“Oh, because it’s you. My mom thinks you’re perfect. She totally trusts you.”
I stop and stare at her. It’s been years since I’ve even seen her mom. “Why?”
“Because you never do anything wrong?”
I grab some paper plates from the pantry. “Doesn’t she remember the vodka incident of sophomore year?”
Abby groans. “That was eons ago. And I know deep down she thinks it was all me.”
I screw up my mouth—she thinks I’m a total nerd. “I remember it being a pretty mutual decision.” I guess I’m the only one who learned a lesson.
Ari joins us in dining room, Marie trailing after him. “Have you met Ari?” I ask her.
“You’re Eli’s brother? Hey. You want an eggroll?” she asks him.
“Yes,” he says and sits.
“Do you want me to get rid of Marie?” I ask him. She can get annoying, especially at meal times.
His eyes snap to mine. “No!” I know he’s anxious. He knows something’s wrong with Eli. He takes a bite of eggroll. “Eli’s dying,” he says with his mouth full.
I reach out to him, careful not to touch. “He’s not dying, Ari. He hurt his knee, but he’s going to be fine. He’ll be back home with your mom and dad soon, I promise.”
He doesn’t look convinced.
“Here, hold on a second.”
I have an idea to FaceTime Eli and have him talk to his brother. I text first to make sure he’s available. I don’t want to get Ari’s hopes up. Eli doesn’t even respond to the text before my screen starts ringing in with a call. I answer and there’s Eli, staring up at me.
My heart involuntarily flutters when I see him. “Hey!” I say.
“Damn, you’re a sight for sore eyes.”
Um, what? “Okay… Hey, Ari’s here. Can you talk to him?”
“Yeah, put him on!”
I give the phone to Ari, who lights up when he sees his brother’s face. “Hey my man, what’s up?” Eli asks. Ari proceeds to interrogate him about where he is, what he’s doing, and when exactly he’ll be home. Eli knows just what to say to ease his mind.
“Okay, dude, I gotta go get an x-ray, but I’ll be home soon. Give me back to Nora, all right?”
Ari nods and hands me the phone.
“Hey.” He’s grinning. “How you doin’?”
I focus on his dimple and not on the fact that he’s in the hospital, hurt. “I’m fine. Are you okay?”
“I’m good. Not feeling a thing. What are you doing?”
Great. He wants to chat. He’s totally high right now. “Just hanging out with Abby and Ari,” I say.
He giggles like a little kid, for a solid thirty seconds.
“Eli?”
“Okay. All right. Good. Just stay away from Tex.”
“What?”
“No, no, don’t worry. I’m not ordering you around. I’m not gonna tell Nora Reid what to do.” He’s giggling again. “He’s just not right for you.”
This conversation is getting weird. “Okay. I should go, Eli.”
“Okay?” He turns to someone offscreen. “Okay gotta go. Bye.”
“Oh my God,” Abby says and takes a bite of her lo mein.
I puff out a breath. “What?”
She swallows. “He totally wants you.”
I’m very aware of Ari, still busy eating his eggroll. I lower my voice. “No, he doesn’t. We’re friends. And he’s on drugs.”
A corner of her mouth turns up. “Girl, what we say on painkillers? That’s what we mean.”
I push around my fried rice with my fork. “No. We’re friends. He’s my ride, that’s the only reason we hang out so much. He’s my driver and only for a little while longer.”
She chuckles “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”
“I’m getting my license. The Friday before spring break.” It’s true. I made the appointment after that bizarre conversation at the Tick Tock that scared me into action. I need to stop hanging out with him so much because the crush is not lessening. If anything, it’s getting worse. For the good of science, I need to get my license.
Abby’s eyes get wide—terror, that’s what I see.
“You’re getting your license?”
Translation: you broke that poor woman’s leg, and now you want to drive?
This is one con about living in a small town. Everyone knows your business, everyone is familiar with the skeletons in your closet. Especially the ones with broken femurs.
