by John Moore
“No, I mean…”
“Of course, a lot of this magic stuff is pretty useless anyway, in my opinion. Most of it is things like throwing hexes on your neighbors and making their livestock infertile. And talking to animals.”
“Um…”
“I mean, what’s a cat got to talk about anyway? They’ve got a brain maybe the size of a walnut. Not exactly much room there for intellectual dissertation.”
“Uh huh…”
“Got any cows you want sterilized?”
“Um, not really.”
“Nobody does. Useless. Political power, now that’s a different story. When you’ve got political power augmented with magical power, now you’re getting somewhere. That’s why Illyria is so strong. I learned all this from Esmerelda. She’s my fairy godmother.”
“I know.”
“Of course, when you start out poor it’s tough getting any sort of power. If you’re a man, you can become a soldier and slash your way to the top of the heap. If you’re a woman, you have to rely on your looks. You probably never had to think about all this, since you’re already a princess.”
Ann glared at her. “I…”
“I was going to marry Prince Charming, but that’s all off now. He’s not really a prince, you know. Not a legitimate one.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah. But fortunately this grail became available, so we still have an angle on magical power. This is really important to Esmerelda.”
“Uh huh,” said Ann, since it seemed as though Cynthia was waiting for a reply.
“Oh, yes. And she’s really interested in meeting you. Which we might as well do right now.”
“Well, I’m rather afraid I’m waiting for a friend.”
“Prince Charming, right. You said that already. Don’t worry about it. He’ll be along in a little while.” Cynthia picked up a torch that was resting on a flat rock and lit it from the fire. She took Ann by the arm. “Let’s go.”
“Where are we going?” Cynthia seemed to have a bit more depth then when Ann last saw her, and she was getting a bad feeling about this encounter. She really wished Charming were here.
“We’re going to the grail chapel. It’s underground. This whole hill has all been pretty much hollowed out. It’s all underground rooms and passages and stuff. It’s kind of spooky.”
“Hard to believe.”
Cynthia did not seem to be the type who reacted to sarcasm. She held the torch to the edge of one of the dark pits and revealed a set of narrow stone stairs carved into the rock. She started down them. “Watch your step. The rock is kind of damp and there’s a lot of rubble and stuff like that. So be careful.”
“Well,” said Ann. “It’s very hospitable of you to offer this tour and all, but I have not the slightest intention of entering these catacombs, or whatever they are. Thank you, but I believe I’ll just sit tight until Prince Charming arrives.”
Cynthia marched back up the stairs. She stood in front of Ann, legs apart, torch in one hand, the other hand authoritatively on her hip. “Look. Esmerelda told me to bring you to her. Now we can do this the hard way, or we can do it soft, but either way you’re coming with me.”
Ann felt a sudden chill. There was steel in Cynthia’s voice now, and a glint in her eyes that was a little bit strange and not at all pleasant. Around the two girls the night settled in like a velvet cloak and the torch offered a flickering circle of light that spared only a few rocks from the darkness.
“Actually, I suppose I can wait for Charming just as well inside as outside.”
“That’s the ticket. Just stay close to me. It’s not that bad.”
Cynthia held the torch in front of herself and descended into the interior of the hill, Ann following on the step just above her. The air got immediately damper and cooler, but the stone stairway spiraled down only about thirty feet. Ann found herself standing on a dry, level passage, dimly lit by scattered candles set in nooks in the walls. Tunnel entrances led out from the main passage. A few were curtained off, but most had thick wooden doors with iron hinges set into the stone. The caves looked as if they had been formed naturally, then worked over by generations of masons to form smooth walls and squared off portals.
“Not bad,” Ann said.
“We’ve cleaned up quite a bit. It was filled with centuries worth of rubbish. I should say, I cleaned up. Esmerelda would live in a pigsty if left to herself. Too obsessed with magic and scheming to attend to the day-to-day details of living.”
Ann shrugged. She knew someone like that.
