by Sophie Davis
My heart ached at the massive loss of life that had taken place earlier. Suddenly, Erik’s promise of forever seemed unlikely. He could have been a casualty of the battle.
“I’m sorry,” I sent because I didn’t know what else to say.
“I’m just glad you weren’t there. I couldn’t have handled it if you had been.” Erik kissed me gingerly on the forehead.
“I should’ve been. This is what I trained for,” I replied defiantly, my agitation at being left behind causing my temper to ignite.
“I’m too tired to fight with you, Tals. Just let me hold you tonight,” he pleaded.
I let it go. I knew how Erik was feeling. He’d killed two of his attackers and while he usually put on a good show of not letting stuff bother him, I felt the impact his actions were having on him. He was also thinking about how easily he could have been one of the many Operatives that had lost their lives. I shared his pain. If something had happened to him, I don’t know that I could have handled it. I’d lost too many people in my life and the loss of another person I loved might be the tipping point for my sanity.
We lay there wrapped in each other’s arms for several long minutes. Erik kept his eyes trained on my face, but he wasn’t truly seeing me. His mind was bursting with the appalling images he witnessed. The pain and regret were eating away at his heart and I wanted to ease his suffering.
“So, you’re going to risk angering Mac and sleep with me?” I teased, trying to lighten his black mood.
“He’s too busy to care about us right now. He went to Tramblewood to witness the prisoners’ interrogations,” Erik sent back, still staring through me to the scenes burned in his mind.
“So we don’t have to worry about any unwanted interruptions?” I asked mischievously, speaking aloud.
“I just wanted to spend the night with you. I didn’t come here for that,” he replied, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
Erik’s eyes were still haunted, but when I slid my hands under his shirt to rest on his chest, he beamed. The cut on his lip cracked a little wider and I winced, feeling the physical pain of his injuries.
“Erik,” I began, softly kissing the good side of his jaw, “we might not have forever. Things are becoming more dangerous, more complicated every day and you are the only thing in my life I’m sure of.”
Instead of answering, Erik tipped my chin so that our mouths met. The kiss was tender and loving. I kissed him harder, urging him to respond in kind. At first, he seemed hesitant, mentally debating whether I honestly meant what I said or if my sole motivation were making him happy.
“I love you, Erik,” I sent. “I want this. I want you.”
Erik didn’t need any more encouragement. He worked the strap of my tank top slowly over my shoulder, running his tongue across the hollow between my shoulder and clavicle. Shivers of anticipation ran up my spine, and thrill coursed through my veins. I tilted my head back against the pillows as Erik trailed kisses across my throat. His teeth closed around the other strap of my tank as he gently rolled me on to my back.
The hands at my waist slowly rolled the hem of my shirt north, and I extracted my fingers from his chest to raise my arms over my head. Our gazes locked briefly. I nodded in response to his unspoken question.
“Don’t do this for me. Do it because you want to. I can wait,” Erik whispered, his breath tickling my ear.
“I’m doing it for me,” I said, because that was true. I wanted Erik to be happy and to erase the horrible scenes from his mind. But more than that, I wanted us to be together in every way possible. I wanted to share everything with him.
“Good.” Erik kissed my cheek tenderly before sliding the tank the rest of the way over my head and tossing it on the floor. I watched as he slowly removed his own shirt. Erik’s eyes never left mine. His gaze was soft and loving and I knew he was here with me now. His mind was open; I felt and heard every thought and desire.
My breath hitched in my throat when he hooked his fingers inside my shorts, slowing sliding them down my hips.
“You are so beautiful,” he sent and I even believed him because I could see myself through his eyes. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen me naked, but he still stared like it was all new to him. I’d never thought I would be comfortable having someone, even Erik, just stare at me without my clothes. But I liked the way his eyes traveled the full length of my body.
