The intercom buzzes.
—hard rubbish, half an hour later I got through to you. [Listening] Hard rubbish collection, obviously. [Listening] Hard. Rubbish. [Listening] I don’t want to make a noise complaint.
The intercom buzzes.
Yes yes yes, wait wait wait, one moment, please. [She answers the intercom] Hold, please. [Back to the phone] No not you. [Listening] Moorooha! Look mister I don’t know, I followed the prompts— [Listening] Well if you want a noise complaint you just keeping asking me what I’m ringing for. [Listening] Hard rubbish— May I put an idea—
The intercom buzzes three times.
—to you. Pardon me. [Intercom] One moment, please. [Telephone] At my workplace everybody has a little piece of laminated paper with all the telephone extensions. Do you— [Listening] Then perhaps—
The intercom buzzes several times insistently.
—you could— One moment, please. [She goes to the balcony] You on my intercom, what do you want?
ISMET: [offstage, thick Turkish accent] Air conditioner!
RADHA: Okay don’t shout at me! [Telephone] Yes mister, I hope this is being recorded for coaching and training purposes because this is not a successful conversation.
ISMET: [offstage] Hello!
RADHA: [to ismet] What do you want? [Telephone] No, I don’t know what ‘zone’ I’m in, I’m in Pendle Hill, you should tell me. Yes, I’ll hold.
ISMET: [offstage] Mrs Radha Sivakumar?
RADHA: Yes!
ISMET: [offstage] Your son rang me to install an air conditioner.
RADHA: Yes!
ISMET: [offstage] Yes?
RADHA: Yes come up already! First floor.
She buzzes him in.
ISMET: [offstage] Yes!
RADHA: Okay! [Telephone] Hello? [Listening] I can’t wait that long—
The intercom buzzes.
[Intercom] I told you come up!
FUNDRAISER: [intercom] வணக்கம் அம்மா … எப்பிடி இருக்கிறீங்கள்? சித்தார்த்தா சிவக்குமார் இருக்கிறாரே? (Madam! How are you? Is Siddhartha Sivakumar there?)
Beat.
RADHA: Are you also the air conditioner man?
FUNDRAISER: [intercom] Madam—
The doorbell rings.
RADHA: [intercom] Wait one moment. [Opens the door to ismet] Do you have a Tamil man with you?
ISMET: What?
RADHA: [intercom] Who are you? Just one moment. [Telephone] Yes I’m still here. [Listening] Sir, my capacity to hold will astonish you. [Listening] That’s a yes. [To ismet] Yes?
ISMET: I will now measure your wall.
RADHA: [pointing] That one. [Intercom] Please, who are you?
FUNDRAISER: [now in the doorway behind her] வணக்கம் … மிஸ்ஸிஸ் சிவக்குமார்? (Hello. Mrs Sivakumar?)
RADHA: கடவுளே … (Kadavallay!) How did you get up here?
FUNDRAISER: மன்னிக்கோணும் … வெளிக்கதவு திறந்திருந்தது. (Sorry madam, the security door was open.)
ISMET: My fault.
RADHA: [to FUNDRAISER] கதவு திறந்திருந்தா … உள்ள வாறதே? (So you just wander in?) [To ISMET] Where are you going?
ISMET: To get my tools.
He goes.
RADHA: [calling after him] Where is my air conditioner? [Telephone] Hello? [Nothing. To FUNDRAISER] Who are you?
FUNDRAISER: சித்தார்த்தா சிவக்குமார் இருக்கிறாரே? (Is Siddhartha Sivakumar here, madam?)
RADHA: No.
FUNDRAISER: இல்லையே (No?)
Beat.
[Giving her a leaflet] எங்கட பொடியங்கள் செய்யிற நல்ல வேலைகளைப் பாருங்கோ. இது, முல்லத் தீவில ஒரு பள்ளிக்கூடம் நடத்திறாங்கள். கிளிநொச்சியில சனத்துக்கு சாப்பாடு போடுறாங்கள். (Please. See the fantastic work the boys have been doing. Here is the school in Mullaitivu. Here they are giving food to the families in Kilinochchi.)
RADHA: What do you want?
FUNDRAISER: நல்ல வடிவா பள்ளிக்கூடம் நடத்திறதப் பாருங்கோ … இதெல்லாம், எங்கட ஆக்கள் ஒஸ்ரேலியா, கனடா, லண்டன், ஃப்ரான்ஸ் இல இருந்து அனுப்பிற காச வைச்சு நடக்குது. (See what a top shelf school it is. We do all this with funds from Tamil families in Australia, Canada, the UK, France—)
RADHA: You want money? From me?
