Pause (ROCK HARD Book 2)

by Kat Mizera

  “It’s good to see you settling down a bit,” Stephen said. “I’ve worried about you.”

  Stu didn’t say anything, staring down into his cup of tea as if it held either questions or answers he desperately needed.

  “Right.” Stephen cleared his throat. “Time to clear the air and I owe you an apology.”

  “Damn right, you do.” Stu finally looked up.

  “I didn’t know what was going on,” Stephen said after a minute. “There was gossip about town, of course, and it was all over the local media about how our hometown heroes’ story ended in tragedy and all that. And then I had people—at work, at home, in the pubs—asking me questions. They wanted to know the details and of course, I didn’t have them because everyone was talking to me but you. I understand now, looking back, that you’d gone through a terrible trauma and I should have been the one reaching out. For that, I’m so sorry, Stu. You’re my younger brother and I should have taken better care of you, emotionally if nothing else.”

  “Not a single letter while I was in prison,” Stu said, his face tight, eyes dark and hooded. “None of you reached out, except Gran. It fucking hurt, if you want the truth. I was alone in there, and contrary to popular belief, I’m not a killer. I wasn’t cut out to be with those people.”

  “Christ.” Stephen closed his eyes, swallowing hard. “I’m sorry, Stu. That’s all I can say. I hope to god nothing like this ever happens again, but you have my word I’ll never abandon you like that, no matter what.”

  “It’s a bit late,” Stu muttered.

  “Never too late for family,” Lorraine said, speaking up for the first time.

  Stu sighed, taking a sip of tea but not looking at anyone.

  “You know Gavin’s back in town, yeah?” Stephen asked after a moment.

  “How would I know that? Last I heard, he was in London with a new band.”

  “I don’t know what happened with the band, but he’s been here about a month. Saw him at the pub a few weeks ago. He asked about you.”

  Stu arched a brow. “What did he have to say?”

  22

  Stu

  Great. The last fucking thing I needed was to run into Gavin here in town. The four of us—Freddie, Angus, Gavin, and me—had all grown up in Dingwall. We’d known each other since high school, though Freddie and I had known each other longer, and the town had been over the moon when Waking Wonder had taken off. Angus was still in the U.S. as far as I knew, and I’d thought I was safe with Gavin in London, but this added a level of stress I hadn’t been expecting.

  “He didn’t say much, to be honest.” Stephen scratched his chin. “We talked for a few minutes, about Lorraine and the new baby—he’s single at the moment—and then he asked where you were. I told him still in the U.S. and didn’t say anything about the new band since that felt like a bit of a slap in the face. He just nodded and told me to take care. Then he left.”

  I frowned. That didn’t sound like loud, charismatic Gavin at all.

  “Well, be glad it wasn’t like the reception I got from Angus.”

  “You saw Angus?” Stephen’s eyes narrowed.

  “He sought out Lindsay at a club after a show,” I replied, giving him the gist of our encounter.

  “If he insulted Lorraine that way, I’d have pounded him bloody.”

  “I can’t,” I said tightly. “I’m on probation. One altercation could land me back in prison—there’s four months to go.”

  “Right, that’s smart.”

  “Lindsay and the band had my back.” I looked over at her and she smiled.

  “Sounds like a good group of mates, your new band.”

  “They are. The best.” I said the words and realized I meant them. And the truth was, I liked the guys despite the fact we hadn’t grown up together, unlike my mates from Waking Wonder.

  “I’d like to come to the U.S. when you’re on tour, maybe spend a week on the road with you. Like we did back when you first got to the U.S. with Waking Wonder.”

  I slowly nodded. “We’ll talk about it. I need to get my feet under me with this new band we’re going on tour with. Once I get the vibe, make sure it’s a good situation, we can see if there’s a time that works.”

  “Right.”

  The room was quiet for a bit; the only one making any noise was young Stuart, gurgling with some type of plastic ring Lorraine put in his mouth.

