I swallowed past a lump in my throat. “Because I am illegitimate.”
He placed his hand on top of mine. “Because you are half-Neaux. It scares them that the future king will not be Danhadine.”
My head swam. He means that whoever tried to kill me was one of my own countrymen. Even if I escape this marriage, will I spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder? “Please tell me there is another way to escape this marriage.”
He looked up and away from me. His gaze had fixed on Mathias. He stared at the two of us, a frown marking his expression. He must think I am trying to seduce Lord Herrondell in order to stop the marriage. Knowing him, he’d still marry me. The Stone Clan needs me; they are desperate enough to take me even if I bedded a hundred men before my wedding day.
I turned back to Lord Herrondell. He sat back, putting a proper distance between us.
“We cannot stop the wedding now, but there are other ways of ending a marriage…”
I jumped up and knocked over a half-full pewter cup. Amber liquid spilled and rolled over the wooden table. “What are you saying?”
Lord Herrondell was on his feet in a moment, and my guards rushed forward.
“Your Highness, is anything the matter?” the guard asked.
I looked to Lord Herrondell; he shook his head slightly.
“No, everything is fine. I was just saying goodbye to Lord Herrondell.” Then to Lord Herrondell I said, “Thank you for your kindness, my lord, but I think I will no longer be in need of your services.”
I turned to walk away, but not before I saw the frown on Lord Herrondell’s face. He would not speak plainly in a crowded room, but I knew what he meant. He intended to kill Mathias. I would not have his blood on my hands. If that was my choice, then I had no choice at all, I would need to marry Mathias.
Chapter 9
We were to be married in the Danhadine tradition. I had been allotted a room in the expansive home that Aland had built for himself, his wives and numerous children. A guard was posted outside my door to prevent any escape. Even as Celia brushed through my long black hair, I considered ways I could get away that would not risk Mathias’ life. By turning my back on Lord Herrondell, I felt as if I had turned away from any hope of my own happiness. I could steal Celia’s clothes, get Shadow from the stables, and ride like the wind for the coast. If they did not know who I was, I might be able to blend in. I would be free. It was a ludicrous plot and I knew it. I would not get past the farmhouses before my guards would drag me back kicking and screaming.
“It’s time to put on the dress,” Celia said in a low voice. She sensed my mood and was walking on eggshells around me. I knew she loved weddings, and secretly I’m sure she was giddy, but she was holding back on my account. I should have been grateful, but I was too absorbed in my own misery.
I glowered into the mirror and realized I must have scared her. I forced a smile, but she looked away and patted the dress, which lay on the bed. I wore a robe over my shift. I shed it and prepared to be strapped into my dress. As dresses go, it was not ugly. It was a midnight blue, of House Raleban. The front panel was white with a silver oak tree. Looking at it, I felt a pang of longing for home. I had never belonged in Keisan, yet that had been the only home I knew. That life is behind me. She slid the dress onto my shoulders. It fit well. The sleeves were long and trailed at the wrist. It was heavy but not unbearable. I can’t run in these clothes.
I stared at myself in the mirror. The blue of my gown made my blue eyes shine brightly. The midnight blue did not clash with my skin; instead it complemented it. Celia had managed to tame my unruly curls into some semblance of respectability. A few tendrils fell forward to frame my face. I tucked a curl behind my ear.
“You look beautiful,” Celia said, clapping her hands together. I could see tears gathered in her eyes.
I should treat Celia better. She always thinks of my needs, and I never consider hers. I turned around and hugged her. She was rigid for a moment before she relaxed and returned my embrace.
A knock at the door broke us apart. Celia pulled away from me so she could go and answer. I thought it would be my aunt come to tell me the ceremony was starting. I heard a male voice and the gooseflesh rose on my arm.
“It’s not proper,” Celia said.
I stepped over and placed my hand on her shoulder. She looked at me with a conflicted expression. Mathias stood outside. He wore a long tunic in a blue similar to mine. There was silver stitching along the hem, embroidery of boulders.