FUNDRAISER: தொகையப் பத்தி கவலை இல்லை. நீங்கள் சின்னதா குடுத்தா என்ன பெரிசாக் குடுத்தா என்ன வாங்குவம். (If you’re offering, every amount big or small—)
RADHA: These are the Tigers.
FUNDRAISER: Yes.
RADHA: Why would I do that?
Beat.
FUNDRAISER: அம்மா. … நாப்பது வருஷமா இந்த உலகமே எங்கள ஏறெடுத்தும் பாக்கேல்ல. இப்ப, விடுதலைப் புலிகளால நாங்கள் யார், எங்களுக்கு என்ன நடக்குதெண்டு உலகத்துக்குத் தெரியுது. இந்த சந்தர்ப்பத்த நாங்கள் விடக்கூடாது. தமிழீழம் எங்களுக்கு இப்ப கிடைக்க வேண்டுமெண்டா நாங்கள் ஒற்றுமையா நடக்க வேண்டிய அலுவல பாக்க வேணும். உங்கட தாத்தா ஒரு பெரியா ஆள் … எங்களுக்கெல்லாம் அப்பா மாதிரி. (Madam, for forty years the world ignored us. Now, because of the Tigers, we are front page news. We are Prime Time! We have to seize this opportunity. We must unite and do whatever is necessary to create a homeland of Tamil Eelam. Your grandfather is a hero of our cause. Your Apah is like a father to all of us.)
She hangs up the phone.
RADHA: This morning my priest told me about a fruit seller in Jaffna. He’d just been married, and not long after the wedding, completely by mistake, he delivered some mangoes to one of the Sri Lankan army houses. He was accused by the Tigers of being an informant. He was shot on his bicycle, dragged along Point Pedro Rd, and strung up on the tree near Lingan Ice Cream House. Was that ‘necessary’? His new wife was ordered to wear the white saree of a widow. அது ( தேவைதானா ) தேவதானா? (Was that ‘necessary’?)
FUNDRAISER: Madam—
RADHA points to the Tupperware container on the chair.
RADHA: இது என்ர அப்பா. … விடுதலை புலிகளைப்பற்றி சொல்ற அதே வாயால, அவரைப் பத்தி கதைக்க வேண்டாம். உங்கட ஆக்களுக்குப் போய்ச் சொல்லும், இனி நான் தான் அவருக்காவண்டி கதைப்பன் எண்டு. கேட்டுதே. நீங்கள் செய்யிற வேலைக்கு, கடவுளே மன்னிக்க மாட்டார். (That is my grandfather. You do not mention him ever again in the same breath as the Tigers. Tell that to your organisation. Tell them I speak for him now. Do you hear?)
She hands back the leaflet.
(Even the gods won’t forgive you for what you are doing.)
&
nbsp; Beat.
FUNDRAISER: The gods have never had to suffer like our people have had to suffer, madam. [Still very polite] சரி அம்மா … நான் சந்திக்க வந்தது, உங்கட மகன் சித்தார்த்தா. (You know, the person I came to speak to is your son. Siddhartha Sivakumar.)
RADHA: I beg your pardon?
FUNDRAISER: உங்கட மகன் ஒரு நாளும் நாட்டுக்குப் போனதில்ல மிஸ்ஸிஸ் சிவக்குமார். அவரை நாட்டுக்கு நீங்க அனுப்ப வேணும். உங்கட மகனைப் போல விவேகமான ஆக்கள் இணைஞ்சாத்தான், தமிழ்ப் போராட்டம் வெல்லும். (He has never been to his homeland, Mrs Sivakumar. You should send your son to Sri Lanka. The Tamil struggle will never be won without bright young men like Siddhartha—)
RADHA: Get out.
FUNDRAISER: Madam—
RADHA: Get out of here and don’t come back.
FUNDRAISER: I think you know what happens to people who disagree with us—
RADHA: Get out. Out. Out.
FUNDRAISER: Okay, okay, relax, relax. What do they say here? No worries. No worries.
He goes and she closes the door behind him.
Shaken, she sits in the armchair and closes her eyes.
rADHA: One equals zero point nine nine nine nine nine nine—
The doorbell rings.
She snatches up the cricket bat and opens the door.
Murderer. Liar. You touch my son—
ISMET: [carrying boxes] Isa Meryem ve-Yusuf! It is just the poor air conditioner man.
