by River Ramsey
I turn away, too furious to respond. As I stalk down the hall, all my joy falling away, all I can think about is how my life is no longer in my control. I realize I didn’t even ask him when he plans to ship me off to this man I’ve never even met.
What will happen to Aspen? I could fight to bring him with me, but I couldn’t guarantee that he’ll be treated any better up north than he is here. At least there are people he knows. People like his tutor, who will look out for him.
The thought of looking into his worried face and telling him I’ll never see him again is crushing. And James… As furious as I am with Christopher right now, his offer to run away is sounding better by the second. I’ll even miss Rowan, the alpha I once dreaded being promised to.
I spot the commander up ahead and my terror fuels me to take an unforgivable action. “Commander,” I call, trying to look like I’m not falling apart. “Can I speak with you for a moment?”
She looks at the man she was just speaking to and nods for him to leave us. “What is it, Lady Danica?”
“Did you know?” I ask hoarsely. “That my father was still alive? That he was working for Eternus?”
“Yes,” she answers. “However, the matter was sealed under confidential clearance.”
“On whose order?”
“His.”
Her words shock me, but I carry on. “He’s trying to send me away. To some General up north.”
“Yes, General Harquest,” she says with a severe frown that makes her opinion on the man obvious. “I only heard of that plan shortly before you did. Obviously the courtship wouldn’t have been necessary if I’d known.”
“You have to do something!” I plead. “Can’t you stop it?”
She gives me a look of pure confusion that tells me I’m hopelessly out of my element. “My dear, you don’t seem to grasp the situation. Your father outranks me,” she says flatly. “And he’s just informed me that my services here are no longer needed.”
“Eternus is leaving the pack?” I ask in disbelief. The withdrawal I once worked for now feels like another layer of protection being stripped away from me.
“No, but your father is the one leading the command until the pack’s assimilation can be ascertained,” she explains. “I’m moving on.”
“What’s going to happen now?”
“I expect there will be pruning.”
“Pruning?”
“Your father has a certain method,” she says knowingly. “He’ll comb the pack for anyone with lingering ties to the dead Alpha Lord, and from what I gather, he plans to appoint himself. From there, there will probably be executions to ensure that all those who remain are strictly loyalists.”
My heart flutters in my chest. It’s not anything more than any other Marok Alpha Lord would do, but knowing that this is what my father has become fills me with shame.
Or maybe this is what he’s always been, and I was too young and blinded by childish adoration to see the truth.
“How does he have that kind of authority?”
“He doesn’t, but the General does. You’re a smart girl, Danica. You know how these things work.”
I nod, feeling like I’m going to be sick. The commander places her hand on my shoulder and gives me a look that’s closer to warmth than any I’ve ever seen her wear. “If you want my advice, keep your head down and do as he says. No good will come from fighting it.”
“What happened to liberation?” I ask through gritted teeth.
Her face falls with sympathy. “That’s a luxury for the middle class, I’m afraid. You’re Eternus nobility now.”
With that, she leaves and takes my last hope with her. Nobility. I know subjugation when I see it, whatever name it’s masquerading under. And this is only the beginning.
Chapter 17
When I return to Mace’s building, I’m relieved to find that Aspen is still there with his tutor. She’s fallen asleep on the couch, and he’s asleep in the recliner by the TV, so I have a bit of time to collect myself and figure out what to do.
I’m having a hard time even thinking. All I know is that I need to talk to someone or I’m going to fall apart. I go into my room to pack a bag, even though I’m not sure what it’s for. Maybe just to make myself feel better.
I know I can’t leave, no matter what staying here costs me. I’ve wanted nothing more than for my father’s safe return and his reinstatement within the pack. I can’t betray him, no matter how he’s betrayed me. It’s more than a matter of flesh and blood, it’s a matter of honor, and I love him and this pack too much to bring so much shame on them.
Still, it’s unbearable to imagine marrying a stranger—especially when I’ve already started giving pieces of my heart to three other men. I have to tell them, at least. There has to be something. Some way to convince my father, even if it is only to buy me time.
I hear small footsteps as I zip up my bag and look up to find Aspen watching me, rubbing his tired eyes. “Where are you going, Dani?”
I force myself to smile and kneel down, taking him by the shoulders. “Oh, sweetheart. You shouldn’t be up this late.”
“Mace is gone,” he says, frowning in worry. “Liza says he’s never coming back. He left us.”
The pain in his voice is everything I feared. I hug him tightly, wishing I could explain the truth without hurting him even more. There’s no point in tarnishing his memory of Mace. No good that would come from it. “He didn’t want to leave, but he had to,” I tell him. “I’m sure he misses you.”
“Are you going, too?” His fearful tone breaks my heart.
“I’m not going anywhere if I can help it,” I assure him. “And I promise, even if I have to go away for a little while, I’ll tell you before I leave.”
“You promise?” he sniffs.
“Double dog swear,” I say gravely.
He laughs, but there are tears in his eyes. “Everything is different and I don’t like it.”
