by John Moore
With a triumphant flourish, Norville brought a glass slipper out from under his cloak. “Your Highness,” he announced, “I have found her!”
“Terrific, Norville! That’s great! Are you sure she’s the one?”
“Absolutely. Both the description and the slipper fit perfectly.”
“That must be her then. She had very delicate feet.”
“Excuse me,” interrupted Aurora. “You’re trying to match a girl up with a shoe? That slipper isn’t that small. There must be lots of girls who can wear it.”
“One would think so, but such is not the case,” said Norville. “We have tried this slipper on the majority of young women in the city and not a single other woman could fit into it.”
“Is that really glass?” said Ann
“Very fine lead crystal,” said Norville. “Listen.” The shoe had a narrow, three-inch heel. The Count tapped it with a spoon. A faint, bell-like tone rang out and shimmered through the room. “I am surprised the heel doesn’t break but it stands up very well.”
“May I try it?”
“I don’t why not, but you are wasting your time.” The Count passed the shoe to Ann, who slipped out of her sandals and attempted to put on the glass slipper. She continued the attempt for several minutes, while Aurora watched with a growing air of condescension and Charming took the opportunity to speak quietly with Norville.
Finally Ann said, “It isn’t that the shoe is so small, it’s just narrow. Well, it’s not so narrow, but it’s just sort of narrow through the toes in a strange way.”
“I believe slim is the word you are looking for,” said Aurora. “Obviously this shoe was designed for a girl with slim feet. Naturally someone with chunky feet won’t fit into it.”
“Chunky feet!”
“Oh dear, that was tactless of me, wasn’t it? I simply meant that the owner of the shoe probably has a petite rather than a matronly figure.”
Ann gritted her teeth. “Okay, miss smartypants, you try it on.”
Aurora took the shoe and began working her toes into it. There followed several minutes of struggling and straining. “This shoe is smaller than it looks. I think the glass has a magnifying effect.”
“Yeah, right,” said Ann.
Aurora gave her a hostile look and took a soup spoon from the table. Using it as a shoehorn, she was able with much effort to get the body of her foot into the slipper. “There!” she said.
“It’s not all the way in!”
“Yes, it is!”
“No, it isn’t. Your heel isn’t touching the glass. You won’t be able to stand on it.”
“Of course I can. Aaggggghhhh,” said Aurora, attempting to stand up and sitting back down again. “This is the most uncomfortable shoe I’ve ever tried on. It must have been very expensive.”
“I know what you mean. We have a shoemaker in my kingdom who makes women’s dress shoes that are superb. They’re hideously painful.”
“I had shoes made for my coming out party that were absolute agony to wear. They were very expensive, but they were worth it. I couldn’t stand up for two days afterward. The shoemaker later quit to become chief torturer for King Bruno of Omnia.”
“Sheesh,” said Wendell.
Charming, meanwhile, was talking with Count Norville in low but urgent tones. “Did you see her?”
“I did, indeed,” said Norville. His voice held only the slightest inflection of distaste.
“Pretty hot, eh?”
Norville sighed. “Prince Charming, please believe me when I say I have made a serious effort to understand this obsession you have with carnal gratification. Still, I fail to comprehend how you could be attracted to such a… trollop, especially when there exists a plethora of pure and virtuous young women within our very borders. Even if you confine yourself to women of your own class, such as these two fine young ladies you brought home with you…”
“The heck with them, Norville. This girl was incredible. The moment we started dancing, she just shoved her breasts right up against me. And all the time we were dancing she never missed an opportunity to grind her pelvis into my hip. And all the time I was talking to her she kept looking right into my eyes and wetting her lips with the tip of her tongue. I thought I was going to explode. She didn’t say much about herself though.”
“Apparently she relies on body language.”
“Yeah! That must be it! I have to see this girl again, Norville. I mean, this girl was hot for me. If I can just get her alone, I know she’s just waiting for me to put the moves on her. You say you invited her to dinner tonight?”
