by Eugène Sue
“Here is a turkey who did not expect when he was ushered into life ever to appear on the breakfast-table of our governor’s clerks.”
“No more than the governor, when he was ushered into the life of a notary, expected to give his clerks a turkey for breakfast.”
“But, at least, the turkey is ours!” said the junior fag of the office, with a greedy grin.
“Hop-the-Gutter, my friend, you forget yourself; this poultry is and must be a stranger to you.”
“And, like a good Frenchman, you should have a wholesome hatred of the stranger.”
“All that will come to your share may be his feet.”
“Emblem of the velocity with which you run on the office errands.”
“I thought I might at least have a right to the carcass to pick!” muttered Hop-the-Gutter.
“Perchance, as an excessive favour, but not as a right; just as with the Charter of 1814, which was but another carcass of liberty!” said the Mirabeau of the office.
“Talking of carcasses,” observed one youth, with brutal insensibility, “may heaven receive the soul of Madame Séraphin! For since she was drowned in her water-party of pleasure, we are no longer condemned to eternal ‘cag-mag.’”
“And, for a whole week, the governor, instead of giving us breakfast—”
“Allows us each two francs a day.”
“It was that which made me say, ‘Heaven receive the soul of Mother Séraphin!’”
“Talking of Madame Séraphin, who has seen the servant who has come in her place?”
“The Alsatian girl whom the portress of the house in which poor Louise lived brought one evening, as the porter told us?”
“Yes.”
“Parbleu! It is quite impossible to get a glimpse of her; for the governor is more resolute than ever in preventing us from entering into the pavilion in the courtyard.”
“And besides, as it is the porter who now cleans out the office, how can one see this damsel?”
“Well, I’ve seen her.”
“You?”
“When I say I’ve seen her, I’ve seen her cap; such a rum cap!”
“Oh, pooh! What sort?”
“It was cherry-coloured velvet, I think; a kind of skull-cap like the ‘buy-a-broom’ girls wear.”
“Like the Alsaciennes? Why, that’s simple enough, as she is an Alsacienne!”
“I was passing across the yard the day before yesterday, and she was leaning with her back against one of the windows of the ground floor.”
“What! The yard?”
“No, donkey, no, — the servant! The panes of the lower part are so dirty that I could not see much of the Alsacienne; but those in the middle of the window were not so grubby, and I saw her cherry-coloured cap and a profusion of curling hair as black as jet, for she had her head dressed à la Titus.”
“I’m sure the governor has not seen even as much as that through his spectacles; for he is one who, as they say, if he were left alone with one woman on the earth, then the world would end.”
“That is not astonishing. ‘He laughs best who laughs last!’ And the more so, as ‘Punctuality is the politeness of monarchs!’”
“Jupiter! How stupid Chalamel is when he likes!”
“Deuce take it! Tell me where you go, and I’ll tell you who you are!”
“Beautiful!”
“As for me, I think it is superstition which makes our governor more and more hoggish.”
“And, perhaps, it is as a penitence that he gives us forty sous a day for our breakfast.”
“He must, indeed, have taken leave of his senses.”
“Or be ill.”
“I have thought him very much bewildered these many days past.”
“It is not that we see so much of him. He who, for our misery, was in his study at sunrise, and always at our backs, is now two days without even poking his nose into the office.”
“That gives the head clerk so much to do.”
“And we are obliged to die of hunger waiting for him this morning.”
“What a change in the office!”
“How poor Germain would be astonished if any one told him, ‘Only think, old fellow, of the governor giving us forty sous for our breakfast.’ ‘Pooh! Impossible!’ ‘Quite possible! And I, Chalamel, announce the fact in my own proper person.’ ‘What, you want to make me laugh?’ ‘Yes. Well, this is the way it came about. For the two or three days which followed the death of Madame Séraphin we had no breakfast at all; and, in one respect, that was an improvement, because it was less nasty, but, in another, our refection cost us money. Still we were patient, saying, “The governor has no servant or housekeeper; as soon as he gets one we shall resume the filthy paste gruel.” No, by no means, my dear Germain; the governor has a servant, and yet our breakfast continued buried in the wave of oblivion. Then I was appointed as a deputation to inform the governor of the griefs of our stomachs. He was with the chief clerk. “I will not feed you any longer in the morning,” he replied, in his harsh tone, and as if thinking of something else; “my servant has no time to prepare your breakfast.” “But, sir, it was agreed that you should find us in breakfasts.” “Well, send for your breakfasts from some house, and I will pay for it. How much is sufficient, — forty sous each?” he added; all the time evidently thinking of something else, and saying forty sous as he would say twenty sous or a hundred sous. “Yes, sir, forty sous will be sufficient,” cried I, catching the ball at the bound. “Be it so; the head clerk will pay you and settle with me.” And so saying, the governor respectfully slammed the door in my face.’ You must own, messieurs, that Germain would be most extraordinarily astonished at the liberality of the governor.”
“Seriously, I think the governor is ill. For the last ten days he has scarcely been recognisable; his cheeks are so furrowed you could hide your fist in them.”
“And so absent; you should just see him. The other day he lifted his spectacles to read a deed, and his eyes were as red and glaring as fiery coals.”