Erik took his time exploring every inch of my bare skin and every fiber of my being tingled when he touched me. I ran my fingers through his hair, biting down on my lower lip so that I wouldn’t whimper like the never-been-touched school girl that I was. When the sounds did escape, they seemed to boost Erik’s own desire.
Erik didn’t ask me again if I were sure. He didn’t have to. Just then, I couldn’t have kept my thoughts to myself if my life depended on it. He made me feel beautiful, loved, and best of all, safe. In the back of my mind, I was aware that he was using my Talents to put me at ease, but I didn’t care. Despite my bold declarations, I was extremely nervous.
Somewhere along the way, Erik removed his jeans, and when he pulled back long enough to meet my eyes, he was only wearing his boxers.
“Take them off,” I croaked, nodding to his waist.
Erik’s bruised and beaten face broke into a huge smile and he hastily complied. I stared at him without shame; I’d never actually seen a naked guy before. I was mesmerized. Erik moved slowly over me, momentarily paralyzing me with the intensity of his loving gaze. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his lips to mine.
“I love you,” I whispered against his mouth.
“I love you, too,” he sent, kissing my lips.
Erik was gentle and patient. He left his mind unguarded and the feelings of love and warmth that radiated from him made the entire experience that much better. When it was over, I clung to him, wishing that the bliss would continue indefinitely. We didn’t talk much, but there was no need. When I finally succumbed to sleep, I was confident that no matter what tomorrow brought, I would get through it because I had him.
Chapter Fourteen
When I opened my eyes the next morning, Erik was already awake and stroking the tangled curls splayed across his chest. In the light of morning, Erik’s injuries looked much worse than they had the night before. His eye wasn’t the only part of his body stained purple. A morose necklace of angry red welts ringed his throat. Grimacing, I skimmed his wounds with my fingertips.
“You did that,” he joked, gently pulling my hand to his swollen mouth. The split in his bottom lip was more pronounced and a small part of me regretted all the kissing – an extremely small part. “I knew you’d be frisky, but I hadn’t imagined you’d be such a freak,” he mumbled against my skin.
Playfully, I swatted his chest. “I did not,” I said with mock hurt. “You had those when you arrived.”
Erik laughed and I was relieved to see he was much more relaxed. His turquoise eyes were still haunted, but the heaviness weighing on his shoulders had lessened slightly.
“You did do that,” he whispered, reading my thoughts.
“I’ll gladly take credit.” I smiled, snuggling closer.
“How do you feel?” he asked, his tone turning serious.
“Good,” I assured him. “For the first time in months, I feel really good.”
“And I will gladly take credit for that,” he mumbled, his mouth moving to my forehead. The hand at my waist slowly began stroking the curve of my hip. Goosebumps sprang up all over my still naked body. “You wanna do it again?” he teased, walking his fingers over my stomach.
I kind of did, but Erik’s injuries were more extensive than I’d first thought and I worried about making his pain worse.
“I’m okay, really, Tal,” he whispered, smoothing the hair from my face. “But don’t worry. I was kidding, anyway.” Erik started tracing lazy circles across my stomach and I hated to ruin the happy environment, but I needed to ask him something.
The night before, I’d been so caught up in the moment that any possible consequences hadn’t occurred to me. But now that I wasn’t consumed by the feel of his touch, I had to know why he hadn’t insisted we use protection. I knew why I hadn’t. Hunters were regularly screened for any and all diseases and positive test results were dealt with immediately, so I wasn’t worried about that.
“Erik?” I asked tentatively. “Can I ask you something?”
“You were amazing,” he mumbled, sounding as though he was falling back to sleep. “Best I’ve ever had.”
I blushed, so not what I was going to ask.
“Well, thanks, but I was actually wondering why you didn’t think we should......you know, use protection?” For some reason, I was embarrassed asking about it. I mean, if I was going to have sex with him, the least I should be able to do was talk about it, right?
Erik stiffened. He was wide awake now. “I don’t have anything, Tal. And I’m only sleeping with you,” he promised, sounding weary about the direction of the conversation.