Beat.
RADHA: Yes. Come.
ISMET: My doctor says I have blocked arteries—
RADHA: I’m very sorry—
ISMET: Do you want to give me a heart attack?
RADHA: No no. Sorry. Come. Please. Thank you. No. Wait. This is not my air conditioner.
ISMET: Ah. No. But I would not be doing my job if I did not—
RADHA: The KC10WR is what I asked for.
ISMET: Maybe in a smaller room than this one—
RADHA: Its mean air velocity at three metres per second equals a volumetric flow that is more than / capable of—
ISMET: That’s just numbers.
RADHA: I worked this out—five cubic metres per minute—
ISMET: I know from experience. Maybe I should talk to your husband—
RADHA: Do you see a husband?
ISMET: … No.
RADHA: Is there something that makes you think it’s not possible that I might be a trained mathematician?
ISMET: … Yes. No. I don’t—
RADHA: At Cambridge University there is a mathematics scholarship in my maiden name.
ISMET: Well—
RADHA: The Mannikavasar Scholarship for Mathematical Excellence.
ISMET: Very good.
RADHA: Do not try to up-sell me, Mister Air Conditioner.
ISMET: Okay, okay! You win! The Kelvinator KC10WR goes—
RADHA: There.
ISMET: Exactly where I would put it myself.
RADHA: So go get it.
ISMET: I will. In a moment. Of course.
He re-measures the wall and sets to work preparing to cut a hole in the wall.
rADHA: Good. [Beat.] I expect a discount, with all the advice I have given you already. Do you want a tea or coffee?
ISMET: Coffee. Please.
RADHA: You live next door to my son?
ISMET: He saw my van in the driveway. ‘Ismet Air-flows’. I have a big sign.
RADHA: If you see my son tell him I have sent his cricket gear to the rubbish.
ISMET: Yes ma’am.
RADHA: Does he have parties?
ISMET: … I haven’t heard any parties.
Beat.
RADHA: The mathematics scholarship is named after my grandfather, not me. A small lie. I apologise. Love cake?
ISMET: Sorry?
RADHA: I made a love cake, do you want a piece?
ISMET: Is the cake as sweet as you?
RADHA: Am I sweet?
ISMET: Understood. Love cake would be lovely.
RADHA: I dislike air conditioners. Where I grew up we had high ceilings, spinning fans, open spaces. A chair was placed specifically to catch a certain breeze. Here, everything is divided. We must force air into a place.
ISMET: Where did you grow up?
RADHA: Continue your job, mister.
ISMET: My job is to pay my rent and my alimony. This [pointing to the air conditioner] allows me to do that. And this [the cake] is delicious. Thank you, ah …
RADHA: Yes?
ISMET: I am Ismet.
RADHA: Ismet Air-flows. [Beat] Radha.
ISMET: Radha. Beautiful. ‘Mrs’ Sivakumar, you see—it is the name of a woman with a husband. I didn’t mean to intrude. Well, maybe I did. But not to offend.
RADHA: It’s okay.
ISMET: My wife left me—I am not ashamed to say it—for a richer man, back home in Lebanon. My son went with her.
He continues working.
My son, do I see him? No. Can I talk to him? No. He tells me, Dad, don’t call on the phone! It’s too expensive! Call on the computer. A telephone on a computer? I say. You want your father to telephone you on a computer? Me who used to run beside you chasing pigeons and picking the gumnuts out of the soles of your dirty feet to stop you from crying? I should call you on a computer? People change. Did your husband change?
RADHA: No.
ISMET: You left him? He left you?
RADHA: No.
Beat.
ISMET: I am a very good person to talk to, Radha. I am! I have had three countries, two children, two wives and four dogs. I have spent a lot of time listening to all of them. None of them have ever listened to me but that is beside the point.
RADHA: My husband is dead.
Beat.
ISMET: I’m sorry.
RADHA: The government in Sri Lanka took him and killed him.
ISMET: Very sorry.
Beat.
RADHA: Well. There it is. It was twenty-one years ago, I should talk about it with someone. Why not the air conditioner man?
ISMET: Why not?
Pause.
That man who was here—?
RADHA: Rubbish. Fundraising for violence. Nothing to do with me.
ISMET: I see.
RADHA: You said two wives?
She sits in the chair and watches him.
ISMET: The first one was Palestinian. In Lebanon. The second, Australian. You know, a blonde Australian.
RADHA: And they both left you?
