by Sophie Davis
Half way through my second glass of wine, I excused myself to use the bathroom. Erik was hesitant to let me go alone. I assured him if he tried to follow me, not only would it be awkward for me, it would raise eyebrows from any of the other girls that might be in there. He settled for sending Cadence instead.
“Is he always this overprotective?” Cadence asked over the loud music.
“Nah, I think it’s just because Mac thinks I need protection.” I practically had to shout over the music for her to hear me.
“He’s a good guy. You’re very lucky,” she replied. Then Cadence offered me a genuine smile.
I returned it, almost bashfully. The more time I spent with Cadence, the less I minded her. Under the influence of wine, I thought I might even like her. At the very least, I was beginning to understand her. She and I actually weren’t very different. Maybe a real friendship was on the horizon for us.
On the way back to the table, a good-looking boy with pretty blue eyes and a warm, crooked smile pulled Cadence on to the dance floor and started twirling her in circles that were nowhere near in time to the music. She glanced over her shoulder at me in alarm. I nodded, encouraging her to let loose.
When I slid across the green leather of the bench, Erik and Frederick were in the middle of a deep, serious conversation. Erik gestured wildly with his hands while Frederick fervently shook his head back and forth.
“Shit’s about to hit the fan,” I heard Erik say.
“You don’t know that for sure,” Frederick replied.
“There’s something seriously off,” Erik said.
“I can have a Conductor ready on a moment’s notice, but I need at least several days to mobilize a unit to go down south.”
The music was thudding so loudly that neither noticed me right away. Both boys went mute when they finally did. I stared suspiciously from one to the other, but Erik didn’t give me the chance to ask any questions.
“Where’s Cadence?” he asked uneasily.
“Dance floor, if you can believe it.” I nodded to wear Cadence and her partner were jumping up and down in a very uncoordinated attempt at dancing.
Frederick laughed good-naturedly as he poured himself more wine. “More, Talia?” he asked, inclining the bottle towards my glass.
“No,” Erik quickly answered for me, a little too quickly.
I shot him a dirty look. Since when did being my boyfriend give him the right to speak for me? He usually liked it when I drank. It ensured a happy ending to his night. Well, maybe not so happy, actually. The couple of times I’d been drunk around him, we’d fought. Sometimes I wondered if two people with such combative personalities were tempting fate by falling in love. Yet when Erik turned his full attention from Frederick to me, the love and concern in his eyes reminded me why we fit so well. The same passion that fueled our fights drove the incomparable physical attraction between us.
“No, thanks. I think I’m good with what I have left,” I told Frederick.
On the other side of the table, Henri and Harris were taking shots of some sickly brown liquor they lit on fire before drinking. Frederick shook his head and laughed as his boyfriend grimaced at the unpleasant taste left in his mouth.
“Man, that stuff’s nasty,” Henri declared, wiping the excess from his mouth.
As time passed, several Operatives I recognized from breakfasts at the Hamilton stopped by to talk to Erik, Henri, and Harris. A couple of the bold city girls tentatively approached the table and tried to convince Harris to join them on the dance floor. He politely refused, preferring to take more shots with Henri than trying and find a girl to go home with. One or two girls even asked Frederick to dance, but he, too, politely declined. The possessive way Erik held on to me, coupled with the death stares I shot any girl looking in his direction, kept the vultures away. He’d said a little jealously was okay, right?
Cadence finally returned to the table, breathless and sweaty, just in time for us to reluctantly part ways with Frederick and Henri. Outside, I hugged each boy, not wanting to say goodbye.
“I’ll see you soon,” Fredrick promised. “Be careful,” he added in a hushed whisper.
I smiled and promised him I would. His warning made me think Erik must have told him about the Coalition’s threats against me. That must have been what they were talking about when I returned from the bathroom.
Henri gave me a sloppy kiss on the cheek and squeezed me so tightly, the joints in my spine cracked loudly.
“Watch the wandering hands with my girlfriend,” Erik teased, slapping him on the back.
