STRAND: Fourth and last repetition of this DEDE
(Note to readers: Refer to the reports on the first three repetitions of this DEDE for general background. The specific DEDE was to enter the abandoned battlefield tent of the Byzantine Emperor, secure a religious relic of importance to Orthodox Christians, and move it to a different tent so that it would be found by the Bishop of Halberstadt. —MS)
As I [Lyons] knew going into this, the battle for Galata Tower took place over the course of two days, and my DEDE had to be accomplished the first day. But I had to remain until the end of the second day before I could connect with our KCW to Home me.
This was my fourth Strand prosecuting this DEDE, so at this point I knew, or thought I knew, what to expect.
I’m passing as a member of the Varangian Guard. I’ve attained enough seniority and respect by this point that I’m working as part of the Emperor’s personal guard. In peacetime that means standing near him when he goes to church or whatever, but in wartime it means being near him on the battlefield.
The battle strategy for both sides of this conflict is all over the wiki, so I don’t need to explain that. The Emperor’s so-called navy is in appalling shape, it’s just a handful of ships literally rotting in the harbor, and the Emperor’s army is an embarrassing joke except for the Varangian Guard.
We were camped out on the steep hillside that’s north across the Golden Horn from the old walled city.
[The Golden Horn is the inlet that serves as the city’s harbor. —Mel]
Across the Bosporus from us, so on the Asian side, is where the Crusaders had been camped since they arrived a few weeks earlier. The Emperor had sent emissaries over there to them, with bribes and threats, telling them, “I’m the Emperor, why are you trying to replace me with this punk kid nobody wants?” and the Crusaders’ response had been, “Actually, no, we’ve got the real king right here in our pocket, and we’re putting him on your throne.” They didn’t want to attack the city, they just wanted to get rid of the “tyrant.”
There’s two notable things about the hillside where we are camped with the Emperor. First, there’s Galata Tower, which is a huge stand-alone structure right at the top of the hill. It’s one of the best-sited strategic defenses I’ve ever seen. Archers can shoot at anyone approaching from the Bosporus, or the Golden Horn, or even the Sea of Marmara, or from inland. The single most important thing they’re guarding is the chain that goes across the entrance to the Golden Horn. That inlet is so deep and narrow that it feels like a river mouth, more than a harbor. The chain is enormous, it’s held up by a series of barges, and the only way to undo the chain is through a mechanism at the foot of the hill where Galata is. So the archers in Galata Tower, more than anything else, are there to keep invaders away from the mechanism that releases the chain. That’s the defensive mantra of Constantinople: nobody can scale the walls, nobody can break the chain, so what matters is, don’t let anyone near the mechanism that releases the chain. If you’re invading, if you want to get near the mechanism, you first have to take Galata Tower. Which is pretty much untakeable.
The other thing of note on the hill is Pera, the Jewish neighborhood. On a map, you could draw a line east from Galata Tower across the Bosporus to the Asian shore, where the Crusader army was attacking from. You could also draw a line south from Galata Tower that would cross Pera, then cross the Golden Horn to the old city. We were camped outside the tower, close to Pera.
That explains why the Emperor and his army were in tents—knowing that the Crusader attack was going to be directed against the Galata Tower, they had been deployed on the north side of the Golden Horn to protect it.
On the morning of July fifth, it’s no secret that the Crusaders are about to attack. We—the Emperor’s army—are fully geared up, the tower full of archers. On the hillside going down to the Bosporus are thousands of Byzantine soldiers fully armed and ready for the Crusaders to attack. None of them were really worried, because when you’re looking at that intense Bosporus current, it seems obvious that the Crusaders could not cut directly across in those particular ships—those ships weren’t built for the Bosporus, they were built for Alexandria, they were never supposed to be anywhere near Constantinople. Even if they could get across, they would have to anchor in that current, which would be extremely challenging, and then disembark without first being picked off by our archers. That was not going to happen. They were sailing into their own destruction. Of course, I knew better, but I kept my mouth shut and just let it all happen.
So the Crusader ships approach us. The Emperor gives the order for my contingent of VGs to reinforce the archers up in the Galata Tower. By the time I and my guys are up to where we have a decent vantage point, the archers in the tower are barraging the ships with fire-arrows, regular arrows, stones, we’re so sure we’re going to annihilate them and litter the Bosporus with their shit-stained armor.
But then something happened: the sides of the Crusaders’ ships broke open and thousands of knights on horseback came leaping out of the holds, straight into the water. In that moment of the Byzantines’ amazement, the archers on the boats began to shoot at us. After loosing one flight of arrows, they jumped into the water, ahead of the horses, with their bows and quivers held up over their heads, and as soon as they were in water shallow enough to keep their bowstrings dry, they began to shoot up the hillside. In full chain mail and some plate armor. As I said, this was
my fourth Strand so I’d already seen it three times, but it was an astounding thing to watch. Makes footage of the Normandy landings look like nothing special.
Then the same thing happened that had happened on every Strand: the Emperor turned and fled, and most of his army fled with him. There wasn’t a battle, it was just them getting chased by the Crusaders along the shore of the Golden Horn, about a mile inland, where there was a bridge across the water that the Emperor’s army crossed over and then burned behind them.
The only part of the Emperor’s army that didn’t flee was the tower garrison, which was largely Varangian Guards but also partially local conscripts. I was still there. The whole hillside, including the imperial camp, was emptied. I knew I had about an hour and a half before the Crusaders returned. So I fulfilled my DEDE—went into the Emperor’s abandoned tent, got the relic, put it into the other tent so that it would be found by somebody we need it to be found by. So the DEDE was accomplished without incident just as on the other Strands.
Now I just had to wait to rendezvous with a KCW, and since I know how things pan out, I know there will be a KCW in the Crusaders’ army who can Send me back tomorrow. That’s what I had done the first three Strands. I just have to survive through the rest of what’s to come, without accidentally telegraphing anything to any of my cohort.
So I re-enter the tower. Approximately one hour later, as I knew, the Crusader army comes back and tries to get at the mechanism releasing the chain, but we have shitloads of arrows and, more important, fire-arrows. More specifically, fire-arrows made with Greek fire, which burns more when it touches water, so we’re making them weep down by the casing to the chain-release. Their squires are holding shields over their heads to protect them, with water-soaked hides over them, and we’re lighting the fucking shields on fire.
Their leader, the Marquis, finally calls them off. They pillage the Emperor’s camp (and the right guy finds the relic I moved, so my DEDE is officially a success despite what happened next) and spend the afternoon and evening hollering up to us in every language they can think of, trying to bribe us to just give up the tower. Obviously we don’t. So eventually they get drunk and squat in the Emperor’s camp for the night, celebrating. They know there’s only a couple dozen of us in the tower, and once they take us down, then they’ll have Galata, which means they’ll get into the harbor, which means they’ll get into the city. They know tomorrow is theirs.
The Rise and Fall of D.O.D.O. Page 47