“He was right. ‘Short reckonings make long friends!’”
“Let me say a word. I will tell you, gentlemen, something very strange. I handed this deed to the governor, and it was topsy-turvy.”
“The governor? How strange! What could he mean by topsy-turvying thus? Enough to choke him, unless, as you say, his habits are so completely altered.”
“Oh, what a fellow you are, Chalamel! I say I gave him the deed wrong end up’ards.”
“Wasn’t he in a rage?”
“Not the slightest. He did not even notice it, but kept his great red eyes fixed upon it for at least ten minutes, and then handed me back the deed, saying, ‘Very good!’”
“What, still topsy-turvy?”
“Yes.”
“Then he couldn’t have read it?”
“Pardieu! not unless he can read upside down.”
“How odd!”
“The governor looked so dull and cross at the moment that I did not dare to say a word, and so I left him, just as if nothing had occurred.”
“Well, four days ago I was in the head clerk’s office; there came a client, then two or three clients with whom the governor had appointments. They got tired of waiting; and, at their request, I went and knocked at his study door. No answer; so in I went.”
“Well?”
“M. Jacques Ferrand had his arms crossed on his desk, and his bald and not overdelicate forehead leaning on his hands. He never stirred.”
“Was he asleep?”
“I thought so, and went towards him: ‘Sir, there are clients waiting with whom you have made appointments.’ He didn’t stir. ‘Sir!’ No answer. Then I touched his shoulder, and he bounced up as if the devil had bitten him. In his start his large green spectacles fell from his eyes on to his nose, and I saw — you’ll never believe it—”
“Well, what?”
“Tears.”
“Oh, what nonsense!”
“Quite true.”
“What! the governor snivel? No, I won’t have that.”
“When that’s the case why cockchafers will play the cornet-à-piston.”
“And cocks and hens wear top-boots.”
“Ta, ta, ta, ta; all your folly will not prevent my having seen what I did see as plain as I see you.”
“Weeping?”
“Yes, weeping. And he was in such a precious rage at being surprised in this lachrymose mood that he adjusted his spectacles in great haste, and said to me, ‘Get out — get out!’ ‘But, sir—’ ‘Get out!’ ‘Three clients are waiting to whom you have given appointments, and—’ ‘I have not time; let them go to the devil along with you!’ Then he got up in a desperate rage to turn me out, but I didn’t wait, but went and dismissed the clients, who were not by any means satisfied; but, for the honour of the office, I told them that the governor had the whooping-cough.”
This interesting conversation was interrupted by the head clerk, who entered apparently quite overcome. His arrival was hailed by general acclamation, and all eyes were sympathetically turned towards the turkey with impatient anxiety.
“Without saying a word, seigneur, you have kept us waiting an infernally long while,” said Chalamel.
“Take care! Another time our appetite will not remain so subordinate.”
“Well, gents, it was no fault of mine. I have had much to annoy me, — more than you have. On my word and honour, the governor must be going mad.”
“Didn’t I say so?”
“But that need not prevent one eating.”
“On the contrary.”
“We can talk just as well with something in our mouths.”
“We can talk better,” cried Hop-the-Gutter; whilst Chalamel, dissecting the turkey, said to the head clerk:
“What makes you think that the governor is mad?”
“We have a right to suppose he is perfectly beside himself when he allows us forty sous a head for our daily breakfast.”
“I confess that has surprised me as much as yourselves, gents. But that is nothing — absolutely nothing — to what has just now occurred.”
“Really?”
“What! has the unhappy old gent become so decidedly lunatic that he insists on our dining at the Cadran Bleu every day at his expense?”
“Theatre in the evening?”
“Then coffee, with punch to follow?”
“And then—”
“Gents, laugh as much as you please; but the scene I have just witnessed is rather alarming than pleasant.”
“Well, then, relate this scene to us.”
“Yes, do. Don’t mind your breakfast,” observed Chalamel; “we are all ears.”
“And jaws, my lads. I think I see you whilst I am talking working away with your teeth; and the turkey would be finished before my tale. By your leave, patience, and the story shall come in with the dessert.”
Whether it was the spur of appetite or curiosity which incited the young men we will not decide, but they went through their gastronomic operation with such celerity that the moment for the head clerk’s history came in no time. In order that they might not be surprised by their employer, they sent Hop-the-Gutter into the adjoining room as a sentinel, having liberally supplied him with the carcass and drumsticks of the bird.
The head clerk then said to his colleagues, “You must know, in the first place, the porter has been very uneasy, for he has frequently seen M. Ferrand, in spite of the cold and rain, pace the garden at night for a considerable time. Once he ventured to ask his master if he wanted anything; but he sent him about his business in such a manner that he has not again ventured to intrude himself.”
“Perhaps the governor is a sleep-walker?”
“That is not probable. But, to continue; a short time since I wanted his signature to several papers. As I was turning the handle of his door, I thought I heard some one speaking. I stopped, and made out two or three repressed sounds, like stifled groans. After pausing an instant in fear, I opened the door, and saw the governor kneeling on the floor, his forehead buried in his hands, and his elbows resting on the seat of one of his old armchairs.”
