“I’m sorry. I did not know how to tell you what was on my mind.”
“And what is on your mind?” she asked, waiting in stillness for his answer.
“You,” he said simply. “I cannot stop thinking about you.”
“But avoiding me is a strange way to show it.”
“I am a simple man. I do not know any flowery language to woo a pretty girl. It was easier to say nothing.”
She smiled. “Do you think I’m pretty?”
He blushed. “Yes, I do. But Gerfrid thinks so too. I could not see how we could both care for the same girl. That is still a problem in my mind.”
“I have no interest in Gerfrid,” she said. “He is not the same as you and I could never care for him.”
“So, you are saying that there is no hope that he will ever win your heart?”
“None.”
“And what of me? Could you care for me?” he asked, hope and fear flitting across his features together.
Kaarina smiled. “You are a fine man, Landwulf. Any girl would be proud to call you her own.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“Yes, Landwulf, I care for you. That was why I felt hurt and disappointed when you avoided me.”
He smiled a huge grin that lit up his blue eyes and parted his blonde beard to reveal perfect white teeth. Kaarina thought she’d never seen someone as handsome as Landwulf. Her eyes rested on his lips, full and rosy. She caught her breath as she imagined what it would feel like to kiss them. He took her hand then drew her against him. She looked up at him and his eyes met hers, searching and intense.
“Are you sure about this?” he asked.
Kaarina had never heard of any man ever asking a woman for her permission to woo her. Women were regarded as inferior beings who did what they were told.
“I am sure,” she said with wonder in her voice.
Landwulf put his arms around her and held her against him in a tender embrace.
“My Kaarina,” he crooned, resting his face against her hair.
Then he drew back and looked at her while tiny raindrops swirled around them. His gaze was earnest and intense. Wordlessly, she closed her eyes and raised her face towards his while his hand cupped the back of her head and drew her towards him. His lips met hers, firm and silky smooth and utterly delightful. He kissed her gently, taking his time as his lips brushed across hers. She responded with hunger, eager to explore his sensuous lips in a kiss that grew more intense. She wanted it to never end, this exhilarating, breathtaking moment beneath the rainy sky. Kissing him was even better than she’d imagined and she felt breathless when they finally parted.
“You make my heart beat fast,” he told her, holding her shoulders while he looked into her face.
She smiled at him. “Oh Landwulf, I’m so happy! I never thought a wonderful man like you could ever care for me!”
“You are beautiful, Kaarina. You are beautiful on the outside and the inside. I love you,” he told her.
“I love you, too, Landwulf!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms around his neck. She had never felt so happy in all her life.
CHAPTER 8
M inna walked purposefully towards the barn where she knew Alfonso would be working. Her thoughts were on Landwulf. She wanted to make the right decision and that meant she must speak to Alfonso.
“Greetings, wife. What brings you to my barn?” Alfonso smiled at her.
She smiled back. “‘Tis a fine day to visit my husband away from the many ears in our house.”
“Is it a romp through the hay that you seek, my love?’
She laughed. Even after all these years of marriage, their love was strong; there had been times in the past when she had agreed with his quirky suggestions and they had indeed enjoyed a romp through the hay. But today, she had other things on my mind.
“As tempting as that sounds, no. I came to talk to you about something.”
He looked disappointed. “I was thinking a romp through the hay sounded good right now,” he said.
She grinned. “Never fear, husband. It shall happen again.”
“So why did you wish to talk to me?”
“It is about Landwulf.”
“Landwulf? Has he been causing trouble?”
“Not at all. But I’m concerned that he will find trouble.”
“How?”
“Have you not seen the way he looks at Kaarina? The boy is in love with her, I swear. And the girls seem to know more about it than they will say.”
“Is that such a bad thing? Kaarina is a fine girl.”
“That she is. I have no argument with her. But I think that our Landwulf should choose a bride from among the people of our faith. Besides, Kaarina has no kin to call her own and no one to arrange a brðtlouft for her. She is like an orphan.”
“That should not matter, my dear. We know what it is like to be outcasts, remember?”
“You are right. As you say, she is a fine girl. But not for Landwulf.”
“So what do you propose to do?”
“We shall send him to the village of Alahsan to find a wife from among our people there. It will do him good to leave our village and venture far away.”
“It will make a man of him,” Alfonso agreed. “Very well, wife, you know best in these things. Do as you see fit.”
Minna waited until Landwulf went outside to collect wood for the fire and followed him outside. She wanted to speak to him in private.
“Landwulf,” she said behind him.
He spun around to face her. “Mother! What is it that you want?”
“I wanted to talk to you away from the listening ears inside the house.”
“What did you wish to say?” he asked uneasily.
Minna decided to get straight to the point. “I have noticed your interest in Kaarina,” she said.
Landwulf didn’t deny it. “She is a fine girl. I like her.”
“Your father and I have decided it’s time that you went away to find a wife from among our people.”
“But why? What is wrong with Kaarina?”
“She is not one of us, Landwulf. Her people are the víkverir. Their beliefs are different from ours. They live differently. Besides, she is alone with no kin. Do you want to marry an orphan?”