“I wanted to talk to you before we say our vows,” he said. For the first time since we’d fought, he met my gaze. I shivered all over.
I nodded. “Let him in, Celia.” She bit her lip, and I could tell she was considering putting her foot down again. I knew how much it took her to stand up against me. It wasn’t in her nature to be bossy; she was just too timid. “You can stay in the room if you want,” I added.
Her shoulders relaxed as she stepped aside and let Mathias in. He seemed to fill the room as he entered. He was much taller than me, and I had to tilt my head back to look at him. I crossed my arms over my chest. Even though Celia was in the room, it felt too intimate to be this close to him. The room was too small for the both of us, it seemed. He had trimmed his beard. It was flush to his skin, and I could see the line of his jaw clearly along with the curve of his throat. If I were any other woman, I would gladly become his wife. I could hope he would learn to love me, but that’s not a possibility for me.
“I know you are dissatisfied with this arrangement…” He motioned to the space between us.
I did not know how to respond. I had been dissatisfied before I knew he would be my husband. Dissatisfied was not the right word; conflicted explained my feelings much better. “Are you trying to offer me an escape from the treaty?” I asked.
He shook his head. “No, that is not possible. I just wanted to tell you that I will be a good husband to you. I will not treat you cruelly.”
“That’s some comfort, I suppose,” I said and looked away from him. I fidgeted with the beading on the skirt of my gown.
He frowned. “I know you think I am a savage, but perhaps you will learn to love my people, since you will rule at my side someday.”
There was a hidden meaning to his words that the fool I was refused to acknowledge. “I will be a dutiful wife, of that you can have no doubt.”
He clenched his hand at his side. “Very well, I shall see you at the ceremony, then.”
He turned and left. My heart was hammering in my chest and my head was filled with all the things I wished I had said instead.
I went straight to Aunt Idella with Lord Herrondell’s plot. I told her everything, about my plans for escape and Lord Herrondell’s allusions to Mathias’ murder. To my surprise, she was receptive of the news and guards were dispatched to question him. When they arrived at his chamber, he was gone. It left me uneasy to think he was out there, possibly plotting to kill Mathias.
I left the capture of Lord Herrondell to my aunt and prepared for my wedding. The ceremony itself was held within the walls of the holding. The courtyard at the center made a makeshift ceremony site. The garden within was minuscule in comparison to the gardens at Keisan. What they lacked in size, they made up for in the variety of plants and trees, willows, pines and spruce circling the perimeter of the courtyard. At the center was an ancient oak tree, which the holding had to have been built around.
A magiker had been brought in. He stood at the base of the oak with Mathias and the other representatives. Celia and I were lined up, preparing for my entrance. My palms were slick with sweat, and each breath I took felt like needles in my stomach. Celia tied the laces too tight. I should go back and have them loosened. I wiped my hands on my skirt and turned to look at Celia. She smiled serenely. There’s no going back.
The guests were a mix of Biski and Danhadine. I saw the lines dividing the two peoples. My marriage would bind us together; that’s what they would have me believe.
To me it seemed we were like oil and water; the two could never really mix. Celia started forward and I hesitated. I looked behind me. There was no one blocking my way. I could run. Maybe if I caught them all by surprise, I might get on a horse before they stopped me. I looked up. Celia stood in the front, off to one side. Mathias strode over to me. He held his hand out, and I stared at it like a foreign object.
“Among my people, a marriage is a union of two souls; they face the Mother together in unity.”
My heart leapt in my chest. They were pretty words, nothing more. I took his hand and he wrapped his fingers around mine. His hands were calloused and large. They were warm too. It was surprising how good they felt holding onto me.
Together we walked through the crowd and stood before the magiker. Aland, Aunt Idella and Mathias’ brother stood as our representatives for the ceremony. The actual hand-fasting went by in a blur. I concentrated on Mathias’ hand in mine. The feeling of his pulse just beneath my fingertips. His heartbeat, quick and agitated. I kept stealing glances at him throughout the ceremony, wishing he would look at me again and smile like he had the first time we met. He never did.
