by Wilde, Lori
Rather than dismissing her feelings, Zach nodded. “I understand. I don’t want you to feel that I’m pressuring you, because I’m not. I enjoy being around you and I think you enjoy being around me. But the ball is in your court.”
“I do enjoy being around you.” She smiled. As always, Zach cared about others.
“Maybe you should date someone less complicated,” she said, knowing in her heart that she would hate that but also knowing it wasn’t fair to Zach to let him think things with her could turn romantic when they might not.
He shook his head and flashed her his famous grin. “Now why would I want to do a crazy thing like that? I love complicated.”
Good thing, Suzannah decided as the waiter brought their meals, because dating would definitely get complicated.
* * *
Dejected, Zach held the door for Suzannah to climb into the passenger seat of his truck and then he headed around to the driver’s side, shaking his head.
A blizzard could hit Kringle and close all the roads and still not be as much as a disaster as dinner with Suzannah had turned out to be. Several times during the dinner, he had tried to make her feel comfortable, but it soon became obvious it wasn’t really working.
Both of them had acted so goofy. He knew she felt guilty about Keith. He also knew his buddy would have wanted Suzannah to move on and build a new life. Dinner had been awkward and uncomfortable. He couldn’t remember ever feeling that way around Suzannah.
“Thanks for joining me for dinner,” he said when he settled into the driver’s seat. “It was nice.”
She surprised him by bursting into laughter. “No, it wasn’t. It was terrible. I felt nervous and jumpy throughout the whole meal. I kept blathering on about the Christmas parade and our Santa and Mrs. Claus costumes.”
Zach laughed too, relieved that she had felt as uncomfortable as he had. “Hey, I wasn’t much better. I think I spent twenty minutes explaining how I repair broken fencing on my ranch.”
They drove in silence for a few minutes. Normally, sitting silently with Suzannah wasn’t uncomfortable. They had been friends for so many years that they didn’t feel the need to talk constantly.
But tonight, the silence was beyond uncomfortable. It felt like a living thing, sitting between them in the truck.
Finally, Zach said, “I have to be honest, Suzannah. I don’t want to go back to just being friends. So, here’s an idea. Let’s just not put a label on this. We aren’t dating. We aren’t just friends. We aren’t…” He shrugged, knowing full well that she couldn’t see it in the dark. “We’re just us.”
She said nothing.
His chest twisted tight. Tension constricted his spine. Ah heck, he’d blown it. He quelled the impulse to tell her to scratch that. He didn’t mean it. He’d lost his mind. But he meant it.
“Given how tonight went…” She paused.
Fear clogged his throat, terrified she was going to tell him she could no longer be friends with him. He gripped the steering wheel tighter and cursed himself for pushing things too far.
“I don’t think we can be anything other than us.”
He held his breath and shot a sidelong glance her way. What did she mean by that? “We’re still friends?”
“Zach,” she said. “You’ll always be my friend. I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”
He relaxed his grip on the steering wheel. At least he hadn’t messed that up.
“As far as anything more, let’s just take it one day at a time.”
Hope fluttered in his chest. She hadn’t completely shut the door on romance. Hope was encouraging, yes, but he couldn’t remember ever being as confused about anything in his life as he was about this relationship with Suzannah.
Until Abby had suggested that he marry her mother, he hadn’t really thought about anything more between them. At least, not really. He respected his late friend too much to make a move on his wife, and he hadn’t wanted to blow his friendship with Suzannah.
But ever since Abby put the idea in his head, it was the only thing he could think about. Personally, he agreed with Abby. He really thought he and Suzannah would be perfect together. They got along so well. Had never had a fight. A few differences of opinions sure, but nothing they couldn’t work through.
They enjoyed many of the same things—small-town life, feel-good movies, riding horses, hanging out with Abby. They had the same values—they believed in family, honor and doing the right thing. They had a shared history reaching back to high school.
And that was the problem.
Their shared history.
Keith.
Her late husband, and his best friend, was the obstacle between them. How could he compete with a dead man?
Zach pulled up in front of Suzannah’s house and turned off the truck. Moved to get out so he could walk her to the door, but before he could wrench the door open, she placed one hand on his arm.
“Wait. Before we go in, I just wanted to thank you for tonight.”
Confused, he asked, “I’m not sure you should thank me. I’m not sure it turned out that great.”
She laughed softly. “Yes, it did. Tonight was the first time since Keith died that I’ve tried even a little to move on. I couldn’t have done it if you hadn’t been there with me. So, thank you.”
“I’m not really sure what to say.”
She laughed again. “I know, right? I couldn’t have gone on a date without my best friend. It makes no sense. You’re my closest friend, the person who is always there for me, and I would have been too nervous and upset to go on this date with anyone else. I know it shows how much you mean to me, but I also realize it shows how important your friendship is. I worry that I will lose that, but I’m going to be brave and try.”
He started to respond, but before he could, she stunned him by leaning forward and kissing him.
Nothing could have surprised Zach more, and for a moment, he didn’t respond, unable to believe this was really happening.
Suzannah was kissing him?
His heart pounded, and he broke out in a cold sweat. What should he do?
