I forced myself to relax, choosing a waterproof-flocked bench to sit on. “So Lebah is another island?”
He nodded.
“Named in Indonesian for which creature?”
His grin widened. “You catch on quick. Bee.”
“Bee?”
“Without them, the food I grow would have to be bought from genetically modified seeds that don’t allow repeat cultivation. I sourced unaltered crops and keep them going with natural pollination.”
“You’re taking me to your garden?”
“I’m taking us for some peace and quiet.”
“Aren’t there staff there, too?”
He clutched the steering wheel as if the thought of dealing with more people pushed him to his limit. “There are, but they’ve been told to make themselves scarce. They’ll stay away.”
“Why?”
“Why?” He raised an eyebrow, studying me behind his sunglasses. “Why don’t I want staff eavesdropping and watching us?”
“Why do you need peace and quiet?”
He chuckled low and dark. “Why do you think?”
“Because you just killed three of your goddesses?”
His entire body stiffened. “Is that why you’re watching me as if I repulse you? Because you think I killed them?”
“Didn’t you?”
“I was going to.” He licked his bottom lip, tasting different replies. “But…I stopped in time.”
My heart jerked with hope. “Is that the truth?”
He turned a little to face me, keeping one hand on the steering wheel and another balled by his side. “You want the truth? How about the version where Skittles saved your goddamn life? How about the fact if she hadn’t flown to get me, you’d be dead right now instead of on this goddamn boat?”
His face blackened; his voice thick with rage. “You want me to believe you’re so selfless that you already forgive them for almost stealing your life?” He laughed icily. “That leads me to believe two things, Eleanor. One, you were grateful to them, because if you’re dead, you are free of me. And two, that you didn’t fight back because you decided, after I fucked you, that you’ve had enough of whatever the fuck is going on with us, and you’d rather take the weak way out, the only way I can’t fight to bring you back.”
His words were so sharp, so real, they punctured holes in the boat, threatening to sink us. They had sunk us. Not in the literal sense but in every other sense imaginable.
Was Sully finally going to talk to me?
Was Jealousy wrong when she said I had to give him the guise of a mask for him to be truthful? Give him some option to take it all back if he changed his mind?
There was no going back from this…
No pretending either of us doesn’t feel something.
Something…that was everything.
“You’re wrong.”
“Oh, yeah?” He sneered, his temper turning him cruel. “What part?”
“I did fight back…not that it did any good. I will admit I was weak because I couldn’t get free, but there was no way I wanted to die.” I leaned forward, gaping my dress, sending a breeze down my cleavage while clutching the bench on either side of my thighs. “Why would I give up on us…after what we did?”
“Because I proved I’m the one who can’t be fucking trusted.” He cut the engine with a slash of control, left the steering to the whimsy of the currents, and stormed the small distance between us.
Dropping to his haunches, his hands landed over mine, digging them into the bench, blanketing them with power and heat.
That damn electricity sparked from the tiniest of tinder, arching and crackling, making him hard and me wet, liberating our systems from mind-ruled to body-consumed.
I moaned a little as he dug his touch deeper into mine, activating pain and its duplicitous cousin, pleasure.
He licked his lips, his teeth flashing as he snarled, “Look at yourself, woman. You have perfect indentations of my teeth in your neck. My fingerprints line your throat with such precision, they could be used in crime detection. I dread to think what other wounds I left you with. How sore you are. How swollen. I lost myself in you, Eleanor, and in the process, I lost any sense of worthiness I had left.”
His hand caught my hair as the sea breeze blew it over my shoulder. His fingers curled deep within the brown tresses, bringing the mess to his nose. He inhaled hard, his chest straining against his t-shirt, his muscles tight and restrained. “I hurt you. I hurt those I care about. It’s an inevitability. The awful fucking truth. I kill those I love. And if you keep pushing me down this path, if you keep making me care…I’ll make you curse the very thought of me. I will destroy whatever faith you have in me. I will snuff out the very heart you’re trying to give me. I will do all that because love equals betrayal, and betrayal requires no mercy.”
Bringing me forward with the rope he’d formed with my hair, he murmured, “You’d be better off dead, Goddess Jinx. You’d be free right now if Skittles wasn’t so fucking in love with you. We might’ve been saved from the carnage in our future.”
He was fierce and frightening and utterly fearless in his belief.
What had he done to be so sure of his actions?
Who had he killed in his past?
“Sully…I—”
A flurry of green feathers shot past my chin and vanished down the front of my dress. I yelped and fell backward, squirming as Pika wriggled against my cleavage. His talons caught delicate flesh, his wings tickled highly sensitive areas, and the utter stupidity of a parrot popping up from my neckline shattered everything.
He shattered the anxiety that’d crept down my spine.
He shattered the agony on Sully’s face.
He shattered any response to my untimely death and tentative unfurls of new love.
Sully rocked back on his heels, his hands cupping my knees for purchase.
His touch on my legs and his parrot on my breasts and the weirdness of it all—it mixed with the stress of the past few weeks, the tumbling emotions, the loneliness, the hope, the highs, the lows, the connection…it all went up in a geyser of hilarity.
