by Joy Jenkins
"I said it was fine," he said, quietly.
Even in the quiet tone, Carter heard the defensiveness and felt lost. She didn’t know what could have changed between seeing him at school and now. She’d never felt this distance from her father before.
"I have some calls to make," her father said. "I'll be in my room. Eat without me, I’m not that hungry.”
Pain crawled up Carter’s throat as her father walked away. “Me neither.”
Chapter 39
The apartment lay completely quiet around Carter the next evening. On her nightstand, her phone buzzed. She scanned Donovan’s message, confirming where they were meeting. After dashing off a reply, she tucked the phone into her jeans. She unhooked her jacket from a hanger and shut her bedroom door. Across the hall, her father’s door stood open but she didn’t spare it a glance.
As Carter descended the stairs, car headlights lit up the front of the building. Her father wore his black suit and everything about him appeared its normal military neat self. Carter felt her heart twist with uncertainty. That morning when she’d woken up, he’d already left for the office, not giving her time to ask him more questions. Leaving her to take a lonely trip to school.
Meeting at the bottom of the steps, they observed each other, trying to read thoughts that were hidden behind masks of impassivity. Her father looked down at her bag.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
Carter vaguely pointed towards the street. "Amy and Link are going on a date tonight and I'm keeping Donovan company."
"It's a school night,” her father said with a flickering frown.
"I finished my homework."
"What time will you be home?"
"Eleven at the latest.”
The exchange sounded normal for a father and daughter but to Carter, it felt like they were talking to each other from opposite sides of a wall.
"Maggie said you didn't stop by the deli today,” her father said.
“I had homework to get done. How was PT?"
Her father’s controlled expression mirrored Carter’s. “Fine.”
Again Carter felt that prick of hurt, sensing something he wouldn’t share. For a beat, neither of them moved, neither of them spoke. Carter waited for her father to say something, to make the wall between them disappear but he didn’t.
“I have to go,” she said. “I have a bus to catch.”
Her father let her pass by without a word but as she hit the lane, he stopped her. “Carter, stay safe.” She nodded and turned away. “I love you, Sarge.”
She stuffed her hands into her jacket pockets. “Yeah,” she said. “Same.”
She walked away, her father watching until her shadow disappeared.
Carter slid down in her seat on the bus, letting the constantly changing scenery keep her thoughts captive: buildings, cars, houses, trees, buildings, cars, houses, trees. When the bus rumbled to a stop, Carter swung herself out, landing in a busy office block. Around her, businessmen in suits headed out to relieve their weary minds with a strong drink. Women, who during the day wore sensible shoes, now walked in high heels with laughter on their lips and freedom in their eyes. Each unfamiliar face was easy to read. But the face she’d known all her life was a closed book.
In the mall, across from the movie theater entrance, Donovan rested against a wall, hands in his dark jean pockets and ankles crossed: the picture of ease. As Carter neared, she noted how he took in every face, his eyes never settling. But when she stepped around a group of younger teens, he settled his gaze on her.
"Are they already in there?" she asked.
"They're in line at the concession stand.”
In the theater lobby, Carter found Link and Amy waiting in line, their hands locked together. Link spoke and Amy's hand flew to her mouth as she laughed. Their happiness seemed so simple, everything they thought and felt written plainly for the world to see. Carter watched, mesmerized, unaware her inner turmoil played out for Donovan to see.
“What’s going on?” Donovan asked, nudging her elbow.
Carter frowned. "What do you mean?"
"You've been distracted all day."
"It's nothing-"
Donovan’s flat glare halted Carter. Without answering, she studied the tableau before them without really seeing it. Donovan took her silence in stride and continued his appraisal of the surrounding crowd.
"You don't have to be here," he said, after a few minutes.
"Do you not want me to be here?"
"Do you want to be here?"
Carter thought of home and her father. "Yeah, I want to be here."
He pulled out two tickets and handed one to her. "Link told me what they were seeing and I got it when we showed up early.”
She read the movie title. "It's a horror movie.”
"Apparently Amy has a liking for them. Or is looking for an excuse to cling to Link."
"And Link?"
"He has a stronger stomach than you'd think. I don't think he'll mind Amy clinging to him."
Carter managed a rough smile that didn't last. Link and Amy made their purchase and took off towards the theater. Donovan and Carter moved in sync, handing their tickets to the attendant and joining the stream of moviegoers.
Towards the end, they entered their auditorium. Donovan stopped Carter before she could round the sloping wall. She glanced down at his hand on her arm, then at him. He let go of her.
"Link is going to text when it's clear," he said.
Carter listened to the whispered conversations and crinkling of candy wrappers. Donovan's phone vibrated. They spotted Link and Amy towards the back and off to the right. Carter led the way up the stairs, taking a spot far from the couple but still in view.
When Carter sat, her arm brushed against Donovan’s as they both went to claim the middle armrest. Carter took her arm away first, silently conceding to him. Commercials played on the screen as the seats continued to fill.
"You don't have to be here," he said.
