Adam broke away from me as he exhaled a long breath. With his back to me, I saw the way he moved his hand to his face. Touching his jaw. Touching the corners of his eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Adam.”
“Yeah. A lot of people said it was for the better. I was too stupid to realize how bad she was. How far gone she was. Hell, I was almost right behind her.”
I reached out with a shaking hand as I gently touched his shoulder.
Adam, my Adam, had been close to dying?
He turned his head. “I just wanted you to know all of this. To know that it’s not all cut and dry up here. It’s not easy. It’s been hard.”
“I’ve seen you wince in pain with your shoulder,” I said. “And I’ve seen you take medicine for it. I know it’s not my place, Adam, but… are you okay now?”
“I’m here,” he said. “Doctors ignored me for a long time about my shoulder and now it’s either surgery or deal with the pain. I deal with the pain.”
That wasn’t exactly what I was talking about.
Adam took my hand and squeezed it. “There’s a good reason I’m telling you this. I need to show you something else now.”
“Of course,” I said.
I was being supportive, but I was a little nervous.
First a cemetery, now what?
Adam stood for a few seconds, staring down at the stone with Janet’s name on it.
I slowly pulled my hand from his. “I’ll give you a minute to yourself.”
“Thank you,” he said. He moved his eyes to meet mine. “And I meant what I said.”
“About?”
“Loving her in a different way,” he said. “A different way from how I loved you.”
My throat tightened.
I knew Adam loved me, but to hear him admit it. To really say it.
But that was the past.
He had loved me.
I walked away, sort of breathless, my heart racing yet heavy, realizing the night we had kissed had set us on a path to be apart. Yet we were back together again.
I looked back and Adam was now crouching, his fingertips touching the gravestone.
My eyes filled with tears.
And a sense of greed went through me…
Because I wanted Adam to love me right now - and love me forever.
* * *
When Adam pointed to the loft, he grinned.
“What?” I asked.
“For you, sugar,” he said.
I took the first step, biting my bottom lip. I now knew what this house meant to him. What the loft meant to him. What everything in this little lake town meant.
Adam followed me, and I let out a gasp when I saw how clean the loft was now.
“My project,” he said. “For you.”
“For me?” I asked as I turned, and he took the last step.
He was next to me, so much taller than me, and slid an arm around my waist.
As we walked forward, he pointed.
When I looked, I let out another gasp.
Right there against the window that overlooked the lake was my desk. The desk from the house I had shared with Chad. The desk I wanted to write an amazing book at, but never felt I could. The desk where Chad would stand over my shoulder, question me and pester me about writing. The desk Adam had lifted, carried out of the house and put into the bed of his truck.
And now it was in the loft of his house.
“I’ll never use this space up here,” he said. “It was put to use once before. For the wrong reason. Now, I want it to be used for the right reason.”
“Adam…”
“Elena,” he said. He broke away from me and put a hand to the desk. “The view is great. I know it’s dark out now, so you can’t see. I know you took that room at Marjorie’s house for privacy. But let this be your writing space. You have a key to the house. Come and go as you want.”
My cheeks burned red with excitement and feeling… sexy. It was a strange word to come to mind, but the fact that a man as good looking as Adam believed in what I wanted to do made me feel sexy. It was a weird feeling, but it wouldn’t go away.
“If it’s too much, let me know,” he said. “I just figured since the desk…”
I moved toward him, my body colliding into his. I thought I could be super sexy and knock him over the desk or something, but that was impossible. He was too big and too strong. I basically bounced off him, clutching at his shirt. His hands were suddenly at my sides, pulling me toward him. Our bodies facing each other, him staring down at me with his dark eyes that screamed bad but made me feel good.
We stared at each other and I counted the seconds in my head.
One… two…
Adam lifted me and turned. My eyes went wide as I spun around. My butt crashed into the edge of the desk, a split-second later Adam’s body crashed into mine. I tried to gasp but there was no breath. And even if there was, it was quickly stolen when Adam kissed me. His hands smoothly slid down around to my ass, keeping me tight to his body. I parted my lips to exhale an attempted sigh, but that only furthered the kiss.
There had been many times in my life when I imagined Adam kissing me. Touching me. Making me feel the way I felt right then as we continued to kiss. There was no hesitation and no holding back.
His right hand slowly slid around to the front of my pants. When his fingertips grazed bare skin, I jumped and let out a whimper. Heat flooded my cheeks, feeling almost too desperate for what I wanted from him, my mind screaming for more.
With his hand against my lower belly, he broke the kiss and made an invisible line with the tip of his nose down to my neck. He exhaled against my neck, making me shiver. His fingers flicked the button of my pants open and the muscles in my legs jolted tight for a second. His fingertips slid to my hip, cutting down not only into my pants but into my panties also. The tip of his tongue sliced against my neck like a warm and dangerous razor, moving up to my earlobe. The moment he nibbled, I began to melt. The secret spot. The sweet spot. My weakness.