“I thought it might be best to let this unsavory episode come to a head as quickly as possible. Provided this young woman actually consents to the sordid acts you so look forward to, I will alert the public relations staff to prepare for damage control. Oh, and while I hate to disappoint you, young sir, Cynthia will not be coming alone. Her godmother will be with her.”
“Her godmother?”
“You could hardly expect the young lady to go about unchaperoned.”
“Why her godmother? No, don’t tell me, her real mother is dead.”
“The father is also dead. Hmmm. Perhaps the lack of strong interfamily relationships has something to do with her promiscuous behavior. At any rate, she seems to be very close to her godmother. The godmother has a strong guiding influence on her life.”
“I’m going to have to ask Mandelbaum if there is a correlation between good looks and dead parents.”
“Apparently there is some friction between her and her stepmother and stepsisters. In fact, the rest of the family tried to conceal the girl from us. That accounts for the delay in locating her, not that I’m making excuses for my men.”
“All right. I’ll scope out the godmother and see if I can figure out a way to distract her. It’s probably just a question of waiting for the right opportunity.”
Wendell had left the table and joined the Prince and Norville. “Sire, is this the girl you met at the ball that you really like?”
“This is the one, Wendell.”
“Yuck. Anyway, I will be gone this afternoon, Sire. Mandelbaum is going to show me where to find the herbal mushrooms.”
“Okay. No, wait! Uh, you can’t go out this afternoon, Wendell. I’m, uh, going to practice my quarterstaff fighting and I’ll need your help.”
“But you never fight with the quarterstaff. We don’t even carry one on our trips.”
“That’s why I’m out of practice. So stay around.”
“But Mandelbaum…”
“Sorry, Wendell. I’ll straighten it out with Mandelbaum.”
“Yes, Sire.”
“I saw Mandelbaum this morning,” said Norville. “He looked quite exhausted.”
“I think he was up all night, Norville. I will see you later. I’m going to escort Aurora in to see Dad.”
“Ah, yes. What a tragedy to lose one’s husband immediately after the wedding like that.”
“Um, yes. See you later.” Charming returned to the table where the girls were still bickering. “We should go in to see Dad’s secretary now. The schedule is pretty tight and it wouldn’t hurt to get there early.” This was a signal for Ann and Aurora to both produce brushes and spend the next twenty minutes arranging their hair. Charming sighed and ate some sandwiches.
At long last the two Princesses reached a state approaching readiness and Charming was able to lead them down the long halls and up the grand staircase that led to the throne room. They passed through a maze of antechambers crowded with waiting courtiers, lawyers, diplomats, and merchants; they passed the muster of a phalanx of secretaries and undersecretaries until at last they were ushered by a side door into the throne room.
At the far end of the throne room, the king was deep in consultation with several of his lords. Charming and the girls stood to one side, awaiting their turn. “Good afternoon, your Highness,” said the Captain-at-Arms. He consulted a check list. “Princess Ann and Princess Aurora?�
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“Let’s not stand on protocol today, Eddie. I’ll announce them myself.”
“Very good, Sire.”
Suddenly Aurora shoved past him. She stood on tiptoe, leaning forward to get a better view of the King. His face was half turned from them, his head lowered, so that all one could see was his gray hair and the curve of his beard. Aurora was tensed, trembling, like a greyhound in the starting gate. Then suddenly the king lifted his head and looked straight at them.
“Excuse me,” said Charming. “Aurora, you’ll have to wait!” But she was off. To the astonishment of the court, the young girl shoved her way through the line, raced past the surprised bodyguards, and hurled herself into the king’s lap. “Goopy!” she cried.
“Goopy?” said the Prince.