“None of those things matter, Mother. Kaarina has adapted to living among us and she is a good person. Doesn’t that matter more than whether or not she has kin?”
“You have a point,” Minna conceded. “But it means that she will forever be dependent upon you and our family. Her own will never be able to support her in any way.”
“That should not matter, either, Mother. I would be happy to support her as a wife.”
“Well, your father and I have decided that you will go to the village of Alahsan to find a wife from among our people.”
“Alahsan? That is a long journey!” Landwulf protested.
“It matters not. You will be an obedient son and do as we say.”
Landwulf drew himself up to his full height and looked her squarely in the face. “I am a man, Mother,” he said. “I can make my own decisions now. I am not a little boy. I love Kaarina. She is beautiful on the inside and the outside.”
“We have spoken, son. You will do as we say.”
Landwulf looked angry. “Very well, Mother. I will go. But understand this: the only reason I will go is to please you. It does not please me at all. I do not want to go. And I will only go on one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“That if I reach the village of Alahsan and find no one I wish to marry, I will come home. I am not going to stay there for a moment longer than I must.”
Minna sighed. She should’ve expected this strong son to be stubborn. He’d inherited it from her. Still, at least he’d agreed to go. She decided to accept his terms of compliance. “Very well, son. I will say nothing if you return without a bride. But I expect you to stay there long enough to get to know any suitable girls. You will lea
ve tomorrow. And you will not see Kaarina before you go, nor will you discuss the matter with your sisters.”
As Minna walked back inside the house, Landwulf was angry. He smashed the axe into the wood he was splitting with savage force; it splintered and flew in all directions. It was unfair that his parents should snatch happiness away from him as soon as he’d found it. He loved Kaarina; why couldn’t they see that she would make a good wife? Yet, he knew that he had more freedom to find his own wife than Kaarina’s people did. They accepted arranged marriages that were intended to strengthen family wealth or political alliances. He’d seen the way some of the men treated their women. They were little better than property, although they did have the option to divorce. That would never do for his wife. He intended to marry someone he loved. And if he couldn’t marry for love, then he wouldn’t marry at all. He would not be bullied into a loveless marriage for the sake of keeping his family happy. It was his life and he was the one that would have to live it. One day, his parents would be gone and he would have to continue living the life they had arranged for him. It would be better to never marry than suffer that fate.
Kaarina felt as if she were floating on air as she crossed the road to see Eira. She was hoping that Landwulf would be there and that they might have a chance to talk.
But when Eira let her in, she seemed subdued. “Come to my bed so we can talk,” she said. They sat on the bed.
“What is wrong?” asked Kaarina.
Eira looked at her with something like pity. “They have sent Landwulf away,” she said.
“Away? Where?”
“Minna and Alfonso decided that he needed to seek a bride from among their people,” she said. “They have sent him to Alahsan.”
Kaarina drew in a sharp breath. Surely this must be some awful joke. “But what about …”
“You?” Eira asked.
Kaarina nodded, unable to say the words.
“It seems that they would prefer him to choose a bride from among their people,” Eira said gently. Her heart went out to her friend; this was a cruel blow.
Tears gathered in Kaarina’s eyes. Eira hugged her. “I know, this is hard for you,” she said. “He is a good man and I was hoping that the two of you could be happy together.”
“I thought he loved me,” Kaarina’s voice broke as tears rolled down her cheeks.
“I think he does,” Eira said. “He looked sad and angry as he packed his things and left. He did not want to go.”
“Then why did he?”
“Because he’s honoring his parents as a good and dutiful son does. But that doesn’t mean he agrees with their decisions.”
“He is a man, Eira! He should be able to make his own decisions!”
“In the end, I think he will. He is stubborn and independent. I’m certain that no one will be able to force him to do something he doesn’t want to.”
“Then why is he going?”
“He loves his parents and they are a close family. He is going because he wants them to be happy.”
“Well, that is great news for them, but what about me?”
“If it is any consolation, I think Landwulf is feeling the same as you are right now.”
Kaarina sniffed and tried a wobbly smile. “You’re a good friend, Eira. Thank you for being there for me.”
“I know your heart is breaking. It is not easy when happiness is snatched from your grasp just as you find it.”
“Oh, Eira, I was hoping that one day we would marry and live right here in this village! I have been happy here. Emiline has been so kind to me and has taught me so many things about keeping a house. Mother died when I was young and I had no one to teach me and Emiline has been a wonderful teacher. I feel that I am ready to care for my own household now. But I will never get the chance!”
“Do not give up on finding a husband you can be happy with,” Eira advised. “I know you are not ready to hear it now, but there could come a day when you are able to find someone from among our people.”
“I would prefer a Christian husband. They value their wives more than our people do.”
“Then maybe you should become a Christian yourself. It might be easier to find a Christian husband.”
“I am not sure I want to become a Christian,” Kaarina said. “Their beliefs are so different from ours.”
“Why don’t you at least pray to the Christian God? That cannot do any harm. We already pray to our gods. Besides, the Christians often pray to their God when they are feeling sad or need guidance. It seems to help them feel better.”
