by Renna Peak
“I don’t want to see myself get hurt, either.” I stare at her for a moment. “Pax told me he loved me last night.”
Her eyebrows fly up so quickly they might have gone over her head if they weren’t attached. “He did?”
“Well…in a manner of speaking.” I know she won’t understand—and I don’t exactly understand why this is so difficult to talk about.
“You can’t really say those words in a manner of speaking, Sophia. Either you say them or you don’t—”
“He said it. I mean, he almost said it after we…after we, uh…”
“I get it. You don’t have to spell it out.” She gives me a small smile. “But Sophia, people get caught up in those moments—you can’t always believe everything someone says during sex.”
“I’m aware of that.” This time I don’t even try to hide the rolling of my eyes. “He didn’t say it then. He almost said it. And it bothered him so much he went and got as drunk as I’ve ever seen anyone get. After he was drunk was when he actually said it.”
“So…he did say it?”
I nod. “Yes. He did. While he was drunk. And don’t even try to tell me people say things they don’t mean when they’re drunk. I’ve seen my brothers drunk often enough to know men say exactly what they’re feeling.”
“That’s…also been my experience.” She frowns at me. “Maybe he’s just conflicted. If you two were to have a relationship, it would be complicated. It would be—”
“He also told me he wasn’t a good person. And between that and the song—and the stupid fight between him and his bandmate…” I shake my head. “He’s hiding something. Something serious. I know it. And I need to find out what it is.”
I can almost see the light flicker on behind Victoria’s eyes. Her lips turn up into a slow smile. “Well, Sophia, you know how much I love a mystery.” She stands, extending her hand to me. “And I’ll do everything in my power to help you figure it out.”
Pax
Our second San Francisco show goes off without a hitch. I might even say it goes better than last night. The first night jitters have worn off, and now we just have to do our thing.
Rider and I have made our peace, more or less. We always do. If you spend most of your time around the same three guys, fights are a given. It comes with the territory. You just get it out of your system and move on. As long as he keeps his big trap shut from now on, we’re good.
After the show, I feel like myself again. We don’t spend as much time backstage tonight—we have to get on the road. It’s about a nine-hour drive to Las Vegas, and the plan is to drive there overnight so we have a full day to recover before our next show.
Honestly, though, as excited as I am about heading to our next city, I’m also a little worried about tonight. Spending the next nine hours stuck in an enclosed space with both my bandmates and Sophia could spell out disaster—especially since we left things so awkward this morning.
When I see Sophia waiting for me by the bus, though, my heart lurches a little, my spirits rising. How is it that just the sight of her makes me feel this way? It’s idiotic, but when I look at her, just for this moment, I feel like everything is going to be okay. Because she’s in my life.
I can’t remember the last time I felt like that.
Look at me. I’ve become an idiotic cheeseball. But that doesn’t stop me from striding over to her, lifting her up, spinning her around, and then kissing her deeply.
Behind me, Charlie whoops and hollers at us, and with a laugh I break away from her, setting her back on her feet.
I can tell by her expression that she’s confused by my sudden enthusiasm, but she doesn’t seem to mind it—her eyes are shining and there’s a big red spot on each of her cheeks.
She smiles up at me. “What was that for?”
“For putting up with me,” I tell her. “I know it’s not easy most of the time.”
Her grin widens. “You have your moments. And it’s not like I’m one to talk, considering dating me means dating my crazy brother, too.”
“Then I guess we’re even.” I glance over my shoulder. “Where is Ol’ Nicky, anyway? I’d assumed I’d have to fight him to keep him off the bus.”
“Victoria’s keeping him busy for the moment. If we leave soon we’ll escape him.”
“That’s definitely good motivation.” I tuck her hair behind her ear. When did it become so easy and natural to touch her so casually? “Let’s get this party on the road.”
She nods and starts to pull away, but I only let her get a couple of steps before I pull her back toward me.
“We’re good, aren’t we?” I ask her.
“Of course. Why wouldn’t we be?”
“Well, because of everything that happened this morning. Because of whatever happened last night.” Which I still don’t know the half of. “I know I can be an ass sometimes. Thanks for putting up with me.”
“We all have our quirks. And our baggage.” She looks up at me through her lashes. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”
This is getting dangerously close to our conversation from this morning. I shrug it off.
“Of course,” I say, my mouth spreading into a grin. “Now let’s get on the bus before Nicky catches us.”
She doesn’t argue. The rest of the guys are already there, making themselves comfortable. Jameson and Rider have settled down in the gaming area and are already playing their favorite game. Charlie is in the kitchen, a beer in his hand.
“Take whatever you want from the fridge,” he tells Sophia.
“Thanks. Don’t mind if I do.”
“I’ll grab it for you,” I say, stepping over to the fridge. “Any preference?”
“I’ll take a stout, if there’s any.”
When I turn back with a couple of beers in my hands, I find Charlie smirking at me.