“There’s the grail passage.” Cynthia pointed down a dark hallway.
The grail passage was elaborate indeed. The entrance was surrounded by a frame of heavy, thick, and very dark wood, every square inch of which was intricately carved with tiny runic symbols. The frame looked very, very old. The wooden frame was in turn surrounded by a marble frame, only slightly newer and just as intricately carved. A set of double wooden doors, also carved with incredible detail, hung from the wooden frame, but now they were stopped open. Inside, the passage was dark, damp, and musty. The light from the candles penetrated only a few feet into the gloom.
“Don’t stick your head in there too far,” Cynthia warned Ann. “You’re likely to get it lopped off. There’s nothing but a bunch of skeletons in there anyway. Only a knight who is pure and chaste, which means one who’s never got his wick dipped, can enter the grail chapel.”
“Got his what?”
“Skip it. The legends say the knight has to be a virgin, that’s all.”
“I’m a virgin.”
“Too bad. It only works for men.”
“Unfair.”
“Just as well, I think. Do you really want to fight a disembodied arm with a sword?”
“What?”
“Don’t look at me like that, I didn’t set this up. The wrong person steps into that chamber, a ghostly arm swoops down and lops his head off.”
“That,” said Ann, “is really stupid.”
“Yeah, well, these ancient priests and sorcerers, they had a lot of power, but they weren’t all that sophisticated.”
“But someone like Prince Charming would be able to walk right through the chapel and grab the grail with no problem?”
“Nope. Everybody still has to fight the arm with the sword. But only a guy who is pure and chaste has a chance of defeating the dumb thing. I mean, if he’s good.”
“Charming’s the best. Still, suppose two knights entered the chapel. Even if they weren’t pure, it would still be two to one against the arm.”
“Nope, wouldn’t work.”
“Well, What if one was a virgin and the other wasn’t?”
“Who cares? Look, this isn’t exactly the treasure of King Solomon in there. It’s just a crummy little fertility grail that will cause your ewes to put out a few more lambs and your peas to sprout a few more pods and maybe a barren woman will get pregnant. Maybe it’s kind of nice for a sheep farmer, but it’s hardly the sort of thing to die over.”
“There are people,” said Ann, “for whom the birth or death of a single lamb can mean the difference between starvation and sustenance.”
“Tough break,” said Cynthia unsympathetically, “because the kind of people who can really use a grail like this are magicians who can tap into its power. Like Esmerelda. Once she understands from where its magic originates, she can use it to power her own spells. Her sphere of influence will be expanded, her power will be undefiable, and she’ll be able to crank up some really, really neat spells and they won’t run out at midnight either. She has some great clothing spells.”
“Uh huh. How thrilling. Well, this has been absolutely fascinating, Cynthia, and I really appreciate the tour, but if there’s nothing else, I should really be going now. It’s past my bedtime and all that.”
“Oh, we’re just getting started,” said Cynthia. She seized Ann’s wrist in a grip that seemed unnaturally strong and dragged her down the passageway. “Here we go.
This is where Esmerelda has her laboratory set up.”
Ann, however, was not the hothouse flower Cynthia expected and she didn’t go far. The red-haired girl found her grip twisted away. Ann stared her down with narrowed eyes. “I,” said the Princess, “will wait outside. Do not try to stop me.” She turned with dignity and walked away.
Cynthia hit her on the head with a rock.
She knocked once on the door, then pushed it open without waiting for an answer and roughly dragged Ann inside. “Hi Esmerelda, I’ve got her.”
CHARMING DISMOUNTED OUTSIDE the thorn hedge and examined the horse he found tethered there. It was undoubtedly from the Royal stables. One of Norville’s agents, perhaps? The stirrups had been cinched up high, so the rider must have had short legs. Charming shrugged and tied up his horse beside it. Whoever it was would show up eventually.