She looked at him, surprised to find him closer than she expected but she didn't back away. "Why are you asking me again? If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be."
"I don't doubt that but you have to be the quietest date I've ever had. And I didn't expect that. Especially not from you."
Crossing her arms, she studied him. "First: this isn't a date. And second: do you have a problem with silence, Donovan?"
"I know it's not a date. It was a slip of the tongue. And silence with you, yes, because it holds too much weight."
"I don't imagine you've ever let anything slip, let alone a word like ‘date’. And my silence has nothing to do with you or this situation. So why should it bother you?"
Donovan put his elbow on the armrest. "In this instance it's true. I don't think of you as my date and don't plan on letting the word ‘date’ slip again. And the fact that your silence doesn't involve me doesn't bother me but it is affecting me. In that manner, you have put me in the situation."
"For the record, I don't think of you as my date either. Just in case that thought crossed your mind.” Carter angled towards him, her brow furrowed. “And whether my silence affects you or not is none of my concern."
"The thought of you being my date never crossed my mind," Donovan said. "And you can be as silent as you want. I no longer care.”
"Good, because being your date never crossed mine. That's fine with me. I don't need you to care."
"Fine."
"Good."
They stared at each other then faced the screen. Conversations filled the silence. Carter rested her elbow on the unoccupied armrest. She cast a sideways glance at Donovan. He sat with his arms crossed and one foot balanced on his knee, his eyes flickering to Link and Amy every few minutes.
"You had other dates," she said.
A flash of a smile skidded across his lips. He spoke without looking at her. "I grew up on a Marine base not a monastery, Carter.” Donovan studied her profile. "Why do you ask?"
; "You said I was your quietest date-"
"Slip of the tongue."
"I was just curious. That's all."
"How many dates have you been on?"
Despite herself, Carter chuckled and looked down at her hands.
"That many, huh?" Donovan said.
"I have a Secret Service agent as a father, transferred schools, and my mom left when I was fourteen. You figure it out."
"That means the double date was technically your first date then."
"If you could even call it a date."
"Do you?"
"No."
Donovan nodded, his expression almost teasing. "Then you have yet to have a first date."
"It would seem so."
"You don't seem that broken up about it."
"I'm not run by my hormones. Besides, there was never anyone worth dating."
The lights dimmed in the movie theater and the crowd fell silent. Donovan leaned close to Carter and whispered, his breath falling across her neck. "Who constitutes someone worth dating?"
She eyed him in the darkened theater. "Why do you want to know?"
He gave a half convincing shrug. "I was just curious. That's all."
As she threw him a flat look, he smirked. She shook her head and focused back at the screen. As the characters on the screen started talking, Carter leaned back over to Donovan. He shifted closer.
"Honestly," she whispered, "I would take anyone who could last five minutes in hand to hand combat with me.”
"Good to know," he whispered, a faint smile touching his lips.
Only ten minutes into the movie she noticed Amy shift closer to Link, wrapping her arms around his, her hand finding his. When the first scare occurred, she buried her head in his shoulder, letting out a small squeak. Carter fought back a laugh as Donovan grinned.
As the movie progressed Carter and Donovan inched closer to each other. When a side character was brutally murdered, the theater seemed to cringe. All except the two of them.
"He should have taken the crowbar with him instead of the ax," Carter said, in a hushed tone. "The ax was too heavy and his aim would have had to be precise to even do damage."
"Where are his natural fight instincts?" Donovan said.
"Obviously he wasn't born with any."
"His death was unavoidable."
"Clearly. No one that stupid could live."
"Not in this movie," he said.
As Carter looked back at the screen, she jumped with the rest of the crowd as the killer popped up. She gripped Donovan's arm, muttering something under her breath. Instantly, she let go.
"Surprised me," she said, not looking at him.
"Of course," Donovan said, a smile in his voice.
For the rest of the movie, Carter forced herself to remain unfazed by any sudden scares. As the credits began to roll, the house lights brightened. Under the cover of the rising mass, Donovan and Carter quickly exited. They broke away from the chatting group, finding a spot out of sight.
"That was an impractical ending," Carter said.
"As well as predictable," Donovan said.
"That too."
Link and Amy appeared, their hands clasped and her head buried in his shoulder. He said something and she beamed up at him.
"Do you know where they're headed?" Carter asked as they tailed the couple to the exit.
"For frozen yogurt."
At the brightly painted fro-yo palace, Donovan secured a table where they could see the couple but wouldn't be seen while Carter bought two cups of frozen yogurt. Young couples and groups of girls filled the space with a hum of voices. As she ate, Carter scanned the surrounding crowd, roaming over a muscular man, who sat alone a few tables down from Link and Amy. She toyed with her spoon.
"Donovan," she said. "Wasn't that man watching the same movie as us?"
Donovan followed her gaze. "Yes," he said, unconcerned.
"That's not something worth noting?"
He dug into the yogurt. "Not at all."
"How come you're so sure?"
He used his spoon to point to a couple two tables past Link and Amy. "Because they were also at the same movie. It's not odd for people to come here after a movie, Carter."