  “Are we going back to the hospital?” Lindsay asked after a moment.

  “Aye.” I gathered up the mugs and put them in the sink, ready to start washing them, but Lorraine nudged me aside.

  “She has a dishwasher. Just put them in there. There were a few in the sink after the heart attack so I put them in and figured I’d wait until she got home to run it, but now we have enough for a light wash.”

  “When did Gran get a dishwasher?” I asked curiously.

  Stephen smiled. “Last year. She’d been saving up, so Mum and Dad and I chipped in with the rest for Christmas.”

  “Do you know where she’s gotten the money for all the repairs?” I asked him.

  He frowned. “She told us you were sending her a bit at a time.”

  I made a face. “Not true. I paid for the roof, plumbing, and electrical, but that was all I had the money for before I went to prison and then the big money stopped coming. I guess I’ll have to ask her.”

  “Right.”

  “Well, we’re going back to the hospital. What are you doing?”

  “We’re going to put the baby down for a nap,” Lorraine said. “Make some dinner. Hang out at home. Life changes with a baby.”

  I smiled, tickling Stuart’s toes. “I bet it does.”

  “Maybe one night before you go, we can meet up somewhere, have something to eat, have a few laughs?” Stephen asked.

  “I’d like that.”

  We said our goodbyes and Lindsay and I headed back to the hospital. I had so many questions for Gran but didn’t want to upset her either. I’d ask before I left, though.

  We spent the next couple of days visiting Gran in the morning and being tourists in the afternoon. I got tickets for a boat tour of Loch Ness and Urquhart Castle, which we got to climb and explore. Lindsay loved every second of it and her happiness made me happy. The other day, when she’d said she wanted to get married in my house if we ever got to that point, made me a little warm inside in ways I couldn’t understand. We were nowhere near ready for marriage, and she’d acknowledged that, but it was sweet to know she felt that way, that she truly appreciated Scotland and my heritage.

  Though I was very American in some ways after so many years there now, I was a proud Scot and loved my country. If things between us got serious, I imagined we’d stay in the U.S., both because it would be complicated for her to practice law in Scotland and also because my band was in Vegas. But hearing her say that she’d live here if we were at the right place in our careers, meant a lot to me. Hell, the more time we spent together, the more I wanted her. She’d become important to me in a very short amount of time and I worried about what would happen when I left to go on tour and she went to work, whether it was for Madeline or the place in Minnesota. Either of them would mean long weeks, maybe even months, apart, and that wasn’t good for the strongest of relationships, much less one set in the world of rock and roll.

  Being apart wouldn’t be easy, and though I was mentally prepared to be faithful, I wasn’t so sure about physically. It wasn’t that I couldn’t keep it in my pants, it was just hard with so much temptation. Women threw themselves at us constantly, and groupies didn’t care if we were married or otherwise involved. It was all about notches in their bed posts, bragging rights, whatever it was, and I’d never had to say no before. When I’d been involved with Lisa, she’d come on tour with me once we got serious, so she was always there.

  At the same time, the very idea of cheating on Lindsay was distasteful. I wasn’t that kind of man. I had no qualms about fucking anything and everything when I was single, but
I’d never cheated on a woman, and didn’t plan to start now. But it wouldn’t be easy, so I had to decide if she was worth it.

  Well, I already knew she was worth it, so the real question was whether or not I was ready to get serious, because that was the only direction for us to go. Four days in Scotland had me believing she was the right woman for me, thinking I could be with her long-term, that she was someone who’d always be by my side. We hadn’t talked about anything like that, not with how many distractions there were with Gran and my family, but I sensed her protective nature no matter where we were or what we were doing. She cared about me on a level no one had in a long time and it scared me a little.

  Okay, it scared me a lot. I wasn’t used to needing anyone—because no one but Gran had ever been there for me—and I’d gotten to a point where I needed Lindsay. Every minute of every day. Her touch, her smile, the way it felt when I made love to her—I was addicted to all of it. Even Mum and Dad seemed to be warming up to her, though we spent as little time as possible with them.