“Oh, I know,” I assured him. “But aren’t you worried that, well, you know, that I might get pregnant?” I held my breath, dreading his answer. I wasn’t sure what I wanted him to say. Did I want him to tell me it had slipped his mind? That we’d be more careful next time? Or did I want him to tell me the truth - that he knew I couldn’t have children?
The shots Crane’s men fired into my back had caused irreparable internal damage. Dr. Thistler broke the news to me months before and I hadn’t actually given it much thought since. I never seriously contemplated whether I did or did not want children. I had so many other things to worry about, it seemed inconsequential.
“Tal ...” he let his voice trail off and I knew that he knew.
“So, you know?” I asked, seeking confirmation. The knowledge that he knew such an intimate detail and I hadn’t been the one to tell him, upset me. It felt like a gross violation of my privacy. Not that having kids was a priority for me, but not being able to was private and I’d wanted to be the one to tell him. Sure, I hadn’t told him yet, but I would have. Had it ever come up.
“I’m sorry, Tal. I swear I didn’t go behind your back or anything. You left that file in my room and I was just looking for the stuff about the poison and equalizer. I promise I didn’t go seeking the information. It was just......you know, there,” he finished lamely. Erik gently nudged my chin until I looked at him.
Tears swam in my eyes, blurring his face into a blue and purple water color.
“It doesn’t matter to me, Tal. If that’s what you’re worried about,” he said quickly.
“I just wanted to be the one to tell you is all,” I sniffed.
Erik squeezed my waist. “I figured you would. When you were ready.”
I wiped the tears leaking from my eyes on to his chest. Why couldn’t I stop crying? I felt like an emotional yo-yo. One minute, I was flying into a jealous rage and the next, I was crying liking a baby over something that didn’t even matter to me.
“Talk to me, Tal,” he urged. “Are you mad at me? Do you hate me? You shutting me out is killing me right now,” Erik said, shaking me gently to illicit some sort of reaction besides more crying.
Of course, I didn’t hate him. Was I mad at him? Not really. Maybe it was better this way, him finding out on his own. At least he’d known the score when he first told me he loved me.
“I don’t hate you,” I finally said, smearing hot tears with the back of my hand. “I just wish the situation were different is all. So many choices in my life haven’t been my own and this just feels like one more decision that has been taken away from me. I’m not even really sure why I’m crying.” Even as I said it, fresh drops fell down my cheeks.
Erik leaned his face closer and when I didn’t pull away, he kissed me softly.
“Down the road, after all of this is over, once we figure out what is wrong with you and find a cure for it, we’ll figure this out, okay?” he asked, pulling back just enough so that his lips could form the words without bumping against my skin.
“Okay,” I whispered back, smiling weakly.
“Are we okay?” he asked, fear causing his voice to crack.
“Yeah, we’re okay,” I promised him.
Erik kissed me gently again. I let my barriers drop, inviting him back in. He relaxed as my confused emotions rushed to greet him. He absorbed the distress and I began to feel a little better. My tears dried and before long, I was positive that I’d once again overreacted.
Now humiliated over the conversation I’d just insisted we have, I wiggled out of his arms and tried climbing out of bed.
Erik grabbed my bare waist as I made a break for it. “You never have to be embarrassed about anything between us, Tal,” he said emphatically, willing me to look at him. His earnest expression brought fresh tears to my eyes. I was turning into a leaky faucet.
“I know, Erik,” I said, turning my head so he wouldn’t see how fragile I really was. “We should probably go downstairs. I’m sure there will be some kind of briefing or something,” I added.
He hesitated for several long moments. “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll go change while you get ready,” he finally replied, letting the subject drop.
I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to cover as much of my nakedness as possible, and padded my way to the bathroom. Erik’s eyes bore into my back, admiring what he perceived as a pleasant view of my behind. Despite my ruining our perfect night with distasteful morning after conversation, a thrill still managed to run through me as he sent the images of what we’d done just hours before my way.