ISMET: What can I say? I am an optimist. [Beat] You know, my ancestors were generals in the Ottoman Empire. You should try a Turkish man. We win our wars.
RADHA: Malta.
ISMET: Excuse me?
RADHA: Malta, an island nation smaller even than Sri Lanka, was able to ward off the mighty Turkish empire at its height.
Beat.
ISMET: You are a remarkable woman.
She laughs.
Well, if not a Turkish man—how about a [he walks over to her with a small bag] Turkish delight?
RADHA: No thank you.
ISMET: This is the good stuff. I’ll leave it here. You can have it later.
RADHA: Install my air conditioner, Mister Air-flows.
He smiles and returns to work.
She sits back in the chair.
She looks at Apah’s ashes.
She looks back at Ismet.
You should talk to my son about your computer telephone.
He laughs and turns to look at her.
ISMET: Maybe I will.
RADHA: Go on then.
He laughs again and returns to work.
ISMET: Sri Lanka. It is like a paradise, people tell me.
RAD
HA: Yes. It is. But not for all.
ISMET: Do you go back there?
radha gets up to clear away the tea.
RADHA: No. Look how much Australia has given to us. I focus on here now.
She eats the Turkish Delight.
Now put a hole in my wall, Ismet. Get me some air-flows in here!
SCENE FOUR
Wellikade Prison, Colombo, 2004.
A man, Thirru, walks around the perimeter of his tiny cell.
His careful steps have the quality of a practiced action or ritual. He has a battered old copy of a book. He whispers sections of the book to himself, checking his memory as he goes.
Outside the cell, a jailor has a small transistor radio which broadcasts Sinhalese commentary from the 2004 Australia-Sri Lanka test match in Kandy.
The jailor speaks to the audience in Sinhala. Cricketing and scientific terms are in English.
JAILOR: යාලුවෝ මගෙන් අහනවා ‘මොකද උඹ වැඩියෙන්ම මුරලිට ආස? ඌ දෙමළෙක්නෙ … අපි සිංහලනේ!’ ’ඌ නොහිටින්න අපේ ටීම් එක නන්නත්තාරයි!’ … .මං කෙලින්ම කියනවා. (My friends ask me why I like Murali the most when he is a Tamil, and we are all Singhalese. Obviously, I say, our team would be buggered without him.)
96දී ඕස්ට්රේලියාවේ ඩැරල් හෙයා කියන අම්පයර් ඉන්නේ … මිනිහා දිගටම මුරලිට නෝ බෝල් දුන්නා, මුරලි බෝලෙ දාද්දි චක් කරනවා කියලා. හරි, කමක් නෑ කියමු. එක අම්පයර් කෙනෙක් විතරයිනේ. හැබැයි ඒකෙන් පස්සේ, මුරලි බෝලෙ දාන හැමපාරම ප්රේක්ෂකාගාරේ හිටපු ඕස්ට්රේලියන් ජාතිකයෝ කෑගහන්න ගත්තා ‘නෝ බෝල්’ කියලා! හරි, ඒකත් කමක් නෑ කියමු. ඒ එක මිනිස්සු කට්ටියක් විතරයිනේ. ඔන්න ඊළඟට ඕස්ට්රේලියාවේ අගමැති ජෝන් හවර්ඩ් … මිනිහත් කියන්න ගත්තා මුරලි හොරට බෝලෙ දානවා කියලා! තත්වේ ඔන්න ඔහොම තියෙද්දී … බෲස් එලියට් කියලා විශ්වවිද්යාල ආචාර්යවරයෙක් කැමරා 12ක් දාලා, ත්රිමාන තාක්ෂණය පාවිච්චි කරලා පරීක්ෂා කරලා, හෙන ගේමක් දීලා ලෝකෙටම ඔප්පු කළා, මුරලිගෙ අවුලක් නෑ, චක් කරන්නේ නැහැ කියලා. ඒ ආචාර්යවරයට නොපෙනුන මොනවහරි දෙයක්දිවැසින්. වත් පෙනුනද දන්නේ නෑ අර අගමැතියට. (Back in 1996, Australian Umpire Darrel Hare no-balled Murali many times for ‘chucking’. Fine. That was just one umpire. After that Australian crowds would scream out ‘no ball’ whenever Murali was bowling. Fine. That was just some people. Then the Australian prime minister, John Howard, said Murali was chucking the ball too! A professor Bruce Elliott from a university used twelve cameras and 3D technology to test Murali, and said that he definitely wasn’t chucking. What does the prime minister know that the professor doesn’t?)
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