“Yes, I am.” Times like these I think it might be better to leave. “Don’t worry. It’s been two years, and it was an accident. I know how to drive.”
Her face relaxes. “If you say so.” She takes another bite of food. “You know, you should ask him to the prom.”
I glance at Ari, who is humming now and finishing his eggroll.
Teeth clenched, I glare at her. “No,” I say. “You’re not listening to me, Abby.”
Her gaze meets mine. “Why, because he’s in the friend zone? Pfft! Girl, you’re in control of your own friend zone. Get in there and yank his ass out. He’s totally into you.”
I push away my plate while Ari still hums. “Why don’t we watch a movie?” I suggest, desperate to get off the subject of Eli—and me.
“Someone’s in denial,” Abby sings.
“I’m not in denial.” What I am is beginning to wish I hadn’t invited her over.
She points at me and almost chokes on her fried rice. “Yeah you are. Look at you, you’re beet red!”
My head’s about to explode as I will her to stop talking.
“Why are you beet red?” Ari asks, confused.
“I’m not, Ari. No worries. Hey, you wanna watch Netflix?”
He nods. “Yes, SpongeBob.”
Good. SpongeBob is the answer to all the world’s problems. We all get up to go the family room.
“Totally wants you,” Abby says.
“Stop,” I argue. “You’re wrong.”
“Mm-hmm. Denial,” she says as she flops onto the sofa and puts her feet on the coffee table, “ain’t just a river in Egypt.”
I ignore this comment, and turn on SpongeBob. Besides, it’s not denial. I fully admit that I am attracted to Eli Costas. I just need to get over it. Now.
He doesn’t get home with his parents until long after midnight. I run to the bathroom window when I hear MJ rattle up the driveway. Mr. Costas hops out of Eli’s truck and then makes his way to their car behind it. Both Mr. and Mrs. Costas help him out, handing him a pair of crutches.
My heart sinks. And hurts, too. I know Eli so well. I know how much this season means. Meant. I also know he doesn’t think he has any other prospects in life except for lacrosse, and that kills me. He’s got so much going for him. I wish he believed it, too.
I watch them go to the back of the house. My mom opens the door for them. She went over when she got back from class so that Ari could get to bed. I consider going downstairs when she gets home and getting the details from her, but I know whatever happened, it’s bad.
I want to text him, let him know I’m here. Then I think of what Abby said tonight, how she thinks he likes me—how she thinks I like him. Does he? Does he like me? I mean like me, like me? It’s not possible. I’m the one who, regardless of my hypothesis, can’t stop thinking about him.
I can’t text him. Can I?
I don’t need to answer that, because he texts me first.
Torn ACL and meniscus. Season over. :(
I’m so sorry. Lots of pain?
Nah. MRI Monday. Can you get a ride?
Of course, don’t worry about me.
Sorry, habit.
Habit. My habit is fantasizing about him shirtless, his habit is making sure I’m okay.
I’m a bad person.
I go back to bed, reminding myself how no matter how Eli makes me feel, I can’t give up on science. I can’t. It’s the only thing you can count on. The kiss—I’ve got to find the guy who does it right. When I do, Eli will still be
in my life, but he will just be my friend. For real, just friends.
That will mean I can worry about him and care about him. Even love him. I just can’t be his. He can’t be mine—and that has to be okay.
Chapter Fourteen
Eli
The bed I’m lying on gets swallowed up in the MRI machine. Some people freak out about being shoved in a tube for however long it takes to get a picture of a body part, but I don’t care. I’m used to it.
It’s Monday, tomorrow is the game, and if it wasn’t obvious, I won’t be playing. I can’t think too much about that. For the last couple of days, I’ve been thinking about my future. It’s pretty dismal. Coach came to see me and told me not to worry, he’d talk to the coach from State. I’m not holding my breath. I’ve been here before and it sucks. Surgery. Rehab. Maybe if I do the fast-track rehab like I did last time, work my ass off, then I could be cleared to play in time for the college season.
I exhale, hard.
“Please don’t move, Eli,” the technician speaks over an intercom.