But the feel of her lips on his eradicated all rational thought. Desire raced through his body, and he gathered her close.
Zach deepened the kiss but let her set the pace, holding her loosely in case she wanted to pull away. His nose filled with the delightful smell of her, and his pulse quickened. Finally, finally, at last, he was kissing Suzannah. He’d dreamed of this for twenty years.
For a few moments, they kissed in silence, then she finally broke the connection. Zach could have gone on kissing until the end of time.
“Wow,” she whispered and fingered her lips. “Wow. You sure can kiss, Zach Delaney.”
He chuckled. “Thank you, ma’am. You sure can kiss, too.”
They stared at each other, eyes locked and a fresh silence descended over the cab of his truck.
He wasn’t sure what else to say and was more than a little relieved when she pushed open her door. He climbed out of the truck and walked her to the front door. Wracking his brain for something to say, but for the life of him, he came up empty.
Thankfully, Abby threw open the front door, a wide grin on her face and Betty in her arms, saving him from the conversation.
“You’re home! Did you have fun? Was it romantic? Are you in love?” She rattled off the questions so fast Zach couldn’t keep track of them all. He figured he’d best let Suzannah handle her daughter.
“Yes, we’re home. Yes, we had fun. Yes, it was romantic, and we care about each other a great deal,” she said. Then she lightly tapped the end of her daughter’s nose. “You need to keep your nose out of other people’s business.”
Rather than being discouraged, Abby’s grin just grew wider. “Sure. I’ll butt out. I’ll let you two handle this on your own.” She grinned at her dog. “I’ll be good, and so will Betty.”
With that, she turned and headed back inside, laughing as she went.
&nbs
p; Suzannah sighed. “Why do I have a feeling she didn’t mean that promise?”
Zach nodded slowly. “Because this isn’t your first rodeo.”
“I had a nice time,” she said, but Edith called from the kitchen, cutting her short.
“Suzannah? Is that you? Is the date over?” Edith asked.
“I guess I’d better go,” she murmured and smiled at him.
He nodded and wished her good night. Then he headed back to his truck feeling like a Texas twister had just smacked into him. Confused about the best way to handle this situation, he climbed inside his truck, dazed and dazzled. After their kiss, he was sure of one thing.
He wanted to marry his best friend.
Chapter 7
Inside the house, Suzannah leaned against the door, catching her breath and orienting herself to the here and now before facing her mother-in-law.
She fingered her lips, still tingling from Zach’s kiss, and ducked her head to hide the wide grin spreading across her face, just in case Edith came into the foyer and asked her what was so amusing.
Feeling giddy with the taste of Zach still on her tongue, she wanted to throw back her head and laugh out loud.
“Suzannah?” Edith called again from the kitchen where Abby had gone.
“Be right there,” she said, putting on her game face, and strolled into the kitchen.
She found Edith and Abby sitting at the kitchen table, a bowl of popcorn and an open photo album in front of them. Suzannah strolled over, trying hard to act casual and grabbed a handful of popcorn and took a bite.
“Hmm, kettle corn. Did you make this?”
Edith wrinkled her nose. “We cheated and got the packaged stuff.”
“Good brand, though. Tasty.” Munching, Suzannah bent over to see which album they’d dug out. She was really good about keeping her photo albums organized and up to date. Or at least she had been before Keith died.
It was the album from eleven years ago. The year before Abby was born. The page flipped open to the back of the album. Christmas. When Suzannah had shared the delightful news with Keith that she was finally pregnant.
A knot of tears clotted her throat, but she swallowed them back.
“You and Dad look so young.” Abby traced a finger over the clear plastic sleeve protecting the photograph.
“We were young.” Suzannah sat in the chair beside her daughter and leaned over her shoulder. “There’s the ornament I put on the tree to let your father know he was about to become a Daddy.”
“I know, I know.” Abby rolled her eyes. “The stork delivering a baby in a pink blanket ornament. You tell me that story every year when we decorate the Christmas tree. Corn-ee.”
“Hey,” Suzannah cupped her daughter’s chin in her palm, gently forced her to look into her face. “The day we knew we were having you was the happiest day of our lives. Don’t roll your eyes at it. You are our greatest blessing.”
“Amen to that young lady,” Edith added.
“Yes, ma’am.” Abby lowered her lashes, contrite.
Suzannah leaned over to kiss her forehead. “You are the most precious thing to me in the world and don’t you ever forget it.”
“Aww, Mom, don’t get mushy.” Abby rubbed her forehead.
“You let your mom love on you all she wants, Abigail Marie,” Edith chided. “I’d give anything in the world just to hug my boy one more time.”
“Me too,” Suzannah whispered. “Now scoot off to bed, doodle bug.”
Abby jumped up and hugged first her mom and then her grandmother. “Night, night, Gramma.”
Once Abby had zipped out of the room, Suzannah met Edith’s gaze. Shared sorrow, that great equalizer, linked them. Tears misted Edith’s eyes, and she turned her head. To be kind, Suzannah locked her attention on the photo album.