When I exited the bathroom, Erik was gone and I felt a pang of disappointment at his absence. There was a note scrawled in his tiny handwriting on the bedside table.
Tal, come get me when you’re dressed. Love, E.
Operatives were already congregated when we entered the dining room. I searched for Mac, but couldn’t find him. I did spot Cadence sitting by herself at a table near the window. Grabbing Erik’s hand, I led him through the maze of tables to where she sat.
“Does anybody know what’s going on yet?” I asked.
“Not yet. Director McDonough is supposed to make an announcement soon,” she replied nervously.
Erik and I took two of the empty seats at the table to wait for Mac’s arrival. Ten minutes later, we were rewarded. Mac was wearing a crisp navy suit with his customary white button down and dark red tie. But his short hair was messy, and large dark shadows were visible in the hollows beneath his eyes. In twenty-four hours, stress had carved deep ridges around his mouth and across his forehead.
Mac placed his thumb and index finger in to his mouth and whistled loudly, quieting the crowd.
“As I am sure you all know by now, Coalition forces attacked Rittenhouse Research Facility in Bethesda, Maryland early yesterday morning. Many of you were dispatched to the scene and witnessed the carnage first hand. We have several of the Coalition’s members in custody. In time, I am confident we will learn a lot of valuable information from the now imprisoned men and women.” Mac paused to survey the room, letting the weight of his words sink in.
“Those of you here will commence with the aptitude testing today. The city’s mandatory curfew will now be sundown instead of midnight and will extend to all of you, as well. I implore you to remain vigilant when you leave the hotel. It is doubtful the Coalition will chance another attack right now, but we do not want to take any chances.
“The vehicles to take you to the testing facility will begin leaving within the hour. Thank you.” The silence that had fallen over the room when Mac entered shattered into a cacophony of shouted questions and excited voices.
Mac surveyed the room and when his eyes landed on me, he moved towards our table. “Natalia,” he greeted me as he approached.
“Mac, I’m glad to see you’re safe,” I said stiffly. In fact, I was glad. Despite my growing distrust, I had once thought of Mac as a pseudo father and I did care about his w
ell-being.
“Yes, it has been a very long night,” he replied wearily. “Natalia, I want you to be extremely careful right now. I am going to assign you a bodyguard for when you are outside of the hotel.”
“What?” I exclaimed. “That is completely unnecessary. I can take care of myself,” I insisted. “I’m better trained than anybody you could assign to me.” There was no way that I was letting one of Mac’s cronies follow my every move.
“We have reason to believe you are a target, Natalia. One of the Crane’s men admitted as much under interrogation,” Mac snapped, his expression hard. “I will not lose you.”
I swallowed over the growing lump in my throat and engaged Mac’s gray eyes in a staring contest. If he thought that I would allow a shadow, he was crazy. Mac might honestly believe I needed protection, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t a convenient excuse to keep a closer eye on me when he wasn’t around.
“I’ll do it,” Erik offered, jumping to his feet. “Why don’t you let me guard her? I’m highly trained and she never leaves the hotel without me anyway. I care about her well-being more than any person you could assign to her.”
I was shocked at Erik’s audacity. He never backed down from a confrontation. Hell, he frequently incited them. But when it came to Mac, few people spoke out of turn and Erik was no exception. Of course, Erik had more to lose than most if he crossed Mac.
Mac gave Erik a withering stare that would have made a lesser man crumble. But Erik stood his ground.
“Mr. Kelley, I am well aware of how much you care about Natalia’s wellbeing. So much so that you defied a direct order not to sleep in her room while you are here. You might think that I asked you to do that because I would prefer you not be intimately associated with my daughter, but the reason I commanded you to leave her alone is because her medical condition requires her to get a great deal of rest.” Mac was seething and I worried he might actually start foaming at the mouth if Erik pushed him any further.