“I will try it,” Kaarina said.
“Good. And do not forget I am here to listen if you want to talk.”
“Thank you, Eira. You are a good friend.”
Landwulf’s heart felt heavy as he guided his horse south towards the village of Alahsan. It was a long journey and each step was putting a greater distance between himself and the life he knew and loved. He tried to bury the resentment he felt deep inside; he didn’t want to carry an unforgiving spirit towards his parents. But couldn’t they understand that he was a man now and could make his own decisions? And what of poor Kaarina? Surely she must know by now that he had gone. Did she think that leaving her was his own choice? Would Eira try to explain what had happened? He’d tried to explain the reason for his sudden departure, hoping that she would help Kaarina to understand.
He thought of how happy Kaarina had been on the last day they’d seen each other, on the beach in the rain. His heart constricted when he realized that this would wipe her happiness away.
But to be fair to his parents, he would go along with their plan. He would go to the village of Alahsan and try to find a bride. He would do his best to do what they wanted. And perhaps they were right; perhaps there was a girl from among his people who would make a better choice than Kaarina. But he doubted that. He doubted that he would be able to get Kaarina out of his mind long enough to assess another girl’s worthiness.
He sighed and patted his horse on the neck. “It might be just you and me for the next few years,” he said aloud. “It doesn’t seem that I will find a wife easily. So I will only have you for company.” Despite his gloomy mood, it struck him as funny. He laughed and the horse’s ears flicked back. He would become known as the man who talked to his horse because he couldn’t find a wife.
“Oh God, please care for Kaarina,” he prayed, deciding that prayer was a better option than talking to his horse. “Comfort her if she’s sad. And please guide me to make the right choices. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Peace replaced worry after he’d prayed and as Landwulf turned his attention to the journey ahead. Tinges of excitement started to build as he wondered what adventures awaited him. What would happen when he reached Alahsan? Were his parents right? Would he find happiness there, after all?
CHAPTER 9
K aarina felt as if she spent each day wading through water. Her sorrow seemed to slow her steps and it weighed so heavily on her heart that it seemed as if it would fall out of her chest and drag on the ground behind her.
Emiline noticed her grief and suspected that it had something to do with Landwulf’s departure, but she didn’t know how to broach the subject so she said nothing. Instead, she showed extra kindness, allowing Kaarina plenty of time to do as she wished. Kaarina was grateful for her thoughtfulness. It gave her time to start processing her grief in private.
Kaarina thought about Eira’s advice. She wasn’t sure she was ready to become a Christian; she had little interest in finding a Christian husband if she couldn’t have Landwulf and it didn’t seem like a good enough reason to change her faith. But she did decide to pray to the Christians’ God. She tried it one evening when she was alone in her little room and the house was quiet. She’d seen the Christians kneeling on their knees when they prayed, so she knelt beside the bed and stayed there for a while, thinking about what to say to a God she didn’t know.
“God of the Christians,” she finally said out loud, �
�I don’t know how to talk to you. Please excuse my ignorance.” Nothing alarming happened, so she decided to continue. “Oh God of the Christians, my friend told me that you help people to feel better. My heart is heavy from the loss of my beloved. He has gone to find a wife who is more worthy than I. Please help my sorrow to ease and my heart to feel happy again. And please send him back to me.” She paused, thinking of the right way to end her prayer. “Oh God of the Christians, thank you for hearing my prayer.”
There was no answer but as she slid into bed, Kaarina felt a sense of peace steal over her troubled heart. Was that what Eira meant when she said that the God of the Christians helped people when they were feeling sad?
Kaarina made her way purposefully across the street to visit Eira. She was hoping that Sigrid and Frida would be weaving today. She had questions that she wanted to ask them. But when she arrived, Eira was sitting at her loom and she looked sad.
“What’s wrong, Eira?” she asked.
“Halvar should have been back by now,” Eira said, her eyes downcast. “With each day that passes, I cannot help but think that something terrible has happened to him and I will never see him again.”
Kaarina put her hand on Eira’s shoulder. “I can see how you would be worried,” Kaarina said quietly. “He has been gone for a long time. I miss him, too. He’s been like an older brother to me. He was always kind to me when my own brothers were cruel.”
“He is a good man,” Eira said with a catch in her voice. “But it is so hard not knowing what has happened to him.”
Sigrid came through the door and went to her loom. “Hello, Kaarina,” she said.
“Hello Sigrid,” Kaarina replied politely.
Ever since Landwulf had left, the girls had been guarded whenever Kaarina was around. She missed the fun and chatter of the early days of getting to know each other. Those were the days before her world had fallen apart. Still, she was hoping that Sigrid or Frida might answer the questions she had about their God. Since she’d started to pray to the Christian God, her curiosity about him had grown. What was he the god of? Surely he had a job or a role like the Norse gods. Was he the god of war or fortune or prosperity? Or something else? And why would they pray to him for comfort? Kaarina decided to be direct about her questions. Surely the Christians wouldn’t mind talking about their God.
Kaarina: Rejected (Viking Guardians Book 2) Page 6