  It had been easy to forgive Stephen for the distance between us, but the pain of my parents’ abandonment cut much deeper. And they didn’t seem anywhere near ready to apologize. Lindsay thought I should be the one to open the lines of communication but that didn’t sit well with me. They treated me like a leper in a way, as if I were some cold-blooded killer who made them nervous.

  It had been a fucking accident. A tragic, deadly one, but an accident nonetheless. There had been no malice in my heart when I got in the car that night. In fact, it had been Freddie’s idea to go on the liquor run. It had been stupid, no doubt about that. We’d both been shit-faced, and my new Ferrari had been like a shiny bright diamond in the driveway, practically calling to us. I still cringed every time I thought about it. But neither of us had known, or hoped, someone would die that night. Especially not me. And I’d paid the ultimate price for my stupidity—both in losing Freddie and going to prison.

  It didn’t seem fair that my parents couldn’t forgive me.

  Today I was sitting with Gran while the doctors did some new tests and Lindsay went shopping with Lorraine. Lindsay wanted some souvenirs and to bring something back for Lexi, and Lorraine had offered to take her, which left me a little one-on-one time with my grandmother. She was doing much better and the doctor said she could probably go home in a few more days, with home care nurses checking on her a few times a day until she was back on her feet.

  Luckily, the doctors predicted a full recovery, which made me feel so much better about leaving. I’d watched her getting stronger every day and it was a relief because I couldn’t imagine life without her in it. I knew she wouldn’t be with me forever since she was seventy, but I wasn’t ready to lose her just yet.

  “Gran, I need to ask you something,” I told her after her tests were over and she was having a cup of soup.

  “Anything.” She glanced up curiously.

  “Where did you get the money for all the renovations?”

  For the first time possibly ever, my grandmother’s cheeks turned pink.

  “Gran, if you took the money from my accounts, it’s all right. I don’t care about money beyond having enough to survive, which I do. If you used it for the house—”

  “I only took five hundred U.S. dollars,” she said quietly. “I made the rest.”

  “You made the rest?” I had no idea what she was talking about. She hadn’t worked in years.

  “I took an online class about finances for retired people, the stock market, the like. But I never had the money to dabble. I figured I’d borrow a bit from you, see what I could do with it. If I lost it all, five hundred wouldn’t be too hard to pay back and I’d have learned my lesson.” She swallowed. “But it, er, well, it went better than expected.”

  “What do you mean? Did you invest the money?”

  She nodded. “I made ten times what I invested, so I paid the taxes, reinvested another five hundred and used what was left to do the floors.”

  “Just like that?” I asked, completely shocked. “Isn’t investing a long game?”

  “Normally, yes, but I may have had a little help.” Her cheeks got red again and I nearly groaned.

  “Help? How does one have help investing in the stock market?” I paused. “Bloody hell, did you get some kind of insider trading tip?”

  “Well, there’s no trading involved when they were talking among themselves and I was…eavesdropping.” She lifted her chin. “I would never do anything illegal, but the information was there and it seemed silly not to take advantage of it.”

  I stared at her, my mouth open but nothing coming out. Then I burst out laughing. “Bloody hell, Gran, where did you conveniently eavesdrop that kind of information?”

  “In line at the bank.”

  I laughed harder, shaking my head as each piece of the story came out.

  “…and then with that last one, I made ten thousand dollars and it snowballed a bit from there.”

  I was still laughing, and she threw her napkin at me. “Don’t laugh, ya wanker! I’ve grossed over twenty-five thousand U.S. dollars so far and all but the taxes have been put into your house.”

  “Gran.” I took her hand and held it against my chest. “You’re a gem, you know that? You should have kept the money for you.”

  “For me? What do I need it for? I have my pension and I’m far happier puttering around in the house, watching it come to life. I hope I live long enough to see it filled with your children.”

