by Joy Jenkins
"She just left? Out of the blue?" he asked.
"I was a surprise baby. Unplanned. It was supposed to be the marriage, career, then me." The story rushed forward, the dam in her mind finally broken. "The second year of college my mother got pregnant. They got married. My father went into the military and became a Navy SEAL. My mother left college, left an internship, even passed up job opportunities to raise me." Carter contemplated the spotless carpet. "When I was fourteen, she got offered a position she said she couldn't pass up. She took it. Left my father alone with me. It’s been four years since we’ve seen her. Not once. Until yesterday, when she showed up at our apartment, unannounced. I told her to leave."
Carter relaxed, her past released from her tight-fisted hold. Link had a hundred questions darting through his eyes while Donovan offered quiet understanding.
"You saw her again today," he said. "In the office."
"She wanted to have lunch and talk. She walked into my school and my life as if it was the simplest thing in the world and nothing had changed. I told her to leave my dad and me alone."
Carter buried her face in her hands, suddenly tired.
"Is that what you want?" Donovan asked.
"I don't know. I don't know what I want," she said.
"Why did you come here?"
"Honestly..." She took in a breath. "I didn't have anywhere else to go."
The words hung in the air between them, honest and raw.
“And as far as I can tell, you have gone through something similar," Carter said to Link. "What did you do when you first met your father?”
Carter felt guilty as she saw pain flash through Link’s eyes. “I understand if it’s too difficult to talk about.”
Taking off his glasses, Link stared at them then tossed them onto the table. The aspects of his father's face were so clear in his features. "I almost hit him.”
He grinned, noticing Carter’s incredulity. “A Secret Service agent stopped me before I could throw a punch. I didn't say anything to him that first time. He was so cold I didn't know what to say."
"How long was it before you saw him again?" Carter asked.
"A few weeks. My mother convinced me that I should at least talk to him. I did. Eventually, we got past everything. Well, almost everything but it took a long time. It's still not ideal. I only see him every few months."
"You forgave him?"
A wry smile came to Link's face. "Not completely. What he did was terrible. But for the most part, I wanted to know him. I was twelve, I wanted a father and I still do. At least, part of a father is better than none."
As Carter sank back on the couch, she mulled over his words. Forgiveness felt foreign when thinking about someone who left so much damage in her life.
"Why did your mother show up now?" Link asked. "After four years?"
Carter rubbed her face as her thoughts ping-ponged back and forth. "I don't know. We were doing fine without her. I want her out of our lives.” The last sentence came out as a growl.
"You won't talk to her at all?" Link asked.
"Why should I?" Carter said, angrily. "What has she ever done except abandon me? I owe her nothing and want nothing from her!” When she felt her nails bite into her palms, she forced her fingers to uncurl. “I don't know what to do. This is a rare thing for me."
"I imagine so," Donovan said, softly.
Something in his tone lifted Carter from her troubled thoughts for a moment, the beginning of a grin tugging at her mouth. The moment passed and her face fell.
"Do you plan to shut your mother out until she leaves?" Donovan asked.
"Yes...maybe..." She shrugged. "There is nothing she could say that would change anything. The fact is she left; she picked her career over me."
"That is true," Link said. "But if you don’t see her, you don't get to say what you've wanted to."
Carter scowled. "I don't have anything to say to her.”
When Link raised his eyebrows in contradiction, she sighed. "Of course I have things to say to her but it will make no difference."
"Then she will leave," Donovan said, "and all the things you have wanted to tell her will be left trapped in your head."
"Yes, but I’d have to see her again to tell her those things. Therein lies the problem. I don't want to see her. I never wanted to see her after she left."
"That's not true," Donovan said.
Carter paced, edgy. "Of course it's not true. But I was fourteen. I forced myself to stop running to the door at the sound of a car. I got over it. I moved on with my life."
Donovan laced his fingers together, eyes trailing Carter’s agitated path back and forth.