IT WAS TO KING GARRISON’S CREDIT that, no matter how busy he was (and the King of Illyria was always very busy), he could always open up some time to spend a private moment with his son should Charming urgently request it. That afternoon, he would be glad that the walls of the castle were stone and the oak doors were thick, for the Prince was in high ire and his voice reverberated from the ceiling. “I can’t believe this! All this nonsense you’ve been giving me about remaining pure and celibate, about morals and virtue, about protecting my image and respecting the chastity of the girls, and now I find out that twenty years ago you were boffing blondes in the bushes!”
“All parents did the things they tell their children not to do,” the King said calmly. “That’s how they know to tell them not to do it.”
“And now you want to get married…”
“Well, we’re still engaged, after all.”
“… to a girl who’s twenty-five years younger than you.”
“Aurora is thirty-seven.”
“But she’s been asleep for twenty years!”
“You sleep for eight hours at night,” the King pointed out. “That hardly makes you twelve years old.”
“All right, all right,” yelled the Prince. “Have it your way. But I’ve got a hot date tonight and I don’t want to hear anyone laying morality trips on me. So just stay out of my way!” And he stormed out.
This confrontation still lay several hours in the future, however. At the moment the Prince was astonished to the point of speechlessness, as was the rest of the court, when Aurora hurled herself into the King’s lap and began kissing him all over his face.
“Aurora?” said the King.
“Goopy!”
“I thought you were dead!”
“I thought you were dead.”
“The boys took me into town that night for a final celebration. We didn’t stagger back till the next day. We tried to get through the hedge, Aurora, honestly we did. I lost two of my best men to the thorns. But eventually we had to give it up.”
“Then you seized my land.”
“Um, I was holding it for you.”
“But you thought I was dead.”
“Not until after the land had been seized… uh, placed under a protectorate. It was my father’s decision actually.”
“Well, no matter.” Aurora began kissing him again. “It will be our land after we’re married.”
The King hesitated for only a second, long enough for his eyes to flicker across the slim figure of the nubile teenager in his arms. “Of course,” he said, just a little hoarsely. “Darling, in all these years I’ve never stopped loving you.”
Aurora drew back and faced the King with narrowed eyes. “But you did marry?”
“It was a political move,” said the King earnestly. “I had to do it. I never loved her.”
“Oh really?” muttered the Prince.
“Aurora, you are the light of my life. When I lost you, it was as if a cloud passed over the sun and I have been living my life in shadow ever since. Today, for the first time the clouds have parted and the radiance of your…”
“Okay, okay.” The princess put a finger to his lips. “Don’t try and wax eloquent, Goopy, it’s not your forte. I believe you.”
“Please don’t call me Goopy in public, dear.”
“Sorry, Garrison. Do you honestly still wish to marry me?”
“Of course, my darling.”
“And have children?”
“As soon as possible.”
“Perhaps even sooner,” said Aurora. She kissed him again. “We’ll talk about it.”
For most of the court, unfamiliar with the history of the sleeping princess and her strange enchantment, it was a perplexing moment. Nonetheless, they recognized that something momentous had occurred and that a marriage was in the offing. They moved in at once to congratulate the King, introduce themselves to the Princess, and otherwise ingratiate themselves with the Royal family. Only Charming and Ann stood back from the press of the crowd. Charming was still trying to sort out a range of conflicting emotions generated by the revelations of the past minutes. Ann simply leaned back against the rear wall and watched Aurora with a calculating eye.
“Hmmm,” she said.
“I THINK THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG with Mandelbaum,” said Wendell. “I asked him if he found the right mushrooms and he just said, ‘What mushrooms?’ like he didn’t know what I was talking about. What were those two doing all day if they weren’t gathering mushrooms?”
Charming shrugged absently and put his hands behind his head. He was sitting on a bench in his father’s secretary’s office, legs stretched out in front of him, one booted foot crossed over the other. His gaze was focused on the ceiling and he seemed lost in thought. Ann sat on the desk, silent but alert.