Laughter spilled from my lips.
Pika squeaked, preening himself while perching very happily in my boobs.
I clamped a hand over my mouth as another peal fell free; afraid I’d offend Sully’s seriousness and make him curse me even more.
But slowly, he took off his sunglasses.
His gaze locked on Pika commandeering my chest.
And the strangest thing happened.
A moment I never would’ve hoped for.
Sully smirked, then smiled…
…then, he laughed.
He laughed as if he hadn’t laughed in decades.
Loud and unhindered, masculine and pure.
It shoved aside his past sins and removed any doubt of his integrity, of who he was inside.
It made my heart burst wide open, straight down the middle—a crack of blood and destiny, drowning in raw terrified love, leaving me in ruins at his feet.
Who would have thought it?
A laugh was what made me fall head over heels for Sullivan Sinclair.
A laugh that Jealousy told me was impossible.
A laugh that spread out over the ocean, clear and wonderful…
…and all mine.
Chapter Twelve
AMONGST THE MANGOS, PINEAPPLES, and every other tropical fruit ever harnessed by mankind, I finally found the ability to breathe again.
Eleanor strolled ahead of me in the huge greenhouse, transfixed by the simple, wholesome world I’d introduced her to. Heat and humidity hugged both of us, turning the tropics into a damn oven.
Her awe when she’d stepped off the boat said she hadn’t expected an operation of this size. Yes, this was an island. And yes, its only purpose was to grow vegetables, fruits, and nuts, but it wasn’t a tiny paddock in the middle of nowhere.
I’d hired the best garden architects from Singapore. Men and women who’d star
ted the revolution of growing enough food hydroponically in skyscrapers, in the middle of the city, to feed the entire globe. They eradicated the need for soil and pesticides. They controlled their environment with certain bugs that starved off leaf disease and minerals in the water to promote the full potential of each and every seed.
As land was scarce in Singapore, they’d gone vertical. Meanwhile, I had the luxury of space, and housed a nursery where all seedlings were grown hydroponically before some were transplanted into different areas on the island.
So far, I’d escorted Eleanor around the vine square where over a hectare of peas in every form shot skyward with their creeper vines. Lavender and honeysuckle dotted between the plants, encouraging insects to visit and pollinate. We’d travelled the huge greenhouses with berries of every description, through the circular terrace where rice and potatoes grew side by side, and past the herb patch where many micro-greens grew in conjunction with sage, mint, and coriander.
Massive pots held overflowing crops of mesclun, baby lettuce, and bok choy, while a roofed patio protected delicate watercress and bean sprouts.
The orchards were next, the manicured rows of almond, hazelnut, and walnut all interlinked and producing bushels of nuts per year. The mandarins, apples, and stone fruits bordered that field, also decorated with pansies, wildflowers, and favourite weeds of bees.
I glanced down at my hands as I followed Eleanor. The wounds from the scratches Calico had given me had scabbed, leaving condemning trails in my flesh that cracked when I flexed my fingers.
It was only fitting that she’d marked me after what I’d done to her.
Neptune and Jupiter were fine. They’d come out of their strangle-induced siesta and were no worse for wear. Like Eleanor, they’d been given a scan to ensure their lack of oxygen hadn’t caused brain damage or unseen complications, and comprehensive tests to make sure none would suffer from my rage.
However, unlike Eleanor, who I’d given my fucking soul to the minute Pika shot down her dress, just daring me to remove him from her perfect breasts, those two had been given different accommodations for the night.
The cage Eleanor had become acquainted with now had two new inhabitants.
The quarters were tight enough for one. Two would be…uncomfortable.
They didn’t deserve to die, but they hadn’t served enough punishment, not yet.
My fingers curled, activating fresh beads of blood to flow from my wounds. They hadn’t served nearly enough. They’d. Hurt. Her. They’d tried to murder her. They would no longer be given free rein on my island or treated like goddesses.
Their immortality had been revoked.
I had plans for them tomorrow, just like Calico.
I gritted my teeth.
Calico.
Unfortunately, I’d hurt her the most. Unwittingly or premeditated—I would never answer that question—but she was alive and that was all that mattered.
I hadn’t taken her life.
But I had taken her voice.
According to Dr Campbell, I’d caused fractures to the cartilage in her larynx, damaging her vocal cords.
It didn’t impede her ability to breathe, but after an extensive examination, he wasn’t sure she’d ever regain the full range of pitch.
Guilt had started the moment I’d visited the three goddesses—after he’d called me to take Jinx to her villa. Self-loathing had followed swift on its heels when he’d jerked me to the side and given me an ultimatum.
Stop who I was.
Stop doing what I did.
Or…he’d quit and wouldn’t be quiet about who he talked to.
He willingly put himself in my line of fire, knowing I would have to remove his ability to destroy my enterprise, but also hesitant to harm someone who proved as trustworthy as any human could.
He at least gave me a heads-up about his betrayal…giving me time to fix what I’d broken before I had to deal with him.
Eleanor stopped up ahead.
Her white and silver dress swung around her hips as she coughed gently and turned back to face me. Her voice held a huskier depth than before, the discoloration around her neck bringing mixed results of shame and desire.