"What?" she said, glowering at him.
"Carter," he responded, "you say you have moved on, yet you push everyone away." He raised a hand, stopping her arguments. "You became an outcast at school. You fear getting close to people because you fear being abandoned again. You use your intellect and physical force to keep everyone else at a distance. "
Carter wanted to argue it but couldn’t ignore that her hands already formed fists.
"Deny it but it's the truth. You tried to force us away."
For a tense moment, she stared at Donovan and he stared back, his face unyielding. Finally, she lowered her eyes, her frustration slipping away.
"Why did either of you ever decide to be my friend?" she asked, quietly.
"You'll have to ask him that," Donovan said, nodding at Link.
Link gave Carter a lopsided smile. "I liked you. You were smart and you didn't like Mason. Having to go to school with my half-brother was never going to be easy. Having someone who didn't fawn over him made it more bearable. Besides, you analyze people and make observations like Donovan and I found that oddly comforting."
Carter felt some of the weight lift off her chest. "I'm glad you didn't give up easily.”
Walking back to the couch, she dropped onto it. A comfortable silence settled around them.
"Will you talk to your mother?" Donovan asked, breaking the quiet.
“Honestly…I don't know.” The thought of facing her mother again created a tumult of conflicting emotions. Emotions too complicated to figure out. "I don't want to decide now. What I do want is some of that pizza."
"Go ahead but it’s cold," Link said, gesturing to the pizza box.
Flipping the lid open, she grabbed a slice and pointed to the gun.
"How fast can you put that together?" she asked.
Donovan smiled and moved towards the gun, quickly disassembling it.
◆◆◆
A few hours later, when friendly conversations had made the reason for Carter’s visit mostly forgotten and the pizza box sat empty, Carter stretched. The lights outside the windows had slowly blinked off, leaving the stars and the street lights the only means of illumination. Carter checked the time. “I didn’t realize how late it was,” she said.
Link grimaced as he stretched out his arms. “You want to crash here on the couch? Or Donovan has an extra room.”
“Two bedroom apartment in this building? You must make more than I thought,” Carter said to Donovan.
Donovan slid his hands into his pockets, not responding to Carter’s comment. “Are you accepting the offer?”
Despite her best effort to read him, she couldn’t tell if the offer pleased him or not.
“As much fun as that sounds,” Carter said, “I don’t want Captain breaking down your door at four in the morning looking for me. I’ll go home.”
“You sure?” Link said, cautiously. “It’s really late.”
Carter laughed. “Link, do you honestly believe a mugger would get the better of me?”
Link gave her a smile that turned into a yawn. “True.”
“It doesn’t matter either way,” she said. “I’ll get an Uber home.”
After putting in the request, Carter opened the front door then paused. “Uh…thanks for letting me talk.” She shifted. “Friends aren’t something I’m used to, so I appreciate you
not slamming the door in my face.”
“Of course, Carter,” Link said. “See you tomorrow.”
Through the silent elevator and car ride home Carter chewed on the decision that stood before her. Completely lost in her thoughts, the driver called her name twice before she heard him. The car drove off, leaving Carter alone with the street lights.
Every window lay dark as she walked down the lane and ascended the stairs. Moonlight streamed through the living room curtains and pooled on the floor. Carter slipped out of her shoes and eased the front door shut. The click of the lock sounded loud in her ears but no movement came from her father’s room. Noiselessly, she snuck to her room.
As she stepped into the hallway, she froze at a sound far more terrifying than her father’s anger.
She crept to her father’s room. Instead of seeing her father lying beneath the blankets, she found him sitting on the edge of his bed, hunched over. He held his face in his hands, as his shoulders shook with sobs. Despite the conflict earlier, Carter’s heart broke with him.
She took the spot on the bed beside him, laying her head on his shoulder. Her father wrapped his arm around her and kissed her hair. They sat together, Carter leaning into him, his head resting on hers. Neither spoke.