“Look at you,” he says. “Turning all ‘proper gentleman’ on us, getting your girl a drink. You should stick around, Sophia. Maybe he’ll finally learn some manners.”
“I’ll show you manners,” I grumble, flipping Charlie the bird.
He laughs. “Never change, Pax.”
Sophia is watching the whole exchange with curiosity. I consider asking her to go back to the bunks for some privacy, but we’d have to pass Rider and Jameson to do that, and I’m not sure I want their commentary. So instead, I indicate one of the empty seats.
“Want to sit for a while?” I ask Sophia.
“Sure.” She takes one of the empty seats, and I slide in beside her. A few minutes later, the bus begins to move.
“Looks like we escaped Nick for the time being,” Sophia says.
“Thank God.” I take a gulp of my beer.
Charlie laughs. “If you’re having trouble with the in-laws already, you’re in for a long, bumpy road.”
I choke on my beer, coughing and sputtering. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I glare at Charlie.
“Nicky is a long way from being an in-law,” I insist.
“It was just a joke, man,” Charlie says. “No need to get upset.”
“I’m not upset,” I snap. “I just think that was a bad joke.”
Sophia shifts beside me. “Let’s talk about something else. Charlie, how do you think the show went tonight?”
“It went great,” he says, still watching me. “One of our best. Were you there?”
“Not tonight. I had some business with Victoria.” She looks at me. “But I’ll be there in Vegas.”
“Good,” Charlie says. “Hey, we should have Pax bring you up on stage during Crazy Little Drug. Or will that get you in trouble with the fam?”
“At some point, I have to stop worrying about what my family thinks,” Sophia replies. She doesn’t look at me, but I can tell she’s watching me out of the corner of her eye.
“Then I’ll do it,” I say. “Let the whole world see.”
“The whole world already knows,” Charlie points out. “It’s not like it’s a
secret anymore, not after that sex tape.”
I glare at Charlie. Seriously? He’s bringing that up now?
But Charlie just smiles at me and shrugs. “It’s out there, Pax. And face it—things could be a lot worse. Might as well just roll with them.”
I must look pretty pissed because Sophia places her hand gently on my arm. “It’s no big deal, Pax. Really.”
“Since when? It’s a sex tape. Of course it’s a big fucking deal. It’s the entire reason your family is breathing down my neck.” I take another swig of beer, trying to calm myself down. I don’t know what’s come over me, but I have such a short fuse these days. I don’t feel like myself at all.
“This is going to be a long fucking trip if you get your panties in a twist over every little thing,” Charlie says.
“You think I don’t fucking know that?”
Charlie laughs again. “I’m going to go hang with the others. You let me know when you’ve calmed down a little.”
As he disappears down the bus, I rub my temples.
Yeah, I’ve definitely become a full-blown ass. And it all started when Charlie referred to Sophia’s family as my in-laws.
I look at Sophia. She’s quietly gazing out the window at the traffic.
Charlie’s words still terrify me, but I feel a sense of peace wash over me as I watch her. Once again, something deep inside me seems to light up just at the sight of her.
I reach over and place my hand over hers. “Are you still interested in that date when we reach Vegas?”
She glances back at me. “Yes. If you are.”
“Of course I am.” I drain the rest of my beer. “Maybe in that case we should go back and get some sleep. So we have some energy when we get there.” Not to mention that the longer we sit here talking, the more likely I am to put my foot in my mouth again.
She nods, and I breathe a sigh of relief. I need to get my shit together, and I need to do it soon
Sophia
The other members of the band are so caught up in their game, I hope they don’t notice us as Pax and I head for the bedroom.
But just as Pax opens the door to the bunk, Rider calls out, “Don’t make too much noise in there.”
The other two laugh, but none of them even gives us a glance.
“Ignore them.” Pax pulls my hand into his, leading me into the bedroom before sliding the door closed behind us. “They’re just jealous.”
“I suppose I’m a little surprised Rider didn’t bring his girlfriend with him.” I almost say the word too, but I stop myself in the nick of time. “I mean, I would have thought all of you would have women hanging from your arms all the time.”
Pax shrugs. “I guess we could if we wanted to.” He flops onto the tiny bed, edging himself against the wall before holding his arms out to me. “But I’d much rather have you in my arms at the moment.”
I can’t help but smile as I slide onto the bed, pressing myself against him.
He turns, looking down at me as he strokes my arm. “Sophia…” He shakes his head. “Last night—”
“Was last night.” I reach up to touch his cheek. I want so much for him to remember what he said—for him to let me say it, too—but it’s clear he isn’t ready. Whatever it is he’s keeping locked inside him won’t let him feel anything for me. I want him to see that—I want him to trust me enough with his secret that he’ll let his guard down. Let this be more than a fling.
But for the moment, I suppose I should take what I can get.