My hands slapped against the desk to keep something that resembled balance. My shoes skidded against the hardwood floors of the loft as I prematurely began to part my legs for him.
Adam took advantage of what he had caused inside me, pressing forward, allowing me to feel all of his body. A bulging hardness rested against my body as I gently put my head back, looking up to the ceiling, trying to stay calm and count my breaths.
He was hard.
I was ready.
“Stop me if your heart is too far broken,” Adam whispered into my ear.
I bit my bottom lip, straddling the line between what I should and shouldn’t do here.
Before I could make the final decision, my mouth spoke two words.
“Don’t stop.”
With that, Adam brushed the scruff on his face against my cheek as he moved back to kiss me again. When our lips touched, the kiss instantly exploded. His left hand made a move, cutting under my shirt, moving around to the small of my back. His right hand eased to the front of my body and went down…
I bit at his bottom lip as his fingertips touched warm and forbidden skin. I shivered again, my inner thighs trembling as he made gentle circles, welcoming himself to my body, parting my folds with care, before curling his fingers against my other weak spot. I groaned and jumped, hitting the desk so hard, it bounced against the wall. Adam stopped kissing me, so he could laugh, his lips brushing against mine, his breath devouring me.
My toes curled in my socks as I tried to brace myself for more.
Using two fingers, he traced a line down and around, pressing up against my center. I moved to my toes, the backs of my legs flexed so tightly that I thought my muscles were going to pop.
As he plunged into me, I put my head back again and cried out, my voice echoing around the loft. My hands released their hold on the edge of the desk and I grabbed at his shirt. I pulled at him, sucking in a deep breath as the pressure grew deep within my core. He began to move his ha
nd, my pleasure already soaring from head to toe. My clothes suddenly felt itchy, and I wanted them off. All of them. Me wanting Adam to put me on the floor, right there in the loft, and take me.
My right hand felt for one of the loops on his jeans. I hooked my middle and ring fingers tightly around it. It was my only saving grace from collapsing. The tingling feeling in my legs suggested I was going to lose feeling soon. Not to mention the same feeling inside me, growing more and more each time he thrust his fingers into me. My hips had a mind of their own as I caught myself rocking forward and backward against his touch, driving myself with the insistent need to climax.
Adam kissed my neck again. He moved down to where the neck of my shirt was in the way. He nudged the tip of his nose against it, pulling it a little, giving that hint of intention. He kissed to the other side of my neck and moved up to my other earlobe. He gently bit just as his fingers eased up to my clit for a second time. Touching both spots at the same time, I felt myself stepping toward the edge of pleasure.
There was no stopping it now.
With my left hand, I slid down and felt the thick bulge hidden in his jeans.
I started to squeeze when Adam whispered something else in my ear.
“Now,” he whispered. “I want to feel you fucking come, right now, sugar.”
My eyes shut as his fingers sank deep inside me again.
That was all I could take.
What Adam didn’t know is that it had been a long time… a really long time… since I’d felt this kind of moment.
My hips bucked forward at his touch, then slammed back against the desk. Forward again. Back again. The waves from within my core crashing over and over, the feeling rushing through my entire body.
That single moment that had been building for so long.
The look in Adam’s eyes when he looked at me, still touching me. Moving forward to steal one last kiss from me before moving away.
The pleasure lingered as an ache for more went through me.
“Adam…”
I was still catching my breath.
“Yeah, sugar?”
“Thank you.”
He smirked and that made me see him as the baggy clothes wearing stoner that was always cute and always stared at me with big, loving, puppy dog eyes.
“Thank me for what? The desk… the house… or…”
I rolled my eyes. “Maybe for everything.”
“I hope I don’t lose you again, Elena.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Adam.”
He laughed. “No offense, but you don’t even have all your stuff moved yet. And that’s okay. You’re sort of in between. I just hope when you decide on your direction, it’s the same one I’m going too.”
He walked away, the steps from the loft creaking as he disappeared.
I fixed my pants and slowly turned, my hands against my desk. I looked out the window to the lake. It was calm and peaceful.
I thought about Adam telling me he’d only loved one other woman besides me.
And I was in the same situation.
I had only loved one other person besides him.
The thought made me shiver.
I had only once before admitted that I loved him…
15
Nobody Else Heard
ADAM
(then)
“Where’s Elena?”
Two girls looked at me and started to laugh. They tried to hide behind their red cups and then fell into the counter together, spilling their drinks on themselves, laughing even harder.
I hated these fucking parties.
It wasn’t quite on the other side of the tracks where the rich kids lived. It was down around the bend of the tracks, where the small town had a one block feel as though it were a city. Every street was a dead end, most sitting against the river.
That’s where Rachel lived.
Her parents had taken off for a weekend in New York City, which meant the house was open for business as a party place. Her house was more hidden than the rest in the neighborhood. The back deck and the backyard went all the way down to the river. Meaning as long as everyone kept the noise and craziness out back, there was a slim chance the cops would come. And even if they did, we could bolt and follow the river and the woods until we got to the tracks and bridge.