“I got out your quarterstaff equipment and padding,” continued Wendell. “I figured you’d want to start out with full padding since you haven’t done quarterstaff in a long while.”
“Quarterstaff?” said Charming.
“What? Is that a joke? Or is everybody suffering from memory loss around here?”
“I believe his Highness has much to think about,” said Ann. “As does Mandelbaum. And his Majesty the King.”
“Hah,” said Wendell. “There’s too many girls around, that’s the trouble.” He glared at her. “Guys start acting stupid when there’s too many girls about.”
“You may be right.”
Prudhomme, the King’s secretary, entered his office. Ann moved off his desk, but he quickly ushered her to a chair. “No, no, Princess, don’t get up. Make yourself at home, I beg you. Well, well, that was a perfectly delightful surprise, wasn’t it? To think we will finally have a queen again after all these years. How wonderful. Prince Charming, I know you must be very happy for your father.”
Charming gave him a long stare. “Yeah.”
“Then again, I’m sure you feel a need to remain loyal to the memory of your departed mother.” Prudhomme recovered smoothly. “And I can’t tell you enough, your Highness, how much we all revered her when she was with us, may her soul rest in peace. I am certain, too, that she would have been very proud of her son and…”
“Prudhomme?”
“Yes, Sire?”
“Drop it.”
“Yes, Sire. By the way, your Highness, there is a caller to see you. I told him he needed to make an appointment with your staff, but he insisted on waiting. He appears to be a most persistent and, if I may say so, a most aggressive fellow.”
“Oh, yeah? Where is he now?”
“The last time I looked, he was waiting in the courtyard below.”
“I saw him,” said Wendell. “It’s the big hairy guy who challenged you to a fight at the inn.”
“And he’s still alive?” said Prudhomme.
Charming crossed over to the window and looked down. Sure enough, it was Bear McAllister pacing the cobblestones, while a few of the guards kept wary eyes on him. He had his crossbow slung over his back and under one arm he held a package, a long object wrapped in oiled cloth. Charming shrugged. “Might as well see what he wants.” He bid his leave to Prudhomme and went down the stairs, Wendell at his side, and Ann slipping in qu
ietly a few paces behind. Outside, the big man greeted him with respect and Charming responded with all the friendliness he could muster. “What brings you to Illyria?”
“Oh, just happened to be in the neighborhood,” said Bear. “And I thought I might as well return this to you.” He held out the package.
“I know, it’s Endeavor,” cried out Wendell, leaping up and taking the bundle before Charming could accept it. He tore off the oiled cloth. “I knew it. This is great. This is such a great sword. It’s my favorite of all your swords.”
“Couple of the boys found it sticking out of a dragon’s skull in the woods,” said Bear. “They had it on display at the Inn. Charging people tuppence to see it. I sort of commandeered it back for you.”
“I appreciate its return. Thank you.”
“Yeah, thanks,” said Wendell.
“There will be a reward for its return, of course. I’m quite pleased that your friends were able to recover it.”
Bear shifted his feet. “Yeah, well, you see, that’s something I really came to talk to you about. Not about a reward, but about that castle. See, we’ve been looking it over.”
“You got through the hedge?”
“Uh, yeah. I don’t know how you knew, but I guess when you burned down the castle you broke the spell. After a couple days, that thorn hedge just started drying up and dying. We started chopping at it and were able to get through with no problems. It just stayed chopped this time. The other guys found the dragon and me and my friends went on to the castle. We were going to, uh, look for stuff, you know.”
“Loot it,” said the Prince.
“Uh, yeah, I guess. It was a good thing we did, though, because we actually found some survivors. A couple of stewards, down in the wine cellar. They went down to bring up more wine and they fell asleep, and I guess they’ve been sleeping for twenty years, down there where the dragon and the fire couldn’t get at them. They were pretty confused. We took them back to town. Anyway, there wasn’t much left of the castle. You pretty much burned it right to the ground.”
“Termites. Only way to rid of them.”