Taking a lantern from his pack, he quickly traversed the tunnel, entered the ruins and, after a bit of scouting around, found the entrance to the underground passage without too much trouble. He lit the lantern and drew his sword, descending into the cavern cautiously but quickly. The entrance to the grail chapel was easily found and still open. He ignored it.
“Hello, Esmerelda,” he said.
The fairy Queen was standing beside the open doors. She looked the same as when Charming had last seen her, but Charming had not paid much attention to her then. Her hair was dark brown streaked with gray and cut close to her head. She wore a green velvet cloak that reached from her shoulders to the floor and she had at least one ring on every finger, including the thumbs. Her mouth, as she looked Charming over, was pursed in a frown of disapproval, but her voice was calm and reasonable. “Good evening, Charming. I realize you are surprised to see me.”
Charming was not at all surprised, but he nodded. “I should say I’m more impressed than surprised. I had no idea when I invited you to dinner that you were responsible for the deaths of an entire castle’s household and a country’s nobility.”
“Dear boy, surely you do not hold me responsible for that catastrophe. I had no intention of letting anyone die. King Stephen’s wizards were all off duty, enjoying the wedding festivities, and I took advantage of their distraction to lay a sleeping spell over the castle. It was to be purely temporary, I assure you. Just long enough for me to enter and help myself to the grail and a few other artifacts.”
“So what happened?”
“I’m afraid I can only speculate. Stephen’s wizards, I believe, kept a back-up defense spell at the ready. When all three of them were disabled, the spell went into place automatically and raised a wall of thorns around the castle. I was unable to enter. The spell drained so much power from the fairy wood that I could not even lift my own spell. Nor could your father break it by kissing Aurora, for he also could not enter. Thus, you see, it was only the most unfortunate chain of errors that caused that tragedy.”
“Very neat story,” said Charming. He tested the edge of his sword with his thumb. “I’m not sure I believe it, though. I’ve suddenly become a lot more cynical.”
“I am not surprised.”
“But,” said Charming, “then you knew that Dad was outside the hedge when the spell took hold. So he couldn’t have made it to the wedding.”
“Correct. And you are the legitimate heir to the throne of Illyria. I can provide evidence to refute the King’s story. So, are you willing to bargain with me?”
“Nope. No, I think I’ll just kill you, grab the grail, and be on my way. I’ve been in kind of a bad mood lately, anyway.”
“And I don’t blame you. When a healthy young man’s natural physical desires are thwarted by a repressive and hypocritical society, small wonder that he seeks release in acts of violence against…”
“Oh, shut up.”
“Well, that’s beside the point anyway.” Esmerelda raised his voice. “Oh, Cynthia! Are you ready, my sweet?”
“Coming, Esmerelda.”
“Queen Ruby had me misinformed,” explained Esmerelda. “We were halfway to Alacia before we put the whole story together. So I’m giving you another chance with Cynthia as part of the bargain. I think you’ll be very pleased with this, Charming.”
“Don’t hold your breath.”
One of the heavy wooden doors opened along the passageway and Cynthia came out into the hall. She had changed clothes. Charming had to admit he was intrigued.
She wore a dress of thin red silk that clung to her body as though it were wet. Her eyes were outlined in mascara that made them look even deeper and greener than they were, and her skin had been rubbed with oil that gave it a soft, almost luminous glow in the candlelight. Her hair and throat were heavily perfumed with a rich, damp scent that was traced with musk. Her lips were wet and faintly parted. She looked very, very sexy.
“Okay,” said Charming. “I’m impressed.”
“I thought you would be,” said Esmerelda. “You want your position back and I can help you get it. You want to sleep with a beautiful girl and now one is available for you.”
“Yep,” said Charming, looking Cynthia up and down. “You got it.”
“You need magical power to hold your position and I will place mine at your disposal. All I ask is that eventually you give me a place in your court and that you listen to my… advice.”
“Advice?”
“Guidance, let’s say. So this is the bargain. Take Cynthia for the night, and leave the grail for me.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
“You get this magic cup and I get a single roll in the hay?”