“Girlfriend,” Henri cackled, drunkenly, “it must be a cold day in hell.” Then, Erik and Henri hugged in the way only guys do. Henri even planted a wet kiss on Erik’s cheek before pulling away.
“You better get your boyfriend home before he does something stupid,” Erik joked to Frederick, wiping the side of his face with the back of his hand. Then in a much lower voice, he said, “I’m serious. The situation is serious.”
Somehow, I knew he wasn’t talking about Henri and his inebriated state. I once again thought back to the conversation I’d interrupted. “The shit’s about to hit the fan,” Erik had said. What did he mean? And what was a “conductor” and why were people going “down south”? Where exactly was down south? I made a mental note to ask Erik when we were alone.
Frederick grabbed Henri’s hand and began leading him to a waiting taxi. Erik, Cadence, Harris, and I hopped on the city bus, along with a hoard of drunken teenagers. It was already pretty full, so we were forced to stand. My head was spinning from the two glasses of wine, so I rested it against Erik’s chest as the bus lurched forward.
“It was so nice to see Henri and Frederick,” I said.
“Yeah, I thought that you might like that,” Erik replied.
“What were you and Frederick talking about when I came back from the bathroom? And again just now?”
Erik didn’t hesitate in his reply. “You,” he said simply. The way the emotion fled from his expression when he spoke told me he didn’t want to talk about it.
My head felt heavy, like dead weight, and I didn’t have the strength for an argument. “Good things, I hope,” I said lightly, letting the issue drop for the time being.
“Always.”
Chapter Eighteen
Harris was so drunk, he had to lean on Erik for support when we finally disembarked in front of our hotel. Thankfully, Desmond was one of the guards on duty and he agreed to leave his post to help us get Harris to bed before someone who mattered noticed his intoxicated state. Drinking wasn’t forbidden or anything, but returning to the hotel three sheets to the wind would be frowned upon.
While Erik and Desmond half carried, half dragged Harris to his room, I escorted Cadence to hers. She didn’t really need me to since she’d sweated out most of her wine dancing with the city boy, but I felt obligated nonetheless.
“Thanks for inviting me tonight,” she said, pausing with her hand on the doorknob.
“Sure. I mean everyone needs a little fun, right?” I shrugged.
“Yeah, but I haven’t exactly been that nice to you. I knew why you were there, at the school. You were sent to investigate me because of my brother.” It wasn’t a question. Cadence rested her forehead on the door and stared down at the floor between her feet.
“How did you know that?” I asked suspiciously. The assignment had supposedly been unofficial and need-to-know.
“Wasn’t hard to guess. There’d been murmurings of a spy for a while. When a Manipulator showed up in my class, I knew I was a suspect. Randy’s indiscretion tainted my entire family,” she replied bitterly.
She was right. The whole reason she’d been added to my suspect list was because her brother was incarcerated for helping a Coalition prisoner escape.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, not entirely sure what I was apologizing for. It just felt like the right thing to do.
“She was Crane’s sister, you know,” she continued, ign
oring my words.
“I know. I read the file,” I said quietly. I didn’t add that I’d seen the pictures of Ellen Larson’s mangled corpse. The grotesque images made me shudder even now.
“She spun him some crazy story about the Director kidnapping a child from Coalition territory or something and how she needed to rescue the kid,” Cadence confided miserably. “Randy believed her, took pity on her. He made all sorts of outrageous claims at his sentencing. I am just glad they decided life in prison was suitable. I hate him for what he did, but it’s just reassuring to know he’s still alive, if that makes any sense.”
“It does,” I assured her quietly. I felt the same way about Penny, or at least I would have if she were still alive.
“I should get to sleep,” Cadence muttered, finally turning the knob and disappearing through the door.
“Night,” I whispered to an empty hallway. Cadence was already gone.
Erik was sitting quietly in my bed when I entered my room. His eyes were closed, his skull resting against the headboard. He looked peaceful and relaxed. The evening with his friends had certainly paid off. Erik’s lips parted in a smile when he heard my soft footsteps on the carpet.