“You’re the best.” He kisses my forehead before pulling away to look down at me again. “You can tell me, though. I mean, it’s hard for me to apologize if I don’t know what I said. And…” He caresses the length of my arm and back up again, his hand coming to rest against the side of my face. “I want to apologize. I’ll apologize as many times as I need to. Tonight…” His finger moves to my neck, trailing down to the neckline of my blouse. “Tomorrow…”
I catch his wrist before it moves any further, smiling up at him. “I’ve already told you, you don’t have to apologize for anything.”
“But you don’t understand.” He grins. “I want to apologize. And if I knew what I said—or did—I’d be able to apologize in exactly the right way…” He dips his head to my neck, flicking his tongue against the sensitive spot behind my ear.
I slide my hands into his hair, and he shifts, moving on top of me. There’s something about the way he touches me—something about the electricity between us—that makes everything else fall away.
“Tell me,” he whispers into my ear as his hand slides under my shirt. “Tell me so I can apologize properly to my princess.”
I groan as he finds my breast. He squeezes my nipple through my bra as he expertly shifts over me again. I wrap my legs around his waist as his lips travel down my neck.
“Tell me, Sophia.” He flicks open the buttons of my blouse, teasing me with his tongue as his hands find the opening of my bra. “Tell me.”
I stifle my moan as he begins to torture my breast with his mouth, all too aware of the men just behind the bedroom door.
“Tell me.” He gently bites my nipple, and the wave of desire that rushes over me nearly makes me scream.
I wrap my legs tighter around him, bucking into him, begging him with my body for more. I squeeze my eyes closed, biting my lip to keep from shouting my desire.
“Tell me, Princess.” His hand moves to my thigh, sliding up under my skirt. “Tell me now.”
His finger slides up, finding the edge of my panties, and he teases me through the thin fabric for a torturous moment. His lips find my neck again, and he kisses me before whispering into my ear. “Tell me.”
I shake my head, my eyes still closed. “I can’t.” My voice is little more than a ragged whisper. I want him more tonight than I ever have—and I’m not sure how much longer I can take the teasing.
“Open your eyes.”
I do as he says, our gazes locking. His finger slides over my panties again, finding the sensitive nub underneath.
My breath catches in my throat as he strokes me there for a moment, his gaze never leaving mine. His finger slides lower, and he pushes the fabric aside, teasing me at my entrance for a moment.
I buck against his hand, trying desperately to get him to slide his finger inside me.
“Not yet, Princess. First you have to tell me.”
I shake my head, twisting my hips against him.
He smiles as he slides his finger inside me. “Is this what you want?”
I nod, throwing my head back in ecstasy as he glides slowly in and out of me, his thumb rubbing against my clit.
“Yes, this is what you want.” He kisses my neck again. “Tell me, Sophia.”
I shake my head, my thoughts only focused on what he’s doing between my legs.
“Tell me or I stop.” And with those words, his hand stills.
I rub against him again, begging him with my body for more.
“Tell me…”
I groan my protest.
“Sophia…”
“I can’t.” I arch my hips against his hand, silently begging him again.
“Tell me.”
“Pax…please…” I turn my hips, rubbing myself against his hand. “Please…”
“Tell me what I said.”
“You said…”
He starts to stroke me again, sliding his finger in and out of me.
“What did I say?”
“You said…” The way he’s touching me makes me lose my mind—I can’t see let alone think clearly.
“What did I say?” He thrums against my clit again and again and again, and I’m so close the edge I’m seeing stars. “What did I say?”
“You said…you said you love me.” I arch against him—I only need a few more seconds to find my bliss.
But I never find it. He pulls his hand from me, sitting up on the bed. His eyes are so wide, I think they might pop from his head.
He sits there with
his mouth half-open for a moment before his gaze narrows.
He shakes his head, glaring at me. “Bullshit.”
Pax
She’s lying to me.
I wouldn’t have said that. And if I had, we’d be having a very different conversation right now.
“Why are you lying?” I demand. “Whatever I said, I want to know the truth. I can take it.”
“That is the truth,” she insists, propping herself up on her elbows. “That’s what you said.”
I shake my head. “I wouldn’t have said that.”
“But you did.” She’s starting to get angry herself. “Why would I make up something like that?”
“Why are you so pissed at me if that’s what I said?”
She glares at me. “It’s not that you said it. It’s that you forgot you said it. And that you can’t seem to say it at all when you’re sober.”
“Wait—you want me to say it? We’ve only known each other a few weeks. You’re the one who wanted this to be a fling—”
“No, I believe that was you.” She sits up as much as the bunk allows. “You’re the one who from the very beginning said this was only a temporary thing.”
“That’s not fair,” I shake my head. “You’ve made it clear that there’s no future here—it’s not like your family would ever let you have a long-term relationship with me. For fuck’s sake, your brother is following us around, trying to keep us from touching.”
“So that’s it then?” she says. “This is just a fling? You don’t love me?”
I run my hand through my hair. “Why is it always about love with you woman?”
She makes a sound of disgust and disentangles herself from me, climbing down from the bunk. “This is ridiculous. It was a simple question.”
I climb down after her. “What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you I love you? Is that what this is about?”