I froze as she padded back toward me, her bare feet and slim ankles a fucking aphrodisiac, even though my body hadn’t fully recovered from elixir.
She licked her lips, smoothing her dress and smiling softly as Pika and Skittles shot past, flying from fruit to fruit, destroying and indulging on whatever they wanted.
I waited until she stood in front of me, her grey eyes still molten from our moment in the boat. When I’d laughed…I’d shocked both of us.
I’d forgotten I was capable of such a thing.
It’d felt foreign. Wrong.
But also familiar. Right.
The way she stared at me had ensured whatever language we’d traded in, steadily learning more phrases the deeper we fell, had switched from unknown into fully understandable.
A look wasn’t just a look now.
A touch wasn’t just a touch.
I heard what her look said.
I knew what her touch promised.
And the way she’d watched me as I’d stopped mid-laugh, confused and conflicted, swallowing back the outlandish sensation, had grabbed a bullhorn and told me everything I needed to know.
She loved me.
Despite what I’d done, because of what I’d done, regardless of who I was and what I did, she loved me.
I knew it in my fucking bones, but it didn’t mean I trusted it.
Not at all.
Why should I trust something that was a simple cocktail of chemicals and body chemistry? She thought she cared, but she’d conveniently ignored the circumstances of our meeting and the complications of our future.
My own parents loved me and look at the level of treason they were capable of.
She might love me…but it meant absolutely nothing, changed nothing.
It can’t.
“Sully…” She licked her lips again, swallowing past her pain. “I’m honoured that you’ve shown me this place. That I’ve had the experience of eating strawberries still warm on their stem and cracked nuts still hanging off their branch…but, I need to ask you something; otherwise, I’m going to go crazy.”
My heart picked up its pace in warning, and I carefully placed my hands into the pockets of my jeans. Whatever she asked, I would not lash out. I would not touch her, scare her, hurt her.
“What do you need to know?”
Her chest rose as she inhaled a fortifying breath. “Please tell me what you’re going to do with Jupiter, Neptune, and Calico. I know you think it’s weak that I don’t want them to suffer, but honestly…it wasn’t their fault.”
My voice slipped into darkness. “If it wasn’t their fault, then the blame lies with me.”
Her eyes flared. “You say that like you already know it does.”
I shrugged. “I’ve always been accountable for my goddesses’ insubordination. If they run, it’s because I’ve trapped them. If they fight, it’s because I’ve placed them in servitude. If they give up, it’s because I’ve taken them away from everything they know and turned their very minds against them.”
She spread her hands as if lost for words. “Then…if you agree their attack on me ultimately lays blame at your feet…don’t you think—” She cut herself off, running shaky fingers through her hair that was a damn drug to me. “Don’t you think they’ve suffered enough?”
“They’ve suffered me, you mean.”
Her back straightened, willingly going to battle for women who’d not only tried to kill her but had let envy scramble up their own morals. Out of everyone I knew, she was the kindest.
Skittles saw it.
Pika knew it.
She had that special gift of empathy that I used to have. Empathy that would get her killed, unless she learned to turn it off and protect herself.
She fought the urge to fidget, keeping her stare tangl
ed with mine. “Living on your island is wonderful, there is no denying that. It’s like a permanent vacation where all your wishes are fulfilled…but—”
“They miss their families, their partners, their lives before I stole it from them.” I strolled around her, keeping my voice level and cool. “They are still prisoners, forced to fuck strangers, given a drug that makes their lust work against them, all while I bleed them of everything they are.”
She shivered as I ran my fingers through her hair, catching on delicate tangles caused by the boat ride. “All while I bleed you dry…”
She gasped as I kissed behind her ear. “The thing is, Eleanor Grace, I don’t care. I don’t care about them. I don’t care that others feel their captivity is cruel and unjustified. I told you when you first arrived that humans are not special. We cannot have two sets of rules: one for animals who we cage and slaughter, and one for us. We cannot bemoan the state of imprisonment and the act of making others do something against their will. Not when we’ve been forcing creatures into enslavement for millennia.”
She tried to spin to face me, but I grabbed her nape, holding her trapped before me. I didn’t squeeze hard, extremely aware of what her throat had endured, but I didn’t let her look at me. This I had to say without forgiveness already shining in her silver-coloured eyes.
“Their actions are entirely my fault. I’m the reason they felt threatened by you. I’m the reason they pinned romantic ideals and stupid hope on the possibility of my saving them. I was the one who took their happiness away. Therefore, they despised me. But I was also the one who could set them free. Therefore, they worshiped me. That constant mix of want and hate turned normal women into scrambled, vindictive shrews who convinced themselves that you were the enemy…not me. You were the reason for all of it because only you caught my attention and only you were special.”
I ran my nose along her shoulder, inhaling the rich scent of orchid, sunshine, and salt. My very island had claimed her as its own, tainting her skin with every scent I adored. “And that’s the crux of the problem, Jinx…you are special. I have no way of denying that. I can lie and say you aren’t, but ultimately, we both know you’re special…to me. Which means, all my laws on equality and humanitarian requirements are total shit because how can I put you first…over them?”
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