“Me either, kiddo,” I say, clearing my throat. “Listen, you’re going to stay with Liza for the night. Go brush your teeth and get in bed, and do as she tells you.”
“Okay,” he murmurs. Once he’s gone, I leave my bag and head over to James’. I don’t know how I’m going to break the news to Christopher yet, but I need to see him first. And I still have to warn Rowan. If the commander is right, which she usually turns out to be, he’s in more danger than anyone.
To my surprise, all three of them are standing in James’ living room when I open the door. “Danica,” James says, walking over to embrace me. “How did it go?”
“Not well,” I say, looking at the three men. “What are you all doing here?”
“We were discussing your father’s return,” says Christopher, his eyes troubled. “Namely, what that means for you.”
“Then you know what he’s done?”
“Rowan has a contact in the military,” James murmurs. “According to him, Harquest is already on his way here and I’m sure he has no intention of leaving without you.”
The room spins and I feel sicker than ever. Christopher takes my hand and leads me over to the couch, and I let him because the vertigo makes me not trust my legs on their own. “This is insane,” I say, burying my head in my hands.
“No argument there,” Rowan scoffs. “Guess there wasn’t much of a point to all this.”
I look up at him sharply. “You’re in danger,” I warn. “The commander says my father will come for everyone with a connection to yours. You’ll be the first head on the chopping block.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“You have to run,” I tell him.
“He’s not the only one,” says Christopher. “I know you weren’t flattered by my offer the other night, but I think it’s time to reconsider.”
My heart tumbles in my chest. So they’ve all been talking about it, and from the somber looks on their faces, they’re on the same page. “I can’t.”
“Don’t tell me you want to be
married off to some creep and his wife,” James growls.
“Of course not!” The very idea sickens me, and the idea of being separated from any of them fills me with more horror than I ever imagined. “But I can’t just leave. I have a responsibility to this pack. And to my father.”
“To the man who’s fine with selling you off,” Christopher says bitterly. “The man who’s been out there all this time and could have come back?”
“Not while Adam was still alive. Not while Mace was here, pulling the strings!”
“The fact is, Mace is gone and I don’t know about the rest of you, but I intend to get out of here before the General gets here and Dani’s father needs a punching bag to impress him with,” says Rowan. “For that matter, I can’t imagine her childhood sweetheart and a hybrid everyone’s already terrified of will fare much better.”
“He has a point,” mutters James.
“You should leave,” I say, even though it pains me. The idea of losing them hurts so much more. “All of you. I’ll do whatever I can to help.”
“I’m not abandoning you,” James replies firmly.
Christopher frowns at him. “That makes two of us.”
“Sorry to be the odd man out, but suicide by romance isn’t really my deal, as fond as I’ve grown of you,” Rowan says dryly. “But if you change your mind and decide you don’t want to be an old man’s bride, I’ll make sure your Plan B goes smoothly.”
Their offer is more tempting than I want to admit, but I shake my head. “I’m sorry. I can’t, but you all have to go. I’ll find a way out of this. I just can’t betray my father.”
James and Christopher look at each other. I’m not sure if I like the fact that they seem to have formed an alliance behind my back. Despite the fact that neither of them puts up an argument, I can tell they’re not done trying to convince me.
“Just take the night to think about it,” says Christopher. “We’re going to plan as if we’re all going.”
“Why are you working together anyway?” I ask. “Don’t you all kind of hate each other?”
James smirks. “We’ve formed a bond over a common interest.”
His words warm my heart in the strangest way, making the idea of them leaving me behind even more painful. I’m still going to make sure they do, whatever it takes. Rowan is the one in the most obvious danger, but he’s right. My mate-to-be is going to want Christopher and James out of the picture, too.
James offers to let me stay at his place that night, and while I can tell the others don’t like it, they don’t say anything. I’m happy to take him up on his offer, and he insists on staying on the couch while I sleep in his room. His scent on the sheets and pillows is more comforting than I ever thought, but I still lie awake for hours, my mind racing in an attempt to come up with some solution I’ve overlooked. My exhaustion beats my ingenuity in the end.
Chapter 18
Morning comes and with it, the announcement that General Harquest and his men have arrived. James breaks the news, and I can tell from his nervous disposition that he’s still hoping I’ll change my mind.
“You understand why I can’t leave, right?” I ask softly, touching his cheek. We’re both standing in the kitchen and I’m still wearing his T-shirt as a nightgown. It feels good to be covered in his scent. Safe.
I always imagined being claimed by an alpha in any way would feel like ownership, but I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to let him touch me the way my imagination has always toyed with. To feel his hands sliding over my bare skin, his fangs in my neck…
The thought makes me shiver, but it’s not out of fear as I once thought. I find myself standing closer to him than I need to, his hard body putting off so much warmth I can hardly think straight.
“I understand why you feel like you can’t leave,” he says carefully, stroking a strand of hair behind my ear.
“You disagree.”
“Obviously.”
I sigh. “He’s my father, James. I have to obey him.”