Which meant if shit hit the fan, Rachel would take the hit and so would her parents.
But that wasn’t my worry.
My worry was Elena.
I had no plans on coming to the party tonight. Brad had gotten himself a nice supply that he wanted me and the guys to try out. We were going to go up into the woods, build a fire, smoke ourselves silly, and just sleep there for the night. My mother was out of town with a friend, as she called him. The only thing I could ask of her was to make sure the rent was paid. Everything else I could take care of.
Now things were a big mess.
I couldn’t find Elena. And Brad was pissed at me.
I had gotten all the way up to the woods, taken one hit from his new supply, and then had this urge to leave. There was nothing worse than having a panic attack while high. And when that started to kick in, I left. Brad chased me down, but by then, Elena had called me. I had basically no service in the woods, but I swore I heard the word help. That triggered me even more. So much so that when Brad grabbed for my shoulder, I turned and punched him to get him away.
When I opened the front door to Rachel’s house, it was like a cliché high school party from a movie. People everywhere in clusters. Music thumping from the other room. Bottles everywhere. A red cup in everyone’s hand. And the same look of what the fuck is he doing here from everyone who saw me.
I went through the living room into the dining room then into the kitchen.
No luck in finding Elena.
I opened random doors only to find a pantry and two closets.
When I opened another door, a hand clamped on my wrist.
“Off limits.”
It was Rachel. Her makeup sloppy like a clown. Which I never understood. She had nice blue eyes but put so much makeup on her face, she looked goofy. She looked like she had forced herself into an outfit from middle school. Trying to look sexy, I guess.
“Have you seen Elena?” I asked.
“Yeah, why?”
“She’s here?”
“Yeah. With Chad.”
Chad. Of course.
“When was the last time you saw her?”
“What the hell are you, the police?”
“She… I was supposed to meet her here.”
Rachel raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”
“Why’s the basement off limits?”
“That’s where my parents keep valuables,” she said. “Everyone knows to stay the fuck away from it. Got it, stoner?”
“Yeah, right,” I said.
I took my hand off the doorknob. Rachel took her hand off my hand and stared at it. She made a cringe face and wiped her hand on some guy’s back. He turned, saw it was Rachel, and smiled at her.
Fuck, I really hated these parties.
Because come Monday, the rumor mill would be going wild through the halls of school. Who kissed who. Who touched who. Who did everything with who. Who cheated on who.
I made fists and moved through the downstairs one more time. I looked up the steps and worked my way through the crowd on the stairs. Back to square one, I was opening every door I saw. The bathroom had some guy hugging a toilet as two other guys stood there, each drinking a beer. In two bedrooms, the beds had couples sitting, making out. The other two bedrooms were dark and empty. Even still, I called for Elena and there was no response.
Now, even more pissed off, I raced down the steps faster. I went through the house again and went outside. There, on the deck, I spotted Chad with his asshole baseball buddies. Him sitting on a red cooler with a bottle of something, telling a story.
I cut right in. “Chad, have you seen her?”
“I’m fucki
ng talking here,” he said to me.
I swung my foot and kicked the cooler.
Chad jumped right up and put his bottle down. “What the fuck is your problem, pot head?”
“Have you seen Elena?”
“What?”
“Is she here? Have you seen her? I need to talk to her”
“Yeah, she’s here,” he said. “She came with me. She went to get a drink. What the fuck do you want with her?”
“Oh, man, he’s in love with her,” one of the guys said. It was Gabe. He started making kissing sounds. “He wants your girl, Chad.” Gabe turned and hugged himself, making it look like he was kissing someone and that someone was hugging him.
“That’s all the action he’ll get,” I said.
The other two guys laughed, but not Chad.
He stared right at me. “Get the fuck out of here, Adam. I don’t know who you think you are, but get out of here.”
“Not until I know she’s okay.”
“Jesus, man,” Gabe said, turning back around. “You heard what Chad said. She went to get a drink.”
I opened my mouth to keep arguing, but knew it was useless.
I showed my hands and shook my head. “You’re all assholes.”
“Finish your story, bro,” Gabe said to Chad.
Just like that, it was as if I didn’t exist.
I walked off the deck and looked around the yard. There were clusters of people in the yard too. The lit ends of cigarettes burning brightly as people took drags, looking like the glow of fireflies in summer.
I wasn’t leaving this party until I found her.
Where the hell was Elena?
* * *
I walked through the yard with no luck.
The only thing that made sense was that she called to tell me she was leaving the party. Or maybe she had already left and needed help. Was she lost? Did she get hurt?
I ran a hand through my hair wondering if she got drunk and tried to drive. To me there was no way Elena would do something that stupid, but after the week she had, I knew she was in pain. And pain had a funny way of sneaking up on you and making you do crazy things.
When I turned to walk along the side of the house and was next to the woods, I heard a noise. A quick and soft noise. Not a groan, but a small cry. I paused and squinted. As my eyes adjusted a little, I saw the silhouette of two people. Against the side of the house.
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