“Sorry,” I mumble without moving my lips.
The one bright spot—Nora. On Saturday, she made her mom drive her all the way out to the Tick Tock and she brought me one of those pies, the black bottom one. It was probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. She didn’t just deliver it, either—she came to my room with the whole pie and two forks. Her hair was down, she was wearing some type of dress with strappy things holding it up. It was flowered and floaty, and I imagined things. Who could blame me? I haven’t seen her in a dress in a while. I was also on some major painkillers, but I remember exactly what I said:
“Wow. You should wear dresses more often.”
She instantly narrowed her eyes, again. “Why? What’s wrong with it?”
I shook my head. “Why can’t you just take a compliment?”
She shrugged, sat down on the edge of my bed, and handed me a fork. We observed a moment of silence as we ogled the pie.
She let me taste first.
“I can take a compliment, by the way,” she said. “Just not from you, for some reason.”
I dug my fork in. “That’s weird,” I said. “Well, you look hot today. Deal with it.”
She turned bright pink. “Okay, that’s enough.”
“What, can’t I say you look hot?”
“No,” she said, but for a long time she was quiet, like she was absorbing the words, and maybe they made her feel good.
They had the same effect on me, but in a way that made me want to pull her across the bed and kiss her like that eighth grade version of me never could’ve handled. Of course, I didn’t do that. I put all that energy into eating that pie.
Anyway, Nora’s visit at least took my mind off my other problem—the knee. Which is why I’m here. The machine is loud and it doesn’t bother me. In fact, I kind of like it. It’s nice to be totally isolated, to have some time to think about whatever I want.
Right now, I want to think about her.
The only other choice is the season, and how I’m probably gonna have to be an accountant or some shit like that because my plans for playing lacrosse are shot to hell.
I can’t be an accountant. I totally suck at math.
The machine makes a sound like an airplane trying to take off, so I let myself go, like I’m going airborne, and she’s there. In that dress. Nora who doesn’t want me, and likes me, but doesn’t like me. Can’t like me. Because of science.
I hoped I was making headway with her. Now I think it might be impossible to change her mind. This plan of mine might be a lost cause.
God, she’s beautiful.
I told her she was hot, which doesn’t even begin to cover it. I don’t even think I can put it into words. Most people, like her mom, my parents, and even Gigi, treat us like we’re brother and sister. It’s a good thing they’re not in my brain right now or they’d think I’m the biggest pervert on the planet.
She is so beautiful. Maybe not in a way that slays everyone, not like a supermodel, but I’ve always liked her face. It’s interesting. I know I’m eighteen, a guy, and I’m supposedly only into tits and ass—which I know she also has, special thanks to that bikini. I liked all of that, too, except with her, there’s more.
She’s got that strange brain, and she makes me laugh more than anyone else literally on the planet. She can talk about anything, and it’s not like I’m a big talker, but I can talk to her, and she listens. I love the way she wants to help every person, every animal, the whole damn planet. How she knows my brother so well that it never gets awkward or weird. She knows his limits, and she loves him. She cares so much about her grandma, and her mom, and even her dad, who has to be the biggest deadbeat on earth. I love the way she almost gets killed running into traffic to save a cat.
Also, she’s brilliant. So much smarter than me. Always trying to figure out how things work, or why they don’t. Brilliant.
All I’m saying is, it’s the whole package with her.
The machine makes a chunk-whirr sound as the magnetos—or whatever the hell they are—burrow into my knee, and I remember things.
I close my eyes tight and remember a day when we were twelve. Gigi took us to Silver Springs, this big state park nearby. She did it to get me out of the house, I’m sure of this. My parents were fighting a lot—Ari had just been diagnosed and I think they blamed themselves that he wasn’t “normal” or whatever.
Life was a total shit show.
Nora knew what was going on—we didn’t keep things from each other back then (like now, apparently).
That morning, when we packed up Gigi’s old station wagon, Nora leaned toward me, smiling. “Okay, Eli,” she said. “Today, we are leaving this world and going through a portal to paradise.”