“Hey,” I called, grinning as I crossed the room to join him.
“Hey,” he called back.
“Harris get to bed okay?” I asked, kicking off my jeweled flip-flops before curling up beside him. Erik wrapped one arm around my waist, pulling me against his side.
“Yeah, he’s kinda a mess,” Erik said, running his fingers lightly up my spine.
Pleasant shivers of thrill ran through me and Erik’s smile widened.
“Penny?” I guessed.
“Yup. He needs to be more careful. He was mumbling some nonsense about her in front of Desmond. I mean, Desmond won’t say anything, but Harris shouldn’t be saying stuff in front of people he doesn’t know, or anyone for that matter.” Erik frowned, worry for his friend creating fine lines at the corners of his mouth.
“Probably not,” I agreed.
We laid there in silence for a while. Erik’s hand wandered down to where my dress had ridden up, exposing more of my thigh than was publicly decent. My mind buzzed from the alcohol and I snuggled closer, urging his hand to go higher. He kissed my bare shoulder, playfully sliding the strap down with his teeth. I shivered as he trailed kisses along my throat and jaw. By the time his mouth found mine, I was giddy with anticipation.
Erik grabbed my waist and lifted me into his lap. My dress was bunched, revealing my underwear. Erik ran the tips of his fingers along the outsides of my thighs, sending jolts of electricity through my limbs. I ran my own hands through his hair, wanting to be closer to him.
When he gently pushed me back and broke the kiss, I collapsed against his chest, panting.
“I should go,” he whispered thickly in my ear.
“Already?” I asked, not bothering to hide my disappointment.
“It’s late, Tals. I don’t think it would be a good idea for either of us if I stayed,” he replied, sounding more than a little disappointed himself.
“You can stay for a little longer,” I said, kissing the spot on his neck I knew would break down his resolve.
“Tal,” he moaned, “please don’t.” He gripped my upper arms firmly, pushing me away from him.
I gave him my best imitation of puppy dog eyes. Erik sighed in frustration, shifting uncomfortably beneath me.
“I have a lot on my mind,” Erik said.
“Want to talk about it?” I asked.
Erik shook his head.
“Does it have anything to do with what you and Frederick were talking about?”
This took Erik by surprise. “I told you,” he said slowly. “We were talking about you.”
“What were you saying?” I pressed. Now that we were alone, I wanted to know. Their conversation had seemed serious. I didn’t like serious conversations about me that I wasn’t a part of.
Erik sat up straighter. His lips brushed mine, softly at first. The kiss became deeper, more passionate. All thoughts of Frederick and Conductors and everything that made no sense were overtaken by desire and Erik. Sure, I knew he was using sex as a distraction. I didn’t care. Alone time was a commodity in short supply. Given the choice between spending it talking and spending it doing my new favorite sport, well, that was a no-brainer. We could talk tomorrow.
Erik reached around to my back and slowly undid the zipper of my dress. When the silky purple fabric fell open, he worked my arms out of the straps. He gently rolled me off his lap and on to the comforter. Then he crawled down to my feet and yanked the dress down until I was lying in nothing more than my underwear. I grinned up at him. Yeah, talking could wait.
Afterwards, we sat there, our foreheads touching. While we stared into each other’s eyes, time ceased to exist. The mental experience proved more intimate than the physical one. We shared one mind, one soul. I could see and feel every hope and dream he’d ever had. His life flashed through my mind in fast forward. The happy memories of his family filled me with so much joy that I felt like sunshine might burst from my eyes. I saw him at eight or nine, playing with two smaller versions of himself. A slightly older Erik flying down a snow-covered hill on a metal saucer screaming exuberantly filled my mind next. I felt the wind whipping my hair and the invigorating sting of ice hitting my cheeks, as though I was actually living in the moment.
I saw myself, barely sixteen and wholly arrogant, standing on a sparring mat. I felt his amusement at what he perceived as my overconfidence. I relived being stabbed on my first mission from Erik’s point of view. The memory should have been painful, but it wasn’t. That was the night Erik admitted to himself he was in love with me. Warmth spread through me. I hoped what he saw in my head made him feel even a fraction as precious as the memories in his mind made me feel.