“You don’t have to do shit.” The force in his voice jars me.
“James…”
“I mean it, Dani. You’re stronger than that. Haven’t you figured it out yet?” he asks, shaking his head in frustration. “You held this pack together during its darkest moment. You’re meant for more than being some powerful alpha’s plaything.”
“That’s exactly why I can’t abandon this pack!”
“You’re not going to have a choice,” he growls. “You think you can help the pack when your father ships you off?”
He has a point, but it’s not one my heart is ready to concede. I turn away as he takes me into his arms. “This isn’t just about the pack,” he says, lowering his voice. When I finally meet his eyes, the vulnerability I find makes it so much harder to do what I know is right. “I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that part of the reason I want you to leave is about me. About the way I feel about you.”
His words succeed in taking down my defenses, if that’s what he’s trying to do. Against my better judgment, I ask, “How do you feel?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” He searches my face and seems disappointed to realize it isn’t. “I love you, Danica. I love you and I want you to be mine.”
All the breath leaves me. I never expected him to say that, even if he’s only echoing what I already feel for him. And Christopher, if I’m being honest.
“Sharing you with Christopher is one thing,” he mutters. “That, I can handle. Giving you to someone who sees you as a pawn? I can’t do that, Danica. I won’t. Not without a fight.”
“James,” I whisper, breathless once more as he takes me into his arms and kisses me the way I’ve longed to kiss him ever since that first one we shared. I moan against his lips and he pushes me up against the counter.
His touch is raw and passionate, and I find myself losing my restraint as I tear the shirt over his head, revealing the hard lines of his heavily scarred torso. I trace each one as his lips meet my neck and my instinctive fear mingles with excitement as I feel his teeth graze my bare skin.
My body melds against his and his hands are everywhere, but not enough. My heart is soaring from the confession that at once changes everything and nothing, but this moment is too sweet not to savor it, even if it’s something that can never happen again.
Our clothes hit the floor and he lifts me up onto the counter. My legs wrap around his waist and his tongue enters my mouth. I bury my fingers in his hair, tasting him greedily, and somehow I manage to wriggle out of my jeans.
“Danica,” he pants, looking down at me with hooded eyes. “If you need to slow down…”
I shake my head, unbuttoning his jeans. “I want you,” I say breathlessly. I may not know what the future holds, or what’s right anymore, but this moment is the one exception. I know I’ve never wanted anything more than I want him right now, and the long-awaited union of our bodies is proof that I’m on the right track.
I’d always been conditioned to think the first time an omega has sex is supposed to be excruciating, but while there’s pain, James is more gentle than ever and the pleasure is more than enough of a distraction. It only occurs to me when I see the flash of red in his eyes that this is more difficult for him, albeit in a different way.
“Are you okay?” I ask breathlessly. I trust him, but I know even a small amount of blood can trigger a vampire’s instincts.
He nods, caressing my cheek. “Are you?”
“Yeah,” I breathe. “This feels… good.”
He smiles. “That’s kind of the idea. Just tell me if it’s too much.”
I moan as he presses kisses along the curve of my jaw. If anything, he’s just stirring a hunger that seems like it will never be sated. My heart swells with bliss as he takes me and I give myself to him fully, even if my body is all I have to offer.
His hand cups my breast and his touch brings the fire he sparked so long ago roaring to life. I never imagined someone so strong could be so tend
er, and I feel a surge of power knowing that this moment goes to someone I love, not someone who sees my “virtue” as an object to be claimed. I know James would be every bit as careful with my heart as he is with my flesh, every caress pure worship, and it shatters with that painful realization.
I love him. God help me, I love him and I can’t have him. All I can have is this moment, but I take it with abandon and clutch it to me as selfishly as I clutch him against my body. By the time he next moans my name, his is the only thing on my lips and in my mind. He holds me until it’s time to part and when it is, my heart breaks all over again because I know it will never be this way again. I know I’ll never feel this right and safe and whole.
I fight back my tears as I put on my clothes, because I don’t want to have to explain to him that they have nothing to do with the choice we just made and everything to do with what will never be.
“There’s something I should tell you,” I say, leaning up to brush my lips against his once more as he buttons his shirt.
“What’s that?” he asks, his face still flushed as he looks down at me. The approval in his intense stare fills me with fresh satisfaction.
“I love you, too.”
His lips turn up, a smile softer than I think him capable of. He grows somber a second later, his arms wrapping around my waist. “Then you’ll leave with me.”
My heart sinks back down to reality. “James…you know I can’t.”
His body tenses up and when I meet his yes, they’re guarded. “Why the hell not?”
“We’ve talked about this. I love you, but I have a duty to my father. To this pack.”
“To a man who wants to use you,” he growls. “To a pack that sees you as an object.”
I hug myself, bracing against his words. They sting because they’re true, but it doesn’t change anything. “I’m not who they think I am, but I would be if I just left. If I didn’t at least try to change things.”
“You’re one person, Danica! How are you supposed to change anything when you don’t even have control over your own life?”