“You’re weird,” was my reply. That was my standard reply back then. Of course, she was right. She is always right.
There were mad colors at the park, loud greens that you could never find in your box of Crayolas, and giant pink flowers on steroids, their middles orangey yellow. We got ice cream, bright-white vanilla with giant red strawberries on top, and there was this glass-bottom boat ride. It took you out on a river, to the natural springs that the place is named for. That water was such a bright, clear blue, and so deep. I wondered what would happen if our boat got sucked into one of those springs, like a real portal that would drop us in a new place where life was easy, where parents didn’t fight, where brothers weren’t picked on by idiots because they were different.
I was sitting next to her on that boat, and she touched me, laid her hand on my back as I gazed through the glass floor. It was like she was sharing my sadness, like she was trying to take it from me. She understood. I turned to her, and she didn’t move her hand. I remember thinking, if this boat got sucked into another world, it would be just fine, because Nora Reid would be there with me.
It was like when we were in the water the other day at the beach. Just the two of us. For a few minutes, it was like we got sucked into another world again, a place where she could actually love me.
Did she know how close I was to kissing her? For a nanosecond I thought, yeah, she wants this as bad as you do. DO IT.
But I couldn’t. This isn’t about what I want, this is about teaching her that her hypothesis is bull. That garage kiss we had has to be the only kiss between us until she falls for me totally and completely. Once that happens, she’ll believe what I’ve been trying to tell her—the lightning bolt, the earthquake, whatever the hell it is she’s looking for, can happen, even after a shit first kiss. She’ll see she’s been wrong. Then she can get on with her life, mission accomplished.
So I’m not going to kiss her anytime soon, if ever, but for the time I have left in this tube, I will let myself imagine what could happen if I did. I go back to my room on Saturday, and remember how I wanted to throw that pie on the floor, take her in my arms, and say, “I’m going to kiss you, and this kiss is gonna move the earth.” Then I say,
“If that’s okay with you.” Because you gotta ask.
That’s when she smiles and dips her chin, and her hair falls forward and I take her in my arms and I kiss her and it’s good. Real good. I don’t stop there. I lift the dress up and over her head and kiss everywhere. She doesn’t stop me.
Hypothesis. Disproved.
Heh. It’s nice, and dammit, I’m not giving up on this plan of mine. I might fail, but if I succeed, it’ll be worth it. Success is the only outcome in which I get to kiss Nora Reid again.
The machine falls silent. I come back to the real world and remember that I’m only wearing this cloth-gown thing and I’m not in this tube far enough and I don’t want every tech in the joint to know that I’m having MRI sex fantasies. So I quickly start thinking of lacrosse plays, running through them in my head, and shit, is lacrosse really over for me? Please don’t let it be over.
By the time they pull me out of the tube, no one can tell that I’ve been dreaming about Nora.
All they can tell me is that yeah, I need surgery, and yes, my season is totally over. Then everything goes to hell when Mom gives me back my phone and there’s a text from Koviak.
Tex been talking about asking out N. U want me to do something?
Damn it, why is my whole life going down the shitter?
I need to fix this, fast.
Chapter Fifteen
Nora
It’s been a long week. Eli was out of school through Wednesday getting the MRI and driving to Gainesville to see the orthopedist. I tell him I’ll help him with his missed work, if he wants. I don’t expect him to take me up on that. Homework isn’t a priority with him.
Another thing that happened this week—Caleb and I have been texting—a lot. He’s interested, and so cute. I know I need to follow through. Now I get a text from Eli.
Party at o’dells 2morrow night? Time for another lesson? Night driving practice v important
I’m surprised, and also a little nervous about being alone with him. I’ve been thinking about him a lot, mostly because of the knee, and because he told me I was hot.
When he said that, I felt it. I felt hot. All over. But then there was pie, and the moment was over, mostly. Since then, he’s made it into more than the usual amount of my dreams, which have also definitely been hot.
The First Kiss Hypothesis Page 9