Chapter 26
With her eyes closed, Carter listened to the commotion of the school around her. The only part of her that felt connected to the world were the vibrations of the opening and closing lockers that played along her spine. Only when a presence connected with a familiar woodsy cologne joined her, did Carter leave the turning of her thoughts.
“Where’s Link?” she asked. A flirty laugh rose above the waves of conversations followed by a bashful chuckle. “Never mind.”
A thought struck her and she peered up at Donovan, who lounged on the locker beside her, his body angled towards hers as he surveyed the throng around them.
“That’s why Link doesn’t wear cologne,” she said. "Keeps attention on you.” He nodded. “He smells normal. Another way to keep him inconspicuous. Makes sense.”
Dropping her head back, Carter stared at the far wall, aware of the conversations spilling gossip undercut with passive-aggressive jabs. "How have you lived so long being surrounded by so much mediocrity?"
"Because I have to,” Donovan said.
"I would have gone mad." She palmed her eyes tiredly. "I'm glad I'm almost out of this pit of low intellect."
Finally, Donovan ceased his constant perusal and gave her his full attention, blue eyes curious. "Where do you plan to go after this?"
"I haven't decided yet. Every college accepted me. I haven't figured out how far away I want to go. What follows this for you?"
Donovan inched closer to Carter and dropped his voice. "When Douglas's term ends in two years, I will no longer be required to be Link's friend. We could go our separate ways."
Carter faced him and to any onlooker, the pair looked locked in a talk of conspiracies. "Where will you go? What will you do?"
The bell rang, cutting off Donovan’s answer. "An explanation for another time.”
"I’ll hold you to it.”
Link looked as if he were being pulled up from a happy dream when Donovan tapped his shoulder. At the sight of the emptying hall, Link smiled sheepishly.
"I'll see you after class," Amy said, kissing Link on the cheek, bringing color to his face.
"Shut up," he said, not meeting either of Carter or Donovan’s laughing eyes.
"Today we're doing an in-class group project," Mr. Rojas said. "I will be splitting you up into groups.” Before anyone could protest, he held up his hand. "No, you can not change groups.”
Groans and angry mutterings whispered around the room and Carter slumped in her seat, echoing her classmates' sentiments.
"You smile," she hissed to Link, who delighted in her pain. "But I'm going to be stuck with a group of nitwits and end up doing the project alone."
"You get that most of the people in this class are smart, right?" he asked. "It is Advanced Chemistry."
"Smart is relative. Compared to you and Donovan, this class is filled with morons."
“In another group:” Mr. Rojas said. "Carter, Donovan, Link, and Mason.”
Carter whipped her head to Link as he tried to control his expression but she could see his dread. The world seemed to be playing a joke on her friend and she didn’t find it at all funny. Across the room, Mason locked eyes with Carter, looking like he would rather die. When Carter laid her hand on Link’s clenched fists, he uncurled his fingers.
"What did I tell you?” she said. “I get nitwits for partners. Well, one nitwit, to be exact.”
Link let out a slow breath and Carter squeezed his hand in silent encouragement.
"Alright class, get into your groups and I will go over what you will be doing," Mr. Rojas said.
Donovan joined Carter and Link at their table, but Mason showed no sign of moving. Carter glared at him which he returned. Naturally, he would assume they would come to him, maybe even bow to him once they got there.
"Mason, you underdeveloped neanderthal! Get over here," Carter yelled over the noise of the class.
A few laughs bounced around the room but quickly died as Mason eyed the culprits. As he made his way over to them, Smith following, Donovan leaned close to Carter.
"Play nice," he warned.
"Fine."
Appraising the group, Mason sat down. “Still managed to hang on to two friends, Owens. Did you buy them off?”
“You would be the one to understand,” Carter said. “Keeping you from being friendless is where all the money from the national treasury goes, isn’t it?”
“Owens, how you can stand to hear yourself talk amazes me because it gives me a headache.”