The ceremony ended and the guests were led into a long hall where a feast was to be held. The entire village had come out for the ceremony, and the hall and the doors leading into the village were overrun with people drinking and making merry. Our marriage for everyone else was a cause for celebration.
I sat beside Mathias at a long table. In Danhad tradition our hands had been bound together as part of the hand-fasting. They would not be untied until the end of the night. I warred within myself and hardly noticed the string of well-wishers. I wished I had tried harder to find a way to prevent the marriage. I was worried that Lord Herrondell would still make good on his threats, despite my hesitance. Most of all I hated myself for wanting Mathias to love me.
Even though we were touching, Mathias hardly looked at me. He greeted the revelers with a smile and a laugh. He drank to numerous toasts all while ignoring me.
My aunt came over and sat beside me. “I wanted to thank you for staying. Danhad owes you a debt.”
I glanced up to face my aunt. She had always been kind to me, in her own way. But I knew at her heart, she was looking out for the best interest of the family, the royal family.
I stared without saying anything. What was there left to say?
She sighed. “I did not love Dallin at first. It took time, and I think once you get to know Mathias…”
I stood up and my chair scraped across the floor. A few revelers stopped for a moment to regard me. “It’s not about me learning to love him, but him coming to grips with me, isn’t it? I’m not a winning prize. All that gives me value is the child I can bear; correct me if I am wrong.”
I had tugged Mathias’ hand when I stood up. He glanced up at me. He frowned. I gave him a defiant look, challenging him to refute my statement.
It was Aland who eased the tension from my outburst by banging a goblet on the table.
“It is time we unite these two in the Biski fashion!” he shouted.
The other Biski shouted in return. A swarm of people rushed the table, laughing, and Mathias was brought to his feet as was I. They lifted us up into the air and carried us to a chamber at the end of the hall. They cheered and sang in the Biski tongue, but the meaning was clear enough to make me blush. We were deposited in our chamber. It was well appointed; a large bed with a canopy had been made. Someone had strewn flower petals over the coverlet. The door slammed shut behind us, and I could hear the teasing and rude comments of the guests as they trailed away, leaving us well and truly alone. We stood for a moment in the chamber, looking in opposite directions.
My stomach was in knots. This was the part of the night I had feared and secretly anticipated. I had never planned to marry, had never wanted any of this, but I knew what happened between a man and a woman. I had seen enough through cracks in the walls.
I could not stand the silence any longer when I said, “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
I looked up. He watched me, his dark eyes going from my face down to the line of my throat and my breasts. My breath hitched.
“Do you not want to do this? I will not force you.” He reached over and brushed my shoulder. His touch was feather soft. I shivered.
If I was being honest with myself, I was terrified. But at the same time I had never been more certain. If I had been able to choose a husband, I would have chosen Mathias. Even if our union was born of politics, I wanted him. I wanted his kiss. I wanted his touch so bad my body burned with it. I nodded my assent. There were so many things I wanted to say, but feeling him close to me, smelling the musky scent of man, and feeling his pulse racing against my wrist, all words flew from my mind.
“I’m ready,” I whispered.
He tilted his head to look at me. “I am assuming you are a virgin.”
I blushed and looked away. “What else would I be?” I snarled.
“I saw you with that Danhadine lord; I thought you might have found a willing partner to stop this unwanted marriage.”
I could not meet his gaze. He was correct but not in the way he thought. “I will admit I did not want this at first, but…”
He chuckled and the sound was dark and full of promise. I looked up and he was standing closer to me. He touched my face with his free hand and dipped his head down to kiss me. His kiss was warm and hot and everything I expected it to be. He untied the rope that bound us together, and each brush of his fingertips against my flesh sent sparks running up and down my body.
