Marion Zimmer Bradley & Holly Lisle - [Glenraven 02]
Page 29
"Your people will accept a political marriage but not a marriage for love?"
Rhiana shrugged. "Everyone will be able to see the benefits to themselves, so they'll swallow the distasteful fact that he's Kin and I'm Machnan. If they thought Val and I were the only ones to benefit from the union, they wouldn't accept it."
"It's an ancient world," Jay said. "It isn't perfect, any more than our world is perfect."
Kate stared into the fire, watching the tongues of flame dancing in sinuous arches between the blackened logs, watching sparks fly up the chimney and the soot on the stones in the back curl up and peel away, drawn upward with the sparks by the draft. She looked down at her hands, no longer bathed by blood, but reddened by the glow of the fire until they seemed to be.
We do what we have to do.
In spite of her fear, she had done exactly that. People lived because of her actions who would otherwise have died. Two worlds were safer. In Glenraven, she was a hero, with the promise of an income-producing estate of her own, title, and the knowledge that she was welcome. In her own world, no one would ever know what she had done, and even if she tried to tell, no one would ever believe her.
She had been a soldier chosen for her special skills, for her willingness to serve, and she had done what she had to do, frightening and difficult and ugly as it had been.
But the moment of dire need, of expediency, had passed. The moment when she had been needed, when she had been the only one who could do what she had to do…all of that was gone.
Now she had to get on with her life.
And her life belonged in her world.
Not in Peters, certainly. She had come to see that Peters was a fight she couldn't win, so she wouldn't stay and fight. Peters had no place for her. But Peters wasn't everything, or even very much of anything.
She'd lost a lot. She'd lost her family long ago, when they insisted that she be someone other than the person she was. She'd lost the people she'd thought were her friends, the ones she'd created as replacement family, and for much the same reason. She'd lost all of her things. Most of her past. The harsh events that brought her at last to Glenraven had stripped away everything she couldn't live without, and she'd discovered she could live without almost everything. Her desire to belong with other people and the pleasure she took in her possessions had hidden from her the truth; that she could depend on herself.
She knew who she was.
She'd tested herself in a crucible and discovered that she wasn't precisely who she'd always believed herself to be. She'd also found out she was tougher and more capable than she'd ever suspected and that she could trust herself in tight places and critical situations.
She knew what she wanted.
She wanted her world. She wanted her work. She wanted to create things that were beautiful for people who appreciated them, in a place where people let her be who she was.
Someday she would make friends again. Someday she might find love again. But she wouldn't waste her time looking for love, searching for friends, chasing after happiness. She would instead pursue the challenges of living her life in a way that mattered, doing the things she believed were important, taking the stands she felt she had to take in order to be true to herself.
Eventually, she thought, happiness would pursue her.
She glanced at the people who watched her, waiting to hear her decision. And she said something that surprised her. "Those kids could be more than just kids if they were pointed in the right direction. I'm going home, and I'm going to rebuild my life…but I'm going to find them, too. Maybe see if I can't do something to point them in the direction of honor. I don't think that bringing magic to my world would be a bad thing at all. The Machine World needs some magic."
Rhiana frowned. "You're blind to it, Kate. How can you teach anyone to use what you can't even see?"
Yemus laughed softly. Everyone turned to look at him. He turned to Jayjay Bennington and said, "I thought when I had the bookstore and when I recruited you and Sophie to come to our world, that my work there wasn't done. When I went back and found the wizard-children waiting, I became even more sure of that. But now I see where my path lies, too." He smiled at Kate. "I'm coming with you." His eyes were warm and kind. "You need a friend. You need a teacher. And you need someone to watch your back. Together, we'll go through Callion's records and track down his children. Together we'll figure out a way to turn what he intended as evil into something good."
Kate studied him. "You don't belong in my world, though."
The wizard shrugged. "I liked it when I was there. I could like it again." His words spoke of mere contentment, but his eyes, when they looked into hers, wondered at other possibilities. Private, personal questions…things that only long acquaintance and close proximity might answer.
Kate found herself smiling. Perhaps happiness began to pursue her already.