  “Not ready for any of that,” I said with a smile, “but I do appreciate how much work you’ve put into the house.”

  “Haven’t gotten to the upstairs yet, the repairs will cost a mint, but now I’ve invested in some longer-term stocks that hopefully will turn a profit in the next two years.”

  I shook my head. “I love you, Gran.”

  “I love you too, Stuart.” She pushed her tray of food away. “Bloody awful, this hospital food.”

  “It’s good for you.”

  She made a face. “Tastes like arse.”

  We both snorted with laughter.

  “Tell me your plans with Lindsay,” she said after a moment. “What’s next?”

  “It’s still new so I don’t know. She has to be in either Minnesota or California for work, and I’ll be on the road. I don’t know how we’re going to make do, but I plan to try my best.”

  “Do you love her, lad?” She met my gaze questioningly.

  “I don’t know,” I said slowly. “She’s special but once I go on tour, I won’t have much time with her and being apart like that won’t be easy on us.”

  “Anything worth having takes work, and if she’s special, you make the time to be together, to find a way. And you, laddie, need to keep it in your pants.”

  I choked back another laugh; Gran had always been a pistol but apparently having a heart attack made her bawdier than ever.

  “Even at my worst, I was never unfaithful to anyone. I’ll break it off before I cheat.”

  “That’s my Stuart.” She yawned. “Bloody hell, I’m ready for a nap again. Getting old isn’t for the faint of heart.”

  “Rest. That’s how you’ll get your strength back. Then maybe you can come to America to see me play.”

  She was still smiling as her eyes fluttered closed. “I’ll be looking forward to it.”

  23

  Lindsay

  After a fun afternoon shopping with Lorraine, Stu and I freshened up and then met up with her and Stephen at a local pub for dinner and a few drinks. We were leaving the day after tomorrow and the brothers seemed to be rebuilding their relationship. I didn’t think any progress had been made with his parents, but I figured this was a huge first step.

  Honestly, I loved Scotland and didn’t want to leave. Neither of us could afford to stay much longer, though. Stu had to pay for everything because I literally only had a few hundred dollars to my name, but I knew his finances were tight too. He’d given up the house he’d been rentin
g in L.A., so he had that money now, but he had a car payment and car insurance, health insurance, and a few other bills to stay on top of, so he was trying to be frugal. We’d talked about money on the way here and I’d gotten him to admit he didn’t have much, and his royalties from Waking Wonder had been slowly getting lower.

  He’d been considering moving back to Scotland because he hadn’t been sure he could afford to stay in L.A. and at least in Scotland he had a free place to live. Then Nobody’s Fool had come along and once the band made the commitment to go forward, he’d moved in with Tyler and his expenses had gone way down. I hated how much this trip was costing him, but he said it was worth every penny to see his grandmother and having me with him made him happy.

  “Do you know exactly when you leave on tour?” Stephen was asking Stu.

  “The fifth of September, I believe,” Stu responded.

  “And will you go with him?” Lorraine asked me.

  “I don’t think so,” I admitted. “I have to accept one of my two job possibilities, and I’m leaning toward the one in L.A. for two reasons. The first, because it sounds a lot more exciting than mergers and acquisitions, and my new boss has said she’ll pay for me to take the California bar. The second is because L.A. is only about three hours from Vegas, which is where Stu will be when he’s not on tour, and I want to be as close to him as possible.”

  “Madeline also said she would arrange for you to fly out on tour now and again,” Stu added, “which is a huge bonus for us.”

  “Who is Madeline, exactly?” Stephen asked.

  “She’s the attorney for Random Hart Records, which is our record label,” Stu said. “She also represents Ariel Fox, who is Tyler’s wife.”

  “Sounds like a good person to work for,” Lorraine said.

  “I hope so,” I agreed. “And that’s why I’m leaning in that direction even though it means taking the bar exam again, which is terrifying. I don’t even know if I passed the first one yet, and the thought of doing it all again is daunting, but it’ll be worth it if it means being closer to Stu.”