“I assure you, Charming, that this will be much more than a roll in the hay. Cynthia is quite skilled…” Cynthia closed her eyes to narrow slits and ran a smooth pink tongue lightly over her teeth.
“… and she will provide for you a night that you will remember for the rest of your life.”
Cynthia ran her fingers lightly down the inside of her thighs. Charming swallowed hard. “I thought only a man could work the power of the grail. The Fisher King.”
“There are ways around that. For a certain type of woman. But I cannot guard the grail at all times. After you sleep with Cynthia, you will have to leave it be, but that is not enough. You must also report back that it was not here, that someone else carried it off first so that others will not seek it from me.”
The girl shook herself lightly, her body rippling beneath the clinging red silk. Charming watched every motion. “If I leave you alive with this source of power, you’re going to do terrible things to the people of this valley.”
“I will do what I feel is necessary. But you’ve defended the common people quite enough already, Charming. Let them find another hero. Or better still, take responsibility for their own defense. It’s time to start thinking of yourself a little. And this night with Cynthia need not be a one time event. You can take her as your Queen or, if you do not wish to marry a commoner, as your consort.”
“You’re asking me to sell out my public trust,” the Prince said hoarsely.
“I’m giving you the opportunity to stop being a slave to an ungrateful populace and start being your own man.”
Cynthia ran her palms up across her smooth belly, cupping her breasts in each hand and squeezing them lightly. Closing her eyes, she threw her head back and moaned.
“Okay,” said Charming. “I’ll take the babe.”
“HE WENT FOR IT; he went for it!” The fairy Queen was dancing around her makeshift laboratory, chortling with glee. This woman’s voice was probably the most disgusting sound Ann had ever let past her eardrums. She rattled her chains helplessly, then let her arms fall to the scarred wooden table. A large bruise had formed on the back of her head.
“I’ve been tracking both of you ever since you got within range of my new magic mirror. It’s the best bargain I ever made. I got it in the bazaar at Sarcasia for only thirteen hundred gold royals.”
“So what?” snapped Ann. “I bet you got stiffed on the financi
ng.”
“Ha! Seven and a half percent interest and no payments for ninety days! I went through the evil fairy’s credit union.” Esmerelda glared at her, then continued smugly, “And look how quickly it paid off. Prince Charming in my clutches and a princess on my dissecting table. Amazing what one can do with a little advance notice. It’s like the old saying goes, ‘You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.’”
“Hmmph.”
“And what a honey that Cynthia is. I should have thought of this years ago. Charming can slash his way past an army of bodyguards, but set him up with the right girl and he goes soft in the head.”
“She’s a slut,” said Ann. “Charming doesn’t really go for her type at all. He’s just upset because of some family problems and that’s clouded his judgment.”
“You,” said Esmerelda, “have no understanding whatsoever of teenage boys. And alas, you are not going to live long enough to learn about them. The blood of a princess, slaughtered at midnight with a silver blade… well, I won’t bother you with the necromaniacal details. A sacrifice is simply necessary to convert the power of the grail over to me.”
“So you must have been planning to sacrifice a princess twenty years ago too. You were going to kill Aurora.”
“I considered it. You understand now why King Stephen was so adamant about hiding the grail from me. But you, my dear, will do just as well. In a way, it’s a pity. Tonight’s seduction, you see, is only the beginning. Once the Prince has strayed from the straight and narrow path of virtue, only the gentlest push is required to keep him on the long, downhill slide to degradation. It would be so nice to force you to witness his gradual corruption. Mental torture, I think, can be almost as satisfying as physical torture.”
The more frightened she was, Ann decided, the cooler she had to act. “I think you’re expecting a lot from one roll in the hay,” she said coolly.
Esmerelda waved a hand casually. “He’ll be back for more. Always the same with these chivalrous types; they abstain for so long, then they fall in love with the first woman who gives them a piece of ass.”