He pulled away. “You do not have to explain. As long as I know you desire me, that is enough. Now take off your gown.”
My fingers fumbled with the clasps, but I managed to get it off. I held the fabric up to my skin, afraid to bare myself to him. While I undressed, he stripped down to nothing but his tunic.
“Let it fall,” he said, and he pulled off his tunic, standing naked before me. I averted my gaze from his manhood.
I trembled without realizing it. “What now?” I asked.
“Now I make you my wife in body as well as spirit.” He grabbed the gown and tossed it aside. He then scooped me up in his arms and carried me to the bed.
Chapter 10
“I have to get out of here or I will go mad,” I lamented as I threw myself down upon the bed.
Celia, sitting in the corner, looked up from her cross-stitching. “We could take another walk in the garden,” she suggested.
I covered my eyes with my arm. “I’ve done that at least two dozen times. If I do it once more, I am likely to lash out at some unsuspecting servant. I want to ride Shadow, explore the countryside.”
“If you hadn’t tried sneaking away so many times, perhaps Aland would trust you enough to let you ride,” Celia said.
I sat back up and scowled at her. “When will I be forgiven for my past errors?”
Celia tugged a thread through the fabric she was embroidering. “Perhaps once you prove you will not run. Why not ask Mathias to escort you? I am sure he knows the land better than most.” She smirked at me.
I rolled away to face the wall. “He’s busy with his father. There’s been some trouble with a nearby clan. He doesn’t have time to entertain my whims.”
The truth was I dared not ask him to entertain me. We had reached an uneasy truce. We had come to accept our marriage, and I was willing to continue my life here, but not if I had to spend every moment locked up. I had been wed a fortnight, and though I knew there was the threat of danger, I had seen little of it. Lord Herrondell was gone without a trace, and there had been no further attempts on my life. I was growing bored with a lack of excitement.
“I would not feel this way if you would trade places with me.”
“Absolutely not.” She pulled hard on the thread and it snapped.
I jumped up and knelt down beside her. I grabbed her hand, and she set her cross-stitch aside. “I cannot stand to haunt the h
alls another moment. I was not meant to be cooped up.”
She looked away from me, but I stood up and went around to the other side to meet her gaze.
I gave her my most pathetic stare, and she crumbled. “I’ll do it, but this is the last time, I swear.”
I kissed her cheek before stripping bare. She undressed much more deliberately. She was most likely thinking, as I was, about the danger of heading out alone. Not only from some unknown attack but from incurring my aunt’s wrath. We were new enough to Reglabal that I hoped no one would know the difference. I stripped down to nothing but my shift and the necklace Lord Herrondell had given me. I had thought of discarding it, but a part of me still felt like it connected me to my brother. I hesitated even now to be parted from it. But it was the final piece in the disguise. I took it off, and the pendant and chain pooled in my hand. I handed it to Celia, who slung it around her neck.
I put on Celia’s clothes in a rush and then helped her dress while jumping from foot to foot. Once it was done, I exited my chamber, gave a mumbled excuse to the guards with my head down, and hurried down the hall. I expected them to question me, but when they did not, I thanked my own good fortune. When I was out of sight, I took off at a run. Unlike Keisan, there were no servants, per se. The compound bustled with activity most days, women hurrying to and fro about some task or another. Children were plentiful and often got underfoot. They avoided me; I had never been good with children. I think I frightened them.
In the banquet hall, many of the leaders of the Stone Clan and the Danhadine representatives had gathered. In Keisan I would have been desperate to know more about their plotting, but now I didn’t care. Nothing changed, wars started, treaties were signed, and life carried on. I was only glad for the distraction and an excuse to have some time to myself.
I made my way across the yard. At the far corner near the gate, there were stables. I slid in through the open door. No one was inside but for half a dozen shaggy ponies and a few of our long-limbed horses we had brought with us when we arrived. I spotted Shadow at the back of the stable. There was a saddle propped against a wall in an empty stall. I dragged it over to Shadow’s stall.
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