“Like how your voice with its lack of IQ gives me a headache?”
“Carter,” Donovan growled.
Carter raised her hands in surrender while Mason observed the exchange. “What are you? The Owens Whisperer? Do you have a phrase you use to shut her up? Because I’ll pay to hear that.”
Carter grinned sweetly. “Lean in Mason and I’ll whisper that phrase to you.”
“Owens, I wouldn’t get within a foot of you if there was a gun to my back.”
Feigning astonishment, Carter put her hand over her mouth. “There is a brain in that head of yours! And I thought when you ran for President you would be just another walking mouthpiece.”
“Class,” Mr. Rojas said, keeping Mason from biting back. “I’m going to explain your project for today so pay attention.”
At the whiteboard, Mr. Rojas wrote out his instructions, talking as he did so. Mason pretended to listen, his back to Carter. Donovan gripped Carter's upper arm, tugging closer to him.
"For the sake of Link, don't make this any more difficult," Donovan whispered.
Carter turned to him, their faces a few inches apart. When she spoke her breath got tangled with his. "How am I making anything more difficult?"
"Antagonizing Mason will only make this all last longer. Shut up and finish the project so he can go back to his table.”
He had a point but making digs at Mason had become such a common pastime it would be difficult to stop. Besides, it was wildly entertaining. Donovan tightened his grip as if reading her thoughts, his blue eyes hard as steel.
"Fine," she said. "I will play nice.”
When they shifted away from each other, Carter found Link trying to understand what they said.
"Just exchanging threats and whatnot," Carter said. Puzzled, Link frowned. "It's nothing, Link."
With his directions finished, Mr. Rojas sent the students off to retrieve their materials. Carter stood and carelessly slapped Link's arm. "Come on, we’ll get the materials." She pointed to Donovan and Mason. "You two can start working out the equations."
At the back of the line to the supply cabinets, Carter plopped an arm on Link’s shoulder, sensing the tension radiating from him.
"How are you doing?
" she asked, speaking close to his ear.
"Fine," he said. "What were you and Donovan talking about?”
"He made me promise to stop verbally abusing Mason," she said. She flashed a wicked smile. "He never said anything about lighting his hair on fire with the bunsen burner though."
As Link relaxed, he released a short laugh.
"Personally," she said, "I would love to see whether he screams like a girl."
This image produced a louder laugh from Link and brought about a few curious glances from other students.
"I would too," he said, "even just to see him get carried away by his Secret Service agent."
"Say the word and I'll do it," Carter said.
"Thanks, Carter," he said. He scuffed his foot on the floor. “What’s the story behind why you and Mason don’t get along?”
For a heartbeat, Carter almost lied, hiding a part of her past behind a careless comment. But she saw the openness in Link and thought of the previous night. He’d been there for her when she needed a friend.
“I transferred to Hamilton Prep two weeks after my mom left,” she said, quietly. “When I could have used a table mate like you, I got Mason instead. We haven’t stopped butting heads since.”
The two students before them finished collecting their materials and left, leaving Carter and Link free to gather their materials. As they were buried in the shelves of the cabinet, Carter looked at Link.
“I can say this with all certainty: you are the better person,” she said. “I would give up a hundred Masons to have you as my friend. Your father is lucky to have you as a son.”
Link didn’t look at her as he reached for a beaker. “Thanks, Carter. The same goes for you.” He held her gaze. “Your mother has missed out.”
This time, Carter found she couldn’t hold Link’s gaze and started absentmindedly rearranging gloves and goggles. She cleared her throat. “Thanks. And…uh…thanks for last night.”
“What are friends for?” Link said.
They shared smiles, smiles mixed with the lingering hurt of their pasts.
Back at the table, Mason twisted in his seat, flirting with the neighboring girl, successfully distracting her while Donovan worked out the equations. When Carter and Link set their items down, Donovan studied them as if able to see their troubled thoughts.