Her gaze fell on a photograph of her and Keith having a snowball fight. She remembered that Chloe, back before she’d become a doctor, had snapped the picture.
Pink-cheeked and laughing, Suzannah had her head thrown back and Keith was popping up to lob a snowball at her from behind their Camry. In the foreground was a snowman they’d just finished building and in the background, the front porch of this very house.
On the porch lounged Zach, and he was looking at Suzannah with such stark longing on his face that she sucked in her breath.
She’d seen this picture hundreds of times and had never noticed Zach’s gaze fixed on her. Her heart skipped a beat, and she stopped breathing entirely. How long had Zach felt something more than friendship toward her?
“Suzannah?”
She blinked and glanced up at Edith, who’d stood up and had her purse in her hand. “Yes?”
“When did you stop wearing your wedding rings?”
“I—”
“It was tonight, wasn’t it? Because you went out with him.”
“It wasn’t because of Zach,” Suzannah assured her. “It was time.”
Tears formed in Edith’s eyes, and she whispered, “I know.”
That surprised her. She’d expected her mother-in-law to put up a fuss about the rings.
“You wore yours a lot longer than I wore mine after Keith’s father died.”
“Oh,” she said.
“You’re much braver than I ever was,” Edith said.
Wow. “Thank you for saying that.”
“I’m going to head home now,” Edith said.
“It’s late,” Suzannah invited, unsure if she felt relieved or disappointment that Edith was cutting their touching conversation short. “You’re welcome to stay the night.”
“That’s sweet of you, dear.” She patted Suzannah’s hand. “But I want to sleep in my bed.”
“Well, thank you for sitting with Abby.”
“It’s always my pleasure.”
Suzannah grabbed her jacket and walked Edith out to her car. “Drive safely,” she said, hugging herself against the cold night air.
“I know I sound like a sentimental old fool,” Edith said, with her window down. “But thank you for letting me part of your life. You could have shut me out. Many daughters-in-law’s might have shut me out, but you didn’t.”
“You’re Abby’s grandmother. I could never do that to either of you.”
“I can be a pill sometimes, I know that, but I appreciate your patience with me.”
Suzannah reached in through the window and squeezed Edith’s hand. “Sleep well.”
With her bottom lip trembling, Edith gave her a feeble smile. “I know Zach is your good friend, but I’m uncertain he’s the right man for you.”
“Thank you for your input,” Suzannah said, letting go of Edith’s hand and stepping away from the car.
“He’s a nice young man, but he’s thirty-five and never married. Ask yourself why? What’s wrong with him?”
You’re jealous, Suzannah thought, because he’s alive and Keith isn’t. “Goodnight, Edith,” she said kindly, then turned and walked back into the house.
Wandering back into the kitchen, she sat back down at the table, opened the photo album that Abby had closed earlier, flipped to the back and found the picture of the snowball fight.
And studied Zach’s face as he looked at her. No mistaking the yearning on his handsome face. The song, “Jesse’s Girl” popped into her head. Had he been pining for her all these years?
Why hadn’t he ever married? He was good looking, financially set, a hard worker, kind and considerate. He’d dated, but nothing had stuck. Why not?
Was the answer to that question staring right at her?
* * *
The following Saturday, Suzannah invited Zach to join her and Abby while they made their annual Christmas cookies with some of their friends from town. Abby’s friend Stephie and Edith always joined them, but other people came as well.
Normally baking Christmas cookies with friends was a high point of the holiday season, but this year, with the addition of Zach, she couldn’t help feeling awkward. Especially after she’d seen
that old photograph.
She’d sent him a quick text the day before, half hoping he’d say he had other plans, but within seconds, he’d texted back saying he’d love to be there.
As she set out the ingredients and listened to her daughter tell her best friend all about Betty’s latest adventures, Suzannah made her own Christmas wish that Edith would be kind to Zach.
Her mother-in-law made it clear every time she’d seen Suzannah that she questioned her changing relationship with Zach.
But as more time passed, the less Suzannah cared. She didn’t want to hurt Edith, but, she couldn’t stay stuck in the past. Moving forward didn’t mean she didn’t love Keith. She had, and she still did.
She had complicated feelings where Zach was concerned, and she still didn’t know where things would go with them, but she knew one thing. She needed to live in the present, not the past. Not just for herself, but also for her daughter.
She had just finished setting out all the supplies when the backdoor opened and Edith came in without knocking, as was her usual habit. When Keith was alive, she had come to the front door and rang the doorbell. But after he died, she had just started using her key and coming in whenever she felt like it.
A few times over the last couple of years, Suzannah had thought about asking her not to just walk in, but she hadn’t spoken up. She knew that Edith thought it was her right as Abby’s grandmother, but she and Abby would never dream of simply walking into Edith’s house. They always knocked on the door.
Perhaps it was time to set some boundaries with her mother-in-law. Suzannah was still considering how to bring it up with Edith when Abby bounced into the room.
“Grandma, let us know you’re coming in now that we have Betty,” Abby said, scurrying around her grandmother to grab Betty before she dashed out the door. “Just ring the bell and we’ll put her up first.”
Well, look at that. Abby had handled the situation for her.