Carter let the subject go, her caution alleviated. Link and Amy slowly inched closer and closer toward each other, taking scoops from the other's frozen yogurt cup. Couples whispered to each other, as groups of girls giggled.
Carter ate absentmindedly as her thoughts reverted to her father. Donovan eyed her as Link and Amy found other occupations for their mouths. He studied her for a long moment.
"Thanks, Carter," he said.
It took her a second to respond, dragging herself from her thoughts. "For what?"
"Coming with me.”
"Oh, that. It wasn't that big of a deal."
"No. But I found it amusing to see you pretend to get startled just for the excuse to grab my arm."
"Get over yourself, Donovan. Or go find some other girl to cling to you."
He laughed, the sound deep and genuine. Stretching his back, he ran a hand through his hair. "I'll pass on that offer.”
Setting aside her yogurt, Carter laid her arms on the table. "Are you telling me in all this time you've never dated?"
"No," he said.
"Why not? They seem willing."
Donovan spun his spoon in his yogurt. “I don’t get involved because it could affect my focus.” Carter didn't say anything. "And because it would be a lie. They are drawn to something that isn't real."
“Interesting."
"Did you want a different reason?"
"Most every guy fakes who they are to get exactly what they want. It's interesting to meet someone who doesn't think the same way."
"You forget I am a few years older than these girls and can see how a relationship with me would affect them. I care, that is the difference between those tools and me."
“I would have to agree.”
Amy checked her phone and said something to Link, making them both rise. Carter started to stand but Donovan stuck his hand out, stilling her. Sitting back down, she watched as Link and Amy exited. Trashing their remaining yogurt, Carter and Donovan followed. They waited by the glass front doors, looking out until Amy kissed Link and climbed into a car. Link was still watching the car drive off when Carter and Donovan appeared at his side.
"Have a fun night?" Carter asked.
Link started, cleared his throat, and tried to contain his smile.
"We should head home," he said, forcing a frown that didn't seem to stick.
She exchanged grins with Donovan as they walked towards their car. Looking back at the frozen yogurt shop, she noticed the muscular man casually walked out. He glanced at them before heading off in the opposite direction.
Chapter 40
Carter stared out the window onto the football field. But she wasn’t looking at the line of students as they made their way around the track, none of them working very hard. Hints of dark circles lived beneath her eyes. Link sat beside her, scribbling away on the latest project. A project she had already finished.
“Carter,” Link said.
Only after another nudge and a call of her name did Carter answer. "Hmmm?"
"What's going on with you? You've been, I don't know, distracted or something."
"I'm surprised you left 'Amy and Link world' long enough to notice that."
Link fidgeted, betraying himself as he cast a glance to Donovan, who worked on his calculus homework. As he ran a hand through his hair, a flash of irritation flickered across his face. He paused, feeling Carter’s gaze. Their eyes met for a split second before Carter turned away.
"Well, what did he say?" Carter asked, rubbing her eyes.
"Only that you've been distracted and I should see if I can find out why."
"Did he mention anything about subtlety in your approach?"
Link shrugged carelessly. "Yes, but I figured you would see through it and would prefer i
f I was straightforward.”
For the first time in the last four days, Carter smiled. Link fiddled with his pencil. "Are you going to tell me?"
"It's nothing."
"Should I believe that without question or do you want me to push past it?"
Despite the weariness that clung to her, Carter laughed. A few students turned to her, puzzled. Donovan lifted his head at the sound but Carter didn't notice. Mr. Rojas eyed Carter. "Miss Owens is there something you find amusing about the project?"
"Besides the misspelling on the second page and the way in which it was frustratingly easy? No, not at all, sir."
Mr. Rojas sighed, caught between amusement and annoyance. "If that is the case, please remain quiet as the rest of your peers lack your frustration.”
As he returned to assist struggling students, Carter inched closer to Link.
"It seems you're learning from dating Amy," she said, lowering her voice.
Flushing, Link rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, she is confusing at times but I have learned the response 'nothing' actually means something is going on."
"Then the next problem is figuring out whether she wants you to accept it or not."
"Yeah. I still don't know that one." He twisted his pencil between his hands. "So what's with you?"
Carter didn't speak. The last few days had been filled with stiff conversations with her father and unreadable expressions. She didn’t know what was going on with him. Each day she grew more afraid that he would never let her know. She feared that the wall between them might never come down.
"I don't know," she said. Link showed genuine concern. "But you don't need to worry. How has it been going with Amy?"
"Okay," Link said, accepting the change of subject. "Well, it's..." He smiled, bashful. "It's going well. She's not mad at me about what happened Monday. The date seemed to take care of that."
"She looked like she had fun," Carter playfully elbowed him, "buried in your shoulder."
Link went red as he made a face at the floor, his smile conquering. "Uh...yeah, it was good. Did you know she smells like sunshine and peaches?" he asked in a rush, the words seeming to come crashing out of their own accord.
The comparison made no sense but Carter knew that it did to Link. It also told her that her friend was happy. Something she didn’t want to dampen with her problems.