“Oh, it’s all plain enough: he has turned pious, and was saying an extra prayer.”
“Well, then, it was a strong prayer enough. I heard stifled groans, and every now and then he murmured between his teeth ‘Mon Dieu! mon Dieu! mon Dieu!’ like a despairing man. Then, — and this is very singular, — in a movement which he made as if to tear his breast with his nails, his shirt came partly open, and I saw on his hairy chest a small red pocketbook fastened around his neck by a steel chain. When I saw that I did not really know whether I ought to retreat or advance. I remained, however, very much embarrassed, when he rose and suddenly turned around, holding between his teeth an old check pocket-handkerchief; his spectacles were left on the chair. Let me say, gents, that I never in my life saw such a figure; he looked like one of the damned. I retreated really in alarm. Then he—”
“Seized you by the throat?”
“You are quite wrong. He looked at me first with a bewildered air; then letting fall his handkerchief, he threw himself into my arms, exclaiming, ‘Oh, I am very unhappy!’”
“What a farce!”
“Well, but that did not prevent his voice — in spite of his death’s-head look — from being so distressing, I may say so imploring—”
“Imploring! Come, come, no gammon! Why, there is no night-owl with a cold in her head which is not music to the governor’s voice.”
“That may be; but yet at this moment his voice was so plaintive that I was almost affected. ‘Sir,’ I said to him, believe me—’ ‘Let me! — let me!’ replied he, interrupting me. ‘It is so consoling to be able to say to any one that we are suffering!’ He evidently mistook me for some other person. You may suppose that when he thus addressed me I felt sure it was a mistake, or that he had a brain fever. I disengaged myself from him, saying, ‘Sir, compose yourself, it is I!’ Then he looked at me with a stupid air, and exclaimed, ‘Who is it? Who’s there? What do you want with me?’ And he passed, at each question, his hand over his brow, as if to dispel the cloud which obscured his mind.”
“Which obscured his mind! Capital! Well spoken! We’ll get up a melodrama amongst us!
“‘Methinks a man with such a power of words, Should try his hand at melodrame!’”
“Chalamel, will you be quiet?”
“What could ail the governor?”
“Ma foi! How can I tell? But of this I’m sure, that when he recovers he’ll sing to another tune, for he frowned terribly, and said to me sharply, without giving me time to reply, ‘What did you come for? Have you been here long? Am I to be surrounded with spies? What did I say? Reply — answer!’ Ma foi! he looked so savage that I replied, ‘I heard nothing, sir; I only this moment entered.’ ‘You are not deceiving me?’ ‘No, sir.’ ‘Well, what do you want?’ ‘Some signatures, sir.’ ‘Give me the papers!’ And then he signed and signed — without reading — half a dozen notarial deeds; he who never put his initials to a deed without spelling it over word by word, and twice over from one end to the other. I remarked that from time to time his hand relaxed in the middle of his signature, as if he were absorbed in some fixed idea; then he went on signing very quick, and, as it were, convulsively. When all were signed he told me to retire, and I heard him descend the small staircase which leads from his room to the courtyard.”
“I still ask what can be the matter with him?”
“Gentlemen, it is perhaps Madame Séraphin whom he regrets.”
“He? What, he regret any one?”
“Now I think of it, the porter said that the curé of Bonne Nouvelle and the vicar had called several times to see the governor, and he was denied to them. Is not that surprising? — they who almost lived here!”
“What puzzles me is to know what the workpeople are at.”
“They have been working at the pavilion three days running.”
“And one evening the
y brought furniture covered up with a carpet.”
“Perhaps he feels remorse for having put Germain into prison?”
“Talking of Germain, he will have some fine recruits in his prison, poor fellow! For I read in the Gazette des Tribunaux that the band of robbers and assassins, whom they seized in the Champs Elysées, in one of the small underground public-houses, had been locked up in La Force.”
“Poor Germain! What society for him!”
“Louise Morel, too, will have her share of the recruits; for in this gang, they say, there is a whole family of thieves.”
“Then they will send the women to St. Lazare, where Louise is?”
“Perhaps it was some of that gang who stabbed the countess, one of the governor’s clients. He has often sent me to inquire after the state of this countess, and seems much interested in her recovery.”
“Did they let you enter the house and see the spot where the assassination was committed?”
“Oh, no! I could not go farther than the entrance; and the porter was not at all a person inclined to talk.”
“Gents, gents, take your places; here’s the gov’nor coming up!” shouted Hop-the-Gutter, coming into the office with the carcass still in his hand.
The young men instantly took their seats at their respective desks, over which they bent, handling their pens with great dexterity; whilst Hop-the-Gutter deposited his turkey’s skeleton in a box filled with law papers.
Jacques Ferrand entered the room. His red hair, mingled with gray, escaping from beneath an old black silk cap, fell in disorder down each side of his temples. Some of the veins which marbled his head appeared injected with blood, whilst his face, his flat nose, his furrowed cheeks, were all of ghastly paleness. The expression of his look, concealed by his large green spectacles, could not be seen; but the great alteration in the man’s features announced the ravages of a consuming passion.