Erik broke the connection first. He put a hand to his forehead, looking dazed. “That was amazing,” he whispered. “How did you do that?”
“I don’t know,” I stammered, still a little stunned. “It was a first for me.”
“Me, too,” he whispered. Erik kissed me softly, his lips barely touching mine. “I hate to go, but I really have to,” he mumbled against my mouth.
I swallowed thickly, wanting to reestablish the bond, but lacking the energy to do so. “I know,” I finally agreed and my eyelids began to droop with fatigue. “Dream about me,” I whispered because, for some reason, the wine and exhaustion made me think that was the right thing to say.
“I always do, Tals, I always do,” he promised.
Since the next day was Saturday, no one knocked on my door or rang my communicator at some obscenely early hour. And I slept, undisturbed, in my comfortable hotel bed until I made the conscious decision to wake on my own.
I knew it was late before I even looked at my communicator. The sun was high and bright in the sky outside my window. When I finally did look at the time, it was past one in the afternoon. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d slept more than half the day away. Ordinarily, the indulgence would’ve made me feel lazy, but not today. Today, I deserved the luxury.
The message button on my communicator blinked red and urgent with two messages. Before I even pressed the button, I knew one would be from Mac. I was right. His deep voice filled my room, telling me not to leave the hotel since he’d sent Erik to Bethesda. He also requested my presence in his room for dinner at seven. I groaned at the thought.
The second message was, unsurprisingly, from Erik. He hadn’t wanted to disturb me before he left and he’d let me know when he was back.
Since I had no pressing obligations, I decided to take advantage of the rare abundance of time on my hands. For the third day in a row, I succeeded in administering my own medication and that alone was cause for celebration. So, I ordered a lavish meal from room service, complete with a decadent chocolate dessert. The hotel room was equipped with a wall screen, but I chose solitude over the mindless entertainment. I’
d forgotten how much I enjoyed being alone. There was no Mac appraising my every move, no doctors asking me stupid, repetitive questions.
While I missed Erik whenever we were apart, I was grateful for the privacy. When Erik was around, I fought to stay in control of my emotions. My mood swings and unpredictable behavior put him on edge. He weighed his every word, lest he say something that might upset me and incite my temper. I hated that he felt the need to be so cautious and that I couldn’t regulate my feelings. I didn’t want it to be like this between us. I was scared one day the balancing act would become too much and he’d decide I wasn’t worth the trouble. I wanted us to be equals. He might love me as much as I loved him, but he didn’t need me the way I needed him.
As much as I loathed taking the equalizer, I contemplated calling Dr. Thistler and telling her to increase my dosage. The medication did help with my frame of mind. It calmed me, allowed me to be more rational.
Just as I found her number in my communicator, there was a knock at my door. Abandoning the electronic device, I moved to answer it. When I opened the door, a smiling man in a waiter’s uniform greeted me. I invited him in and directed him to place my lunch on the table. Then I politely thanked him and sent him on his way.
After I had consumed so much food that I thought I might actually bust, I rummaged through the makeup I’d packed and found a couple of bottles of nail polish left over from one of mine and Penny’s shopping trips. Selecting a bright pink, I set up shop on the carpet and began the tedious task of painting my nails.
I was admiring my handiwork when a second someone knocked at my door. Odd, I thought. It was too early for Erik, only 3:00 pm. Since I wasn’t meeting Mac for another four hours, I doubted he was my visitor. I opened my mind. Not Erik or Mac. I concentrated harder. Harris. “Hmmm. Well, this is unexpected,” I mumbled to myself.
“It’s open,” I called, disengaging the lock.
Harris slowly pushed the door open and stuck his sandy blonde head through the crack. He looked horrible. His brown eyes were so red that they actually appeared to be bleeding. The dark circles underneath made him look like he’d been on the losing end of a fight. And the alcohol he’d consumed the night before was seeping out of his pores in a nauseating musk.